Something Familiar (Mk.2)

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

Something Familiar (Mk.2)

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

Chapter Eight

"Initiating Yuri in 3… 2… 1... "

AKA

"The Snuggle Snake"

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

Line wards were probably the most pointless form of defense she'd ever come across. She honestly didn't know why mages even bothered with them.

They were exactly what they sounded like: a line of magic drawn between two points. They were easy to create and could be tied to a variety of nasty surprises, but were relatively easy circumvent. All you had to do was slip past one little line, after all.

A pit trap was easier and more effective.

There were three line wards drawn at the base of each wall. They were, somewhat surprisingly, layered in a way that would make it difficult to destroy or suppress one with tripping another. It showed good technique, and further reinforced her initial impression that this woman was dangerous.

It was almost a relief, really. It seemed like everyone in this world was worryingly soft and weak. The eavesdropping she'd done during the day and snooping afterward had done nothing to change that. So far, even among the adults, she'd only spotted a few that could survive a night outside the walls.

Not that this place had much in the way of walls. There weren't any guards or watchtowers either, or even bars on the windows to keep the smaller horrors from slipping in.

It was disconcerting.

Area wards were considerably more effective. Bound to a single surface, they were usually triggered by touch. Some were set to more unusual triggers, like being exposed to light or warmth, but those were rarer. Luckily, most area wards didn't trigger unless exposed to a certain amount of weight or surface contact to prevent false alarms.

That meant a small kitten didn't have to worry about her head exploding because she stepped on the wrong carpet.

There were three in the office: one on a rather large flagstone just inside the door, one on the carpet covering the majority of the floor, and one on a tapestry opposite the fireplace. That one was pretty clever. It was set to trigger if not enough light from the fireplace hit it. Anyone careless enough to blunder between the two would set it off in an instant.

Angel hopped up into the professor's chair, then onto the top of her desk. Positioning herself carefully, she changed into human form with a soft swishing sound.

Doing so around a volume ward would have been a problem, but that wasn't an issue here. The wards, as their name suggested, were created to monitor an entire space for intrusion. They were highly effective and hard to deal with, but were equally difficult and resource-intensive to set up. Without a clearly defined area, cornerstones and capstones they were far too inefficient to maintain. It seemed they weren't an option for the McGonagall woman, which was a good thing for her.

They could take hours to deal with if done right.

Unable to use a volume ward, the witch seemed intent to make up for it with point wards. They were almost always tied to small objects. Like area wards, they were set to trigger if the object was subject to certain stimuli. The most common trigger was the object moving a certain distance, but it could be any number of things.

They were everywhere.

Angel had never seen so many point wards in one place before. Most people would place them on a few valuable objects with the intent of protecting them specifically. They were rarely used as a primary protection, since hoping an invader moved the wrong quill wasn't the most reliable defense. Used like this, though…

The office had been trapped to the point of borderline insanity. Well over half of the small objects in the room had point wards bound to them. One careless movement or one thoughtless step would be enough to trigger one.

The tassel of a tapestry hanging just below the door frame would be impossible to avoid if you opened the portal. A few golden coins left in plain sight on the desk would draw the attention of any thief. A quill resting atop a stack of presumably important paperwork. A swinging pendulum, set to trigger if it changed speed. Something like a third of the books in the four large shelves behind the desk.

The list just went on and on and on. Dozens of weak wards used to form a frightening net of protection.

There was something important here that the witch was trying to protect. Judging by the time and thought that had gone into setting up the wards, it was very important indeed.

Whatever. Important it might be, but it wasn't what she was here for.

Angel eased herself around into a very awkward-looking position, half clinging to the side of the desk and half supporting herself on the chair. It put her in the shadow the furniture already threw against the shadow-triggered tapestry, though she had to watch the warded cushion. Easily holding herself in the odd stance, she studied the drawer.

At some point the desk had been seriously damaged, which helped immensely. Several wards on it had been deactivated, doubtless because they had been emitting false triggers like crazy. The drawer itself still had a point ward on it, as did two parts of the physical lock.

Annoying.

The witch was clever and was clearly well-learned in the area of magical security. The magic formed a tangled knot, the threads of each ward running back and forth through the others. Anything more than the faintest nudge would cause the whole thing to snag, triggering all three.

It took nearly an hour to redirect the wards to the drawer below.

Once that was done, the physical lock itself was pathetically ease to deal with. Either the locks here were borderline useless, or the witch put too much faith in her magical defenses. Whatever the case, it took less than two minutes of tampering to trip the mechanism.

