Questioned of Self

Chapter 11: Floating in Between

Setsuna's POV

I didn't really understand why Lucifer wanted me out of there so quickly. I sucked though, because I was hoping to add in another romp before morning but it seemed on was more than enough. I keep on forgetting that he's living with Rosiel.

Eww! Rosiel!—Alexial's younger twin brother. AKA: the insane one. Uriel said that he was the one that was favored by God the most. Which was why all of Heaven believed Alexial's rebellion was for revenge or attention from God but really her soul purpose was and forever will be for that sadistic angel.

They both knew from day one that something was wrong with them. I guess, Rosiel being the Inorganic Angel made him the one more prone to faults. Anything inorganic is impure, right? He confessed to her his insanity and how it will one day overpower his control, killing the entire system of existence.

I don't know how she could have done it. Standing there, listening to her beloved brother—the only thing an angel could really allow to love—beg on his hands and knees her to kill him. I wouldn't do it. Call me a selfish bastard, but I would experience all the pains of the world including nonexistence to not fulfill that promise. No wonder Kira said she was so cold. An obligation like that can destroy a person.

Though I think Alexial did love. I don't know but something inside of me—a tick in the brain—gives me the feeling that there was one person. A whisper that I can barely hear but can never read. Sometimes I would feel utterly depressed for no reason at all. In my earliest of days I would cry in my bed. Mother, when she loved me, would cradle me and say I was having bed dreams but I never remembered dreaming anything.

It was a feeling. Like a wave just suddenly caught me off guard and crashed into me as I am caught up in its current. Knowing that I can feel what Alexial feels; could those nights be times of mourning. Mourning of a lost love? Is he crying with her too?

Being with Kira and Sara were the happiest times I've ever had. Every time I looked at Sara my blood would boil, causing me to act like a cocky jackass all the time. Yet Kira made me feel the exact opposite. Hearing his voice was more comforting than any meditation chant I've heard. Or those stupid boxes that old people like to listen to at night for them to go to sleep. I remember an aunt having one of those in her room. Damn, that thing was annoying! Babbling brook, forest of frogs. All it did was make me go to the bathroom a lot.

I guess it kinda feels retarded to say that Kira's voice soothed me as much as Roaring Oceans soothed my Aunt. But, hey! It's true. All that cockiness, all that stress building up inside of me wall washed away at the sound of his voice. Reminds me a little like the cello. I tired playing the cello but I suck at all instruments so I stick to listening to it.

But Kira is now dead. Dead and gone. I won't see him again. I won't hear his voice again. Though in some way I got the feeing that he knew he was going to die. From the beginning Kira had the idea he wasn't going to make it thought this war. If Kira was destined to die and fade away than Lucifer was destined to come back in his place.

Wait! Isn't Kira Lucifer? And isn't Lucifer Kira? The same body, same face, same soul. If I learned correctly, Lucifer was banished into the cursed sword. The same sword Alexial picked up and used to wage her wars. But when she died, the sword's soul followed her where ever she went. Ending at me and Kira. Kira is the soul of the sword, the soul of Lucifer, Heaven's once most prized angel.

So than, Kira is Lucifer. His death is not really considered death but more like a switch. If Lucifer awakens than it wouldn't it be Kira is asleep just as Lucifer once was? But…Lucifer isn't that bad really.

Oh shit, listen to me! I am really going to hell. Not for falling for my own sister but for sleeping with the Devil himself. Hey that can't count! I could have been brained washed for Satan to have his way with me. Satan? I mean Lucifer. Well, Devil, Lucifer, Satan—they're all the same Just another name for the only one who rebelled against God.

Whatever his reason was that made him do it—I don't know. I don't think the writers of the original bible knew. Man, its good thing I'm not super religious. How many acts of original sin can I commit in the matter of 3 months? Let's see, first I committed incest with my sister, second I slept with a man—sodomy, and third it was not even a man. It was an angel! Sleeping with a divine creature is got to be forbidden even if it's the most immoral divine creature ever!

My head began to ache after thinking through all my problems. The entire time I had been pacing back and forth in my room. Soon the appearance of my bed grew comforting. I threw off my pants and shirt, wearing only my skimpy boxers as I jumped on the bed. I wanted to go to sleep but something kept me up. My heart still pounded as it had when Lucifer kissed me.

Oh God, don't get me started on that! I collapsed on the bed with my face staring at the ceiling. Images of what we had done ran through my mind like porno. If I were given the chance to do it again, would I? Hell yah! Best fuck I ever had in my life. Not that I've made many with a guy. The closet gay moment I had back on Earth was at a small birthday party and we were playing spin the bottle.

Shannon, one of the most popular girls had a fetish for gay guys. Spinning the bottle was her way of manipulating the events so that she can see me and Liam make out. Liam and I were the only ones left at the party. So only three people were playing that stupid game.

Now, if I hadn't taken that many hits from the passing blunt I probably wouldn't have agreed to do it. But before I knew it, Shannon was staring at us with wide eyes as Liam made out with me. Again I was under the influence. Liam wasn't nearly as beautiful as Lucifer. In fact back than Liam was at his most popular. From there rumors went around school that he had an affair with one of the young teachers. The teacher left but he continued bearing the many teasing and taunts from the closed minded people.

At the age of sixteen, Liam was found with a noose around his neck. Poor guy. If I would have known he was going to kill himself I would have given him the best fuck he had in his life—even with Shannon drooling. Thought I doubt it would help. What can I say! I'm a horny, selfish bastard.

After that party I never encountered sexual feelings for a guy. Not even with Kira. I always looked up to him as a brother I never had. But Lucifer…I don't know. Strange, I can't even finish that sentence. From the moment I first knew what I was looking at wasn't Kira, I felt something awaken in me. A deep feeling of nostalgia. How could Alexial have known him?

My chest began to itch as I thought about Lucifer. It started as an itch but then it became more of a caress. My hand went over to my nipple and without thought I began teasing it. I couldn't explain why my breathing hastened or why my other hand traveled down my bare chest. I imagined Lucifer tracing his tongue along with it like the way he did before. Him being here with me was the only thing I craved for.

Those eyes, his face, long legs, a dancer's body—long and lean as I like them. I closed my eyes, dreaming he was on top of me, crushing me and squeezing the life out of me. My hand slid under the rim of my boxers and farther below. First I massaged the inside of my thighs but it only made this itch worsens. Without thought, an imaginary force drove my hand towards my length which I stroke vigorously.

"Ahh, Luc—'' I gasped. In my mind that it was him gripping my cock but it wasn't enough. What I was doing wasn't getting me anywhere near to what I had felt. Determined, I pulled my hand out from my boxers and licked my fingers the way he licked his and then grove them inside of me. I didn't hurt like when we did it the first time. Actually, it felt so good that I reared my head back and moaned.

I ventured my fingers in and out, mimicking what Lucifer had done to me. Even thought it wasn't exact it was enough.

"Oh, god!" I gasped with my eyes closed and my chest rising up and down in rapture. The hand that lay on my chest slid down to join the other, pushing it deeper within me. I was reaching my climax. My knees squeezed together and I called out his name.

"Savior!"

"Ahhhhhh!"

"Opps, sorry!" The guard shielded his eyes but continued standing there.

"Get the fuck out!" I roared.

"Oh—yah!" He almost ran into the door before slamming it shut. The dumbass ruined my moment. I wasn't feeling 'it' anymore. Idiot!

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