Trigger warning - suicide

Another chapter I was going to cut in half but didn't, so here's another long one for you, sorry if it's a bit heavy, hope you enjoy all the same. Thanks for reading x

(Also the song Kara sings is Walking Back To Happiness by Helen Shapiro)

Chapter 53 - It's time

"Can I interest you in something from my basket?" Tahlia asked with an arch of her brow as she sauntered up to Daryl in the vehicle bay the next morning, proffering a basket laden with fresh vegetables from the gardens.

"Always interested in your basket, girl." he grinned as he wiped his hands on a rag. "Whatchu got?"

"Anything you want." she drawled. "But seriously, these cherry tomatoes are so good. Try one."

Popping a couple of tomatoes into his mouth, Daryl nudged his head in the direction of the gardens. "Ya done down there?"

Tahlia nodded. "Yeah, just taking this up to the kitchen then gonna head to the fences, see if I can have a chat to Kara."

"Want me to take that up for ya? Ain't doin' much. Just muckin' 'round here with the cars, waitin' for that battery to charge."

"That'd be great, thanks! But I'll be checking in with Carol to see if any of those tomatoes actually make it to her!" ribbed Tahlia as Daryl took the basket and tucked it under one arm.

"Hey." Daryl caught her hand in his just before she turned away. "Come find me after you're done with Kara."

"Ok." smiled Tahlia. "See you in a bit."

Watching her walk away, Daryl just couldn't put his finger on what was niggling at him. Since last night he'd felt like there was something off with her. Something so tiny he was almost sure he was just imagining it. For all the world she was still bright and shiny and warm, just like she always was, but beneath that, he had the sense that she was holding on to something. A fist clenched tightly around something small and sharp, and the longer she kept clutching it, the more she would bleed. But all he could do was wait until she was ready to open up to him.

Tahlia joined Sasha down on the fences and together they stabbed through at the clingers on the other side.

"Looking pretty scattered out there today, that's good." Tahlia remarked.

"Yeah, but bet they'll all be clustered up again by the end of the day. Ugh!" Sasha shoved her knife with unnecessary force through a snarling walker's milky eye. "Sometimes I wish I just had a machine gun to mow the entire lot down and be done with it!"

"I know." agreed Tahlia. "It gets so-" She stopped mid-sentence as a mournful tune drifted towards them on the breeze, and she turned her head just enough to see Kara wandering past, humming to herself with a faraway look on her face and one hand absentmindedly tugging on the end of her silver-streaked braid.

"How long's she been at it today?" whispered Tahlia.

Sasha puffed her cheeks out in a long exhale and shrugged one shoulder. "All morning. She seems... worse today. I tried to get her to stop for some tea, but she just carried on like I wasn't even there. I've got no idea how you're going to get through to her."

"Neither do I." said Tahlia grimly as she put another walker down. "But I'm still going to try."

On Kara's next passing, Tahlia quickly sheathed her knife, and fell into step beside her.

"Mind if I walk with you?"

Kara slowly turned her misty hazel gaze up to Tahlia's, blinking several times as if trying to work out what kind of trickery was at play to have a person suddenly appear beside her. Then with a tiny smile of assent, she refocused her stare blankly ahead and turned herself inwards once more.

With only the sound of Kara's quiet humming between them, they walked two whole lengths of the lower fence line, then, when they were onto the third, Tahlia slipped her arm through Kara's. Initially jumping at the unexpected contact, Kara then clutched Tahlia's arm tightly against her and let out a long, melancholy sigh, and on they walked.

Another length later, Tahlia said, "That's a pretty tune."

Stopping in her tracks, Kara released Tahlia's arm and stood silently for a long moment before saying, "It's time."

"Time for what, honey?"

"Time to change the song."

Then as abruptly as she had stopped, Kara hooked Tahlia's arm in hers once more and started walking again, this time humming the upbeat melody of Walking Back To Happiness.

"I know that song." smiled Tahlia. "That's an oldie. My momma liked to sing it sometimes."

With a smile of her own, Kara sang a verse in a soft voice, even laughing a little when she got to the end of it.