Angel carefully slid the drawer open and looked inside. Luckily, there wasn't a single ward actually inside it. Even luckier, her target was still sitting right on top.

She carefully used the back of a nail to lift the sheet of vellum, then gripped it between her knuckles and withdrew it.

Her claws were such a pain in the ass sometimes.

At least this was important enough to make focusing relatively easy. It wouldn't do to accidentally shred everything because she wasn't paying enough attention. It was hard to be subtle when you left the furniture in six pieces.

That damn spell had been a lot more accurate than the witch had realized. The Khe'set Tai'n script was fragmented and muddled, making it somewhat like someone had taken a page written in English and removed one word out of ten at random. Despite that, it was still understandable.

It was also far too accurate.

The fact that so much of it had come out in Khe'set tai'n was odd, but a lucky break. She assumed that it was a combination of how different the languages were and the fact that nothing like her existed here. That meant, hopefully, that things like magical translations wouldn't work either. It seemed like mages in this world were far more focused on utility magic than combat magic, though, so who knew how advanced their translation spells were.

It was too much of a risk to leave be.

The sketch of her that filled a quarter of the page was beautiful. It was the sort of thing you'd see hanging in a noble's home, detailed and carefully composed to bring out every bit of the subject's beauty. It had been a long, long time since she'd had a picture like that.

She traced the sketched ribbon with the back of a nail, lingering on the bell hanging from her hair and neck at each end. It seemed like a waste to simply destroy it.

She quickly ran a nail along the borders of the image, neatly separating it from the rest of the page. The sharpened edge of her claw didn't make so much of a whisper of a sound as she did. Quickly folding it and shoving it into her top, she crumpled the rest of the page and lobbed it into the fireplace.

Replacing the wards on the drawer took far less time than redirecting them. The threads of magic were always happy to snap back into their proper positions.

There was a faint sound as she returned to her cat form, then a scrape as she vanished back into the Familiar tunnels.

In the fireplace, the last bits of vellum turned to ash.

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

Orchid quietly climbed up the side of the Great Tower.

Being a spirit possessing a mass of plant, climbing was a bit different for an alura une. Her entire body had unravelled, leaving nothing but a tangle of thin branches. The slowly made their way up the wall, growing across bricks and into cracks. Anyone watching - had there been anyone watching - would have been equal parts horrified and mesmerised by the mass of leaves, wood and wicked thorns as it made its way up the wall.

After the better part of an hour, she finally reached the Owlery roof. Her form grew around the edge of the rooftop and twisted together atop the tiles. Quickly and silently, she went to work forming her human body.

She wasn't exactly sure why, but she'd been feeling extremely comfortable in that form since coming here. Before it had just been a way to lure food in or move among humans undetected, like an angler fish's lantern or a well-made disguise. Now, however, it felt quite natural. It seemed like the best shape to be in, aside from being wrapped around her Keeper.

Her target sat on the far edge of the roof, swinging her feet over the edge. Her long mane of hair was spread out behind her, its ribbon failing, spectacularly, at keeping it in check. The other Familiar was staring up at the half moon as she sat there, humming a eerily beautiful tune.

She was oblivious to the alura une's presence.

Orchid extended her arm to one side, then watched in interest as it split open. Truth be told, she'd never paid all that much attention to her human limbs before. The sight of it tearing itself apart was both impressive and awe-inspiring, if she did say so herself. It only became more remarkable as a trio of thick, pointed sticks grew within her splayed forearm.

She'd used this trick quite a few times before, usually when she was bored. It was a fun way to knock birds out of the sky, and sometimes chewing on something a little different was nice. One sharp snap of her vines and those stakes would be moving far faster than any crossbow bolt.

Orchid twisted her body in a way no human could, her torso ripping and parting to accommodate the movement. Her arm likewise distorted even more, stretching out behind her. There was no way she'd miss at this range, and the poison on the stakes would-

"You shouldn't do that, Sneaky Flower," Angel suddenly said.

The alura une froze.

"You shouldn't poison things if you want to do the sneaking. It smells," Angel said, making a disgusted face, but not turning around. "You were slow. I was waiting and waiting and waiting. I even went somewhere dark with no one around, and I still had to wait. Do sneaky flowers need invitations?"

Twisting, Orchid brought the wooden spikes around. There was a sharp snap as the end of her vines broke the sound barrier more effectively than a whip. The wood projectiles were a blur as they flew, even to her. The other Familiar was done for.

