Hey you guys,

I'm not even gonna start about why long it took me this long to update this story, there's simply no excuse.
Thanks for the reviews, though.
Always very much appreciated.

So, for those who are still with me, here's the next chapter!
Enjoy! ^^

Chapter 37

-Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be?
That you're not here with me-

Breathing heavily, Vinnie stared at the place where the necklace had disappeared in the sand, after glittering in the sunlight for one last time.
He probably shouldn't have done that.
Nope.
Definitely shouldn't have done that.
With the necklace now gone, it felt as if he was missing a piece of himself, and due to this devastating sensation, his entire body grew numb.

It was probably some sort of protection, to spare himself from this unbearable pain.
Pain of being incomplete.
Pain that was always there, but thoroughly hidden behind walls so high, that no one could climb them. Walls he had lowered.
For love.
The strange phenomenon that should be a reason to live, but brought only pain and misery instead.
Love hurt.
A lot.

-You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go?
And leave my world so cold-

Perhaps he should just accept the fact that he was broken.
Embrace his fate and all.
Pip did.
So why shouldn't he?
Wearing a chain that belonged to someone who had turned into dust, leaving him behind to fend for himself in this cruel world, most definitely wouldn't change that, for that's exactly what it was.
A chain.
Bounding him.
Stopping him from moving on.
Or maybe it was the only thing that kept him together.

-Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms-

He heaved a sigh, gradually and brooding, in an attempt to calm down his pounding heart, but he then decided it was in vain anyway and after one last, almost yearning glance in the direction of the necklace, he turned around and started his way back to the bunker.
As his two-colored eyes took in the angle of the sun, he soon concluded that his bro's would be awake by now, probably pissed at him for not getting the much-needed sleep, Throttle specifically.
But strangely enough, Vinnie didn't really care.
Right now, he didn't care much about anything, actually.

He had never felt this rejected and frankly, he had no idea how to deal with it.
Not only did Pip turn her back on him when he was at his most vulnerable, but she had also questioned his entire existence by telling him that basically everything he believed in was nothing but a lie.
An illusion.
And now, he felt lost like never before, a feeling he hated to the core.
As a result, his mind just shut down.
It just suppressed every feeling and emotion till there was nothing left.
Nothing but a big, aching void.

Oh, Harley…
If only you were here to guide me.
To tell me what to do.
To teach me how to love another person.
A person that isn't you.

Although he did everything within his power to walk back as slowly as possible, which was completely out of character, he still reached the entrance of the cave way too soon for his taste, but he also knew that he couldn't stay away forever, not even while that suddenly sounded like music to his oversized ears.
But he would never abandon his bro's, and so, here he was — bending over to grab the rope that was the doorknob of this strange yet sophisticated shelter.
However, right before his fingers enclosed the rough material, the hatch suddenly flew open with a loud crack.

Luckily, he still had the presence of mind to think fast, making him able to stop the wooden plank from hitting him square on the nose and he stumbled backward as he used his tail to keep his balance.
Much to his surprise, it was Oliver who practically jumped out of the hole like some goddamn circus monkey and not Throttle, who he expected it to be, all ready to give him hell for disobeying him.
Again.

Still, the human didn't really look too happy either and when Vinnie slowly came to a halt again, he flexed his muscles as he silently watched the man marching over to him, contemplating what could possibly be eating his tail that made him look like a walking thunder cloud.
Well, he found out soon enough and it was something he never saw coming, which was actually quite astonishing, to say the least.
Well, in his defense, he wasn't really on top of his game right now.

"What did you do to her?", Oliver demanded when he stopped right in front of the white-furred mouse, a little bit too close for Vinnie's taste, but, as it was no surprise, the white-furred mouse didn't budge.
Clearly, Oliver insisted on doing a little dick-swinging contest, and his primary reaction was not to let the human win, for obvious reasons, of course.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall…
Who has the longest tail of all?

"What did I do to who?", Vinnie asked back, arching a brow as he looked down on the Earther with a challenging look on his face, or perhaps it was even slightly patronizing.
He knew perfectly well that he really shouldn't provoke the already upset man, but it was like primal instinct, triggered by the tone of the angry human.
"Stop playing stupid, you know perfectly well what I'm talking about!", Oliver practically spat out, his fists clenched and clearly on the verge of losing his little temper.

With his upper lip slightly trembling, Vinnie took a deep breath in an attempt to stop the rare yet familiar anger from spreading through his body, which was a game he was bound to lose, that he knew.
Once ignited, it was very hard to keep it under control.
Still, he even backed away to create some distance between him and this human who seemed to have a death wish or something.
"Actually, I don't know what you're talking about. Not really, that is. So please… enlighten me", Vinnie sighed a bit tiredly, but his fists clenching and unclenching gave away his aggravation, or perhaps more to the point — his attempt to keep his cool.
Thou shalt not smite people without good cause.

Oliver snorted, his eyes spitting fire as he, again, burst into Vinnie's personal bubble quite shamelessly.
"Pip came back very upset and I know… I just know that you have something to do with that. So, tell me — what… did… you… do… to… her?", he hissed between gritted teeth, poking a finger in the Martian's brawny chest with every word that came out of his poisonous mouth and Vinnie would've been impressed by his fire if he wasn't slowly realizing what the human was getting at.
Something he didn't like, at all.

