Ch. 15

Regrets

Post Series

Vic pushed through the swinging doors of the Red Pony. The crowd was just starting to pick up with the after work crowd. She made her way to the bar and leaned on it scanning. Her eyes came to rest on Henry Standing Bear. It was a rare night that found him tending bar. But, being a weeknight the casino wasn't quite as busy as it was on weekends.

He saw her and smiled.

"Vic."

"Hey, Henry. You got my order?"

He glanced behind him towards the kitchen.

"Yes, I will get it."

She gave a quick nod as he disappeared from view. Vic tapped her fingers on the counter and glanced at the clock on the wall behind the bar.

"Vic."

The voice was oddly familiar but she couldn't place it immediately. Turning, she half froze in surprise.

"Travis?"

He looked mostly the same. He looked like he had dropped a few pounds but he was dressed the same as he normally was in a t-shirt and jeans with an oversized belt buckle. He wore a ball cap on his head and scuffed up boots.

"Wh…when did you get back in town?"

He gave her a shrug and a sort of smile.

"Last week. My mom is sick."

"Sorry to hear that."

His eyes shifted up and down her frame.

"You look good."

She offered him the best smile she could muster.

"Thanks. You too."

"Here you go."

It was Henry again. Vic turned and took the bag he held out to her with a smile.

"Thanks, Henry."

"You are welcome. Have a nice evening."

She smiled.

"You too."

Henry moved away to wait on another customer. When she turned, Travis was still standing there. He glanced at the bag.

"Dinner?"

She looked at the paper bag in her hand.

"Uh…yeah. Just got off work."

It seemed like a dumb comment considering she was wearing her uniform but she was already out of things to say to him. Travis crossed his arms.

"Looks like a lot of food. How've you been?"

Vic shifted uncomfortably.

"Good."

"You still at the trailer park?"

Vic shook her head.

"No, haven't been there in a while."

He looked far too interested.

"Really? Where you livin'?"

She wasn't looking to get into a long personal conversation with him. Travis continued without giving her time to answer.

"Still got your RV?"

"No I…I sold it."

He shook his head.

"Too bad."

Vic gestured to the bag in her hands.

"It was nice seeing you but I gotta run."

His face fell a bit.

"Here, I'll walk you out."

Vic shook her head at the offer.

"That's okay. I'll be fine."

She turned and started to move away. He followed.

"I insist. Least I can do for an old friend."

Vic sighed as he trailed her out to the parking lot. The air was cooler out here than in the crowded bar. He paused when he saw her open the passenger door of her vehicle and set the bag of food on the seat. He frowned.

"Why are you driving Walt's Bronco? My mom told me he retired."

She closed the door and fiddled with the keys.

"He did. My truck needed tires."

He looked at the Bronco. The law enforcement decals were gone. Realization crossed over his face and he looked more than a little disappointed. He folded his arms over his chest and kicked at the gravel in the parking lot with the toe of his boots.

"So you and Walt."

Vic sighed.

"Travis…"

He shook his head and cut her off.

"I mean…I knew you had a thing for him. Even when you slept with me."

Vic shook her head.

"Really, Travis. Jesus."

He gave her an apologetic look.

"Sorry, I just…I hate we missed our chance."

Vic stared at him, her mouth partially open. After a few seconds, she found her voice.

"Travis, there was no we. There never was. You know that. You and me…it was a one-time thing. We were drunk. Really drunk or it wouldn't have happened. Nothing was ever going to come of it."

He looked like a scolded child and then grew serious.

"I was gonna ask you to marry me, Vic. Before you got shot. Maybe you didn't have genuine feelings but that doesn't mean I didn't."

That was the first she had heard of that.

"What?"

"Yeah…I uh…had a ring and everything."

Vic closed her eyes and then opened them, wishing this conversation were over and she was on her way home. She was tired and hungry.

"Why on earth, Travis?"

He shrugged and dipped his face down.

"You were carrying my kid."

She shook her head and took a step away.

