Chapter 46 - The aftermath

Not surprisingly, there wasn't a lot of activity around the prison the next morning, as most were nursing sore heads and queasy stomachs in their beds, and that was fine by Daryl. He would rather not speak to anyone if he didn't have to. Thanks to mostly abstaining last night, the only sickness he felt was the nausea roiling in his stomach when he thought about what had happened with Tahlia. He still couldn't believe that he'd held back from her all this time, had managed to pull away from that almost fucking kiss in the woods, but then had made a move on her when she was goddamn wasted.

So much for being a good friend. So much for trust.

He was so mad at himself for what had happened, but he was also mad at her too. Why did she have to get so damned drunk? He'd been ready to talk to her last night, but she'd made it impossible. But then in the kitchen... the way she'd looked at him, touched him, with enough intensity and purpose that he could almost believe that it wasn't just fuelled by alcohol.

She'd probably be full of regret this morning, or maybe she wouldn't even remember, and he'd have to live with the knowledge of what happened between them alone. He let out a loud groan at that, unsure which of the two scenarios would be worse.

In an attempt to keep busy, keep moving and keep the thoughts at bay, he'd headed out for some early morning hunting, and had now positioned himself safely under the hood of the Land Rover, resolving to stay down by the vehicles for the rest of the day in the hope that she wouldn't be venturing far from her bed.

Tahlia woke with a pounding head and a cotton wool mouth, and squinted up at the base of the top bunk above her, blinking heavily, taking a long moment to figure out where the hell she was and what was going on.

Looking down she saw that she was still wearing her dress from the party.

The party.

Fuck.

Her hands flew to her face as memories of the previous night came flashing back.

"Oh God!" she muttered to herself in mortification. "Daryl!"

With a sinking heart she replayed the evening, hazily recalling herself getting drunker and drunker – she must have been making an idiot of herself because Daryl had felt the need to force her to drink water and send her to bed.

And then there was the matter of that little bit in between those things. That little bit that, despite the other general blurriness, was uncomfortably vivid in her mind – as if her body had been shocked into stamping this memory in her head. The memory of throwing herself at him in the kitchen, practically forcing a kiss.

The kiss.

For a brief moment, she let herself revel in delicious recollection - the feeling of his mouth, his hands, his body, his intensity - her own body starting a tingling response already. She might have believed that he had wanted it too, had it not been for the other horribly sharp memory of what he'd said.

"Don't."

And then she did anyway.

She'd gone and overstepped when they'd both agreed that that was something they wouldn't do. And worse, she'd been all drunk and awful when she'd done it. If he had wanted to kiss her, he would have just done it in the woods that time. But he hadn't. Which then meant that the only reason that kiss happened last night was because the alcohol had lowered his defenses.

With a remorseful groan, Tahlia buried herself under her blanket until it got too stuffy to breathe, then finally forced herself to sit up.

It would be her preference to hide in her cell for the rest of the day, but she knew she needed to put her big girl pants on and deal with this sooner rather than later. She decided on her game plan: act aloof and breezy like it was no big deal, blame it on the alcohol, laugh a little, apologise a lot, just act normal and move on – hopefully with their friendship intact.

But first she needed to wash the stale smell of booze from her and deal with this fucking thumping headache.

Luckily, she knew where Hershel kept the best painkillers.

Looking a lot more confident than she felt – a cold wash, clean clothes and a little make-up helped with that - Tahlia headed down to the vehicle bay where she could see Daryl hunched over one of the cars. Her stomach lurched in nervous anticipation, and if she were honest, desire, as she approached.

"Morning-ish!" she called, plastering a smile on her face.

Jumping in surprise to hear that warm voice he knew so well, Daryl's chest tightened and his palms grew hot. With a bracing breath, he peered out from behind the car, feeling awkward as hell. She, of course, didn't look bothered in the slightest – and annoyingly fresh and beautiful considering the state she was in last night - as she came sauntering up to him.

"How are you feeling today?"

Shoving his hands in his pockets and giving a brief shrug, Daryl moved to lean against the side of the car.

"Fine. Didn't hit it hard. You got pretty messy." he said ungraciously.

"Yes, I did! Overindulged a bit. But luckily some sensible soul forced water down my throat and sent me to bed." she remarked cheerily. "Thank you for looking out for me."

Daryl just grunted.