"Yes. That's the one." she said to herself as they strolled on.

"Do you want to talk about him?" ventured Tahlia after another length.

The song faded in Kara's mouth at that, and she was silent once more.

Then in a dreamy voice, she said, "I was engaged to someone else when I met Yohan. Did I tell you that?" Not waiting for an answer, she carried on. "It was one month before my 21st birthday. We met at a party, we started talking, and I knew. I just knew that night that he was the one. Before Yohan, I thought I was in love with the other guy. After Yohan, I discovered what love really felt like. A feeling so boundless you couldn't escape it even if you wanted to. Have you experienced that? Do you know what it's like to find your one? You don't even know that you weren't a whole person until you meet them. And then you find out that they are the part of you that you never even knew was missing."

Tahlia sucked in a shaky breath as Kara's words unexpectedly struck a chord with her, but she pushed her own thoughts aside and did her best to concentrate on Kara.

"I broke off the engagement the next day, then on my birthday Yohan and I eloped, and we never looked back. Only forward, together. We had 27 incredible years. It wasn't long enough. But I guess there's no number of years that would ever be long enough."

"That's a beautiful story of a beautiful love. I can't imagine how difficult things are for you right now. It's the hardest thing trying to make sense of the world when you lose someone, trying to find yourself without them. And harder still when the loss is so fresh." empathised Tahlia.

Kara stopped walking again, a glazed look in her eyes. "That's just it. There's only pieces of me left without him. And the world doesn't make any sense at all anymore, no matter which way I look at it." Then she pulled a worn photograph out of her t-shirt's breast pocket. "This is us. After we got married."

An exuberant looking young couple with one arm around each other and the other hand pumping in the air grinned out from under the creases of the weary paper.

"You look so happy." Tahlia murmured.

"We were. He was my happiness. That's why it's time. Time to change the song."

"Kara-" started Tahlia, a little finger of foreboding chilling her stomach.

"I need some flowers." Kara interrupted. "I need to go and get some flowers."

"We have some pretty daisies growing down in the gardens." suggested Tahlia. "Come on, I'll take you."

"No." Kara shook her head. "I need violets. It has to be violets. The ones growing by the edge of the woods. They're the ones I need." Then she gave Tahlia a fierce, desperate hug. "Thank you for walking with me."

"Wait!" Tahlia grabbed her arm as she started to walk away. "You can't go down there, honey, there's too many walkers, it's too dangerous."

Kara smiled, a strange, soft smile, and her eyes were looking right through Tahlia. "Yes. That's where I'll go."

Alarm bells were ringing wildly in Tahlia's head, but she didn't know how to stop Kara without physically restraining her, and that seemed a little too extreme.

"Let me come with you, then."

"No." replied Kara floatily. "Your song is different to mine."

"Kara!"

Nearby, Sasha turned to watch the exchange. "Everything ok?" she called.

Tahlia shot her a tight smile. "Kara wants some violets from the woods, so I'm going to take her down there."

"I'll come too." Sasha said immediately, then blocked Kara's path, gently placing her hands on her shoulders and turning her around. "Here. We'll go through the gap in the fence over this way. Not so many walkers." As she directed Kara to the gap, Sasha gave Tahlia a questioning look, and Tahlia could only shake her head and shrug helplessly.

The midday sun was high, the walkers were spread out in the field, and the women were largely unnoticed as they slipped through the fences and quietly picked their way down the slope towards the woods.

Carefully leading them through the long grass, Tahlia said over her shoulder, "Maybe after this we could go up to the courtyard, you could show me those photos from your album again, talk a little more about Yohan?"

Kara gave a light hum. "I think I'd rather talk to him."

"Oh, sure... uh, what would you like to say?"

"I'm going to tell him how much I missed him. How much I love him. I'm going to tell him how happy I am to be with him again."

At that, Tahlia stopped in her tracks and spun around, a troubled look on her face, one that was mirrored on Sasha's. "Maybe it's best if we leave the flowers for today. Let's go back up to the prison."

"Look!" pointed Kara. "There they are." And then she was striding towards a patch of purple just inside the tree line.

"I got a bad feeling about this, Tahly!" hissed Sasha.