"What are you implying here, Oliver?", he asked slowly, his heartbeat increasing as his eyes wandered over Oliver's face with his nose slightly wrinkled.
"You tell me", was all Oliver said back, not even close to being impressed by the mildly warning undertone in Vinnie's voice, which was a mistake on his behalf, of course.
Still, dick-swinging contest or not, even Vinnie knew he needed to at least try to stay on the man's good side, considering he had literally saved what was left of his family, meaning — Stoker.
Something he was grateful for, he truly was.

Next to that, despite that he was really annoyed by the provoking and aggressive attitude of the Earther, which was poorly timed as well, for he was already on edge, he didn't actually want to fight this man who, if Vinnie interpreted the situation correctly, only tried to stand up for his uh… friend of the family.
Even more so, he was a friend of Pip's.
And a friend of Pip was a friend of his.
-Gag-

Either way, all things considered, Vinnie decided to come clean.
After all, he was already on a roll when it came to being honest and open, so why the heck not keep it up, huh?
Besides, right now, he would do almost anything to get this over with.
"Well, if you must know, I kissed her, she pushed me away, we had a little heart to heart and then she broke my heart", he told him, allegedly bored as he studied his nails, determined not to show how every word he spoke cut straight through his soul like a knife.

He then clapped Oliver on the shoulder with a little smile that didn't reach his eyes, all ready to wrap this up preferably sooner than later.
"Good talk", and he continued his way to the hatch, but a hand taking his arm in a surprisingly strong grip made him stop again.
"I don't believe you."
Say what now?!
Man, whoever said that honesty was the best policy really needed to get out more.
I mean, look what it got him.
A broken heart and another skeptical human for him to deal with.
Figures.

Almost in slow motion, Vinnie's two-colored eyes darted over to the hand that was holding his arm and he gnashed his teeth in annoyance as he still tried to keep himself under control.
"Well, I guess that's your problem, not mine. I suggest you let me go now, before things might get a little… nasty", he warned the man, his voice now dangerously low, but again, Oliver ignored the signs the young mouse was giving him, which was actually quite strange.
One should say that the message was very simple, or at least loud and clear.
Back the fuck off, or else.

"Carbine told me about you. You barging into our cave the way you did only confirmed that she was right about you. You are an arrogant hothead with no self-control whatsoever and you wouldn't recognize another person's boundary if it was standing right in front of you wearing a neon sign. And, as it turns out, you're not the brightest tool in the shed either, so let me ask you again, plain and simple this time — did you touch Pip, against her will, in an inappropriate way?"

Can you believe this guy?
For a moment, all Vinnie could do was just stand there, completely stunned by the bluntness of this human being.
Or maybe he was just surprised that his words actually managed to hurt him.
Yes, he might be a hothead with little self-control, but he would never do what Oliver was accusing him of right now.
He would never, ever violate a person's safety like that.
Not after it happened to him countless times.
Over and over again…

The fact that someone accused him of being the one person he would never be, in fact, he would rather die than become such a monster, really, really… hurt.
Next to that, it made him angry.
As in — 'release the beast' kind of angry.
A low growl escaped Vinnie's lips when he yanked himself free before he turned around and grabbed the man by the throat, a red haze blurring the edges of his vision.
Thou shalt not smite people without good cause.
No.
But nobody ever said something about killing him…
Loopholes.
Such a brilliant invention.

…

"Stoker? Stoker, wake up, man. It's almost 6 o'clock", Throttle whispered as he gently shook his mentor's shoulder, who was still out like a light.
He probably needed his rest more than anyone else in this cave, but the tan-furred mouse knew Stoker well enough to know that he definitely wanted to be there when they were going to make the plan to invade Limburger's tower.
In all fairness, they also needed his expertise more than some of them would like to admit.

But all the brown-furred mouse did was grumble something before he pulled the blanket up to his chin and for a moment, Throttle actually caught himself contemplating letting him be.
But just when he decided to give his coach a little bit more time, Stoker's eyes flew open, almost giving Throttle a heart attack while he was at it.
"Holy sh…"
"Do you hear that?", was all the brown-furred leader asked, thereby cutting him off and Throttle moved his eyes behind his glasses with furrowed brow, highly confused by this question.
"Hear what?", he asked back sheepishly, not hearing anything other than Liv rooting around in the homemade kitchen, busy with preparing their meal.
Stoker sighed as he got upright, shaking his head with a somewhat disappointed look on his face.
"Why don't you use those big ears for what they have been made for, huh rookie? There's obviously a fight going on outside."

Ignoring the little snark of his beloved friend and leader, along with the hint of pain that was visible in Stoker's brown eyes due to his current physical state, Throttle pricked his ears.
It didn't take long before the sounds which the brown-furred mouse was referring to made it to his ears and an ominous feeling crept over him.
"When I woke up, Vinnie wasn't where he was supposed to be", he said flatly and Stoker smiled as he put a finger in the air.
"Well, I think you found him."
"Now what…", Throttle sighed tiredly, knowing his coach was right and he quickly left the room.