A spray of wooden shrapnel pelted Orchid across the face and chest, fragments of her own projectiles hitting hard enough to shred her exterior. She flailed backward, the disorientation of having her human sensory organs suddenly destroyed staggering her. Her exterior was just a shell, though, and she repaired it in an instant, reforming her eyes and ears at the same time.

She discovered herself staring straight into a pair of amber, slitted eyes from less than ten centimeters away.

"That wasn't very nice, Naughty Flower," Angel said softly. She ran the tip of a nail down Orchid's cheek, opening a small cut.

Orchid's eyes widened.

It hurt.

It actually hurt!

The spirit hurled herself backward, launching off the roof. She unraveled to catch the eaves, then hurled herself into the Owlery. The birds, suddenly finding a truly frightening predator in their midst, panicked and abandoned their perches. The mass of fleeing avians was enough to confuse even Orchid's normal senses, the heat and vibrations she used as a plant.

When the birds finally cleared the area, she discovered Angel crouching on the sill of the window she'd just entered. Orchid immediately leapt back, twisting her body apart. Thick, barbed branches exploded out of her, curling around in every direction. A moment later her body reformed, now surrounded in a cage of thorns that filled half the room.

She glared at the other Familiar, daring her to approach.

"Uh-uh, Silly Flower. I'm not as stupid as I am," Angel declared, then pause to ponder the statement. "That… didn't make lots of sense, did it?"

Inside her wooden death-cage, Orchid shook her head.

"I'm not very strong, silly flower, and I don't like getting the poison pokes," Angel clarified. "So no pokes for me. Why're you being mean, mean flower?"

One.

"There can be only one!? Oh noes!" Angel gasped. Her shocked look only lasted an instant before vanishing. The sudden change was accompanied by the word, "Why?"

Orchid gave her a mildly confused look.

"Why can there only be one of us? That's silly."

Mine.

"Ugh. Fighting over places just to have the places is so~ dumb. There's no mists here and the trees aren't scary. There's lots of stuff for everyone to have," Angel declared. "I don't think you wanna fight, anyway. That's why you tried to be all sneaky. You're not real strong, either."

Orchid fixed her with a nasty glare, the thorns of her cage lengthening and dripping a greasy fluid.

"Did coming here give you the sicks, too? It made me feel all icky. You shouldn't fight while you're all sick and yucky feeling. It's not good for you."

Still glaring, Orchid replied, Strong.

"Really? If you're all strong and stuff, why didn't you bring your heart?" Angel asked curiously.

Orchid froze.

"You really shouldn't do that, leaving it behind all alone. Where'd you put it, hmm? I know it's close, I can smell it," Angel said softly. "At the bottom of the tower, maybe?"

Eyes widening, Orchid took half a step back.

"I'm fast, silly flower. Faster than you, I think. Even if you scratched me, I'm sure I could get to your heart before I died," Angel continued in a low, dark tone. "Then we'd both be dead, and our masters would be alone. That's not good for anyone, is it?"

The alura une slowly shook her head. She was far enough from her core that moving it would be difficult. Having seen how quickly the cat could move, she had little doubt the threat was a serious one.

"Then we should be friends!" Angel suddenly declared, her voice once again the normal energetic, cutesy tone.

Orchid blinked in surprise, clearly a bit thrown by the sudden change.

Friends…?

"Uh-huh. Fighting is dumb and friends can share things. That's why it's better to be friends than fight! This place can be our place, even though it's really the people's place," Angel reasoned.

…

"I know nom-nom plants don't really have friends, but you're not just a nom-nom plant. You have some peoples in you."

Food.

"Uh… no, not like that. I mean you don't have to just act like the nom-nom plant. You can do human things, too. LIke have friends," Angel said happily. Then, in the same cheerful tone, she added, "Or we can just kill each other. I guess that works too."

Orchid thought for a long moment, then conceded, Friends.

She could always wait until the cat was off guard and eat her then.

Without warning, Angel took several steps forward. Orchid's eyes widened in shock as the other Familiar walked straight into her cage of deadly thorns. The word 'friends' for some reason still stuck in her head, she jerked her branches back reflexively. Even with her quick withdrawal, she barely managed to disarm her cage before Angel blundered right into it.

The redhead reached up to Orchid's face and carefully traced a line down her cheek with the back of one claw. It was the exact spot she'd been cut just moments before.