"So the fuck do I!" Tahlia drew a hand over her mouth. "We've got to get her outta here."

"Yep, let's- goddammit! We got company!" Sasha indicated a trio of walkers that were now staggering their way. "I'll take care of these. You go see if you can convince her to come back up."

With a terse nod, Tahlia jogged after Kara who was now standing just within the trees.

"Let me help you gather some of these, then we'll head back up, ok?" Tahlia dropped to her knees and hastily started pulling up violets.

"You should." replied Kara, a hazy note in her tone. "You should head back up. But I told you. For me, it's time. Time to change the song."

Then she started singing Walking Back To Happiness again and Tahlia suddenly heard the lyrics in a whole different, eerie context and her blood ran cold. She dropped the flowers in her hand and looked up to see that Kara had the photograph and a box of matches in one hand, and a single match in the other.

One strike of the match. One little flame. One burning photograph.

"Kara, no! That'll draw the walkers! That'll-" Tahlia fell silent, belatedly realising that was exactly what she intended to do. And then she noticed the small pile of dry twigs and leaves that Kara had collected at her feet. Still singing, Kara let the photo fall, catching the pile alight, then she began dropping the matches one by one into the small fire, smiling with each tiny, whooshing flare.

"It's TIME!" Kara called, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment as she tipped her face skyward.

The walkers in the field had taken notice now, and from all directions they were lurching purposefully towards the women with rasping hunger.

Several yards away, Sasha was watching on in horror until she was quickly drawn back into the urgency of their situation when a large walker stumbled straight into her, gripping her arm.

"Tahly!" she shouted out in warning as she drove her knife through the soft skull before shoving it away and moving sideways to put some distance between herself and another advancing group of the undead. "We gotta get out of here now!"

Tahlia was now at Kara's side. "Kara!" she pleaded. "Please! Come back with me!"

"I'm exactly where I need to be." Kara said serenely, as Tahlia whirled around and dashed to meet the first corpse coming her way.

"Yohan wouldn't want this! Yohan would want you to live!" Tahlia cried over her shoulder as she decapitated the walker.

"But it's not living without him. There's no living without him." Kara drew her pocketknife and slashed a deep cut over her palm and held her hand high as the blood dribbled to the ground. "Go, Tahlia. Let them take me. They took him, now they're here for me. Let them come. It's time."

"Tahly! NOW!" yelled Sasha from further up in the field, trying to fend off the undead hands surrounding her.

"Please, Kara!" begged Tahlia, "Don't do this! We can-" She was cut off as a decaying hand grabbed her shoulder, and she ducked and spun, quickly moving behind the body, slicing it through. She never finished her sentence because she could see from the look on Kara's face that mentally, she was already gone.

Sasha had been forced further up the hill and now that all the undead in the field were flocking to them anyway, she was no longer worried about making too much noise and drew her gun to try and take them down faster. Panic rose steadily in her chest as she saw that they were drawn to the smoldering embers of the fire and the smell of fresh blood, and Tahlia was the only thing standing in their way.

Back at the prison, Daryl popped his head up from the station wagon at the sound of Tyreese shouting as he ran alongside the fences, dragging the blade of his knife over the chain links as he tried to draw the attention of the walkers in the field.

"Ty! What's goin' on?!" Daryl had to yell out twice before Tyreese responded to his call.

"They're by the woods! Too many walkers!"

Fear washed over Daryl, knowing without having to ask that Tahlia was down there, and he jumped straight onto his bike, just as several gunshots rang out.

"Open the gate for me, Ty!" shouted Daryl as he gunned the engine and sped down towards the gates, slipping through as soon as they were open.

Daryl spotted Sasha on the far right just above the tree line, backing away from a large pack of walkers, shooting down the ones who came too close. Speeding across the grass and overtaking the pack, he was next to her in moments.

"Sash! Get on!" he commanded, pausing only long enough for her to climb onto the back of the bike before looping around closer to the tree line.

"Tahly!" Sasha pointed urgently towards the woods as she clung to Daryl with one arm. "We need to get her out! Kara's there too, but she's... she's gone. Get Tahly."

