Something Familiar

by genericdarklord

First-year students at Hogwarts summon Familiars. While most are harmless, some are things a teen shouldn't be in charge of. Carnivorous flower spirits, armored murder-owls and walking incarnations of fury roam the halls of Hogwarts. This is just as bad of an idea as it sounds. Probably even worse. Our "heroes" might just save the world, assuming they don't destroy it first.

4. She's Always Wet

Something Familiar (Mk. 2)

Chapter 04 : "She's (Still) Always Wet"

AKA : "Goo'ed Trip, Bad Ride"

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

"I'm telling you man, the kid's great!" George declared happily, squeezing his way past another student.

Fred didn't have the same problem, as said student darted into the nearest compartment the moment she saw who was accompanying them. If the young wizard noticed, he didn't comment on it. Fred definitely did, though, and the dark look that momentarially crossed his face would have surprised anyone that knew him.

Allen Locklan. Ravenclaw. Fourth-year.

Fred was no seer, but he was pretty sure poor Allen was in for a rough first week.

"He's right, the kid has some serious potential," he agreed. "It's a good thing we got to him before anyone else did."

The twins' companions heaved a deep sigh. "Yes. Imagine, his first acquaintances might have been good influences. What a tragic waste."

"I know! Man, it's like you just… get me. You understand me on a totally spiritual level. Wait, did that sound like I was hitting on him?"

George nodded. "It totally sounded like you were hitting on him."

"Shit. Oh well. Merlin knows I could do worse."

"I am fairly certain I could not," their companion sighed. "Sometimes I am quite certain you inflict madness upon all those that associate with you, myself included.

Hand resting on the door to their compartment, George laughed and said, "Oh, come on. We're not that bad. You make it sound like-"

George's words ended suddenly as he slid the door open. All three boys paused with shocked looks on their faces as they stared into the compartment.

The floor was covered in a hardened, brown shell. The walls and ceiling were all coated with a thick layer of liquid chocolate. Small frog legs made of the stuff were scattered around, twitching feebly. There were strange crystal formations - maybe a foot tall - protruding from the floor here and there. Small orbs of fire were randomly embedded in the walls, their oddly liquid looking flames burning nothing. Strands of dark, purplish material as thick as a boy's arm hung draped from wall to wall and wall to ceiling. A full half of one bench was covered in a large, fluffy mass that looked suspiciously like whipped marshmallow.

Every now and then a drip of chocolate fell from the ceiling and hit the floor, exploding and becoming a mini version of the crystal formations. Each was accompanied by a puff of green vapor and the scent of wintergreen.

"Okay, so we probably shouldn't be allowed near impressionable kids," Fred decided. There was a noticeable amount of pride in his voice.

Harry and the two Familiars looked back at them with wide eyes. There was a definitely a "deer in the headlights" quality to their expressions. Viscous chocolate had coated all three of them, turning the black and white foxes a solid brown.

"You know…" George said slowly. "I realize we only told you to wait for Harry and make sure no one bugs him. I'm pretty sure you succeeded there, so good job on that. But I just feel like you maybe should have prevented whatever the hell happened here, too."

The three continued to give him a blank stare. Finally Ru blinked several times, hopped up onto Harry's shoulder and belted him across the back of the head with one paw.

The boy immediately said, "We didn't do it?"

This time Ri, now mounted on his other shoulder, belted him.

"We didn't do it!" Harry repeated with more conviction.

George, after racking his mind for several long seconds, finally came up with the perfect thing to say. It was sheer genius, the one sentence in existence perfectly suited for the situation. Unfortunately it went forever unvoiced, for at exactly that moment-

"Did the curtain just move?" George demanded, the ultimate messed-up compartment response blown from his mind.

Harry and both foxes turned to look at the curtain, then quickly looked away.

"Yeah, George. Of course it moved," Harry said casually. Both foxes on his shoulders nodded. "It a curtain in front of a window. They move."

"Not… not like that," Fred said weakly. "Is it whispering? Why does it sound like it's coming from inside my head?"

Harry produced what probably was meant to be a chuckle, but came out as a shrill giggle. "Of course not, Fred. Windows don't whisper. Especially if you stay at least a meter away from them at all times!"

"..."

"What exactly is going on?" the third wizard demanded, attempting to push forward slightly to get a better view inside. Unfortunately, his body brushed lightly against Fred's.

Fred's eyes shot open nearly as fast as his body shot into the cabin. It was like someone had just taken a large sledgehammer, given it to a gorilla and ordered the beast to belt him in the shoulder. The redhead let out a startled cry as he violently entered the cabin, whirling uncontrollably. He just barely missed Harry as he shot across the floor and slammed into the closed curtains. The black stuff on the other side made a pretty good landing point, its squishiness cushioning the impact.

There was a sigh of relief. All told, that hadn't been nearly as bad as it could have been.

That was the exact moment that a cluster of thin, black tentacles chose to erupt from the space between the curtains. Fred barely had time to release a panicked shriek before they were on him. Even as he pulled away, a pair managed to whip around his wrist. They quickly started writing up his arm. They brought his escape to a screeching stop and began slowly dragging him back towards the gap.

George reacted with admirable speed, easily vaulting Harry and sliding to the other side of the cabin. Grabbing his brother's other arm, he latched onto the nearest bench and began hauling with all his might. Even then he didn't manage to break Fred free, but he did manage to slow is trek toward the window to a crawl.

"Cut it off! Just cut it off!" Fred screamed as the tentacles worked further up his arm. "It can have the arm! I've got two!"

Straining against the impressive force tugging on his brother, George groaned with effort. It was starting to look like he'd be joining his brother, or end up tearing him in him in half. "We're not cutting anything! Leggo of my brother, you son of a bitch!"

Harry just started with horrified eyes. It was pretty obvious he, with his slight frame and questionable strength, would probably just get in the way. He really didn't want to see Fred get eaten, though. Maybe he should at least-

A heavy, wooden trunk slammed into the window with devastating force.

