Chapter 35: She Knows

Ursa's house was everything she had imagined it would be. Modest in size, it felt warm, inviting, comforting… it even smelled like freshly baked cookies for spirits' sake. It was the loving home Azula never had. There were photos plastered all over the walls and refrigerator, mostly of Kiyi, but some of Ursa and her husband, Ikem, too. Azula froze as her eyes fell upon a couple photos of Zuko and herself. Ursa had somehow procured their senior photos, as well as one of Azula from prom. A slow smile spread across her face as she admired herself in that stunning sparkly red prom dress…

"I love that photo of you," Ursa said softly. "You looked absolutely beautiful."

"Thanks," she murmured.

She had barely spoken a word to her mother since she arrived. Fortunately Ursa was good at talking through the uncomfortable silences, letting Azula know how happy she was to see her, that Iroh had mentioned ahead of time Azula was on her way, that she had baked some chocolate chip cookies for the occasion, how Kiyi was already asleep, that she had sent Ikem to the bedroom so they could have some mother-daughter time, how she had a pot of tea brewing, that she hoped Azula liked chamomile, and how she always had a hot cup of tea before bed to help her sleep.

"Tea's ready," Ursa smiled. "How about we sit and talk out on the patio?"

"Okay." Azula took her tea mug and followed her mother to an enclosed sunroom in the back, taking a seat at a rustic, wooden table.

Ursa blew on her hot drink before taking a cautious sip. "So… would you like to tell me what's on your mind?"

Azula was quiet as she tried to conjure the right words. While she had rehearsed in her head what she would say to her mother, all of that flew out the window once she actually set foot inside her home.

"I know you didn't travel all this way for no reason."

"I just…" She cast her eyes away. "I just need to know why. Why did you come back into my life if you weren't going to be there for me, I… I just don't understand!"

Ursa opened her mouth to respond, but Azula did not wait for an answer.

"Why did it take you so long to reach out to me after Ozai got locked up? Why did you contact Zuko first? Why did you leave right in the middle of our performance? I-I know Kiyi broke her leg, but when the exact same thing happened to me, you couldn't be bothered to show up! Why?!"

"Azula, I'm…" Fresh tears clung to her eyelashes. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. All the hurt I've caused you, you're right to be angry at me. I'm angry at myself. I'm not going to make excuses for what I did – i-it's all inexcusable."

Azula bit her lip, keeping the tears at bay.

"I'm not a perfect person, I've made countless mistakes, I have endless regrets, I… sometimes I just don't know how to navigate things with you. I know how hard it's been for you, but it's been hard for me too. You have no idea. You have no idea what it's like to suddenly be a parent to two young adults after all these years." She took a deep, unsteady breath. "I never know if it's appropriate to contact you, if you'd even want me to reach out or if I'd be suffocating you, you've… you've been independent for so long – "

"Yes!" she cut in. "Yes, I have been independent, I've been forced to be independent most of my life. Ozai may have been able to provide for me financially, but he was never there for me – he was quick to discipline me but he never cared for me. I've had to take care of myself, I've had to do everything on my own. And I'm tired of it! I'm so tired." Her voice started to break. She didn't realize she was crying until she felt a damp tickle at her cheek.

"I'm so sorry. Please, tell me how I can make it up to you. I know it's not a fair thing for me to ask, but I'm just so lost – "

"I just need you to be there for me. That's it. I need to know that I can rely on you. You know…" She let out a self-pitying chuckle through her tears. "…I used to think needing people made you weak, but if there's one thing I learned from my friends at school, it's that everyone needs people, and having people by your side is a strength, not a weakness."

"Your friends sound very wise," she said, smiling weakly.

"I thought that when you visited us at BSSU, that you could be one of those people I could rely on. And then you left. Again."

"I know, I shouldn't have – "

"And then you weren't there for me when I broke my leg. I know Zuko told you about it."