Seeing Tahlia surrounded by the snarling undead was a sight that would always send shards of sharp, cold fear into Daryl, no matter how many times he witnessed it. She was whirling and slashing at the undead as fast as she could manage, while just behind her, Kara seemed unnaturally calm, looking like she was in a trance as she stood stock still with one bloodied arm in the air, a dreamy smile on her face and clouded eyes staring into the ether.

"Tahly!" bellowed Daryl as he rode the bike as close as he dared to the trees, knowing that any further in would make it impossible to get back out. Slowing to a stop he had half his attention on Tahlia and half on the nearest walkers that were several yards away. He needed to her to start fucking running now as those walkers would soon be on them.

So caught up in what she was doing, Tahlia hadn't even noticed the rumble of the Triumph's engine, and upon hearing Daryl's voice, she whipped her head in his direction, startled. They locked eyes over top of a decaying corpse, and although it was only for a second, it seemed like an eternity.

He could see what she was thinking. See it as clearly as if he were looking at a comic and she had a big thought bubble above her head.

She didn't want to leave Kara. But Kara wasn't moving, so to protect her, Tahlia would also have to stay in one place. And she couldn't take down this number of walkers without shifting around. Which meant that she'd likely end up swarmed, and she really didn't want to die today. But... she didn't want to leave Kara.

Daryl could only hope that she didn't want to leave him more.

Because if she chose Kara, then he would have to get off the bike and run right into the fray and fight for her, even though in his haste to get down here the only weapon he had with him was his hunting knife. And if he got off the bike, Sasha probably wouldn't be able to get away from the pack that was lurching down the hill, and maybe she would die. Maybe they all would.

"Tahly, please!" Daryl yelled, his voice breaking a little at the end, not caring that he sounded desperate and needy, because that was exactly how he felt.

And then his heart launched into his throat, choking him, as he saw her whirl away from him and step back towards Kara.

Time had slowed when she saw Daryl. The breakneck cascade of a waterfall to the drowsy dawdle of treacle.

But Tahlia's mind still raced. Her thoughts speeding and skidding over one another as they careened through her head.

Countless times she had recklessly thrown herself on the line for people without a thought for her own safety; countless times she had danced closely with death. But things felt different now. Precarious and unbalanced and different, like she couldn't trust her instincts because he was there at the forefront of her mind, and it was throwing her ability to make decisions, because all she could think about was what he would want her to do. And Kara's words were still swirling and bouncing off all this, and the drag, the fucking drag had speared her chest so sharply it took her breath away and...

"Tahly, please!"

His call, spurring her into action - not that she needed it because really, just seeing him had been enough to sway her.

Spinning around to have one last look at Kara, one last look to make her peace with giving up the fight for her, Tahlia gave a loud cry and launched herself backwards into the reanimated corpse that was lunging for her, sending them both to the ground, then thrust the blade of her sword up through the jaw of the next towering above her. Rolling sideways to evade the grasping fingers of yet another, she then jumped to her feet and ran.

Upon seeing Tahlia running his way, relief flooded Daryl so violently he nearly tumbled off the bike.

"C'mon! C'mon!" he urged as he started the Triumph moving slowly, angling it back towards the prison gates, as behind him, Sasha unloaded the rest of her magazine on the nearing pack.

There was an agonising scream from the tree line as the walkers descended on Kara, ripping and tearing, and Tahlia winced in anguish at the sound but didn't allow herself a single glance back and concentrated only on dodging past the last two walkers in her way as she resheathed her sword.

As she neared the bike, Daryl reached out a hand and grabbed hold of her, dragging her across his lap, her katana sticking out at an awkward angle, and she threw one arm over his shoulder and the other around his waist and clung tightly to him, chest to chest, while Sasha leaned forward and hooked an arm under Tahlia's thighs to better support her as Daryl sped back towards the prison.

And in the woods behind them, all fell silent.

Safely within the fences again, Daryl brought the bike to a stop, and Sasha slid off the back and into the embrace of Tyreese who had come to meet them. Tahlia was still clinging tightly to Daryl with her face buried in his neck, so he wrapped his arms around her and crushed her against his chest. He expelled a forceful breath of air and dropped his face briefly to her head.