"I'm sorry I cut you, Flower. It wasn't a very nice thing to do," Angel apologized. Cupping the smaller Familiar's cheek, she pressed her forehead against Orchid's. "I promise I won't do it again. Forgive me?"

Orchid nodded numbly.

As it turned out, plants actually could get hot. At least, Orchid's cheek certainly could. It almost burned where Angel had laid her hand, but not in an unpleasant way. It was actually quite nice, something she didn't mind at all.

Was this how humans felt things? If it was, she had to admit she was quite envious. It was much better than being full or not full, or even the crunch of bones being crushed in her bloom.

Suddenly eating Angel didn't seem like such an attractive idea. She still looked delicious, sure, but just the thought of crushing her made Orchid feel a bit…

Sad, maybe?

So, Orchid's first real experience with human emotions came in the form of a very affectionate gesture from her fellow Familiar. There's no way that could have long-term and possibly embarrassing implications, right?

Right.

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

If you don't know what yuri is, please Google it. Just make sure you have safesearch off, otherwise you won't get the full effect.

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

In the Forbidden Forest, something stirred.

It was dark, so dark that even the black of night seemed bright in comparison. With no muscle or bone, it barely had a cohesive form of its own. It was little more than a blob of the deepest shadow the world had ever seen.

If fear and evil could be given physical form, this was what they'd look like.

Until now there had been only the desire to consume and destroy. All it had ever wanted was to devour the bodies of mortal creatures and tear their souls to shreds over the course of eons. It had been a simple existence, with nothing but the simple need to eat and torture all that exists.

Now it felt something new: pain.

That was something for which it was completely unprepared. It might have only been a minor horror, little more than a faint shiver of fear compared to others, but the idea of a mortal hurting it was absurd. They were supposed to be weak and pathetic, nothing but food. The idea of one damaging its being, especially by simply hitting it, was absurd.

It, a being of pure terror, had felt fear.

The other creature it had felt possessed a brightness burning with their mortal forms. It was a brilliant flame, similar to that within the creature that had hurt it. It was the same light that had filled the painful blow, burning it. Each was relatively weak, pathetic enough that many of its kind would snuff it in an instant, but bright enough that it would take considerable effort for it to silence even one.

But above all, it felt anger and hatred.

The small creature wrapped in its grip let out another pained gasp as its body was finally crushed. The light of its life was tiny, barely even a spark, but it was better than nothing. In snuffing it out, the horror's own darkness grew. It was only by the smallest amount, barely even enough to be noticable.

It was sufficient, though.

The horror had come from beyond the far reaches of time. Hours, days, years or even centuries, none of them had the slightest bit of meaning to it. It would simply wait, choosing its victims carefully. It would never approach something that could harm it again. Each life it devoured would cause its darkness to grow, adding to its strength. Eventually, it would be strong enough.

There was nowhere in this mortal realm that could hide them from it.

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

Harry awoke to darkness.

It took just a fraction of a second for his brain to realize there was an issue and relay the message to the rest of him. After taking a moment to register the problem, the rest of him decided it was a critical one indeed. Breathing seemed to be completely beyond him at the moment. Both his brain and the rest of him agreed that was a bad thing. That decided, they flipped the switch to plunge him into DEFCON 3.

The young wizard let out a strangled gasp into Angel's chest.

The position would have been quite comfortable under other circumstances. Angel's chest was, for reasons that should be pretty obvious, quite soft and warm. Unfortunately, there wasn't much more air in there than you would expect to find in Lady's.

Soft and warm was great, but not so much when your face was being pulled into it with an impressive amount of force.

In a panic, Harry twisted awkwardly and managed to get his arms between himself and Angel. Gathering himself, he shoved against her with all his might. The scrawny teen's herculean effort was mighty enough to impress an emaciated puppy, and accomplished about as much as you'd expect. It was like steel cords were wrapped around his body, lashing him to his Familiar.

Amazingly, the steel cords pulled tighter in reaction to his attempts at escape. What little air he had in his lungs was promptly squeezed out.

So this is how it ends, Harry thought hazily. At least I got to be a wizard for two days. Of course, I also saw a *shudder* dog with a face. That kind of cancels out the wizard thing. I made some friends, though. I think. Goodbye, cruel world. My final wish is that the Dursleys die in a fire. A very, very slow fire that starts at the toes. Please have mercy and grant-

Angel giggled, "Waffles," in her sleep and rolled over. In the process, her arms released Harry and slipped away from his body.

