21
Ianto knew he had to get over the silliness of this feeling of fear at being outside. He didn't want it to bleed over to the kids as they did not deserve to have a wonderful time tarnished by him hyperventilating in the corner. They are like sponges, if he is afraid so will they be whether or not it's logical.
In an effort to do this he decided in full immersion therapy. As in… he strode out into the wide open to see if he could try to find calm. He walked along a trail that was clearly form deer or sheep or something, a positive thing he told himself as they walked this way often, if there were predators around then there would be no animals to wander around.
He came out of the darkness from the trees into a clearing and stopped dead.
The entire clearing was violets. Instead of grass, it was a carpet of dark green fanned leaves and the cute little purple heads peeking out. Wow. Ianto stood looking at it was wonder. Then he saw movement out of the corner of his eye and he froze, holding his breath as he turned his head slowly to stare at the animal walking calmly towards him like it wanted to say hello.
Not a big cat. Not even a deer or a sheep. No. Ianto was watching something he never thought he would see in his lifetime… before the boom. He really should have gone to that Zoo at least once with the kids. They used to beg him to. And here was Mica's favourite animal, what a kick in the head.
The camel seemed glad to see someone, making a low groaning noise as it shuffled closer and Ianto pondered how old it was.
Then three more following included a calf. Awwww.
Ianto forgot to be afraid, he forgot to be anything but to be mesmerized with the little one who had never seen a human before. This was a good sign. Ianto decided to take it as such.
Life goes on.
.
.
"Camels."
"Real live camels, and a little one about six months old or so" Ianto gushed happily, then he added "I took photos."
Owen lit up as he snatched the phone to look at, "Trust you."
"So, you feel safer now?" Toshiko asked "You know the kick form a camel is deadly. Anything out there that can be considered a predator would probably not want to be in the same area as one, once kicked twice shy kinda thing."
"What I think. We have been checking the fencing, we have staked those sheep in every spot and apart from one fox sneaking past towards the chicken coup… nothing dangerous" Ianto agreed "I feel safer now."
"I hippopotamus would have been better" Owen muttered as he went back to sorting his tray of instruments he had been fiddling with when Ianto had first entered the room and both Ianto and Toshiko turned to stare at him as he added "Or a rhino. Imagine… no one would fuck with us if we had a pet one of those."
"Or an alligator. Hey Owen! We could dig a moat and get sharks from along the coast, Jack could do a scoop and dump with an away vessel soooo safe then" Ianto said without batting an eye and Toshiko sung away to clap her hands over her mouth as Owen actually stopped to consider that.
"Do we have something that could dig one deep enough?"
"I don't know buddy. Maybe go ask Rhys or John. Hey might like to help."
Owen had actually put the tray down and was two steps towards the door when he stopped, stalled out and swung back to him "You wanker. You fucking wanker. I actually thought about it."
"Why I love ya buddy" Ianto laughed as he pulled him in for a quick hug. Only quick hugs with Owen. A squeeze ad release before he has time to feel alarmed by it. Baby steps.
"I'll get you back for that" Owen warned as he went back to sorting the tray, now giggling softly to himself.
"I doubt that Doctor Harper, I doubt that very much" Ianto said in a fairly good super villain way that had Owen snorting with mirth as Toshiko followed Ianto to the door.
"But do you feel safe there now?"
"Yes. I think it's time to let the kids explore. There are still some things to be done but the security is in place and if we let the kids help with painting and such they might feel more connected to the place." Ianto nodded "and want to be there."
"You always think of everyone else, what about you?" she asked gently, placing her hand on his arm as she stepped in close as a sister would "Are you OK?"
"You would think after three and a half years that I would know what I am doing but… I still panic. I still second guess and wonder." He replied as he placed his hand over hers, as a brother would.
"And you think of those not here, you still second guess and berate yourself for failures instead of taking amount to revel in success" she shook her head as she leaned in to kiss his cheek lovingly "I love you Ianto Jones. I am here because of you. Don't forget that."
As Ianto wandered along the corridor of the vessel those words echoed and he knew she was right.
Stop looking back at the darkness… look forward towards the light.
One step at a time.