"Fucksake, girl." he muttered, tone hollow.

She said nothing, but he felt a trickle of water rolling down his chest, cracking his heart a little on its way past.

Eventually, with a sniff, she pushed herself up to stand, wiping at her eyes.

Sasha, her face a mask of shock, threw her arms around Tahlia and the two women embraced tightly for a long moment before drawing back from one another, Tahlia rubbing a hand hard over her face.

"The hell happened out there?" Daryl asked, dismounting from the bike.

Sasha shook her head. "Kara wanted to collect some flowers from the woods, so we took her down there, and then... then she..."

"She let them take her." finished Tahlia quietly. "She wanted them to take her. Couldn't get over being without Yohan. Wanted to be with him."

"She what?!" exclaimed Tyreese, aghast.

A fine mist of anger descended upon Daryl as he finally began to make sense of what he had just witnessed.

"She went out there to...? The hell she do it like that for?! And why the fuck did she drag you girls into it?!" Daryl growled with thinly veiled rage.

Tahlia pushed her hair back from her face. "She didn't want us to come down there. But I wouldn't let her go alone."

"Still shouldn'ta put ya through that!" flamed Daryl as a surge of anger swelled inside him and he clenched his fists tightly to keep it in check, because it wasn't Tahlia that he was angry at and he'd be damned if he took one iota of it out on her, especially not under the circumstances. He was furious at Kara for putting Tahlia in that position. For saddling her with another death that she would bear the onus for.

Tahlia heaved a weary sigh. "She wasn't thinking straight. Grief can turn your whole world in until that's all you can see."

Sasha pressed her fingers to her temples for a moment. "That was really fucking awful."

Then Tahlia started chewing on her thumbnail. "I left her there." she mumbled, her voice muffled by her hand.

"Whatchu sayin'?"

Turning to Daryl, anguish shadowing her face, Tahlia repeated herself, louder this time, her voice trembling. "I left her out there. I could've just done it for her instead of letting her get torn to pieces. At the very least, I should've put her down! She wanted to be with him, but now she'll just be wandering around out there in limbo and-" Her voice had been rising towards the end, so Daryl caught hold of her and hugged her tight, silencing her.

"Hush, hush." he soothed in a gentle tone, despite the fact his body was still vibrating with tension. "Ya did all ya could without getting torn to pieces yourself."

"God, Tahly, she blindsided us with that!" exclaimed Sasha. "There was nothing more to do except get the hell out of there before we got killed as well."

Releasing Tahlia, Daryl drew his thumbs over her cheeks and planted his hands on her shoulders. "Don't carry this one, Tahly. Please. This ain't on you."

Letting out a loud, pained exhale Tahlia rubbed her hands over her face again. "Fucking hell. I need... I don't know what I need."

"Come on, Tahls." Sasha took her hand. "Let's go up to the courtyard. Get away from the sound of damn walkers for a bit."

"Yeah, ok." agreed Tahlia. "That's a good start." Then she brushed her other hand over Daryl's chest. "Thanks for the save. Again."

"Yeah. Thanks, Dixon." echoed Sasha. "If it hadn't been for you..." She trailed off, but they all heard the weighty ending of that sentence anyway as it landed heavily on their shoulders.

Under the dusky sky that evening, Daryl picked his way up to the hillock where the solitary figure of Tahlia was lying prone on the grass.

"Hey. Ya sleepin' or dead?"

"Close to both." she replied.

"Been lookin' for ya. Sash said ya came out here." He dropped down to sit next to her. "Ground's cold. Shouldn't stay here too long."

"Ugh, I know, I know. Everyone's pretty shocked by what happened, and I just needed to get away from people asking me about it for a minute. So, I came here, I lay down and now I'm too tired to move."

Daryl appraised her carefully out of the corner of his eye trying to gauge her mood. Her tone was easy, but there was an underlying heaviness that she couldn't disguise. Like her wings were there but she couldn't fly.

"Smoke?" he offered as he lit one for himself.

"Too tired to hold a cigarette."

