Chapter 29 - Sexy as hell

Out in the woods again, lost in a book while Daryl drew on her arm, Tahlia was suddenly brought back to reality with his announcement of, "Done!"

She glanced down and gave a horrified gasp. "Daryl, you asshole! You know I hate snakes!"

A massive cobra with evil eyes and fangs dripping with blood twisted all the way from her shoulder to forearm.

"That's why I did it. Help ya with ya phobia." He gave her a crooked grin, leaning back against the tree in satisfaction. "Ya welcome."

Tahlia jumped to her feet sucking in a few short shallow breaths as she paced in the clearing.

"Tahly. Seriously? Bothers ya that much?" Daryl, concerned now. He liked to tease her but upsetting her was something else entirely.

She screwed her face up and exhaled forcefully. "No. Yes. No. Shit. It shouldn't. It's stupid. But I have a nightmare sometimes and..." She started to pace again. "Shall we keep moving?"

"Naw. C'mere." Daryl was on his feet now, a worried look on his face. "Only meant to be a joke, girl."

"I know, I know. It's totally fine!" she insisted, forcing a smile.

"Ain't fine. Gonna tell me what's goin' on?" Daryl caught her wrist as she paced past.

"Nothing."

He tugged her towards him. "Somethin'."

She shook her head and shut her eyes. "No."

"Tahly."

One more tug and she was against his chest. He kept one hand around her wrist, and tucked his other arm around her, rubbing gentle circles on her back for a few moments.

"C'mon." He took a step away. "Let's wash it off."

"No." Her gaze was fierce and firm. "I'm keeping it. I can keep it. Better there than in my head, right?!" she said brightly.

Studying her for a second, Daryl couldn't help but be intrigued by another piece of her that he'd inadvertently uncovered.

It felt like he was picking up these cards of her, one by one, and he wanted them all. He wanted the whole fucking deck so he could shuffle them hard in his hands, feel them flutter under his touch, spread them out in front of him and look at the lot, the dark and the light, run his fingertips over every last one, then scoop them all up and bundle them close to his chest forever.

"Lemme least fix it for ya." Pulling out his pen again, he widened the cobra's eyes and curled its mouth into a smile, then drew a top hat on its head and a waistcoat around its body. "There. How's that?"

Tahlia laughed, genuinely feeling better about the whole thing. "I can't decide if that's creepier or cuter! Now let's go and shoot some gorgeous furry little animals."

"Do ya one better. Take ya to see the foxes."

They trekked to the den, and although they didn't spot any movement in the log, it only took a small amount of convincing on Tahlia's part to get Daryl to leave them a couple of squirrels, although he heaved a tortured sigh when she insisted on leaving a handful of berries for their dessert too.

Secretly, he loved the way her eyes lit up when she talked about the animals, and even loved her stupid hope that because of their help those babies might have a chance in this world. It made him want to track down every damned fox in the state just to keep that smile on her face.

Shit. If he didn't watch it, he was going to end up just as damned soft as she was.

They were moving on through the trees, when Daryl stopped and Tahlia followed suit silently, having no idea what he was looking at. Slowly he raised his crossbow to his chin and took careful aim before releasing a bolt, a dull thwack following as it found its target.

"Woodchuck." he told her, as he went to retrieve his bolt and the dead animal.

"How did you know it was there? I didn't even see it."

Daryl gave her a quizzical look. "Really? I heard it way back, and then it was right there in front of us." He scooped the woodchuck off the ground, pulling the arrow from its flesh. "Nice work on keepin' quiet."

For a moment she thought he was being sarcastic and opened her mouth to make a smart comeback, but he carried on.

"Most people ain't no good at standin' still." He gave her an appreciative look.

"Yoga. It helps you find your stillness." she said in an exaggerated zenlike tone. "You should try it!" She elbowed him with a grin.

"Nope. Never gonna happen. Just coz ya somehow managed to wrangle Rick into doin' that shit with ya don't mean y'ever gonna see me out there doing them dog things."

He hesitated for a moment, then spoke again, hoping his tone was light. "Ya spend a lotta time with Rick."

"Yeah, most mornings I guess I do." Tahlia agreed offhandedly as she crouched down to inspect a plant, picking a leaf and sniffing it. "Is this...?"

"Bee balm." Daryl said quickly, not wanting to lose the train of the conversation. A question sat heavy on his tongue. One that had been sitting there weighing on him for a while now. Even more so since the powerful flare of jealousy he'd experienced when he thought there was something between Tahlia and Rick. But he shouldn't ask it. He shouldn't -

"So... ya got a thing for him?" And there it was. The words sounded stupid out loud, but he would be plagued by these thoughts until he knew the answer.

