The only thing that's real
"…and I will be fine."
Vic offered him the best smile that she could muster under the circumstances. The thing was, she was never all that good at hiding her feelings. Not really and not from him. He heard the way her voice changed when Ruby told her that she had to testify that day. He detected the apprehension that creeped into her entire bearing.
Walt liked to think that once upon a time, Vic would have been honest with him about how she was feeling. He believed that she would have opened herself up to see the fear that lay underneath the surface. That belief was backed up by their shared moment in the hospital the night it all happened. He held her for just a minute or two and she accepted it. She put her arms around him and she cried into his chest. Even now, if he really thought about it, he could still feel her body pressed into his, shaking.
The emptiness he saw in her that night very nearly broke him.
Right now, they weren't those people anymore.
He was embroiled in this damn lawsuit, handcuffed and unable to do his job.
Vic was still somewhat closed off to him.
Things were a little better than they had been. But, they were nowhere near what they had been that night. He wondered if they ever would be again. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted her to have somewhere to look, somewhere that would give her some measure of comfort if she needed it.
He should have taken the time after that night to sit with her and see how she was. He should have asked her what she needed from him. He never really did those things. He checked on her, of course. But, not the way that he really should have.
Not the way she needed from him.
That was the beginning of it. That night at Gilbert's place. That was the night he looked into the darkness that threatened to take her from him. He was face with the possibility that she might not walk out of the situation alive.
That was unthinkable, yet reality.
He should have offered her the support she needed in the wake of her trauma and the final breakdown of her marriage that followed. Instead, he pulled away. He tried to cut her off before she could force herself any deeper into his life. He severed what should have been allowed to grow between them.
Now, here they were on the far side of that chasm.
Once again, she needed him. This time, the difference was that she would not allow him to try and be there for him. He deserved it, he supposed. It was a situation of his own creation.
Walt heard the office door open and close as she left to dress for court.
Walt didn't bother sitting at his desk. He felt too restless for that. He wanted to go after her.
Walt paced his office, trying to reconcile the situation.
He wanted to reconstruct a bridge between them. He wanted to be a better friend. Walt wondered if she wanted the same thing. He believed that she did. He had to. She hadn't been as firm as she would have liked. There was an uncertainty to her in his office. The false bravado she tried to convey was not successful
He could see through it.
Walt considered his options. He could do as she said and work on finding Malachi. Lately, everything and everyone in his life had taken a backseat to that quest. What had that gotten him?
This moment.
Walt stopped his pacing and took a breath.
There was no way he would be able to get any work done now.
He would go, anyway. He would do what she should have done all along and offer her the support she tried so hard to offer him. This would be the first step in showing her that he saw the error of his way. He knew that he screwed up and wanted to make it right.
As soon as the decision was made in his mind, the burden was lifted. There was a purpose in him now. A meaningful task. He wouldn't be obvious, of course. There was too much going on for that. He didn't want to distract her. He didn't want to make this any harder. He wanted to make it easier.
Some part of him believed that was what Vic wanted as well.
He would sit in the back, out of the way, but where she could see him. And, she would. She would see him sitting there in a show of silent support and she would know. She would know that he was here for her. She would know that she could count on him even though he had done little to prove that lately.
Maybe later on, he would offer to talk again. He would put that ball in her court and give her the power she so desperately needed in her life during all of this. That was what Gilbert took from her that night.
Her power.
Her peace of mind.
Walt would try and offer that back to her. It would be up to Vic as to whether or not she accepted what he was offering.
That part would be up to her.
That was the way it had to be.
On her terms.