"Huh. Dramatic." he scoffed as he took a long drag. They sat in silence for a while, then Daryl lay down on his side propping himself up on one elbow, and with the other hand reached over and held his cigarette to Tahlia's mouth.

"Here, lazy ass."

He could feel her soft lips pull in a smile against his fingers as she took a drag.

"Ooh, this is great service." she murmured. "Maybe I'll be too tired to do anything for myself ever again."

"Don't get used to it. This is a one night thing." he remarked sternly, although beneath that there was only tenderness.

Holding the cigarette to her lips again, he moved a little closer to her.

"How ya holdin' up?"

Exhaling the smoke in a slow, swirly stream, Tahlia nodded. "I'm ok."

"You ain't, though."

At that, she flicked her gaze to his, and by the light of the moon he could see in her eyes that he was right.

"Couldn'ta saved her, Tahly."

"I know. I do know that." Tahlia said truthfully. "Keeping her alive wouldn't have been saving her anyway. Not in her eyes."

"S'right. She made a decision. Ain't on you. Not at all."

"I know." Tahlia repeated.

"Don't want ya carryin' this around. Don't want y'ever thinkin' that if you hadda done things different then this wouldn'ta happened."

"I'm not thinking that. Honestly." Tahlia assured him. "I mean, I hate that she was in so much pain, and I wish we had tried to help her sooner, noticed it earlier. I wish we could've shown her how rich and beautiful life can still be. But..." she sighed. "Look, I know you're worried that this is triggering stuff around my momma, but it's not. I mean, I'm thinking of her, but it's ok. And all I'm hoping is that Kara has found her peace. If that's possible as a goddamn walker. That part I really feel like shit about. Wish I had stayed to put her down."

Daryl stubbed out his cigarette then slipped a hand over Tahlia's waist, gently stroking his thumb down her side.

"Took care of it."

She gazed up at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Knew it was botherin' ya, so went and found her. Put her down. Buried her in the lower field."

"You did?!"

He nodded.

Tahlia let out a sound somewhere between a huff and a sob, then grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him roughly down onto her, throwing her arms tightly around his neck.

"You're amazing. You're so fucking amazing."

Daryl smiled and tried to push himself away, but she wasn't releasing him.

"Alright, girl. Got a face full of grass here. Lemme up."

"No."

He rested on her for a moment longer, and his ear was right against her cheek so he could hear her every breath.

"Why ya cryin'?" he asked softly as he raised one hand to gently unclasp hers from around his neck, then lifted his head so he could look at her.

"I'm not." she said in a wobbly voice as glistening streaks on her cheeks betrayed her.

Daryl sighed as he planted a gentle kiss at the corner of each of her eyes, then he pulled back again and just stared at her for a long moment.

"What is it? Somethin's still eatin' at ya."

"No, I'm ok."

"Don't." he said, a note of hurt in his voice, because they both knew that she was lying. "There's been somethin' on ya mind, and ain't like ya gotta tell me, but just don't pretend it ain't there."

Staring up at the stars and drawing imaginary dot-to-dot pictures with them, Tahlia eventually looked back at Daryl who was sitting up now, and she pushed herself to sit as well.

"I'm just processing. There's been a lot happening the last few days-"

"Ya mean us?" Daryl cut in, his tone sharper than he intended.

"Well..." Tahlia worried her bottom lip for a moment before carrying on as if she hadn't heard his question. "And then something that Kara said got me thinking. Reflecting, I guess. And I'm just trying to..." Tahlia trailed off, leaving Daryl none the wiser.

"What? What did she say?" pressed Daryl, gentle now.

Tahlia shook her head. "I haven't even got my head around it. Around what I'm-" She slapped her hand to her chest, her fingertips clawing red marks below her collarbone. "It's just a lot that I'm trying to..."

Whatever she was trying to do, Daryl would never know.

As concerned as he was about this thing that was scratching at her, it wasn't worth her getting upset. It wasn't surprising that there was a lot on her mind, and if she needed time to work through something, then she could take as much as she needed and he would just be there for her however she needed him to be.

Pulling her hand from her chest he held it tightly in his.