His panicked mind immediately registered this as a classic good news / bad news situation. On the good end of things, Harry was suddenly able to breath again. Considerably less than good was the fact that he was still shoving against his Familiar as hard as he could. In an instant, pushing away from her went from impossible to far too easy.

Harry shoved himself straight off the bed.

An already bad situation was further complicated by the fact that Angel's legs were, somehow, still wrapped around his own. This caused his top and bottom halves to have a bit of a disagreement as to where he should be. With his hips saying "bed" and his torso saying "floor," he was left in the undesirable position of trying to fulfill both demands. Gravity was on the torso's side, however, and he ended up slamming into the floor hard enough to knock the wind out of him, then sliding the rest of the way off the bed as Angel muttered in discomfort and released him.

"Ouch," Harry groaned. "The world is agony given form…"

"Is that you, Harry?" Neville's voice asked. "Are you okay?"

"My face had a disagreement with the floor, but I think I won," Harry replied. "I didn't hurt my spleen and everyone knows you're okay as long as you have your spleen. That's how I won. I have more spleens than the floor."

"Uh… how hard did you hit the floor? Are you sure you're okay? Because you're talking kind of weird."

"Hmm… My head's all fuzzy. I don't know if that's hypoxia, tasting the floor or part of a vast shrubbery conspiracy. Could be any one of them, really."

"Maybe… maybe I should take you to the Hospital Wing." Neville muttered. "You're going to have to help me get out of bed first, though."

Harry tried to shake some of the cobwebs out of his head. Unfortunately, it seemed like some of them intended to be long-term residents. It was annoying, but it wasn't exactly something he was unfamiliar with. The past two days had been rough, but he'd certainly had it rougher.

Maybe.

Shakily rounding his bed, he asked, "Why in the world would you need help getting up? Can't y-"

Neville's bed looked like someone had picked up a small hunk of jungle and dropped it in the middle of the dorm. A dozen different varieties of flowers had bloomed all over. Creepers wound around the posts so thick that he could barely see the wood beneath. The curtains were completely gone, replaced with heavy drapes made entirely of vines and leaves. Thick, root-like growths had made an absolute wreck of the top, tearing holes as they wound their way through it. As for the mattress…

The mattress of the bed had become a tangled mass of assorted plant parts. It looked like someone had once had a nice, little garden, but had neglected it until it had become hopelessly overrun. Harry could see a toe here, a finger there, something that might be part of a neck up here…

Making sense of the mess was just hopeless, so he settled for leaning forward and meeting the gaze of the one eye he could see.

"Neville? Is that you under there?" Harry asked curiously.

There was a groan. "Who else would it be, Harry? Could you do me a favor and get me out of here?"

"Did the daisies do this to you? Did they sneak in while you were sleeping? They do that, you know," Harry whispered conspiratorially.

Neville stared at him. "Merlin, you did hit pretty hard… It's Orchid, Harry. Obviously."

"Oh, good. For a moment I thought the End Times were upon us."

"Uh, yeah. We should really get to the Hospital Wing."

"No, no. I'm good. My brain is breathing again. It's all tingly. It feels kind of nice." Harry announced. "You know, I've never been suffocated before. I give it a two out of ten. As far as near-death experiences go, it was sadly lacking."

"Look, just get me out of here. I really need to use the loo."

Harry narrowed his eyes and stared into Neville's visible orb. "I thought you wanted to bring me to the Hospital wing."

"I want to use the loo and bring you to the Hospital wing. I'd be best if we did it in that order, too." Neville said reasonably. "It's not like we can't do both."

"Right. So, you're sure that's your Familiar? I mean…I guess you'd know, but she looked a lot more girl-like earlier." Harry rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I remember because you said she was a plant, but she didn't really look much like a plant. I figured you'd just gotten into that butt beer the twins had."

"It's butterbeer, and Orchid's an alura une. They only look like girls so it's easier for them to eat people."

"Oh. That seems reasonable." Harry nodded. That one statement vindicated every suspicious though he'd had since had had become enlightened two days ago. "So, if she's your Familiar, why don't you tell her to let you up?"

Neville sighed. "I already tried that. I think she's asleep or something."

Scratching his head, Harry said, "She's asleep? I didn't even know plants could be asleep."

"Yeah, well, I didn't know that plants could be hot, either. But apparently they can, so I guess they can be asleep, too."

"She gets hot?"