"He texted me saying that you had an accident skiing, that you were okay, and that the fracture was minor – "

"Oh, so he didn't tell you I got trapped in a snowstorm, fading in and out of consciousness while screaming for help? I could have died out there!"

"I…" She choked up again, shaking her head a little as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I had no idea…"

"Zuko probably just didn't want to worry you," she muttered.

"Azula… I should have been there for you. I should have been there for you so many times before. I… I can't change the past, but moving forward, I promise you I will be there for you. I will show you that you can rely on me. Anything you need, I'll be there. Please give me that opportunity. Why… why don't we start right now?"

"H-How?" Azula dabbed a napkin at her eyes.

"Iroh mentioned you were upset about something, something at school. Did something happen? Are you in trouble? Can I help you?"

Azula took a deep breath before exhaling slowly through her mouth.

"I can't imagine it's your grades or your upcoming exams. Is it… about a boy?"

She looked down at her tea mug.

"Oh spirits, you're not pregnant, are you?"

"No! I-It's nothing like that."

"But it is about a boy…"

Azula looked into her mother's eyes, seeing the sincerity and concern behind them. In that moment, she trusted her. Maybe she was being foolish, maybe she was setting herself up for disappointment once again, but for some reason her intuition was telling her to trust. Perhaps Iroh was right – maybe Azula really did need her mom, as embarrassing as that sounded. So she decided to swallow her pride and give her mother the opportunity to be there for her. "It's… kind of a long story."

Ursa smiled gently. "I have all night."

Jet drew in a deep breath as he set his overnight bag down on Ursa's front porch. It had been a long, exhausting day stuck at the airport due to stormy weather. He had intended to get to the Fire Nation much earlier, but it seemed the spirits had other plans for him. It was already growing dark, and yet, it was still quite warm out. He wondered if the Fire Nation was always this hot.

Nevertheless, he was here. He was finally here, ready to confess his feelings. His frustrating day would all be worth it because it all led up to this moment. He swallowed hard, shaking a bit as his finger reached for the doorbell.

"Here goes nothing," he muttered to himself.

A tiny elementary school-aged girl answered the door.

"Hi, who are you?" she greeted with big, inquisitive brown eyes.

"Hi there," he smiled, "you must be Kiyi. My name is Jet. I'm a friend of Azula's. Is she here – "

"You're friends with Azula?! From college?!"

"Yeah…"

"She is SO COOL! I got to spend the whole day with her, and she is so cool, so smart, so pretty, and I want to be just like her when I grow up! Did you know she can shoot lightning out of her hands?! Isn't she just the coolest?!"

Jet chuckled. "She really is. So cool, so smart, so pretty…"

"Oh!" Kiyi gasped. "Do you like her?" She flashed him a coy smile. "Are you her boyfriend?!"

"N-No, I'm not," he choked, flustered, "well I mean, I, I'm her friend, and I care about her a lot, it's, uhhh, c-complicated – "

She clapped her hands together and grinned before turning around and shouting into the house. "Azula, your boyfriend is here!"

Ursa came up behind Kiyi, resting a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Kiyi, it's time to get ready for bed."

"Aww, b-but – "

"It's your bedtime. No buts."

"Fine," she huffed. She stole another glance at Jet before shuffling off.

"Hi, sorry about that," Ursa laughed. "Please, come in, come in. It's good to see you again, Jet."

"It's good to see you again too," he said, picking up his bag and stepping inside. "You have a lovely home. Sorry for dropping by unannounced…"

"It's okay," she smiled. "When you have a 7-year-old, you're used to a certain level of unpredictability. And besides… I think I know why you're here."

"You do?" he asked, trying to get a read on her tone. "Does she… want to see me?"

"Why don't you find out for yourself?" She led Jet to the kitchen where Azula was sitting.

Azula looked up at him with piercing eyes. "Jet? What… what are you doing here?"

"Hey…" He smiled sheepishly. "Can we talk?"

The two walked in strained silence to a swinging bench in the backyard. She couldn't believe he was here. Jet had flown all the way to the Fire Nation… but for what? Her head was spinning with possibility.