"Alright. Don't needa talk 'bout it now. Just when ya ready." Then he stood up, tugging her to her feet with him. "C'mon, babygirl. Let's get ya to bed. You've had a bitch of a day."

Daryl's brain registered the cold spot next to him before he'd even opened his eyes. Somehow, the single bed always felt like a vast, empty space without her next to him. And she had been next to him when they'd gone to sleep.

Worried, he jumped straight out of bed, the darkness and his body clock telling him it was only a small stretch after midnight. Lighting the candle, he scrubbed a palm into his eye as he adjusted to the light.

And then he caught sight of her on the top bunk.

She was lying on her side right against the wall behind her piles of folded clothes, the leisurely rise and fall of her shoulders indicating that she was asleep. Quickly blowing out the candle so as not to wake her, Daryl climbed back into the bottom bunk, more hurt by this than he cared to admit. He reminded himself how much they complained about this goddamned bed, so he shouldn't be surprised that she'd shifted.

But, still, it was always going to be a hard pill to swallow this first time she initiated space between them that he hadn't even realised she needed.

By the next evening, Daryl's fizzing unease had made itself comfortable in the pit of his stomach.

Tahlia was already up and on the hill by the time he'd woken in the morning, and apart from a passing interaction by the gardens earlier, he hadn't even seen her the whole day until now.

Sitting on a sofa in the den, he watched her dishing out stew to Eleanor and Della, and wondered if he was just hypersensitive or if she really was purposely not looking his way.

After what seemed like much longer than usual, Tahlia finally finished up and made her way over to him (although she stopped for three different conversations on the way), and dropping down beside him, she greeted him with a mild, "Hi."

"Hey. Barely seen ya today."

She gave an apologetic shrug. "I know! Sorry! Been really busy."

Daryl chewed his lip. He knew she liked to keep flat-out busy when she was trying to keep something off her mind. "This the first time ya sat down today?"

"Course not!" she replied brightly. "Did a little sitting during yoga this morning! How are you doing?"

Blatantly studying her face for a moment, Daryl ignored her question. "Worried I was gonna chuck y'outta bed in the night again?"

Confusion clouded Tahlia's face, then she clicked. "Oh! Yeah... coz I moved." She gave a sheepish smile. "I couldn't sleep. So just wanted a little space, that's all."

And whether she meant for sleeping or from him, he didn't know.

"Y'ok, Tahly? Don't seem it."

"Yeah, I am, I'm just really tired."

"'Kay." he said doubtfully, even though she did look exhausted. But he could see that there was more than just weariness hanging on her shoulders. "I got watch in a minute. Wanna come? Bring a blanket and some tea up for ya."

Tahlia smiled a little wistfully. "That sounds nice... but, do you mind if I just go to bed? I think I'm just gonna crash out otherwise there'll be no chance of me getting up at dawn."

"Sure that's all ya need? Some sleep?"

"Yeah. That's all." replied Tahlia, reflexively rubbing her knuckles over one eye.

"Alright." Daryl pushed himself to stand. "You get some sleep. I'll stay back at mine tonight so I don't wake ya."

Then suddenly Tahlia jumped to her feet and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him fiercely.

"Girl?" Daryl questioned against her hair as he hugged her back. "Y'ok?"

With a slow, tender kiss on his cheek, Tahlia drew back from him a little more and held his face in her hands.

"Yes." she said softly. "I am, now. I really am."

"Monopolising my yoga teacher again, huh?" Rick called jokingly to Daryl as they passed one another in the courtyard early the following morning.

"Huh?" Daryl squinted at the sheriff.

"You know, coz she didn't show this morning?"

"What?" Daryl was still confused.

"Oh. I just figured you and her were... you know... uh... sleeping in." Rick managed awkwardly. "Why she wasn't up this morning."

Slow to understand what Rick was saying, Daryl screwed his face up. "She weren't on the hill? Ain't down with the animals?"

Rick shook his head.

"I ain't seen her since last night – said she was turnin' in early so she could get up this mornin'."

Clucking his tongue, Rick shrugged. "Huh. Well, I'm sure she's around somewhere."