Harry registered the sound of glass breaking, and that of screaming. There was a lot more screaming than there should have been. A lot more glass shattering, too.

It took his mind several seconds to catch up enough to process that and realize what he had heard was the compartment windows on either side of theirs shattering, accompanied by suitably shocked cries from the occupants.

The stuff of nightmares produced a shrill cry of pain. The powerful impact stunned it for a moment, but it was already tugging at Fred weakly by the time the crash faded from Harry's ears. It didn't recover nearly fast enough, however. It didn't even haul the redhead a centimeter before a thin boy calmly strode into the cabin and wrapped a hand around the cluster of tentacles entrapping Fred's limb.

Is he insane!?

The nightmare creature was obviously just as shocked, because it took a full second before it let out a cry and began wrapping tentacles up the boy's arm.

"Well. I do believe that will be enough of that," the wizard sighed, giving the monster a disapproving frown. To Harry, it looked like he was scolding a puppy that'd just piddled on the floor.

Nevermind. He's just suicid-

The boy squeezed, His hand closed so hard that Harry was pretty sure he could actually hear the muscles tightening beneath his skin. It was kind of hard to tell for sure, since the pained scream the monster released pretty much drowned every other sound out. The keening only got worse as the boy yanked his arm back, stretching the tendrils in a way that didn't look healthy at all.

"If you are to share this compartment with us, I expect a certain level of civility. Is that understood?"

The beast screamed again. This time the wordless cry had a distinctly vulgar tone to it.

The boy obviously agreed, because he frowned and drew his arm back further. The tendrils he was holding looked like they were on the verge of snapping. "Allow me to repeat the question: is that understood?"

A defeated whine came from the window.

"Good. Just because you are a horrible abomination does not mean you must act like one," the boy said in satisfaction. "Please try to have some class."

"Harry? Can I ask you a question?" George asked with the shell-shocked can of someone who had just witnessed something unspeakably horrible.

"Umm… I guess?"

"Great. So… what the hell happened to the window!?" George shrieked.

The younger wizard (and fox passengers) have him a look that was 20% confusion, 80% innocence, and 100% fake. "The window broke, George, remember? You and Fred broke it."

The other three boys, as one, turned to look down at Fred. He was still had laying on the floor, exactly where he's fallen. The previously captured arm was clutched to his chest. He was stroking it gently, and occasionally whispers of, "Good armie," or "I won't let anyone take you, my precious armie," could be heard.

Their visitor cleared his throat and turned his attention back up towards the window. "I was not aware windows could break in such a dangerous manner. You had best be more careful about destroying them if they can become such monsters. Or is it perhaps it was defective glass, and a safety recall is in order?"

"I'm like, 99% sure most wizards don't even know what a safety recall is," George replied. "Besides, it wasn't a soul-devouring nightmare when we left, was it Harry."

Harry looked up at him for a second, then glanced back and forth at his vulpine co-conspirators. One shrugged, while the other reluctantly nodded. Having reached a consensus, he turned back to the redhead.

"Okay, so there's a slight chance that we might have possibly summoned what could be some kind of horrible extradimensional beast made of pure nightmares by accidentally performing a dark ritual using the worst snack I've ever seen. Maybe," Harry admitted. "I'm pretty sure it's just swamp gas or something, though."

"Your 'swamp gas' almost just ate Fred."

"Well, I didn't say it was nice swamp gas," Harry replied. He managed to meet George's gaze for several seconds before willing. "Yeah… sorry. The Goo can't reach much more than half a meter from the window. It wasn't a big deal, so we kind of forgot it was there until you asked about it."

"How do you forget the Goo is… Wait, you named it!?"

"It was easier than saying, 'horrible-spawn-of-madness-lurking-beyond-the-far-reaches-of-time-and-sanity,' everytime I mentioned it."

Finally climbing to his feet, Fred concurred, "He's right. That's a lot harder to say." Clapping their visitor on the shoulder, he added. "Thanks King. You're a prince among men. King among men… who is also a prince. I guess you're, like, the prince of one kingdom and the king of another. I'm not sure how that works, but you managed it. Go you."

King gave him an amused and relieved look. "I am glad you seem to be recovering quickly."

"Yeah, I recover Sanity Points improbably fast," Fred chuckled. "So, how the heck did you manage to summon that thing, anyway? You don't even know any magic yet."

It might have just been Harry, but it seemed like there was a slightly jealous tinge to Fred's tone.

"Okay, so, the snack cart came by. I was hungry, but I didn't know what anything is. So I gave the girls some money and told them to get us some stuff. They bought us a bunch of candy."

Fred, George and King surveyed the destruction, critically eyeing the scattered wrappers.

"Exactly how much of that crap did you eat, kid?" George asked.

Harry thought about it for a minute, then shrugged. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "How much is the room actually shaking?"

"...a little from the tracks, but that's it."

"Oh. Oh~. Okay, so I'm going to go with 'a lot.' We ate a lot of candy," Harry said. "So, we made a little mess with the Chocolate Frogs. Did you know they bleed? They bleed a lot. Like, I don't even know how they fit all the cocoa blood in there, because-"

"Harry? Focus, buddy," George instructed. "You were telling us about the window from hell."

Harry gave him a confused look. "I was? I could have sworn we were talking about the frogs…"

"You were talking about the frogs, kid. We were talking about whatever the hell that is," George clarified, pointing at the broken window. "You know, the thing that just tried to suck Fred's brain out his ear."

Fred whimpered, "I like my brain where it is…"

"I know you do, Fred. I know you do."

Harry watched the window for a moment, observing the way the curtain pressed against it rippled and shifted unnaturally. "Oh. That. We decided to call it the Goo."

"Yeah, you said that."

"What, you don't thing 'Goo' is a good name? We liked it."

Fred rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "It is pretty gooey."