As he rushed through the so-called living room, he caught Modo's gaze and without saying a word, he merely pointed two fingers at the door.
Modo immediately caught the hint, as the well-trained soldier he was, and after a cursory look at Liv, who seemed to be oblivious to what was happening, he stood up from the couch and followed his leader into the tunnel.
"What's going on?", he asked softly after closing the door behind him as quietly as possible.
"Our beloved little brother, that's what going on", was all Throttle said as he hurried through the tunnel, grateful that whoever was outside had left the hatch open, letting in the daylight.
Modo sighed, raising his visible eye up to heaven.
"Now what did he do this time?"
"What not?"
"Good point."

As the two brothers in arms came closer to the entrance of the cave, the characteristic sounds of what obviously belonged to a fistfight became louder and a frown appeared on Modo's face, not able to hide his growing concern.
"Well, whatever is going on, it sounds serious, bro."
But Throttle snorted, obviously not sharing his older friend's worries.
"As if we don't have enough problems already. As if we have time to deal with Vinnie's bullshit. As if I have time to deal with his bullshit."
When he reached the ladder, he took the iron pins in a tight grip as he started his climb up.
"By the Gods, why can't he just behave? If only for the briefest moment? Is that really so much to ask?"

Modo's frown got deeper when he heard Throttle's frustration, one he partially shared, but come one.
They had no idea what was really going on out there.
Vinnie could be fighting Plutarkian scum for all they knew, putting his life on the line to protect them.
The fact that Throttle obviously didn't think about this, that he just jumped to conclusions without knowing the facts worried him more than he liked to admit.
It probably had something to do with the fight he had with Carbine today, and truth be told, Modo couldn't blame him for being upset about that.
But, as a leader, he simply couldn't afford to be this distracted, especially not with the sight of a very complicated mission ahead of them.
The grey-furred giant didn't share his thoughts, though.
Now wasn't really the time.
It never was.

When Throttle reached the top of the ladder, he popped his head outside, only to find Vinnie rolling in the sand with none other than Oliver, which was actually the last person he expected to find here.
After a quick look around him, to check if there weren't any other parties involved, which wasn't the case, the tan-furred leader climbed out of the hole and without slowing down, he marched over to the two troublemakers.
"What on Mars is going on here?", he demanded with a raised voice, but they both didn't seem to hear him, which made him only more cranky than he already was.

Modo too stepped into the warm sand and although he was just as surprised as Throttle to see it was Oliver who was fighting with their youngest bro, he wasn't planning on wasting any time.
Blood was already coloring the yellow sand dark-red and he wanted to stop these two eggheads preferably before someone would get seriously hurt, if that hadn't happened already.
"Okay, that's enough", he said flatly, his face blank as he grabbed Oliver by the back of his shirt and pulled him off Vinnie without real effort.

The Earther looked over his shoulder with a somewhat dumb expression on his bloody face, clearly surprised by this sudden intervention.
"Hi", Modo greeted him dryly, dragging the man with him to create some proper distance between him and Vinnie.
"Hi", Oliver responded a bit sheepishly and the grey-furred giant slightly shook his head in disbelief as he let his gaze wander over to Vinnie, who just scrambled back on his feet.
To say that his young bro was a mess was, if anything, an understatement.
His usual smooth snow-white fur was now messy and stained with blood and sand, so were his clothes.
There was a mean-looking wound right below his eye, one that was probably going to leave a scar on the unharmed side of his face.

Not that he seemed to care, though, which was actually kind of shocking, for his looks were everything to him.
Just not today.
Not right now.
No, by the looks of things, all he cared for right now was to continue the fight because the moment he was back on his feet, he made another attempt to get to Oliver.
But then there suddenly was Throttle, laying a hand on his chest and pushing him back a bit rougher than he intended to.
"Playtime's over, Vincent. Stand down. Now."

There was a certain tone audible in his voice, one that commanded obedience.
One he only used when shit was about to get real.
Usually, it was enough for Vinnie to listen, but not today.
In fact, the white-furred mouse seemed to be entirely blind to his surroundings, for he acted as if Throttle wasn't even there, his two-colored eyes fixed on Oliver.
Almost like a predator peering at its prey and again, he tried to attack the human male.

Throttle frowned as he, again, pushed him back.
"Hey! I'm right here, telling you to stand down, man", he told the white-furred youngster in another attempt to get his attention, but it was all in vain.
It was then that the first alarm bell went off in the back of Throttle's mind.
Something wasn't right here.
Powered by this realization, the tan-furred mouse quickly positioned himself right in front of Vinnie before he made himself as big as possible, thereby blocking the view of Oliver as he tried to catch Vinnie's gaze.
When that didn't work, he decided this needed a little bit more drastic measures and he firmly grabbed Vinnie by his bandana to pull him closer.
"Hey, look at me, Vincent."

That seemed to do the trick.
Or at least, Vinnie finally seemed to realize that someone was standing in front of him and his gaze wandered from Oliver to Throttle as he breathed heavily between clenched teeth.
When his peculiar eyes locked with those of the tan-furred leader, a few more alarm bells joined the already quite loud orchestra and Throttle drew in a sharp breath when he saw the bewildered look on Vinnie's face.
It was probably safe to say that he had never seen his young bro this upset, not even after all those years they had spent together and he soon realized that it was quite the miracle that Oliver was still breathing.

