Breathe

Takes place fairly soon after "Goodbye is Always Implied"

The room was quiet. If there had been a clock hanging on the wall, they would've been able to hear the seconds ticking away. It was night or morning. Neither of them could have said which. Neither of them really care. Had Walt turned his head, he could've seen the glowing numbers of his bedside clock. But that would've required him to move his face away from her hair. Had Vic lifted herself, she could've check her phone. But that would've required her to lift her face away from the warm skin of his chest. The sounds of his heart beating beneath her ear was lulling her into a state of relaxations she hadn't experienced in some time.

She was pressed into his side. One of his long arms cradled her. The other was slowly stroking up and down her back. The smooth skin under his hand was warm and softer than he ever imagined in stark contrast to the roughness of his own hands. Hands that were accustomed to chopping wood and working outdoors. They were a testament to a life spent working outdoors and handling rough tasks. Vic head was on his chest, one ear to his skin. Her free hand was resting on his abdomen. Every so often, her fingers would mindlessly rub against his skin.

He felt her inhale deeply and wondered how she was still even awake. How either of them was still awake. It wasn't their first night together, but everything was still new. It was fascinating how the new turn of their relationship could feel so new, yet also so familiar. So deep. There were so many things to say, but they were content to lay in the quiet of the cabin and simply be. Neither of them were really sure how long they had been simply lying there, letting the night roll into the earliest hours of morning.

Finally, Vic moved. He felt her shift her head and heard her sniffle a little. She took another deep breath and seemed on the verge of saying something.

"Walt, can I ask you something?"

In the stillness of the room, her voice seemed amplified even though the words were soft. Almost a hum.

"What?"

His voice felt like a rumble after so much silence. She moved again, this time lifting her head. She slid back and rested her arm on the pillow, propping her head on her hand. She studied him in the dim bedroom. Moonlight filtered in from the full moon that made work so crazy the past couple of days. In that eerie, odd light, her eyes looked darker than normal. Before she spoke again, she studied his face. She was prone to these moments more often now. Walt attributed it to her recent trauma and loss, but the new shift in their personal lives could have also contributed to her sometimes pensive mood.

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. The move flooded him with the urge to kiss her. That was a thought that was on his mind frequently these days. It seemed absurd for a man of fifty or so years to be so taken with a woman, but here they were. And he wasn't sorry. So much wasted time had blown by them. So many missed opportunities. The last six months had brought their lives into sharp focus. Now, that the gates had been opened, he was determined to enjoy every second. To savor every day he had with her. She seemed tentative, but equally focused on the here and the now. They had both experienced love and loss. It took different forms, but the results weren't so different. In the ashes and ruins of everything lost, something had been gained. Like an impossibly green blade of grass sprouting after a ravaging fire, life was still going on and creating something beautiful. Just because it wasn't what either would've planned from the beginning, didn't make it any less so.

"Why now?"

To an outsider, it would seem like a vague question. But, Walt knew what she was asking him. The past couple of days had been filled with moments like this. Serious, planned talks and spontaneous moments that were simply created out of wonder.

There was no simple answer to her question. She would know that as well as he did. Their past wasn't simple. It was layered, painful, beautiful, and flawed. Just like they themselves were. Mistakes had been made on both sides. Regrets were plentiful. But, that mattered less and less and the seconds ticked into minutes into hours into days. From the first day she walked into his office with her resume and an attitude, there had been attraction in some form. In the beginning, it was simple. Grieving though he was, she was a beautiful woman with a vibrancy he didn't see much. He would've had to have been blind not to notice her physically. On the flip side, there was something alluring in Walt's tortured, cowboy persona. Vic would never have thought him her type, but he was a hard man to dismiss.

They quickly realized that though they seemed opposites in every possible way, save their career choice, that they were highly complementary to each other. Where he was quiet and thoughtful, she said exactly what she thought. Her impatience was offset by his slower pace. Her brazen, unfiltered sense of humor made him crack more smiles that he cared to admit. His deep intellect gave her pause and wonder. The facets of their personalities meshed in an unexpected, yet highly effective manner. The flirtations were innocent at first. She was married and he was mourning the loss of a great love. A comment here, a look there.