Tahlia eyed him up for a moment. It was blatantly obvious that he was pissed off and did not want to talk to her right now – which only fuelled her theory that he wasn't happy about kissing her - but she had to say something. "So..." she began, taking another step towards him. "About the... thing in the kitchen..."

Daryl felt like an ice-cold bucket of water had been upended on his head. So, she did remember. Suddenly, in this moment, that felt worse. What to do? What to say? He could feel his brain hurriedly tipping all its contents out the back of his skull, leaving only empty panic.

Tahlia could see the shadow of alarm scud across his face, and she hesitated for a second longer before carrying on. "I really just wanted to clear the air and see if I needed to apologise for-"

"Nope." he cut her off sharply as his stomach dropped to his feet. Apologise. That meant she thought it was a mistake. "Naw, ya don't."

"Look, I just wanted to say-"

He cut her off again. "Ya don't gotta say nothin'. Don't need to talk 'bout it."

"But-"

"Naw!" he snapped. "You were wasted, mistakes were made, end of story. Forget it."

Tahlia stared at him, indignation rising at his angry dismissal. Her timing and choice of situation had been terrible, but she couldn't label finally doing the thing she'd been dying to do for weeks as a mistake.

She propped her hands on her hips. "Yeah sure, I was a bit wasted, but I definitely didn't make any mistakes. How about you? You make a mistake? Something you want to undo?" she asked pointedly.

Daryl's cheeks grew hot and he shifted uncomfortably. He should apologise. Or maybe he should tell her that the only mistake he'd made was waiting so damn long. But everything just sat lodged in his throat. No words. No fucking surprise there.

Luckily, she spoke first, taking a step closer to him. "And I'd do it all again." she remarked, a note of challenge in her voice.

He swallowed hard. "What, get wasted?" he couldn't help but ask, his voice hoarse in his dry throat.

Tahlia's eyes narrowed a little at that. "No. Just this bit."

Before he could register what was happening, she'd closed the gap between them, grabbed hold of the front of his shirt in both hands and stood on her tiptoes to bring her mouth boldly to his, kissing him firmly, her lips hot and soft, her chest pressed against his.

Too shocked to respond, he just stood there frozen, hands still in his pockets, until she pulled away just as certain as she had stepped in, her breath hard in her chest, a steely glint in her eye.

"Let me know if I need to apologise for that one." she said silkily, and, with a flick of her hair over her shoulder, she turned on her heel and walked off, hips swaying, leaving a stunned Daryl in her wake.

From Daryl's vantage point, Tahlia looked effortlessly confident and self-assured as she strode away, but had he been able to see her from the front, he would have seen the horrified look on her face and her lips muttering "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckityfuck!"

Tahlia's heart was in her shoes. She had just thrown herself at him again! She wasn't sure when all sense had left her, but it was somewhere between his glares and his dismissiveness, and a fire had risen in her belly and her body took over, and then she was kissing him. Her kissing him being the operative words, as she had never experienced a more one-sided kiss in her life. Briefly she wondered if she could claim that she was still drunk.

God, he had already been annoyed with her – she'd be lucky if he ever spoke to her again after that. Not like she could actually ever go near him again now that it was clear she was unable to maintain any level of control around him anymore. Completely mortified, she managed to hold it together until she had rounded the outer wall of the courtyard, then let out a loud shout of frustration.

"Ooh! Tahlia, darlin', ya gave me a darned fright!" Eleanor was just leaving the courtyard with a mug of tea in her hand and jumped at the unexpected noise. "Y'alright, sugar?"

Tahlia's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh God, I'm so sorry Eleanor, I didn't see you there! Yes, I'm fine, just... just sometimes I surprise myself at my idiocy."

Eleanor raised a curious brow. "This have somethin' to do with last night? It was gettin' a little rowdy around here by the time I went to bed. Looked like y'all were havin' a very good time."

"Uh... yes. We were having a good time, but then... wine does not help me make good decisions."

"Neither me, darlin'. What's the issue? Boy troubles?" Eleanor asked with a knowing look, and Tahlia flushed immediately.

"Why do you say that?!"

The older woman smirked into her cup of tea. "I may have a little trouble with my eyesight but I sure ain't blind! Seen there's boys around here who been givin' you the eye – even more so after ya showed up last night lookin' like a movie star! Add to that the giggle juice and now morning after regret? That's just screamin' boy trouble to me. But, of course, correct me if I'm wrong."