Throttle's anger towards his young bro vanished like smoke in the wind as concern took its place and he gently took Vinnie's chin between his fingers, something he had never done before, but it somehow felt like the right thing to do.
To be kind and caring instead of strict and consistent.
"Easy now, little bro. You need to calm down a bit. You think you can do that? For me?"
Vinnie stared at him, his lips trembling and, much to Throttle's utter shock, tears in his eyes.
What the…
A crying Vinnie was rare, to say the least.
Exceedingly rare, even.

For a moment, the two brothers in arms just looked each other in the eye, but then, Vinnie nodded.
It was ever so slightly, but it was enough and Throttle gave him a nod back as he let him go, but when he turned around to face Oliver, he kept his hand resting on Vinnie's chest just in case, feeling his heart racing under his fingers.
"Maybe you can tell me what is going on here?", he asked ominously, now knowing that this wasn't just Vinnie's bullshit.
Oh no.
His young bro wasn't just angry.
He was deeply hurt.
Something was obviously very wrong here.
And he was more than determined to find out what that was exactly.

Oliver spit out some blood before he nodded at Vinnie, his eyes fuming.
"You ask him. We were having a conversation and then he attacked me…"
"A conversation?! You accused me of rape!", Vinnie exclaimed with a raw voice, completely beside himself with anger as he already tried to get past his tan-furred friend again.
Say what now?
Throttle's heart skipped a few beats when he heard Vinnie's words and for a very brief moment, he almost let the white-furred hothead go.

Lucky for Oliver, his moral leadership made him realize right on time that it wasn't even an option, for Vinnie would most definitely kill the man, right here, right now and it just wasn't up to him to decide who lived and died, no matter how tempting it might be.
And thus, he grabbed Vinnie by the shirt to keep him behind him without turning his gaze away from Oliver.
"Is that true?", he asked, trying very hard to sound calm, but despite his effort, his voice was still slightly trembling.

Oliver shrugged at first but nodded anyway, obviously not impressed by Throttle's strong aura.
A pang of anger tickled his insides and Throttle raised his head, both corners of his mouth pointing downward as his tail started to twitch.
"That's quite an accusation, Oliver. And completely unjustified, too."
Oliver snorted, both his eyes already turning black, much to Throttle's satisfaction.
"Maybe. Maybe not."
Modo, obviously not amused by this sudden twist either, shook the human roughly, making his teeth clatter, which would've been funny if the situation wasn't this dire.
"Are you even listening to yourself? Take it from me, he would never do such a thing."
"Of course you'd say that. He's your friend. But I know people like him. They have the tendency to disappoint you. And I just know he's guilty. It's written all over his face."

It was then that the situation suddenly evolved from bad to disastrous and if Throttle -and Modo for that matter- wasn't entirely blown away by the mean, untruthful words that came out of Oliver's mouth, the tan-furred leader would've seen it coming.
Time seemed to take a leap forward and before he could even blink, Vinnie pushed him away with everything he had in him.
Since he was sort of unprepared, Throttle stumbled a few passes before he fell in the warm sand, but the moment his backside made contact with the ground, he already raised his eyes to look at Vinnie, who, much to his horror, was now aiming his beloved ray gun at Oliver's head.
Now that wasn't really earth-shattering, but the look on his face was.
And so were the tears that were streaming down his cheeks.

"You can't say shit like that about me, man, you don't even know me!", the white-furred mouse yelled with a breaking voice, waving the gun with every word.
"So stop pretending that you do! If you really knew me, you'd know that I would never do such a thing! Never!"
"Whoa, Vinnie, put the gun away, man", Modo breathed in shock, his eye wide open as it was fixed on his very upset young bro and he raised the hand that wasn't holding Oliver in front of his body.
But Vinnie shook his head bewilderedly and with a loud click, he took off the safety.
"No. He needs to take it back… Take it back…"

Oliver's face had visibly paled the moment Vinnie whipped out his gun, but he didn't back down, as any other sane person would do.
No, he did something even worse.
"Go ahead, shoot me. Show everyone who you really are", he challenged the white-furred Martian, a glance of resignation visible in his still smoldering eyes.
Again, Modo shook him roughly, not able to wrap his mind around the stupidity of this human being that he was still holding.
"Shut up, you idiot! Are you really that tired of living?"

"I fight monsters. Or I die trying", Oliver snapped at him, and the grey-furred giant shook his head in disbelief, cursing the war for turning good people into bad ones.
Or maybe for turning good people into even better people with a sense of justice so strong, it clouded their judgment.
Either way, he wasn't going to get through to him and thus, he looked back at Vinnie.
But the moment his gaze landed on his shaken-up little bro, his blood ran cold instantly.

Despite that his hands were shaking uncontrollably, the white-furred mouse still managed to get his finger on the trigger, and in a reflex, Modo raised his free hand even higher to shield his face.
"Vinnie, don't!"
But it was too late.
The odd yet loud sound that came with firing a Martian laser gun split the heavens and the grey-furred giant flinched as he squeezed his one eye shut tight, expecting an unwanted shower of blood and perhaps even tissue to rain down on him soon after the laser would make contact with Oliver's head.