"Whoa. Hold up. Who is 'we,' Harry? You got a mouse in your pocket or something?"

Harry rolled his eyes and pointed upp at one of the luggage racks. A pair of foxes were hunkered down amongst their things, watching the Goo warily. "I meant them, obviously. Ri and Ru."

There was a dumbfounded look on Fred's face as he examined Harry. "They talked to you? Seriously? Because I'm pretty sure that's something that shouldn't be happening."

"You think, Fred? They're foxes. They don't do a lot of talking. Not unless Harry is a vulpi-tongue or something," George muttered, giving the girls a suspicious look. "You weren't talking to him, right? Or does he have some kind of weird ability to talk to foxes?"

The Familiars paused in their surveillance of the Goo for long enough to snicker at him and shake their heads. It was amazing how effectively a fox could convey the phrase, "Are you stupid?" with a single look.

"Don't be dumb, George. Harry'd tell us if he could do something awesome like talk to foxes. Wouldn't you, Harry?"

The brief pang of guilt that shot through Harry was anything but pleasant. "I didn't talk to them. I just said a bunch of stuff and waited until they nodded. It took eighty-seven tries, but we ended up with 'Goo.' I'd definitely tell you if I could speak to foxes..."

"And speaking of telling us stuff, where the hell did that, uh, Goo come from, exactly? What's this about a dark ritual?"

"Oh. Right. So, we got way too much sugar, and the frogs went splat, I spilled stuff on accident and it exploded, then I spilled stuff on purpose and it went spalt and exploded," Harry explained… sort of.

"Hold up. You were mixing candy in frog blood on purpose?" George demanded. "Kid, don't do stuff like that. Seriously, not a good idea."

"Huh? Why?"

An arm fell across Harry's shoulders. Smiling at him, Fred said, "Hold up, Harry. Let the adults talk."

"But you're not-"

"Sh~, Harrynipples. Don't make this more awkward than it has to be," Fred shushed, pressing a finger to Harry's lips. "See, here's the thing. Magic candy does cool stuff because it's… uh… magic. Potions and charms and stuff like that. It's meant to get all mixed up in your stomach, but not outside of it. Mixing that stuff together - especially using a magic liquid as a secondary reagent - isn't a good idea at all."

"No joke, Harry. You should see what happens when you mix Candy Rocks with an Acid Pop and add some water. The whole thing blows right up in a big way," George added.

Harry's looked back and forth between the brothers, searching for any sign of deception. "You guys are kidding, right?" he demanded. Eyes shifting to the new arrival, he repeated, "They're kidding, right? They wouldn't actually make candy that does that, would they?"

"Harry, you've got a stick in your pocket that could set Fred on fire. Just stand there and process that for a minute."

Fred whimpered, "Why me? I like my me not burned…"

"I am afraid not," the Goo-slayer sighed, "Mixing potions without knowing the consequences can be quite perils."

"Yeah, see? Even King…" Fred slowly trailed off, staring down at Harry. "I mean, I can see asking the girls, but King? You don't even know him!"

The boy in question - King, obviously - fixed Fred with a very put-out look. "Are you implying that I am the inferior source of information when compared to a small fox?"

"I know I don't know him, but I figure he's probably more reliable than you guys. Besides, the girls are up with our things, and I can't see them from here."

"...I am still inferior to an unusually small vulpine?"

"Two foxes, King. You're inferior to two foxes. Try to follow the conversation, man," Fred sighed. "Sorry Harry. King's a little… uh… he's King. He's not all there, but… You know how King is…."

"No, Fred, I don't. I just met him two minutes ago."

"Oh! Right! Sorry Harry. It seems like I've known you forever. You're like the little brother I actually wanted!" Fred proclaimed as he gave the younger boy a pat on the head. "I've been telling George we need to trade up for years, you know."

"I'll admit it, Fred. When you're right, you're right," George grudgingly conceded.

"Harrysack, this is our buddy King, savior of arms and chastiser of Goo. King, meet Harry Potter, infantile slayer of nasty assholes."

"Just one, actually, and I guess he wasn't even a really impressive one," Harry corrected. "I'm Harry. Hi."

King, grudgingly, extended a hand. "I am Arthur King. Please call me King, as everyone else seems to. For future reference, I am a reliable and accurate source of information. I can say with most certainty that I rank above a pair of quadrupeds that are incapable of human speech."

Harry accepted the offered extremity and attempted to shake it.

He may as well have been trying to move a mountain. King's arm was like a steel bar, his hand like a titanium vice. His limb didn't so much as tremble. Just for the hell of it, Harry there his whole weight into it.

King's arm still didn't move.

The boy may as well have been a statue forged from iron. No, he went beyond iron. Iron spent its whole life hoping to be like King, but never quite made it.

"Holy shit," Harry muttered.

It should be impossible. There was no way a person could be so unyielding. But… now that Harry was focusing on him, there was something strange about King. If he looked really hard, King somehow have the impression of being two things at once.

On one level King was a thin, thirteen year old boy. He wore a sharp blazer, slacks and shirt combo that strongly suggested he wasn't raised by wizards. But on the other…

Harry got the distinct impression that there was something else entirely lurking below the surface. It gave the impression of tectonic plates grinding together. A thick layer of soil barely hiding the incredibly strong bedrock beneath. Steel cords flexing beneath a skin of compressed carbon.

"Whoa," Harry gasped.

"Wow. You saw it, huh?" George asked, clearly impressed.

Harry nodded slowly. "What… what was that?"

"It's a Bloodgift. You can kind of see it sometimes when you're touching someone that has one. Usually it's only when you're looking real hard, though, and some people don't see them at all," George replied. "Pretty impressive you just kind of picked up on it like that."