"No. No she doesn't. She meant-" Neville paused. "Look, nevermind that. Just get me outta here. All you have to do is untangle me."

Harry regarded the mass of greenery dubiously. "Neville, you look like a vine mummy. You look worse than a vine mummy. You look like someone made a vine mummy out of a vine mummy. You might even exist in a dimension that transcends the pathetic mortal limitation of existing in three dimensions," Harry declared, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Neville?"

"...what?"

"Congratulations on ascending. I am honored to be in your presence."

"...please, please, please just get me out…"

"Fine. If you want to fall from grace and sacrifice your higher existence, I won't stop you," Harry said reluctantly. "I'm pretty sure I saw the Adder somewhere around here. I'll see if I can borrow his mugging knife. I don't think you can mug a plant, but I guess I could cut you out."

Neville shook his head, or tried to, at least,"I don't want you to do that, Harry. You'll hurt her… I think? Cutting things usually hurts them, so I'm just going to assume it would hurt her. She's my Familiar, even if she tied me all up and made me a vine mummy of a vine mummy."

"That's okay. It just occurred to me that cutting something made of thorns, poison and pain might not be the best idea I ever came up with," Harry admitted. "It's time to go to Plan B. I'll be right back. I have to find a crowbar, twelve liters of Vaseline, and a rubber ducky. Maybe a squirrel or two, just in case."

A dozen questions went through Neville's head at that moment. So many, in fact, that he couldn't possibly ask them all. Eventually he went with, "Harry? Why would you need squirrels?"

"I hope to God I don't, Neville. Some atrocities can never be forgiven. Never, Neville. They remain in your soul like an ink spill on a lilac-colored pillow case."

"Maybe you should just go take a shower or something," Neville suggested. "And walk to the Hospital Wing if it clears your head up. I'll figure something out."

"Shower… shower…" Harry's eyes widened as a brilliant idea popped into his mind. "Neville! I have an idea!"

"No, Harry," Neville immediately said.

"I saw it in one of the magazines Dudley keeps under his mattress."

"No, Harry."

"They call it a golden-"

"Harry! No!" Neville yelled. "That's awful!"

Harry gave his fellow first-year a confused look. "But Neville, she's a plant. Plants like water. Besides, the girls in the magazine didn't seem to mind."

"I'm starting to wonder how much I like you…"

"FIne. So Plan A ends with me being eaten, Plan B has been aborted due to lack of supplies - rodents specifically - and you pointlessly refuse to go with Plan C." Harry rattled off. "I'm stumped, so unless you have a Plan E, we're out of luck."

"I… think I'll just hold it until my bladder explodes…" Neville whimpered.

Harry's eyes widened in shock as he gasped, "Plan Q!? Neville, you're insane!"

"...just go take a shower, Harry."

"I think I'll take a shower. Great ideas like that are why I'm a genius, and an excellent forensicer. Don't worry, Neville, I'll be back before the midgets show up. I promise," Harry said.

He exited the first-year dorms. He only made it a few steps before his foot bumped into something soft. He gasped and stumbled, trying fruitlessly to regain his balance. This caused him to cross the landing much faster than he'd planned to. Luckily for his poor brain, he managed to raise a hand and slap it against the stone wall just inches before his face slammed into it.

He whirled around, actually a little angry now. Who in the world just dropped something right outside the door!? You couldn't just leave a… fox…

The small Weasley familiar stared up at him, giving him a wounded look..

"Oh! I'm sorry." Harry exclaimed. "Are Ru okay?"

The fox stared harder.

"See, it's funny because your name is Ru and 'Ru' sounds like 'you' so it…" Harry trailed off. "Yeah, that's really not funny, is it?"

Ru shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I kind of hit my head. I was just going to take a shower. That usually helps and I'm pretty sure Angel didn't hit any harder than Vernon. I'll be okay in a few minutes. I usually shake it off pretty quick."

Harry had glanced across the landing towards the entrance to the bathroom, so he missed the brief change in the fox's eyes. By the time he looked back, she was again staring up at him curiously.

"So… I'm just going to-"

Without warning, the vulpine familiar whipped up his body. She quickly occupied his shoulder, sitting on her new perch proudly.

Harry stared at her. "Uh… Ru, you know I'm going to take a shower, right?"

The fox gave him a look that quite clearly said, "I'm not stupid" and didn't budge.

After staring at her for a few more moments, Harry shook his head. "Whatever. I guess it doesn't matter. If you want to come, go ahead. You're just a fox, after all."