However, it didn't come.
In fact, he could even hear Oliver letting out his breath and since dead people didn't breathe, Modo relaxed a bit before he slowly opened his eye again, only to see Throttle sitting on top of Vinnie.
As he pried the gun out of Vinnie's hand, the tan-furred leader looked over his shoulder at Modo, his face as blank as a piece of paper.
"Take him inside, now. I'll handle this."
Modo, very grateful for his friend's fast reflexes, nodded before he turned around and dragged Oliver with him into the tunnel.

Throttle watched them go before he looked back at his little brother, his heart crying by seeing the pain in his two-colored eyes.
"Vinnie… Jesus, Vinnie, what the hell has gotten into you?", he breathed, unable to hide his shock.
Much to his surprise, Vinnie suddenly ceased his resistance, and Throttle could almost see his fighting spirit trickle out of his body like water.
It suddenly didn't feel right anymore to sit on top of him, not now he obviously calmed down a bit, and the tan-furred mouse scrambled on his feet before he offered Vinnie his hand.

After a short hesitation, the white-furred rascal took it and after pulling him up, Throttle brushed the sand off his clothes while his eyes wandered over his face.
"Vinnie, talk to me, man. What happened?"
At first, Vinnie avoided his gaze, but after blinking a few times, he raised his eyes and looked back at him with a somewhat dazed look on his face.
It was as if he just now fully realized what he had done and a blush turned his pale cheeks red under his fur as he wiped off his nose with the back of his still trembling hand.
"I ah… I dunno, I just snapped, or something…"

Throttle narrowed his eyes, trying to guess whether his wild bro was putting on an act to avoid a conversation or if he was genuinely confused about his own behavior.
"You almost killed a man just now. I'm sure you understand that I need a little bit more than 'I just snapped'."
Vinnie let out a hoarse laugh, though it was a humorless one.
"He accused me of rape. What else do you need to know?", he asked his friend, disbelief written upon his bloody face.
"And he will answer for that, that I promise", Throttle said fiercely, all to let Vinnie know that he was on his side in this one, but then his face softened, though his heart was still racing in his chest.
"What happened today, Vin? Why were you outside in the first place?"

The white-furred youngster lowered his gaze the moment the question left Throttle's mouth.
Looking at him, Throttle knew the young mouse was conflicted about whether to tell him the truth or some lame-ass excuse and so, he decided to help him a little.
"Just go with the truth, bro. They say it can be liberating."
But instead of letting out an excessively loud sigh, including the rolling eyes, childishly like only he could, Vinnie just stood there.
Staring at a spot close to his feet.

Now, if Throttle didn't have the well-developed senses that defined a Martian Cave Mouse, he would've missed it.
But the last time he checked, he was still a mouse -and so was mom- and thus, his sensitive ears picked up Vinnie's accelerating heartbeat effortlessly.
His well-trained nose filtered the fresh air outside quite easily until the characteristic scent of dopamine and noradrenaline were the only ones left.
It was then that it hit him.
His dearest youngest brother wasn't just in pain.
He was scared.
Which was deeply shocking, even more than the tears earlier, actually.

Throttle shifted his weight in unease, not sure what on Mars could have rattled the usually fearless white-furred mouse in such a short time.
After all, he was fine when Throttle went to sleep this afternoon.
Or well, as fine as Vinnie could be.
For a moment, Throttle wasn't sure what to do.
This was entirely new territory for him.
But for once, luck was on his side.
Or maybe it was just Vinnie who realized that now wasn't the time for excuses.
Not after almost killing a relatively innocent man in a fit of pure rage.
"I kissed Pip."

Since he was talking under his breath, Throttle needed some time to translate his mumbling to actual words, but when that process was finally completed, the tan-furred mouse blinked in surprise.
It was for sure that he hadn't seen this one coming, which was another confirmation that he wasn't at his best.
"Okay… And how did that work out for you?"
It was actually a futile question to ask.
The glance of pain in Vinnie's blazing eyes was already an answer in itself, but he asked it anyway, for that's what leaders did.
They tried to have conversations with stubborn mice.
To give them the chance to unburden themselves.
Or maybe that's just what bro's did.
Who knew?

"It didn't. Not even close."
Hearing Vinnie's voice slightly falter due to his current emotional state made Throttle flinch, and he gently squeezed Vinnie's shoulder to show him he sympathized.
He of all mice did.
After all, being rejected was one of the most painful things that could happen to one.
Even to tough soldiers who had seen it all.
"I'm sorry to hear that, bro."
"Yeah, well…", Vinnie murmured, shrugging one shoulder to get rid of Throttle's hand, obviously not searching for sympathy.
Or maybe he just didn't know how to deal with it.

As per usual, he tried very hard to look nonchalant, to give the impression that he was all okay, but even without the image of him standing there firing the gun with that agonizing look on his face burned into his retinas, Throttle knew that his little brother wasn't okay.
That is if he had retinas in the first place, but that wasn't the point right now.
The point was that no matter how painful it was to be rejected by Pip, that couldn't be the only reason why he flew off the handle like that just now.
Though he was known to be a hothead, behavior like that just wasn't normal, not even for Vinnie.
Not even when someone accused him of rape, which was tasteless and vicious, yes, but why did it affect Vinnie this much?
It was confusing, to say the least.