"Gift," King snorted. He reached down and grabbed his fallen trunk by looping a pinkie around the handle and swung it into the air. The sturdy trunk probably weighted 40kg, but King whipped it around like it was weightless. The corner of it slammed into the ceiling, cracking and splintering it. It then slammed into the luggage rack, visibly warping it. "And that is what happens when I do not act with care and measure my every movement."

Harry looked at the damage with wide, obviously impressed eyes. "Wow. How do I get one of those?"

"Sorry kid, but that's not how it works. You're born with them," George said with a shrug. "It's possible you do have one, though. They tend to start out asleep. Most people don't even know they have one until something wakes it up."

"I, for example, was hit by a rather large truck. Luckily the driver was ejected from the vehicle, so no major harm was done," King supplied.

It was pretty obvious to everyone in the compartment that Harry was seriously disappointed. "Why do only some people get them? That's not fair."

"Ah… y' see…" George stared up at the damaged ceiling, an abashed look on his face. "You… uh.. You've gotta have some nonhuman ancestry."

Harry gave him a puzzled frown. "What does that mean?"

"It means one of your ancestors stuck it in a-"

That was as far as Fred got before his brother slapped a hand across his mouth.

"It means a little bit of you ain't human. It's not a big deal. That happens when you summon your familiar anyway."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. You're swapping a chunk of your soul or whatever with something else. Sometimes it's a big chunk, depending on the person," George explained. "Some people even change in weird ways, but it's all good."

"... we change?" Harry asked quietly. It was pretty obvious he found the idea disturbing.

"Hey, don't worry Harrysack. That kind of thing is rare, and people don't change in ways they don't like," George soothed. "Your Familiar is part of you. It's not gonna screw you over."

"Besides, just look at King! He's just fine, and sometimes I think he's more elemental than human," Fred said cheerfully.

"I would appreciate it if you did not make light of my forebears' indiscretions," King muttered, shooting Fred a nasty glare.

Fred giggled. "Indiscretions? That's pretty judgmental, my liege. I'm sure your great-great-great-great-great granddaddy loved that pile of rocks like crazy."

"Merlin knows how he didn't rub it off on accident," George added. "Must've been some smooth rocks."

"Oh, I bet it got rubbed off. I bet he rubbed it off on those rocks real good."

King heaved a long-suffering sigh. Turning, he gave Harry a weary look. "You see? This is what I must put up with. Others have fled due to fear of my 'gift,' King grumbled. The sarcasm at the word "gift" was so thick you could practically see it hanging in the air. "I am left with only the foolish or deranged to associate with."

"Oh. That's okay. I think I might be one of those, too. It's fun."

"Yeah, King! It's fun!" George declared proudly, clapping a hand down on Harry's shoulder. Ri just barely managed to scramble away and take up residence next to her sister.

Harry suddenly realize it was surprisingly easy to get used to animals climbing all over you. He'd completely forgotten the girls were there.

It was a good thing he was getting used to it, too. The foxes had no intention of giving up their new pet.

"Admit it, your lordship. You love us and you know it. You wouldn't trade us in, even if you could," Fred laughed.

Xxxxx King sighed and looked away, but didn't say a word to deny the accusation.

"So, this might be a dumb question, but what's an elemental?" Harry suddenly asked.

"Oh my. How rude of me! This is my Familiar, Lady. She is an elemental of the water sort," King started, gesturing at the empty air behind him.

Harry examined the space, trying to figure out what to say without sounding stupid. Was this a test of some kind? Finally, after a great deal of debate, he settled on, "She's invisible? That's really cool."

A faint snickering came from two sets of twins.

"Hey, King? You ever feel like you're missing something?" George inquired.

Giggling, Fred added, "You know, I think he might be Familiar with that feeling."

King frowned at the remark and turned to look behind himself. His expression immediately changed to one of confusion. "How odd. I am quite certain she was right behind me…" King muttered. "Lady? Where on Earth are you? You had best not be playing in the plumbing again. It is not sanitary."

A small motion behind the door caught Harry's attention. It was hard to tell, but it looked like someone lurking outside and peeping.

"There you are. Why are you peering in like some second-story man? Come in and say hello to Harry."

There person outside shifted, turning to give the hardened chocolate floor a wary look.

"Oh, I see. There is nothing to fear, dear. The floor is not cold, it's just…" King trailed off as he studied the floor. Clouds of greenish mist were still floating around. "Wintergreened."

"There's some peppermint in there too," Harry added.

"See? It is quite safe."

Hesitantly, the figure extended a leg and gave the floor a cautious tap. When that failed to have any effect she gave it another, considerably more confident touch. A moment passed, during which their visitor considered the situation, before she quietly slipped into the room. As she came out from behind the door, Harry couldn't help but gape.

She was made of water.

From head to toe, every single inch of her body was made of crystal clear liquid. Her slender arms, narrow waist, long legs and modest chest were all semi-transparent. He was pretty sure he could see movement inside of her, too, as every tiny motion stirred up the fluid making up her innards.

The creature was quite lovely, Harry decided, even if everything seemed just a little off. She was almost too feminine, looking more like the "Photoshopped whores" in Petunia's magazines than a real girl. Her proportions and curves were a little strange in a way Harry couldn't quite put his finger on. It was like a sculptor had formed a statue of a woman from water, but was working based on a description rather than firsthand knowledge.

Harry was starting to wonder how many shocks and fantastic sights his mind could take before it broke.

Lady's face was surprisingly expressive, considering how ill-defined and vague her features were. It was like someone had made a mold of their face, then poured water into it. You could see the general shape, but not much more. Despite that, the curiosity there was quite evident.

"Hello, Lady. I'm Harry," he said quietly.

The elemental raised a hand and waggled her fingers at him in greeting.

Studying her, Harry inquired, "Is she really made of water?"

As if to answer his question, Lady suddenly broke apart and became a mass of water. The liquid moved in way that was clearly a big "fuck you" to both gravity and fluid dynamics. Some of her flowed rapidly across the level floor, while even more twisted through the air. It was like she was travelling through a dozen invisible hoses of various size. She hit her wizard and swept around his body, reforming behind him with her arms around his chest and head resting on his shoulder. Little ripples ran across her body in a way that was somehow immediately recognizable as giggling.