But, then something unexpected happened that caught them both off guard. The isolation Walt had forced on himself suddenly seemed suffocating. His preference for working alone and losing himself in his own thoughts was losing ground to his desire to spend time with her. He found that he genuinely like her and enjoyed her company in a way he realized he'd missed. For Vic's part, the widening divide in her marriage pushed her closer to Walt. Her marriage had been rocky for some time. The move had only worsened the stress fractures that already existed. Sean was becoming more of a stranger and Walt was becoming more of a friend. Someone she could confide in without judgement. The two of them, despite all evidence to the contrary, had become friends.

As the bond between them deepened, they both found themselves guilty of thoughts they never asked for. Walt would watch her when her back was turned, realizing just how beautiful she really was to him. He found himself irrationally angry at her husband for the way Walt perceived his treatment of Vic. Vic realized she enjoyed Walt's companionship more than she did Sean's. It was not an easy thing to digest, but it was simply the truth. She felt free to be herself with Walt. He accepted her for who she was in a way no one ever had. It was an exhilaratingly free feeling. The conversations and moments between them were no longer innocent or merely friendly. Things ran deeper now. And neither of them saw it coming until it had already happened. They had unwittingly fallen in love with each other.

The road that led them to an unexpected kiss in his Bronco on the verge of a potential shootout had been fraught with all manner of setbacks and hurt. Disappointment and bitterness littered that same road. But, through it all, they came out the far side still intact. Different but the same. Things crumbled and were reconstructed. New, deeper feelings emerged from ruins that seemed inescapable.

And here they were.

He shifted his head to the side so that he could see her face better. They simply looked at each other as time stretched out like the branches of a tree. She could see him thinking, mulling over the question. Despite his penchant for single syllable answers, when he was alone with her, there was a noticeable uptick in his speech. Talking to her was different. There was so much he wanted to say, but finding the words wasn't always easy.

"It seemed like the thing to do."

She smiled at him and rolled her eyes in a patented Vic move that he expected. He smiled in return and accepted the push of her hand into his ribs at his typical Walt answer. Then he grew serious again, as did she. The hand that wasn't supporting her head still rested on his side.

"It was…a lot of things. You've been on my mind lately. All the time. After everything that happened with you getting shot and then your dad trying to talk you into going back to Philadelphia…I realized I was in danger of losing you. In more ways than one. I…wanted to say something…but I didn't know what to say. Asking you not to go home seemed selfish if that's what you wanted. It's not like I've given you much reason to stay. But…you did. And…sitting in the Bronco the other day…I realized my mistake in making assumptions. I wanted to you know…if something happened to me…how much you mean to me."

She smiled again. But, it was different than her previous, playful one. This one was soft and tender in a way he had only just begun to see from her. This new side of her that he was discovering was like the most beautifully kept secret. Underneath the attitude she wore so blatantly, she was soft and sweet in a way he realized few people would ever see. She liked to be held and allowed to be vulnerable. He was more than happy to grant her that.

"I'm sorry that I've been so...dark lately. I just…the thought of losing you …after everything…has been overwhelming."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Don't apologize for that, Vic. Never apologize for caring."

She let her arm relax and allowed her face to descend to his, her lips pressing firmly into hers. Nuzzling her face into his neck, she breathed in and then exhaled slowly. This was something she had never really allowed herself to do. Not until she came to Wyoming and stood at the precipice of a darkness that seemed insurmountable. Walt had walked with her through that darkness. Not able to bear it for her, but willing to bear it with her. Now, on the far side, there was light. It seemed like a cliché. But it was simply the truth.

He could feel her smile against his skin. There was still a long road out ahead of them. And nothing came easy. It never had and wouldn't now. But, now they weren't trying to navigate it alone. They were picking their way along together into a future that seemed more promising that it had in quite some time.

But, for now, all they needed was the quiet.