Tahlia stared at Eleanor's innocent expression and shook her head. "You're really good, you know that? Of course you know that. I'd better watch myself around you!" Then she rubbed a hand across her mouth before raising one finger in the air. "But it's... it's not regret, though. Not really."

"Ohhh!" Eleanor remarked with interest, then took a thoughtful sip of tea. "Must be that Daryl, then."

Tahlia gasped. "How'd you figure that?!"

Eleanor gave her a conspiratorial look. "Coz you'd never regret a man like that, sugar." she said with a wink.

With a laugh, Tahlia brought her hand to her chest. "Never a truer word spoken!" She then pointed a finger. "This stays between me and you, El!"

"My lips are sealed, darlin'." Eleanor replied with a satisfied grin before Tahlia disappeared into the courtyard in search of Michonne.

Unable to spot Michonne in any of the common areas, Tahlia headed for her cell, bursting in to find her friend still lying in bed.

"Oh my God, Michy! I need to talk to you right now!"

"Ugh!" complained Michonne as she pulled the blanket up over her head. "Too loud!"

"Come out from under there and listen to me!" commanded Tahlia as she perched on Michonne's bed.

"No. Sleeping."

"I brought you coffee and painkillers."

That got Michonne's attention, and she lowered the blanket and sat up, reaching eagerly for the mug and pills that Tahlia handed to her.

"Ok. This might help me listen. Oh man, I haven't had a hangover like this since... since... I can't even remember! Thank God alcohol is in short supply these days. Don't want to do that again."

Tahlia laughed, momentarily distracted from her woes. "You were having a good old dance around the fire!"

"Shit, was I?!" Michonne groaned.

"Yes! And a very cosy conversation with Rick." Tahlia added with an arch of her brow. "Anything you want to enlighten me on there?"

Michonne tried to suppress a smile as she shook her head and scrambled to change the subject. "How come you're not curled up in bed feeling like death warmed up too?"

"Because I got force fed water and sent to bed early."

"Oh really? That's nice. I wish someone did that to me."

"Not like this, you don't." replied Tahlia grimly. "It's part of a much larger horror story."

"Ooh, what happened?" Michonne asked eagerly, taking a sip of coffee.

"I... kissed Daryl."

Michonne gave a happy gasp. "Finally! That's awesome!" But the look on Tahlia's face stole her smile away. "It's not awesome?"

"Nope. It's awful!" Tahlia sighed, then took a deep breath. "So, I got waay too drunk last night, he took me to the kitchen to make me drink water – that on its own is pretty embarrassing, getting all messy like I'm at some frat party! Anyway, I basically wrapped myself around him and gave him no choice except to kiss me. Then he put me to bed-" Tahlia slapped Michonne's thigh at the suggestive look she was giving her. "-alone! Mortifying, but my drunkenness could have made it somewhat excusable. But... this morning I went to see him and apologise coz he was all mad about it, and then I accosted him again! Just marched right up to him and planted a huge kiss on him in the vehicle bay!"

"And?!" pressed Michonne, wide-eyed.

"And nothing!" cried Tahlia. "He just stood there and did nothing. At. All. Well, he didn't beat me to a pulp which I suppose was gracious of him, but it was like kissing a wall." A dreamy look descended on her face for a second. "A really sexy wall... but... but he didn't respond at all!"

"What? That doesn't make any sense."

"You're right! It doesn't make sense that I would do that when I knew he wasn't interested in me! This is your fault, Michy! You put it in my head that he might like me and now I've ruined everything!"

Michonne scoffed at that. "He is so interested. You probably just shocked the hell out of him by doing that. He takes a little longer than regular people to process emotional stuff."

"No. He was pretty clear about where he stands on all this. Far, fucking far away from me."

"Right. Give me a minute to finish my coffee then we're gonna go find him and sort it out."

"Are you crazy?!" exclaimed Tahlia in horror. "I can never speak to him again. Hell, I can't even look at him again. You're gonna have to walk ahead of me everywhere I go and let me know if the coast is clear or not."

"Shut up. You're overreacting. Hang-xiety always makes you so dramatic. You're a terrible drinker."

"I'm an excellent drinker!" responded Tahlia indignantly. "It's just the aftermath I'm terrible with."

Michonne chuckled and then chewed her lip for a moment, mulling it all over. She really wanted to drag Tahlia straight down to Daryl right now, kick him in the ass and demand that he tell her how he really felt. But given the level of Tahlia's current freak out and her hangover-induced anxiety and self-doubt, it would probably be better if she calmed down a bit first. Not to mention, she had promised Daryl that she wouldn't say anything to Tahlia about his confession – and although she was having serious trouble holding it in, these two were clearly a special case and Michonne worried that if Tahlia, with her perceived fear of love, found out how Daryl truly felt about her before they had even moved off the starting blocks, it might do more harm than good.