"She is a water elemental, Harry. It would be strange if she was not made of water," King chuckled. "Though, technically speaking, she is not made of water at all. An elemental is a semi-corporeal spirit inhabiting a mass of inanimate material."

"Why water?"

King shrugged. "Most elementals are born of catastrophic disasters. Lady, being a water elemental, was most likely birthed from a flood or tsunami. Had a tornado created her, she would be a wind elemental. An earthquake or landslide would make her an earth elemental instead."

"Yeah, King's family knows all about-" Fred's comment ended in a pained gasp as a fox slammed into his gut. A moment later a second fox plowed into his face hard enough to knock him off his feet.

Smiling slightly, King observed, "I do believe they are saying enough has been said on that matter. For this moment at least."

"So does that mean something like a forest burning down would make a fire elemental?" Harry asked curiously.

King nodded, a pleased smile on his face. "Indeed! Very well reasoned."

Harry thought for a second, studying the Familiar. "Well, it's good it was a flood, then. I don't think she'd be as cool if she was any of the other stuff."

Ripples once again covered Lady's surface. She twisted and ran around King's body to reform in front of him. Stepping towards Harry, she dropped down into a crouch. It was another odd, liquid movement that involved more flowing than bending. Harry was kind of figuring that was how she tended to move: half in normal, human motions and half in watery sloshes.

The elemental raised an arm and extended a finger. Harry assumed she was giving him the chance to touch her, but he wasn't entirely sure. So, instead of matching the movement, he looked at her limb uncertainty. He was old enough to know running around touching girls wasn't polite, and he didn't see how her being inhuman would change that.

King obviously misinterpreted the source of he hesitation. "It is quite alright, Harry. Lady is as kind and gentle as a creature can be. She would never deliberately hurt you."

"Yeah, not on purpose," George snorted. "You should ask Fred about her hugs…"

"Oh man, it was the best hug ever! Probably the most metal, too," Fred said excitedly.. "Would have been pretty cool if it wasn't so wet and drownedy in there. Turns out there's not a lot of air in a water elemental."

"Go figure, Fred. What the idiot's trying to say is that when she can get a little too excited and pull your head into her chest instead of against it."

"Oh."

King made a broad, helpless gesture. "Yes, she does have some difficulty maintaining her surface tension when overly excited. We have been working on it, though, and she has improved considerably."

Taking the warning into consideration, Harry nodded. Were most people would hear, "She might suffocate you on accident," the young boy heard, "You can touch the girl made of water."

He cautiously raised his hand, one finger extended to match Lady's. It seemed like he went a little too slow, though. Instead of patiently waiting for him, she suddenly leaned forward and thrust her open hand towards him. He didn't even have a chance to react before she impaled it on his finger.

There was a brief moment of resistance, like he was poking a particularly firm lump of gelatin, then his fingertip broke through and into her body. Once past that minor barrier he found that she was, indeed, made of water. Watching in fasciation, he swirled his finger around experimentally.

Either Lady was ticklish or she was quite amused by this, because more ripples crossed her surface. They caused an odd sliding sensation when they hit his finger.

"She can't talk, can she?" Harry suddenly asked.

King gave him another brilliant smile. 'It will be quite nice to have someone intelligent to talk to on occasion. You have once again presumed correctly. My dear Lady lacks anything resembling vocal chords, and we have yet to find some manner of replacement. We simply muddle along the best we can."

"That's too bad," Harry said sadly. "I bet she'd have a pretty voice. She- Ah!"

Harry yelped in surprise as the elemental suddenly launched herself forward. Body collapsing and losing form, she surged under his outstretched hand before he could react. Harry gasped in shock as she reformed just centimeters in front of him, already wrapping her arms around him even as they solidified. The liquid limbs locked behind his head and yanked him into her chest.

It was the "against" kind of into, thank God.

Lady gave him a brief squeeze before releasing him and backing away. She spun around without turning, just sort of deforming and changing which side was the front instead, and slipped past King. Twirling, she plopped down onto the seat and gave him an expectant look.

"My dear, I am not certain that is a good idea," King said, warily eyeing the defeated Goo. "Perhaps we should find another compartment."

"Yeah. About that," George began. "Did you even look into the compartments we passed? They're all half full, at least. We'd have to split up if we wanted to move."

Unvoiced went the thought that King could quite easily clear a compartment out for them. As convenient as it would be, he really didn't want to use his classmates' fear of the guy like that.

"How big is this compartment, anyway. I'm… uh… having a hard time telling," Harry inquired. "It's like it's a different size every time I look around, and it's always the wrong size."

George shrugged. "Space manipulation spells tend to do that, especially the cheap ones. These compartments feed off our magic and get bigger the more they get. There's a limit, though, and they are cheap charms. Any more than eight or so people and someone gets booted."

"Yeah, or the whole thing goes boom," Fred snickered.

George eyed the corners of the room warily. The effect of the enchantment was, in reality, based on total magic rather than number of people. Eight was just a rough estimate, and one that could change significantly depending on the people in question. The edges of the room were wavering ever-so-slightly up by the roof already, a sure sign that the magic was close to its limits.

He really hoped Harry and King didn't notice that. It would be pretty hard to explain.

"I'm pretty sure King counts as, like, twelve and a half people, so we may as well stay here," Fred added.

"I still do not-"

Fred clapped King on the shoulder, then immediately winced. Shaking his abused hand, he said, "King, buddy, it'll be fine. We just have to stay away from it. Not provoking it would be good, too. I also suggest staying away from it and not looking directly at it. Actually, we probably shouldn't even think about it, other than to keep in mind that it might come for our souls at any moment. Oh, and we should stay away from it."