"That's…not a reason to get married. And I told you the baby might not have been yours."

"Was it?"

Vic looked at the ground.

"I don't know."

He sighed.

Vic just shook her head.

"Look, I gotta go."

Travis scuffled his boot across the ground.

"Yeah, wouldn't want Walt's dinner to get cold."

She moved around the Bronco and opened the driver's side door, ignoring the tone in his voice.

"I hope your mom feels better. I'm sorry. About everything."

He didn't answer. Vic closed the Bronco door and took a breath.

When she pulled out, he was still standing there.

xxx

"Something wrong?"

Vic looked up from where she was pushing the fries on her plate around. She'd been hungry when she got to the Red Pony. But, the unexpected encounter with Travis had destroyed her appetite. Walt was watching her, his own food mostly finished.

"I saw Travis when I was picking up the food."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Travis? How was that?"

"Awkward."

She looked back down at her barely touched food.

"He told me he was gonna propose. Before I got shot. God, can you believe that?"

His expression didn't show the surprise she expected. He merely nodded.

"I know."

"You know?"

He looked up from his food.

"Yep, he uh…he told me."

Vic leaned her arms on the table.

"Um…is there a reason you didn't tell me this?"

Walt wiped his hands on his napkin and shrugged.

"Honestly, I forgot about it. It was just before everything happened with Chance. You got shot and then my trial started. I didn't think about it anymore."

She looked at him for a long moment before she spoke.

"What did he say?"

Walt sighed and was quiet for a stretch before he spoke.

"He came to my office and showed me the ring."

Vic tilted her head.

"Why would he show you the ring?"

Walt drummed his fingers on the table.

"He told me that if I didn't propose to you, he would."

She frowned.

"He gave you an ultimatum?"

A smile tugged at Walt's mouth.

"More or less. That's when he mentioned that you were pregnant."

"That's how you found out?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. He seemed to think someone needed to take care of you."

Vic leaned back in her chair, her food completely forgotten.

"What did you say?"

Walt folded his hands in front of him on the table.

"That it wasn't his place to tell me that. It was yours. And, that you could make your own decisions."

He could see her thinking.

"He found out by accident. He saw the tests in my trash and asked me about it."

Walt nodded slowly.

"Why didn't you tell me, Vic? When all of this was going on?"

She sighed.

"Because I screwed up and you had enough on your plate. I was with Eamonn once and Travis once. I was really drunk the night with Travis. I was…fucked up, Walt. You had the thing going with Donna and I just…wanted to…I don't even know. I'm not proud of it."

His jaw flexed under the skin.

"I'm sorry. I guess we all made mistakes. Did things we're not proud of."

She shook her head.

"It doesn't matter. It's over."

Her eyes settled on him and he could see something there. Something curious. Walt tilted his head.

"What?"

"I still can't believe he gave you an ultimatum. You marry her or I will. Jesus. I can't believe he thought I would say yes."

Walt smiled a little.

"He cared about you, Vic. I couldn't fault him for that."

"Yeah, but just because you care about someone doesn't mean you can control their life and make decisions for them."

"If it were my baby, I probably would've done the same thing."

She smiled then. She had often wished for that very reality.

"If it had been your baby, that would have been a whole different set of circumstances. I would never have said yes to him. Even if I knew the baby was his. I couldn't… marry someone that I didn't love. Not after my first marriage."

"I think he loved you."

She shook her head.

"He loved the idea of a family."

Walt grew quiet. Vic's eyes were on him.

"What are you thinking?"

"If the baby had been mine, would you have married me?"

She smiled again and shrugged.

"Maybe. I guess we'll never know."

He smiled in return. Vic's expression grew more somber.

"I have a lot of regrets about that whole shit show of a time period."

Walt nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah, me too. My biggest is that I didn't tell you how I felt. It might have changed some things."

Vic shrugged.

"As much as I wanted you to, I'm not sure I was ready. I have to believe our timing was right. That we both had to be ready for it. I don't regret that."

Walt smiled in a way he rarely did.

"Me either."