Although the last thing Throttle wanted right now was to push his limits, finding out what was eating his tail was of great importance.
They were about to go out on a mission, a very dangerous one, too.
It was his job as a leader to make sure stuff like this didn't happen during that mission.
It were moments like these that he truly hated it to be a friend, brother, and leader in one.
"What else happened, Vincent?", he asked, friendly and encouraging as he crossed his fingers that Vinnie wouldn't push him away.

As expected, Vinnie's unease grew, like it always did when someone was exploring his boundaries.
So no, that didn't really surprise Throttle.
What did was that it escalated so quickly.
His heartbeat skyrocketed to an astonishing level in one fell swoop, and the scent of stress hormones infused the usual fresh air in one breath.
To be fair, this severe response to a quite simple question worried Throttle to the core, and he suddenly wasn't so sure anymore if finding out what was wrong was the best thing to do right now.

But against all odds, and after taking a deep breath through his nose, probably in an attempt to calm himself down, Vinnie decided to answer the question.
Or well, he tried.
"I… I-I told h-her about… about…", he stuttered helplessly before closing his mouth with clattering teeth, already shaking his head as his breathing now came out in rapid breaths.
Alarmed by the disturbing sound of his wheezing, Throttle decided it was enough.
He had no idea what was going on here, but it was enough.
"It's okay, little bro. You don't have to explain if you're not ready. Just forget that I even asked."

But Vinnie didn't seem to hear him.
Again, he seemed to be dead to the world, although this time it wasn't because of blinding rage, but crippling fear.
He kept shaking his head in a way that gave Throttle goosebumps all over his body, or maybe it was the sheer panic that was glazing over his two-colored eyes.
"I… I c-can't stop seeing them… The images just keep on coming…"
It was strange.
Strange, how whatever was holding him in its grasp was making him sound like someone else.
It made Throttle's stomach cramp in the most painful way.
"What images? What are you talking about?"

An eerie sound left Vinnie's mouth, one that was a mixture of a cry and a moan, before he fell on his knees and grabbed his ears with both hands, still shaking his head.
"Make them stop, T-Throttle, please… M-make them stop t-talking… I don't… I don't wanna hear…them…", he breathed desperately as he bent over, his tail lashing through the air.
With his heart now pounding in his chest as well, Throttle ducked to avoid being slapped in the face by the white-furred tail and he crouched down next to Vinnie.
When he laid his hand on his back, he felt that the black hoodie was soaked with sweat and his worry grew even bigger, as far as that goes.
"Vinnie, I wanna help you, but you have to tell me what's going on, man. I can't fix what I don't know", he told his young bro urgently yet still somewhat friendly.
Although he was completely standing in the dark here, he did know one thing — panic never solved anything.
But staying calm became increasingly difficult, for Vinnie became more and more wheezy.

Rubbing his back, Throttle tried to figure out what to do, but his brain just didn't cooperate.
Seeing his best friend like this was a matter close to his heart and it made it impossible to think clearly.
"Vinnie, talk to me. What is it that you need?"
With his body now shaking uncontrollably, Vinnie lowered his hands and rested them on the ground as he arched his back in an attempt to fill his lungs.
"I… I can't b-breathe…", he panted, saliva dripping out of his mouth in the sand, which was probably because he couldn't swallow.
It was then that Throttle, completely involuntary, panicked as well.
Jesus, what if he choked to death, right here, right now?
"What do you want me to do? Tell me, bro!", he asked compellingly, his hand still resting on Vinnie's back, entirely useless.
Just like he was right now.
Useless.
"Tell me!"

"He's having a panic attack."

A sudden voice coming from behind made Throttle almost jump out of his fur, and he turned his head, only to see Stoker crouching down next to him.
"Easy, Vincenzo. You know what to do", he spoke to Vinnie calmly, almost lovingly and despite his current state of mind, Throttle could only stare at him for a moment, for he had never heard Stoker talk to someone like that.
Stoker either didn't notice it or ignored him as his tail wrapped around Vinnie's right leg.
"It's okay, boy. It's okay. I'm here. You're here. You're not back there. Now breathe… Feel the sand between your fingers. Feel the warmth of the sun shining down on you. Just let go and come back, kiddo. I'm here. It's all okay."

Throttle's eyes darted from Stoker to the long tail, and as he watched how the flexible metal pressed on a point close to Vinnie's ankle, his panic got slowly replaced by confusion.
"A panic attack? Vinnie… Vinnie has panic attacks?", he whispered with a hoarse voice, his eyes wide open behind his glasses.
Stoker merely nodded, his hand now resting on Vinnie's neck as the white-furred mouse struggled to get his breathing back under control.

Throttle fell back in the sand, his arms resting on his knees as kept staring at Stoker's tail.
Since he was one of the few who had paid attention during biology class, he knew what Stoker was doing.
It was an old Martian trick, using certain pressure points in the body to help it unwind in rough times.
Or to help it calm down during a panic attack…

An ominous feeling washed over him quite unexpectedly when he fully realized what was happening to the poor white-furred youngster.
"I never knew…", he mumbled into nothingness, highly disappointed by himself that after all those years, he didn't even know that one of his best friends apparently suffered from an anxiety disorder.
"No one knows besides me, so you can stop blaming yourself for being a crappy friend", Stoker answered shortly without turning his gaze away from Vinnie.
It was almost scary how well the brown-furred leader knew him and Throttle blushed as he lowered his gaze.