Tahlia swiveled her gaze to meet his from her squat in the dirt, a playful grin spreading across her face. "A thing? You really asking me that?"

Daryl groaned inwardly. Her teasing tone told him he was going to regret having said anything.

"Have you got a thing for anyone?" Tahlia stood and elbowed him in the side, a goading lilt to her voice, eyebrow arched. "Any girls around the playground that make you wanna pull their ponytail and steal their lunchbox?"

Giving a big huff, Daryl shoved at her. "Shuddup."

"What about Carol?" Tahlia continued in a sing-song voice. "You got a bit of a thing there? I've seen you two have some cosy convos."

"Just a friend." said Daryl defensively. "Been through some shit together, got close."

Tahlia raised her eyebrows disbelievingly, a cheeky smile still on her face. "Mmm-hmmm..."

Daryl pushed her again. "Anyway, ya still ain't answered my question."

"Ohhh, yes, Rick! Mmm-mmm, the sheriff! I could never resist a man in uniform!" she declared in an exaggerated sultry tone, pouting her lips and fanning herself with her hand.

Daryl made an exasperated noise. "Don't know why I bother with ya sometimes." he grumbled, stomping away.

"Ok, ok!" she laughed as she jogged to catch up, falling into step with him. "So, honestly, I think Rick is still working through some personal stuff. I think he comes out there in the morning with me because it gives him a sense of peace. It's not like he's into the yoga part – I mean if I can get him to do any it's a good day - mostly he just sits and watches the sun rise, and I think that gives him a bit of an escape, a few moments where he's not chained by memories of what he's been through or feeling responsible for the wellbeing of this group."

Daryl was painfully aware that she still hadn't answered the question, but he was certainly not going to ask her again.

Silent for a moment, Tahlia's brow creased in thought. "Wait, where was I going with all that? Oh, that's right! The early mornings on the hill, the gardens, the animals – they're all kind of healing, cathartic activities. It's not about who it's with, it's just about doing something that's kind of cleansing. Something both Rick and I are benefiting from at the moment." She nudged him. "So, the very long-winded answer to your question, is I like Rick, I think he's an awesome guy and a strong leader, but no, I don't have a thing for him."

"Coulda just said that at the start 'stead of givin' me a whole speech." groused Daryl, although the wave of relief that coursed through him at her words was refreshing.

They walked on for a moment, then Daryl spoke up again. Might as well get all the niggling questions out while they were on the topic.

"And what 'bout Goldilocks, then?"

"Who?" Tahlia screwed her face up trying to figure out who he was talking about.

"Pretty boy."

"Oh! You mean Brody?"

"That his name?" Daryl played dumb.

Tahlia gave him a withering look as she elbowed him. "You know his name. You brought him in."

"Whatever. What 'bout him?"

"What about him?"

"Seen the way he looks at ya. Like he wants to get his paws all over ya."

Tahlia wrinkled her nose. "He does not!"

"Trust me." Daryl assured her. "Written all over his face."

He readjusted his crossbow on his back and stole a glance down at her as she contemplated this. "Am just warnin' ya to watch ya'self with him, coz he'll try it on the first chance he gets. That is..." a horrible thought suddenly struck him. "That is... unless you want him to... to...?"

"Brody?! No. No way." Her reaction was laced with enough disgust that Daryl relaxed.

"What, blond, surfy, pretty cover boys ain't your type?" he fished.

"Nope. Just the opposite, actually." She fixed him with a lingering look that shot fireworks of hope into his chest. "Alright," she carried on. "If that's what we're talking about, then what about the girls you go on runs with?"

"What about 'em?"

"Got a thing for any of them?"

Daryl frowned. "Who ya talkin' 'bout anyways? Only really go on runs with Maggie, Sash or Mich."

Tahlia raised her brows and nodded. "Yeah, three beautiful women! Lots of alone time on runs... lots of opportunities for sleeping on laps and cuddling..."

Daryl couldn't help but chuckle at that as he elbowed her. "Girl, ain't no one crazy enough to try any of that shit with me 'cept you. Ain't nothin' happens on runs anyways. I ain't got a thing for no one."

(Present company excluded, of course, but he wasn't about to tell her that).

Tahlia breathed a tiny sigh of relief. Of course, she already knew from the girls at the prison that Daryl hadn't had any known intimate interactions with anyone, but it didn't mean that he wasn't harbouring secrets fantasies. They'd never broached this subject before, and she'd never imagined he'd be the one to bring it up, so she was certainly not going to pass up the opportunity to investigate his interests.

Ooh, she'd thought of one more person.

"Ok then, what about Irina?"