A white tail slammed hard into the back of his head. Well, it slammed into his head about as hard as six inches of black poof could manage. That wasn't particularly hard. In fact, it tickled more than anything.

"Hey! I didn't mean it like that!" Harry protested. "I just meant… You know what? I'm just gonna go to the bathroom. With a fox. For some reason."

The tower was set up in a surprisingly reasonable and logical way. On the first floor of it was the common room. It was a rather pleasant place with large, squishy furniture and a roaring fire. It was also quite a bit larger than it had any right to be, like the room had been stretched out in that way Harry tried not to think about. There was a pair of wide spiral staircases on the wall opposite the entrance, winding up to the higher floors.

Each floor above the common room housed a single year of students. Two dorms full of girls on one side, two of boys on the other and a thick wall splitting the tower down the middle. Every other floor had a bathroom that was shared by two years of students. The only exception was the bottom floor of dorms, where the seventh years had their own private loo.

Harry unsteadily made his way down the stairs to the second-year dorms and made his way into the bathroom.

It was a pretty standard affair. The stalls, urinals and accompanying sinks were, thankfully, very mundane. Harry, however, was more interested in the showers in the far wall. They were deep, dual-partitioned nooks, providing both a small area to strip in and and equally small shower area.

"Alright, the Harry Express stops here. I'm pretty sure I don't need a fox's help to shower." he announced.

Ru dug her claws in and stared at him defiantly.

Harry stared right back. "If you come in there with me, I'm using you as a bath pouf." he calmly declared.

His companion's look changed from one of defiance to horrified disbelief.

"I'll do it. Don't think I won't. I'm crazy. But look at the bright side: your coat will get a nice shampooing."

The fox hopped down to the floor, where it proceeded to give him a hurt look.

"Oh, don't look at me like that. When I'm done, you can come down to the common room with me. I want to look at some of my books before classes start."

Deciding it was probably best to ignore the fox, he quickly turned and entered on of the shower nooks. He had been really glad to see they were set up like this. It afforded a high degree of privacy, and even gave him somewhere to change.

That was a good thing, too. He didn't particularly want to field any of those sorts of questions. The longer he could put it off, the better. With any luck he'd never have to answer them at all.

That was unlikely.

Harry had to admit, grudgingly, that the chances of not ending up naked in front of his Familiar were low. He didn't know how it would happen or why. He had the sneaking suspicion that whatever the how and why were, the when and where would involve extreme embarrassment. He was almost certain that whatever happened, it would somehow be her fault.

Thankfully, the cold water did actually clear his head a bit. He had to admit, the experience have him a new respect for Fred. It was amazing the redhead functioned as well as he did, given the nasty blows he frequently took.

A faint noise from somewhere above him made him pause with his shirt only half over his head. Struggling the rest of the way into the garment, he turned to observe Ru. The tiny fox was standing balanced on the curtain rod separating his nook from the rest of the room, looking down at him.

She had fixed him with a disturbing intense gaze, leading him to wonder how long she'd been up there and what exactly she had been looking at.

"Are you a pervert?" Harry suddenly asked.

The question caught Ru so off-guard that she jumped in surprise. Not a very smart thing to do when you were perched on a bar just a few centimeters wide. She scrambled at the bar in a panic for a moment, then plummeted toward the floor.

Harry's hand shot out and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck, easily catching her before her brief flight ended badly. Holding her up to eye level, he gave the vulpine a suspicious look.

"What kind of fox watches people change, huh? A perverted one," he accused. "They have a word for people who watch little boys get naked. I'm pretty sure it starts with the letter 'twenty-to-thirty-years' and ends with a very uncomfortable experience in the prison showers."

Ru struggled and twisted out of his grip. Whipping around his arm, she scaled the limb to take up a fairly normal position on his shoulder. This time, however, she smacked his back with a paw and have him a look that clearly demanded, "What the fuck?"

Harry was starting to wonder if reading animal expressions was some kind of secret talent.

"Oh. That," he sighed.

Figures. He'd already blown it, and was outed by a fox of all things. At least he didn't have to worry about loose lips, since she didn't have lips at all.

Harry tugged down the collar of his shirt, displaying a nasty scar starting in the backside of his shoulder and running down his back.

"It's not as bad as it looks. It's really old, too, so it doesn't bother me anymore."

The fox examined the scar through narrowed eyes. It was a very, very odd place for someone to end up with a burn. Turning back to Harry, she gave him an inquiring look.