For a moment, he just listened to the way Vinnie's breathing slowly yet steadily became less wheezy.
Despite that Stoker just told him in his own unique way that he couldn't have known, it still stung.
After everything they had been through, he now realized how little he really knew Vinnie and it made him slightly nauseous.
A feeling all too familiar.
Hello, guilt, my old friend.
All this time, Vinnie had struggled alone.
There had been like a thousand opportunities for him to ask his little bro if he was doing okay, really okay, but he never had taken one of them.

Rationally, he knew why.
Vinnie would never open up, not to him, not to anyone.
Deep down, Throttle knew it wouldn't have made a difference.
But it still hurt.
It felt as if he had failed him.
Correction — he did fail him.
As a leader, as a friend, as a brother.
And it hurt like hell.

Slightly shaking his head, Throttle took off his glasses and rubbed his stinging eyes, but he then suddenly realized it was awfully quiet here.
After putting back his glasses where they belonged, his eyes darted over to Vinnie, who now lay in the sand on his side, his eyes closed and his breathing steady.
"He passed out", Stoker told him when he saw the startled look on Throttle's face.
"The lack of sleep is taking its toll."
For some reason, it felt as if Stoker was blaming him, as well.
That all of this was his fault and Throttle cleared his throat, still nauseous.
"I told him to go to sleep, but he just never listens…"
"It's not your fault, Throttle. You really need to stop making everything about you."
Throttle trailed off, deeply shocked by the actually quite mean words that came out of Stoker's mouth, and his eyes darted from Vinnie to the brown-furred leader, who sat next to the white-furred mouse in the sand, his tail still wrapped around his leg.
"Sorry, what?"

A small though humorless smile curled Stoker's lips when he saw Throttle's surprise, and after glancing at Vinnie, his gaze landed back on Throttle again.
"Your guilt complex is both unhealthy and selfish. And slightly arrogant, if I may add."
Throttle gawked at his friend and leader, his mouth hanging open in shock and for the first time since forever, he was at a total loss for words.
Unhealthy, yes, but selfish and arrogant?
Those words were normally used when they were talking about Vinnie, not him.
Most certainly not him.
"I ah… I'm not quite following you", he eventually managed to bring out, his voice even huskier than usual.

Stoker's smile slowly faded as watched Vinnie for a little while, his hand resting on the shoulder that wasn't buried in the sand.
After a brief moment of utter silence, the leader of the resistance looked back at Throttle.
His brown eyes were glistening with sympathy, which was at odds with the harsh words he just spoke.
"By making yourself responsible for everything that goes wrong, you're simultaneously making yourself a very important person. As if you're some kind of superhero that is able to control everything that happens around you, even the things that aren't yours to control. It's arrogant and unrealistic."
Okay…
He probably meant well.
Heck, he was probably right as well.
But that didn't mean it wasn't painful to hear, for it was.

"I'm… I'm sorry. It was never my intention to make it about me…", he mumbled, not only hurt but also deeply embarrassed by Stoker's words.
Stoker heaved a sigh, his ears drooping along with the air that left his mouth and his eyes darted back to Vinnie.
"I know, rookie. I know. I probably shouldn't have said it in the first place."
Despite his hurt feelings, Throttle shook his head, mostly because seeing the way Stoker sat there, with ears hanging low and eyes glistening with sadness, made it simply impossible to be mad at him.
"You're just being honest. I appreciate that, I always do."
The brown-furred mouse shrugged.
"The truth can be painful, sometimes. It wasn't the right moment."
Now it was Throttle who shrugged.
"As Modo's dear grey-furred momma used to say — 'The truth may hurt for a little while, but a lie hurts forever.'"

Stoker's mouth twitched before a hint of a smile appeared on his weathered yet still quite handsome face.
"Can't argue with such wisdom, or with the source for that matter."
Throttle smiled as well, knowing like no other what Stoker was referring to.
Modo's momma had been one feisty woman, and that was an understatement.
Even Stoker, the fearless leader of the Freedom Fighters, had done everything to stay on her good side, much to everyone's hilarity.
For a moment, there was only silence and good memories, but soon, reality struck again and Throttle's smile vanished like smoke in the wind before he nodded in the direction of Vinnie.
"What happened to him?"

Again, Stoker was straightforward and honest with him.
"He was abused as a kid."
He tried to say it with a certain nonchalance, probably in an attempt to keep his emotions under control, for it was clear to Throttle that it affected him deeply, which was completely understandable, of course.
But even in spite of that, his words had about the same effect as dropping a nuclear bomb with only one second left on the timer before it would go boom and for the umpteenth time today, Throttle's mouth dropped.

His eyes darted over to Vinnie, who looked so peaceful now, as he lay there in the sand, snoring softly.
Once again, Throttle realized how young he actually was.
So young, and yet so… scarred.
It just wasn't fair.
Life wasn't fair.
It never had been, but shit, this was pretty extreme, even for whoever ran destiny.
Poor Vinnie…

"Oliver accused him of rape", Throttle rasped, hardly able to speak due to the emotions that whirled inside of him like a sandstorm on Mars.
"Fuck. No wonder he got so upset…"
Stoker was just putting his long hair back into a bit less messy ponytail, but he froze midway as his brown eyes grew big.
But soon thereafter, a shadow flickered across his face and he gradually lowered his hands with gnashing teeth.
"I wonder… How fast can a human run?"