"You suggested we stay away from it three times," King pointed out.

"Yeah. I know."

Sighing, King trudged over and dropped into the seat between Lady and the former window. The Goo gurgled and shifted for a moment, but quickly settled down when King pointedly raised a hand and balled it into a fist.

"See? Not a problem," Fred said happily, sitting on the same bench and putting both Lady and King between himself and the Goo.

"Yep. Easy-peasy," George added, taking the last seat to use Lady, King and Fred as meat shields.

Harry warily examined the remaining bench, then slowly sat down at the very end. He was so occupied with watching the window that he didn't notice Lady move until she had already crossed the compartment. As she plopped down beside him, he couldn't quite suppress the startled yelp.

Harry looked at the elemental for a moment, then up at the Goo on the other side of her. "Uh, thanks, but that's kind of dangerous. You don't have to… uh…" he trailed off, eyes widening.

Raising one arm, Lady turned it back and forth in what was obviously meant to be a "nothing up my sleeve" motion. Once she was absolutely sure she had the wizard's attention, she snapped her wrist. Her hand vanished as her entire forearm turned into something that very much looked like a long, serrated blade made of water. Something about the edge immediately led Harry to conclude it was a lot sharper than any mass of liquid had any right to be.

"Lady, when not giving hugs, has most excellent control of her body. Trying to consume her would be something akin to attempting to eat a running blender," King said proudly.

"So, do all Familiars have cutty-pointy parts? Because I'm kind of sensing a pattern here…"

"The awesome ones do," Fred replied. "Just hope you don't end up with something lame like a fox. That would su-"

Fred never got to finish the sentence. A pair of furry projectiles shot out of the luggage rack that King hadn't destroyed and slammed into his skull. They immediately latched on and initiated a brutal mauling that caused him to fall off the bench, kicking and screaming.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure they have cutty-pointy parts. Either that or they're really good at licking faces off," Harry observed.

George sighed. "Yeah, Fred really likes pissing the girls off for some reason. I'm starting to think he's a masochist or something."

"Sadomasochistic would most likely be more accurate, given your love of spreading ruin and humiliation to anyone whom bothers you."

"How dare you accuse us of discrimination!" Fred snapped.

He plopped down onto the seat between Harry and Lady, plucking the foxes of his head with surprising easy. Harry only had a vague idea of what masochism was, but the fact that the redhead had so easily removed his aggressors raised a question or two. The foxes, having meted out suitable justice, now seemed content the sit in his lap and receive the petting they were surely owed.

"We target everyone!" he finished proudly.

"Though, some a little more than others. Just a tad, though," George admitted, spreading his arms as wide as he could to indicate the size of his "tad."

"Speaking of that, where's your snake go?" Fred suddenly asked, drawing confused looks from the rest of the compartment.

"Fred? What the hell did that have to do with anything?"

"You were talking about a tad."

"Yeah?"

"And it's a snake."

The three other wizards sat there looking at Fred expectantly for several seconds before they realized that was the entire explanation.

"Why do I even ask…?" George muttered.

"So where'd he go?"

Harry shrugged. "You saw him last."

"...right. And it doesn't bother you that your snake is missing?" George inquired.

"Not really. He's the Adder. He's probably in front mugging the conductor or something."

The statement drew to confused looks, one impressed look and one look of watery disinterest. I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

"This might seem like a stupid question, but keep in mind the sort of things that go on around here. You're kidding, right?" George demanded. "That thing's a normal snake. Hella smart, but normal. There's no way he could actually do that."

Harry shook his head and gave the redhead a pitying look. "Don't be silly, George. Of course he can't."

"Okay, good. That would've been a bit to weird, even for-"

A sharp click cut George off. The redhead's eyes widened as he took in the slim knife Harry held up for him to examine.

"I took his knife away. How's he supposed to mug anyone without his knife?"

Fred gave the weapon a confused look. "Why would your snake need a knife. He's a snake."

"For mugging people. Obviously."

George stared at the blade for a long moment. "You know what? I'm just going to pretend this conversation never happened and assume the snake is doing something less ridiculous than mugging the conductor, with or without a knife."

"Don't worry, brother. He's probably just biting someone's bollocks."

Harry thought for a moment. "Yeah, that's also pretty likely."

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

In the rear cars, a Familiar rested reclined against a pile of pillows. She was quite easily identifiable as what most would call a lamia or naga. Her thick, black coils were sloppily arranged around her beautiful woman's torso. It seemed pretty likely she could crush a car, let alone a man.

Altogether, she had a serious "look, but don't touch" feeling about her.

Hey baby.

The naga paused, file stopping halfway across the nail she was working on. Frowning, she turned her gaze down toward the voice.

There was a small snake sitting before her, curled up on one of her coils.

So, hot stuff, you ever been with an adder before?

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

"I feel like something terrible just happened," Harry suddenly declared.

Fred snickered quietly, while George just shook his head and said, "Yeah, you might want to get used to that feeling. And speaking of which, can I have that knife? I'm pretty sure that's not something a kid should have."

Harry gave him the "Are You Stupid" look. "I have a stick that could set you on fire, remember?"

"Oh, right. Wait, why me? Set the ugly one on fire."

"You do know you look the same, right? Besides, I can't-. Oh! Hey, can you guys show me how to set-"

Fred, George and King all quickly said, "No," as one.

Frowning, Harry protested, "But you don't even know what I was going to ask!"

"Actually, I am fairly sure that we do," King disagreed.

"And the answer is no," George added.

Harry glared at him, eyes slowly narrowing in suspicion. "George… you're not working for… Them, are you? That's why you won't do it. You're protecting… Them."

"Oh dear Merlin…"

King gave the young boy a confused look. "Them? Are you referring to the Illuminati, or perhaps the Masons?"

"The plants."

Expression growing even more confused, King stated, "I do not believe I have heard of that group, even in passing."