But suddenly Daryl wasn't so sure.

"I'ma go see if I can find her."

Spinning around he headed straight for the kitchen area.

"Carol! Seen Tahly today?"

Carol shook her head. "Not so far. Did you check down by the animals?"

But Daryl was already jogging off again towards the cells where Michonne was just rounding the corner, headphones in her ears and a Discman in her hands, bobbing her head to a beat and singing along.

"What?!" She pulled the headphones out of her ears as Daryl gestured angrily to her. "This better be important, Dixon, coz I love this song."

"Seen Tahly?!" demanded Daryl.

Michonne shrugged noncommittally. "Why you asking me? It's you two that are joined at the hip." But her faux-annoyance morphed into something serious as she registered Daryl's agitation. "What's wrong?"

"Ain't seen her today."

"Sure she'll be mooching around somewhere. Why are you so worried?"

"Been actin' weird."

"Really? Tahly is a bit weird sometimes. Ok, come on let's go check her cell. Maybe she's just feeling sick or something."

Together they headed down the cellblock then up to Tahlia's cell, their footsteps ringing on the metal stairs. Pulling back the privacy curtain, Daryl stepped inside first, Michonne right behind.

And then Daryl's stomach was concrete. A cold, heavy block weighting him to the ground as he tried to process what he was seeing.

The cell was empty.

Not just of Tahlia, but her things too. Every scrap of hers was gone, the cell was bare, like she had never set foot in there.

"Shit." said Michonne, eyes wide. She glanced at Daryl, his expression hard and empty and pained all at once. "I'm sure it's not what it looks like. I'm sure there's an explanation. She wouldn't just leave, she wou-"

"Ain't this what she does?" interrupted Daryl, staring straight ahead. "Said it herself. Bolts when she gets too close to someone. Shuts down and runs. Happens every time, she said."

"No." Michonne shook her head. "I mean, yes... but she wouldn't do that to you! Not to you. It's different this time! You're different!"

Daryl fixed her with a stony stare. "Guess I ain't."

Spinning on his heel, he took the stairs two at a time as he strode to get out of there. Get anywhere.

"Daryl! Stop! I don't believe she would've just left! She wouldn't leave you, I know it. And she'd better not even think about goddamn leaving me without saying anything or I'll kill her!" called Michonne lightly as she jogged after Daryl. "Let's go find whoever was on guard duty this morning and ask if they saw her."

"No point. Know she's gone."

Michonne continued to follow him as he headed out of the cells, past the courtyard. Tyreese was just walking back up the hill, and she waved at him.

"Hey, Ty! You on guard duty this morning?"

"Yep!" nodded Tyreese. "Just finished up now."

"Seen Tahly today?" Michonne asked, noting that just beyond Tyreese, Daryl had stopped and turned his head slightly to catch the conversation.

"Yeah, real early this morning. Said she was heading out."

"She with anyone?"

"No, just her."

"She say where she was going?"

Tyreese shook his head slowly. "Nope, can't say that she did. But had her yoga mat and all."

Daryl's angry growl turned both of their heads.

She'd left. She really had fucking left. A flame of affliction seared Daryl's insides and sealed a part of him over, and the rest just froze. A burning, biting cold.

He started striding purposefully to the vehicle bay, and Michonne was running after him once again. She was beginning to doubt her conviction that Tahlia wouldn't just walk out on them.

"Daryl! Daryl, stop!" Catching up to him she grabbed his shoulder, but he immediately shrugged her off. "Daryl, I'm sure-"

"Got ears, don't ya?" he snapped. "Heard what Ty said, she's gone. And good fuckin' riddance, too."

Michonne stopped walking. "You don't mean that." she said quietly.

Daryl paused, then slowly turned to face her, his expression stony but his eyes glittering with pain. Biting hard on his bottom lip, he had nothing to say to that. So all he said was, "I'm goin' out."

"You could find her."

Considering that for a moment, Daryl gave a curt shake of his head. "Naw. Leavin' like that? That's someone who don't wanna be found."

And with that, he was off again, off to get on his bike and go into the woods to be alone.

Just like he should be.

Just like he had always been.