"Just told ya, I ain't got – wait, who?" Daryl's turn to try and figure out who she meant.

"From the group that came from St Louis way, Sash brought them in a couple months back."

Daryl still had a blank look on his face.

"She's about yay high, short brown hair, brown eyes, early 20's, kinda shy, kinda cute, stares at you a lot, practically drools every time you're near..."

He racked his brains, but genuinely didn't know who that was. Although, come to think of it, there was a girl that blushed a furious red and said hi to him every time he walked past, but he was having a hard time conjuring up a clear picture of her face, so he didn't really know if that's who Tahlia meant.

At first Tahlia thought he was just pretending not to know, but she soon realised that he genuinely had no clue about this girl. "You really don't know who I'm talking about?!"

Daryl shrugged. "Ain't one to really notice stuff like that."

"You don't notice girls checking you out?!"

"What? Naw! That don't happen, anyway." He glared at her.

"Daryl! Half the women at the prison spend all their spare time staring at you!"

He looked appalled. "Do fuckin' not!"

"Oh my God. I just need to check something -" Tahlia stepped in front of Daryl, grabbing his shoulders and stopping him in his tracks. "You do know that you're good looking, right?"

With an exasperated huff, Daryl knocked her hands from his shoulders and tried to step around her. "Fuck outta here."

"Daryl!" Tahlia blocked his path again. "Tell me you know!"

"You are on planet crazy, woman!"

"You really don't know?! You don't know that the surly, scruffy, sleeveless, bad boy thing you got going on is super hot?"

With that amused look on her face and her overzealous disbelief, Daryl once again couldn't tell if she was being serious or if she was making fun of him, and as usual, it pissed him right off.

"Pain in the ass! Shut the HELL up!" He started to storm off through the trees, but she was right behind him, grabbing at his wrist.

"Daryl Dixon, you are sexy as hell!" she declared emphatically, then let out a squeak as he whirled on her in fury.

"Ya really wanna piss me off?! Ya really wanna fuckin' do this, again?!"

Oops. Tahlia just remembered that she'd promised herself she wouldn't provoke him like this anymore. But she was too far gone now.

So, she shrugged. "Someone's gotta tell you this stuff."

"Fuck YOU, girl!" he roared, turning away and stomping off again.

"What, you're just gonna hightail it outta here every time you feel uncomfortable?" she called, following after him.

"Worked for me so far!" he yelled back at her.

"You say I'm supposed to stick with you, but how am I supposed to do that when you run away like a scared puppy every time you hear something you don't like?! Why don't you face up to it?! Try something different for a change?"

He spun back around and feinted a lunge towards her. "Like what?! Like beatin' your damn ass into the ground?!"

"You can try." she goaded, eyes twinkling.

With a furious growl he dove at her, and easily she dodged to the side, but he was already lunging back, grabbing her around the waist. Spinning out of his grip, Tahlia jumped to the side once more, as Daryl released a string of swear words, swiping at her head. Ducking, Tahlia poked him in the stomach, prompting another incensed string of cusses from Daryl, as he seized her elbow tightly when she popped back up to stand. Once again, she twisted out of his clutches, and spun away lightly. Fury building, Daryl was done playing nice and was ready to fight dirty. With a roar, he charged at her, driving his shoulder into her stomach, spearing her forcefully to the ground, all the wind knocked out of her as she smacked her head on the dirt.

"Fuck!" she wheezed, squeezing her eyes shut in discomfort and struggling to no avail as the entire weight of Daryl's body pinned her down, his forearms trapping her shoulders, his face only inches from hers.

A smoldering rage still burned in his baby blues, sharp angry breaths puffing from his lips. He must have hurt her – she took so long to catch her breath that he almost started to feel bad - but he was still too riled up to really care.

Her eyes sprung open, and an impish look danced in them. "You're even sexier when you're mad."

With an angry growl, Daryl shoved her shoulders down into the dirt, then rolled away onto his back next to her, still panting, rubbing his hand across his forehead in frustration. They were both silent for a long while, then finally Daryl spoke up, his voice hoarse.

"Can't just go round commentin' on people's looks like that. Ain't right."

"Why? It's a compliment."

Laying his forearm across his eyes, Daryl was silent again for a moment, then said quietly, "Why ya gotta do that, girl?"

"What? Compliment you? Or fight you like a boss?"

"Y'always sayin' that kinda shit to me. Fuckin' with me. Bein' a jerk."

Tahlia propped herself up onto her elbow and gazed down at him.