"It's not a conspiracy thing, King," George sighed. "He's talking about plants. Actual plants. All of them."

"Why would-"

"A Snapdragon tried to eat him!" Fred interjected. "It was horrible. I barely managed to save him, but it was touch and go. I think I might be scarred for life."

Harry seemed to be oblivious to this byplay as he continued to stare intently at George. "Is that why the Goo tried to eat you, George?" he asked in a soft whisper. "Is it because it was trying to protect me? Is it because it knew you were working for the… plants?"

"Okay, first of all, do you really have to pause before you refer to 'them' every single time? It's kind of annoying. And second of all, the Goo didn't try to eat me. It tried to eat Fred, remember? If it was protecting you from someone, it would be him."

Harry's suspicious gaze immediately shifted to Fred. The redhead, still sitting beside him, slowly started to go pale.

"George? Buddy? You remember he has a knife, right? A really sharp snake-mugger knife that could definitely poke someone sitting right in front of him?"

George sighed. "Harry, chill. If anyone's working with the plants, it's the Goo. I mean, just look at it. Doesn't it look like the kind of guy… thing that would work with plants? It's so horrible it has to be on their side, right? It was trying to eat me and Fred because it knows we want to protect you."

There was a brief pause, then Harry's face lit up with realization. "Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, it's definitely bad, which means it probably is working for them. They are the root of all evil after all."

Fred snickered, earning himself a kick in the shin from his brother. Harry didn't quite seem to catch it, as he was busy glaring at the Goo.

"We should set the vile, plant-loving mass of spoiled pudding on fire," Harry said decisively.

Fred nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I can get behind that! Bastard almost took my squeezin' arm!"

"You mean your 'alone time' arm, brother. Still, I think seeing if it burns could be a good idea."

"I think that as long as it is behaving we should simply leave it-"

There was a sharp, annoyed pounding at their door. As engrossed as they were in studying the Goo, the noise caught them all by surprise. All three boys, King included, turned to face the sudden sound.

The Goo, perhaps figuring it had nothing to lose after all the talk about setting it on fire, chose that moment to strike. It bunched itself up and snapped forward like a rubber band. The motion was apparently enough to tear it free from the window, because it launched straight out and crossed the short distance between itself and King in an instant. Before anyone could react, the wiggling black mass was wrapped firmly around his head.

King tried to scream in shock, but was muffled by the encroaching evil.

Harry and George did a much better job at screaming in shock.

Lady rippled violently with the force of a silent scream.

Fred shrieked like a little girl.

Both foxes immediately abandoned their wizard's lap in favor of diving under the bench.

The door slid open, revealing a pretty young witch in Ravenclaw robes. Her face had an obviously oriental cast, and was wearing a decidedly annoyed look and a rather nasty bruise.

"Don't you guys answer the door? It's time to put on-"

King staggered forward, both hands tearing at the Goo. They managed to yank large chunks of it away, stretching the creature's body like warm taffy. It pulled the beast tight enough across his face that it could easily be seen beneath a film of living black horror. His eyes were bulging in panic and his mouth was still open wide, but now in an expression of anger.

The witch screamed.

The Nightmare Goo, perhaps deciding this wasn't a good idea after all, decided abandoning ship would probably be the best course of action. Gathering itself as best it could, it slipped King's grasp and hurled itself towards the witch.

It probably wasn't the wises course of action, considering reaching toward the girl meant it had to uncover most of King's face. One of the boy's arms flashed out and, having finally gotten a good grip on it, violently tore the Goo free. The creature screamed in horror as it was hurled back toward the window from whence it came. There was a loud crash as it plowed straight through what was left of the glass. It almost flew right out of the train, but managed to lash out and grab the frame at the last moment.

King promptly marched across the cabin, stopped before the window and unleashed a brutal kick straight into the panicking mass.

There was another pained squeal. Spreading itself thin, the Goo shot slim tendrils out in every direction, grabbing the floor, wall and ceiling in as many places as it could. Doing this allowed it to just barely avoid being kicked straight out of the locomotive.

King, it seemed, took this as a personal slight. Raising his foot again, he snapped, "I said good day!" and slammed his foot into it even harder than before.

Screams came from up and down the car, first as every intact window shattered and then as the car itself jerked and leaned noticeably to one side. A high, metallic scream came from the train's wheels as they fought against the track. The vehicle struggled to break free for a moment before finally settling back down.

The Goo wasn't so lucky. While it didn't lose hold on everything it had grabbed, that everything lost its grip on everything else. The horrible sounds of wood and metal tearing just barely managed to be heard over the thunderous retort from King's kick.

The Goo screamed again as it vanished into the darkness, taking a good chunk of the compartment with it.

The impact nearly toppled the witch, pitching her to the messy floor. Luckily, her fall was averted at the last moment by a pair of watery arms wrapping around her. It was a stroke of good fortune that would have been even better if Lady had remembered to unblade her arms first. The witch may not have ended up on the floor, but she did suddenly find herself with a pair of liquid blades surrounding her head like some sort of bizarre guillotine.

The witch yelled as a hand fell in her shoulder. Looking up, she paled at the sight of a blood-covered face looking down at her. It wasn't even just his face, either. The boy's entire chest was a red, sticky mess.

"Yo. You okay?" George asked.

Before the girl could answer (or try to escape), a hoarse groan of, "Br~ains~" caught her attention. Her eyes were immediately drawn to Fred. The young wizard was sitting half-slumped in his seat, reaching out towards her weakly. He flailed the limb around a bit, as if desperately trying to reach her.

"Guys, I think you're scaring her. Uh, Lady? Arms?" a soft voice said. The witch sighed as the blade of liquid death became perfectly normal arms made of water. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks," the witch replied, straightening and backing away from the redheads slowly. "I really-"

Her eyes widened as her gaze suddenly rose high enough to take in her savior. A thick, brown mucus covered every inch of his body. King's kick has loosened the slimy strands that were formerly strung around the compartment. Now thick, ropey lengths of green-brown slime hung from his head and covered most of his body. A large number of Chocolate Frog legs covered it, still twitching.