A shiver ran down Throttle's spine when he heard the menacing tone of voice Stoker used, and for a moment, he caught himself feeling sorry for Oliver.
However, this feeling soon vanished again as his brain was already making overtime with connecting the dots, for that's what he did when he was upset.
Trying very hard to understand whatever was going on.
Every angle, every detail.
"Vinnie kissed Pip, which didn't work out, or so he told me. She must have been upset when she came back…", he mumbled, rubbing his temples in the hope that would ease his pounding headache a bit.
"And so Oliver jumped to conclusions", Stoker added with a growl, either on the same wavelength as his apprentice or quickly catching on.

Throttle frowned as he went back to the moment he was holding Vinnie, seconds before the white-furred mouse took out his gun.
"I guess so. He was rambling about how he knew types like Vinnie, that they had the tendency to disappoint you… I dunno, it didn't make any sense at the moment, to be honest."
Stoker glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.
"And you didn't ask him to explain himself?"
Throttle snorted.
"I would've, if Vinnie didn't nearly blow his head off. Separating them seemed like a much better idea."
"Fair enough. But perhaps we should give the punk some extra target practice."
"Why?"
"To make sure he doesn't miss the next time this happens."

Those who didn't know Stoker might have called him harsh, irrational even.
However, Throttle knew better.
He knew, for instance, that Stoker cared a lot for his beloved pupils and that whenever one messed with them, they messed with him, big time.
Still, most of the time, it was just words, sort of empty threats, although it depended on the so-called 'crime'.
But this time, it was different.
This time, Oliver had crossed a certain line that wasn't meant to be crossed.
And where Throttle usually would say something to calm his mentor down, to take off the sharp edges, he now only nodded.
He didn't even tell him that it was because of him that Vinnie had missed.
Instead, he pointed at the white-furred youngster, his heart overflowing with concern.
"Will he be okay?"

Stoker shot him an investigative look, the small frown between his brows making him look ten years older.
"Do you want the honest answer or the politically correct one?"
Throttle already opened his mouth to tell him he wanted the honest answer, obviously, but when he saw the hint of pain in Stoker's eyes, he slowly closed it again.
Maybe he had enough truth for today…
But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he already gave himself an inner scolding for being so cowardly.
Honesty was always the best policy, no exception.
Stoker seemed to read the answer to his odd yet fair question on Throttle's face, for he heaved a sigh as his eyes darted back to Vinnie.
"He's resilient. A fighter. He'll bounce back, he always does. He'll go on, brave as he is. But no. He won't be okay. In fact, I don't think he will ever be okay."

A lump formed in his throat as Throttle nodded, not able to speak.
So much misery, and for what?
There were simply no words for it.
Knowing this like no other, Stoker clapped him on the shoulder before he uncoiled his tail and scrambled back on his feet.
Due to his wounded leg, it cost him a lot more effort than he probably would like to admit, but Throttle would be the last person to help him, knowing it would only bruise his precious ego which was miraculously even bigger than Vinnie's.

Once he was back on his feet, Stoker wiped his bangs out his face, his breathing heavy and irregular, which only confirmed how bad his current physical state was.
"Come on, let's get him inside. He can rest while we plan the upcoming mission."
"What about Oliver?", Throttle asked softly as he too rose to his feet.
Stoker grunted, his tail lashing.
"I'll deal with him. Later…"
He then turned around to face Throttle, a stern look on his face.
"As do you with Carbine. We can't afford any more drama, not now. We have to focus on the mission, and live day by day. Understood?"

Throttle nodded quietly, though every fiber in his body disagreed with the order Stoker just gave him, for that's what it was.
An order, one he couldn't disobey.
As always, the war came first.
It shouldn't even surprise Throttle anymore, much less affect him, but it did.
You see, it wasn't just his beef with Carbine.
Or Vinnie, who was haunted by his trauma, overtaken by the past.

It was also Mars that was lost, their species brutally exterminated.
His feelings for Charley.
Stoker, wounded, dying even, if they didn't get him the much-needed meds.
Modo, grieving for his long-lost love.
Pip, who was just as broken as Vinnie.

There was just so much sadness, so much unfinished business that required his full and loving attention.
And yet, all he could do, forced or by choice, was focus on the war.
On the missions that kept piling up.
By the Gods…
Would it ever end?
And if it by some miracle did, what would be left of them?

War.
There's no pain it will spare.
Fear has become your only right.
And once you're lost in your despair.
Forever black eternal night.
And it will not apologize for laying down your life.

A bit sad this one, maybe.
Sorry.
Things will get better, eventually, that I promise.

But first things first, the big mission!
How do you guys think it will go?
I have it all mapped out in my head, I can only hope I'm gonna succeed in getting it on paper, for my head is a mess a the moment.
But I will do my very best to finish this story, no matter how long it'll take me.

Well, that's all, folks.
Feel free to leave a review, they always make my day.
Stay safe out there and take good care of yourselves.

Till next time!
Later!