"It's not shit, though! I just..." She tried to pull his arm away from his eyes, but he resisted. "Daryl goddamned Dixon." she breathed. "Not fucking with you, just trying to tell you things that I know you haven't heard enough of. You believe all this negative stuff about yourself, and it breaks my heart that it's so hard for you to hear about all your good bits. There's so damn many. Just want you to see yourself the way I see you."

Daryl was certainly not going to uncover his eyes now.

"Ya think hollerin' at me in the woods is the way to go?" he shot at her.

Tahlia gave a level hum, her tone turning soft and serious. "I've tried a bunch of different ways, and you still just wanna run away from it." She paused for a long moment. "It's ok to feel uncomfortable, you know. You don't need to run. Try just... feeling it."

"Fuck y'on about, girl?"

"That uncomfortable feeling you get, the one that gets you all riled up? Maybe try feeling it. Sitting with it for a bit, letting it be. Then, once the dust settles, you can see what else is there. What's beneath it."

Daryl scoffed instantly. "Ya talkin' some crazy shit, ya fruit loop."

"Maybe just try it." Tahlia pushed herself to her feet, sensing it was time to close this conversation.

She stood over Daryl, gently nudging him with her foot until he finally removed his arm from his face and looked up at her, his expression hard, waiting to see if she was going to say anything else to incense him.

"Truce?" she asked, extending a hand to help him up. He left her hanging for a bit, then sighed and grasped her hand, getting to his feet.

"You know," stated Tahlia cheerily, "I think I'm gonna have a few decent bruises from that spear tackle of yours."

"Good." he said gruffly, but then gave her a little nudge with his elbow that let her know they were ok.

Daryl had been in his head since the earlier flare up with Tahlia, half thinking about what she'd said, half trying not to.

Back at the prison, he headed to the washroom, grey light filtering in through the barred windows along one wall. Pouring a little water from the large bucket into the plugged sink, he washed his face, then stood and caught a jagged glimpse of himself in the filthy, cracked mirror on the wall.

For a minute, he stared at his reflection, appraising what he saw:

Eyes that were shifty and mistrusting; a hard mouth unfamiliar with laughter; sharp planes of his face that told a story of an unkind life; hair long enough to hide behind.

That familiar burning ball of discomfort tightened painfully in his chest as he scrutinised himself, and he then slammed a hand into the wall.

"FUCK her! Fuck her and all that crazy shit she spouts!" Daryl exploded, whirling around, breathing heavily.

Then, as he leaned back against the sink, he looked up to see himself reflected once again in the stainless steel wall of the communal shower in front of him. A reflection that was warped and distorted with blurred lines and no discernible features. A reflection that was easier to look at, easier to bear, even though the uncomfortable feeling remained and burned brighter the longer he stood still, staring.

Feel it. Sit with it. Let it be.

So, against his better judgement, he did just that - stayed still, concentrated on the hard pull at the centre of his chest, the one that made his breathing shallow and his fists clench at his sides, fight or flight mode activated, his body pushing him to smash something or run for the fucking hills, discomfort that made him focus on desperately wanting to put distance between himself and this feeling, find something to distract him, anything at all.

But for the first time, he forced himself to remain motionless, save the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He'd try this just once.

The voice in his head was loud.

Viciously shouting that she's full of shit, that it would be better if he'd never met her, not to get any ideas about the crap she says, that's he's an idiot, he's worthless, he's still the nothing that he's always been... and the voice carried on angrily ranting for a while but at some point, Daryl found himself mentally giving it the finger, and it became quieter and quieter and eventually just faded to background noise, a whisper on a breeze. Focusing back on his body, he realised that his breathing had returned to normal, his hands hung loosely at his sides, the tight ball in his chest had released and dispersed, and the desire to run had long passed. He glanced about the empty room in surprise.

Was this the dust settling?

So... what else is there? What's left behind? He'd never waited this long or looked this deep.

And lo and fucking behold, there were little gems waiting for him. Things that she and others had alluded to, things that felt self-indulgent to even be entertaining, but instead of covering them up, he had a quick peek.

A little nugget of satisfaction in the knowledge that he was good at some things, like hunting and tracking, that he was resourceful, strong, an asset in this world.

A shimmer of self-worth from the fact that he was a valued member of this group, that he'd earned his place, their respect, care, friendship.

And... although he'd never given a second thought to his appearance before, there was a distinct glow of delighted pride at the fact that she found him attractive – sexy as hell, even (he felt himself blush furiously just thinking this). And more – that she thought of him as a man of worth.

Pulling himself out of his reverie like he was coming up for air, he gave himself a big shake and a berating for being cocky, for getting full of himself. Pushing it all out of his mind, he strode back to his cell.

Or maybe he floated.

He wasn't sure, but this was the lightest he'd ever felt.