"A couple of years ago, I burned Uncle Vernon's bacon at breakfast. He got really mad and threw the pan at me. It was really hot and there was still grease in it, so it burned me a little. So- Ow!"

Harry yelped in surprise and reflexively dislodged the fox as her tiny claws dug into his shoulder.

"What'd you do that for?" Harry demanded..

The fox paused for a moment, then gave him an apologetic look and made an exaggerated sneezing sound.

"You sneezed?" Harry asked suspiciously. "It didn't sound like you sneezed."

Ru made the sneezing motion again, this time without the accompanying sound.

Harry sighed.

"I think all Familiars are insane. What've you got to say to that, huh?"

Ru thought for a moment, then nodded happily.

"Yeah, I figured you were gonna say that. C'mon," he said, patting his shoulder. "Let's go. I need to get my books."

Needing no further invitation, Ru quickly ran up his body and took a seat.

"What're you doing wandering around at night, anyway? Shouldn't you be with one of the twins?" Harry asked as they climbed the stairs. With the first-year forms being on the top floor, he was sure to be doing a lot of that.

In response Ru went limp on his shoulder, head and tail hanging off either side. Tongue lolling out of her mouth, she made a snoring sound.

"Oh. Of course. Well, I can be your substitute wizard for now. I could use a substitute Familiar anyway. Mine seems to be in power-saving mode. See?"

Harry drew back the curtain surrounding his bed to reveal Angel. Almost immediately, he went pale.

Sticking out from between Angel's breasts was the head of a snake. There was terrified, a wide-eyed look of horror on his face as he sat stuck between them. He had clearly tried to escape at one point, judging by the switchblade laying on the mattress. He had just as obviously failed, as evidenced by the fact that said switchblade was now in several pieces. Now Angel had her arms crossed across her chest, squeezing her ample bosom together tight enough to render escape completely impossible. The way he was wedged in there, there wasn't even a good way for him to bite her.

The Adder slowly turned to look at Harry.

Kid… Help…

Harry studied the situation critically, attempting to come up with a satisfactory plan. Unfortunately, even his legendary planning skills weren't up to the challenge. There was literally no way to free the Adder without getting within reach of his Familiar.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what would happen if he did.

Harry slowly raise his hands into a praying position and bowed his head. On his shoulder, Ru did the same.

"Thank you for your sacrifice, noble Adder. Tales of your bravery shall be told for centuries."

His respects paid, Harry quickly grabbed his books and headed for the door.

Hey! Hey, don't you walk away, Kid! Don't you- Oh, come on! Seriously? Please, by the snake god's dual cocks, help me! I'll up your cut to 20%! Hell, make it 25%- Kid? Come back!

"Alas, poor Adder. I knew him, Ru," Harry whispered as he left the dorm.

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

As Harry exited the dorm, one of Angel's eyes opened just a crack. For a moment it fixed on Harry's shoulder, tracking it as he vanished through the door. The expression on her face was anything but pleased.

That wouldn't do at all.

Squeezing her chest tighter, she rolled over.

Oh, what the f- Ack!

"Silly snakey," she muttered in her 'sleep,' giggling slightly.

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

Author's Note

=A=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=A=

A large chest and pretty face doesn't mean someone has a small brain. That's another mistake that people make, one the extends to even the Muggle world.

Soft fur and a poofy tail also doesn't mean someone has a small brain. Unless, y'know, they literally have a small brain. Like a magical mini-fox. So, in this case, I'm pretty sure the above statement is irrelevant. I'm also pretty sure it isn't a mistake that extends into the Muggle world, though I could be wrong.

There was something hu~~~gely important in this one that you probably missed. It's a tiny, tiny thing that is really easy to overlook. I know it's not too subtle though, because my buddy Shenny spotted it on the first read. He's pretty sharp though, even if he hasn't figured out who Emperor is yet.

That's another thing you could figure out with what you have so far. As a matter of fact, I pretty much told you who they are. It was another one of those things you could easily overlook, though.

Anyway, I kind of felt like Orchid's fixation on Angel needed a bit more of a reason. Just basing it on the fact that Angel is far more attractive than any human and therefore a good meal worked, but it didn't quite seem sufficient. Having her 'imprint' on the other Familiar as a result of her forming emotions seemed to make a bit more sense.

Oh, and you didn't think booting the Goo off a moving train would be enough to kill it, did you? King may be unbelievably strong, but even he can't kick a being of pure terror to death.