They sat down beneath the darkening sky, both lost for words until Jet decided to break the tension.

"Hey…"

"Hey…"

"I… I'm sure you're surprised to see me here."

A humorless laugh escaped her lips. "Amid the final throes of Assassin… yes, you could say I'm surprised to see you."

"Actually…" He let out a nervous chuckle. "…I was eliminated."

She turned to him, her eyes widening slightly.

"On the way to the house to pack my bag… a girl named Yaling, a freshman of all people…"

"Hm."

"Anyway I-I didn't come here to talk about the game. I… I wanted to tell you… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how stupidly I acted, how I didn't even consider your feelings when I pulled you into that closet, I-I really didn't mean to mislead you – "

She quickly averted her eyes, staring awkwardly at the ground. She was still so embarrassed, she couldn't bear to look at him.

" – I should have told you earlier that I saw your note, I-I just didn't know how to bring it up, and I didn't want to potentially – "

"Yes, you should have told me earlier," she hissed. "I thought I could trust you, but you've been keeping secrets from me all along – "

"I know, and I – "

"Look, I-I get why you didn't tell me about Mai liking Ty Lee or about Zuko and Sokka's situation, since that would have involved outing them, but you shouldn't have kept this from me, I mean… that you knew this whole time how I felt, i-it's just so humiliating, especially since you didn't even do anything about it, it's like it didn't matter to you at all – "

"I know, I know," he cut in. "You're absolutely right. I should have told you, I-I was just worried it would ruin our friendship and I… I couldn't risk losing you."

The intensity in his voice rendered her speechless.

"Azula, I…" His voice broke. "I've lost a lot in my life. After what happened to my parents, I've never allowed myself to get close to anyone. Knowing that anyone could just leave at any time, it was… too painful to let people in." He swallowed hard. "But you've changed all of that. Somehow you… you broke me down – "

She turned to him sharply.

"No, no, that's not what I meant to say. Ugh." He sighed. "Sorry, I'm… just nervous. What I'm trying to say is…" He bit his lip. "… the thought of losing you is devastating to me. And that's how I know… that's how I know I…" He gazed into her eyes.

Her heart was pounding so incredibly hard, she thought she might pass out.

"…I love you."

Her eyes instantly filled with tears. Her heart was so full, it ached.

"I think I've been falling in love with you for a long time, but I never allowed myself to realize it because I never felt like I was good enough for you – "

"Jet, no." She shook her head. "You're exactly who I want you to be."

"I know," he smiled, reaching out to touch her hand. "Look, I… I may not know what I want to do with my life, but the one thing I'm sure about right now is that I want you in it. I love you, Azula, I'm so in love with – "

She cut him off by pressing her lips to his, letting her eyes flutter closed as she lost herself in the kiss, the feeling of his soft lips on hers.

He pulled her closer, one hand tenderly cupping her cheek.

She trailed her fingers through the long, soft strands of hair at the base of his neck, prolonging the moment before releasing him. The way he gazed into her eyes with such intense longing and tenderness, it set her heart on fire.

"Wow," he laughed softly, his cheeks pink under the moonlight. "Now I wish I had kissed you way earlier."

"You could have, you know…"

"I know, I…" He cast his eyes away for a moment. "On Ember Island, when we… when I didn't…" He sighed. "It's not because I didn't want to kiss you, it's because I didn't want to kiss you as part of some sort of stupid game. I wanted it to be… real." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Even all the way back then, something inside of me knew I was falling for you…"

"I think both of us were being pretty stubborn and honestly quite dense in that department," she laughed. "I'd been falling for you too, for a long time before I realized it."

He smiled, interlacing his fingers with hers. "So… now what?"

"I don't know," she smiled back. "You could… kiss me again…"

"I believe it was you who kissed me – "

"Shhh," she grinned, leaning in closer.

Brushing her hair back behind her ear, he closed the remaining distance between them, kissing her fiercely.