As painful as it was, she'd have to let them figure things out themselves.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Tahlia's lamenting.

"Forcing myself on someone twice in less than 24 hours is unforgivable! Oh God!" Melodramatically, Tahlia threw herself face down onto the bed. "I'm a predator!" she wailed in distress, her voice muffled by the blanket. "I'm a fucking sexual predator!"

Michonne rolled her eyes and heaved a huge sigh.

Tahlia definitely needed a day to recover from her hangover and come back to her senses.

That evening, Daryl's head was still spinning so fast it was making him dizzy.

She'd kissed him.

And he had done nothing. Just stood there and didn't move a damned muscle.

He'd been so focused on trying to do things 'right' with Tahlia that he'd missed every fucking opportunity to actually just do anything. And now he didn't even know what 'right' looked like anymore. Didn't have a damned clue how to play it from here.

He knew that this, now, should be the easiest bit of all. She'd made it clear where her head was at, what she wanted, so all he needed to do was go and tell her that he wanted it too. Simple as that.

But it wasn't.

It was the hardest part yet. Because he knew what she meant to him. And if he took this step forward, he would soon find out what he meant to her. And that old spider of insecurity crawled into his mind and started weaving its web of doubt. Because what if he wasn't enough? What if he wasn't what she wanted? What if he couldn't make it work?

What if, what if, what endless fucking if.

And it's not like she was making this next step easy for him. In the courtyard, she had placed herself right in the middle of the sofas, surrounded by others so that there was no way that he could surreptitiously grab a moment with her. From over by the concrete wall, Daryl could see her sitting with her back to him sandwiched between Sasha and Carl, and she didn't look like she was going to move any time soon. All the spaces on the other sofas were full as everyone, somewhat recovered, chatted and laughed about last night. At one point, Michonne, opposite Tahlia, caught his eye and spread her palms as she mouthed, what the hell?! Daryl just gave a helpless shake of his head before dropping his face into his hands.

The hardest part yet, for sure.

Before he could disappear down a rabbit hole of twisted overthinking, Glenn appeared in front of him.

"Daryl! You good? Things got a bit tense there at the end last night, huh?"

Daryl's gaze shot up at that. How did he know about...

"Don't know why Brody was being a dick, he's normally pretty decent."

Daryl had been so focused on Tahlia he'd forgotten all about that incident with Brody.

Glenn carried on. "At least he apologised to Tahly today. Has he said anything to you yet?"

"Naw." replied Daryl. "Ain't seen him. Don't really wanna."

"He was just drunk. I mean, we were all pretty far gone. Except you! That was smart, taking it easy. Wish I'd done that. Actually, I wanted to ask... would you mind covering my shift on watch tonight? I'm still pretty written off, I'm not sure I'll be able to stay awake for it!"

"Sure. No problem." Daryl nodded as he stood up, grateful to be given some purpose for the evening, something else to focus on.

Waking early from a sleep that was fitful at best, Daryl already had adrenaline rushing through his veins and resolve in his belly. No closer to sorting the disarray of thoughts in his head, and knowing that there was no point trying to formulate a plan on what to say to Tahlia because all sense seemed to conveniently pop out for a cigarette break every time he fucking needed it, today, the only thing he was focused on was getting her into the woods where they could have time, just the two of them, in the place where they both felt comfortable, in the place that their relationship had been forged.

Beyond that? He didn't know.

Doubts and thoughts and words be damned.

Tahlia, feeling calm, composed and back to her usual self after plenty of water, a decent night's sleep and dawn yoga, was refilling the animals' water troughs when she heard the familiar rumble of an engine approaching, and a spark of nervous energy shot through her. Now that she'd recovered from her momentary bout of panicked overreaction, she had absolutely planned to attempt to talk to Daryl again today (without randomly kissing him) but not this early. Looking up, she saw him pull up on the Triumph a couple of yards away, a determined look on his face and a fire in his eyes.

She gave a hesitant smile. "Good morning."

"Woods." he said roughly.

Tahlia shaded her eyes from the sun, her heart drumming a wild beat in her chest. "I'm not quite done here, I still have to finish-"

"It ain't a question."