There was a weak, scratchy groan of, "Brains," from somewhere behind Harry.

The girl froze.

"So, uh, did you need something?" Harry asked.

The girl just stared at him.

"...hello?"

In the same raspy groan, Fred added, "Br~ains~..."

"I don't think you're helping, Fred. Hey, anyone in there," Harry asked, waving a hand in front of the witch's face. The slimy strands wrapped around it made it look like a waggling tentacle.

She blinked several times, then gave him a shell-shocked look. "Train. Hogsmeade. Robes," she replied weakly.

"Oh. Someone must've sent her to tell us it's time to change. Weird, usually the prefects do that," George said thoughtfully. He gave her a pat on the shoulder, splattering her with red fluid and drawing out a frightened whimper. "Thanks for that."

"Br~ains~..."

"Hey, are you sure you're alright?' Harry asked with a concerned look on his slimy brown face. "Because you don't look alright."

"I think I just peed myself…"

George looked at her, then wrinkled his nose and looked away. "I think you might've done more than that. You, uh, you might wanna go change your robes, too. Like, fast."

The girl nodded dumbly.

"Yeah, so…"

"Can- can I go?" she suddenly asked.

The boys and multipack of assorted Familiars exchanged confused looks.

"Sure…" George said slowly. "You sure you're okay, because-"

"Thankyoufornoteatingme!" the girl screamed, turning tail and hoofing it down the hall.

A moment later there was the sound of a door slamming open and a cry of, "Cho! What happened to- Oh my god, did you shart yourself or something!?"

The wizards stared after her for several long seconds, trying to figure out what had just happened. Finally Harry tugged a slimy licorice strand off his head and asked, "Man, is everyone around here as weird as her?"

'Eh, there's some strange ones around," George shrugged.

"Br~ains~."

"Merlin's beard, Fred," George muttered. He quickly crossed the compartment and slugged his brother in the gut. A trio of slimy objects launched out his Fred's mouth, flew across the compartment and nailed King in the side of the head.

Watching the brain-shaped gummies slide down King's cheek, Harry said, "Oh. Brains."

"Lovely," King muttered.

"What the hell, Fred? What have I told you about shoving handfuls of those damn things in your mouth?" George snapped. "One at a time!"

Fred gasped a few times, then slowly straightened. Judging by the hand he held against his gut and his pained grimace, it was pretty obvious his brother hadn't held back at all.

"But I love Cortex Chews! They make me feel smart!" he protested. Leaning forward, he peeled a brain off King's face and popped it into his mouth.

"You are smart, you moron. You're the dumbest genius I've ever heard of, but you're still smart," George sighed. He also peeled a Cortex Chew off King's face. He stared at it for a moment, then apparently decided against eating it. Instead, he held it out to Harry and said, "Here ya go, kid. I'm assuming this is yours, since I don't let Fred buy these things anymore."

"Yeah, you can keep it," Harry replied, pushing the offered gummy aside. "Do they really make you smarter?"

George shook his head. "No way. That kind of thing is some seriously high-level potions work. They just have a little drop of some sort of delusion potion in the middle. It just makes you think you're smarter."

"Oh. Weird."

"Yeah. Sorry about Fred stealing your sugar," George said, shaking his head. "He's got sticky fingers where those things are concerned, and not just because he takes them out of his mouth and plays with them."

Harry giggled slightly, drawing a weird look from the others. "That's okay. I've got plenty."

"Besides, I do believe you are in no position to throw stones," King declared. "You do realize the Vampire Bites you stole burst during the commotion, yes?"

George surveyed his own body, dragging a finger across his chest and sticking it in his mouth. Around the digit he simply said, "Oops."

"I said it's okay," Harry repeated. "You can keep the Sugar Bombs and gum you took, too."

George stared at him for a moment. "How the hell did-"

"Is it weird that I feel safer now that there's a massive hole in our compartment?" Fred asked, gesturing toward the hole in question. Most of the wall was gone, along with part of the floor and ceiling. The assorted wizards and Familiars could quite clearly see the terrain rushing by as the wind tugged at their clothes. "Like, I kind of feel like a death-hole lined with splinters and stabby metal bits should worry me."

King shrugged, attempting to dislodge his trunk from the bent storage rack. After several tries he apparently gave up on doing so gently. Instead of pulling it free he just reached up and yanked the entire rack down. He quickly caught his trunk, then set Harry's down on the floor at his feet.

"It is almost certainly preferable to the abomination that recently occupied that space."

"Yeah, about that. Where in the blackened heart of the darkest pits filled with endless joy drawn from the throes of suffering did that thing come from?"

There was a brief moment of silence

"Guys? What's up?"

King cleared his throat and subtly shifted away from the redhead. "That is somewhat disconcerting."

"Relax, it's just his egg allergy. I'm sure it'll get better if he doesn't have any for a while."

"I am quite certain that an allergy will not-"

"Anyway, as much as I wanna hear how Harry summoned a blob made of pure fear and suffering, there's a huge hole in our compartment and we're almost to Hogsmeade. If we don't kick it into gear, everyone out there is gonna get a free look at our bare arses. I really don't want that to happen, because I'm pretty sure mine's worth at least a knut or two a look, and it's hard to sell something if you're giving it away for free. We better change," George pointed out.

"I do believe there is a minor problem with that. The partial destruction of the compartment has left us with precious little room to move about, and I do believe the expansion enchantments are failing."

The group scratched their chins, expressions of deep thought on their faces as they pondered the problem..

"King could break the wall," Harry suddenly suggested. "The hall's wide enough for two people. We'd have lots of room if it was part of the compartment."

There was another brief silence, followed by the sound of King cracking his knuckles.

And there was much rejoicing.