How many thousands of years since I last posted?! Yikes, so sorry - been away, but am back now and will get back into writing. Second apology is that this chapter is uneventful and dialogue heavy, but it's something I kind of felt like needed to be added in to get T & D back on the right footing after what happened. (And also I need to figure out what will happen next!).

Chapter 63 - Hold on to me

"Quit it with the weird little sideways looks!" laughed Tahlia, elbowing Daryl as they walked. "It's really me, I promise. I'm here."

He tried to share in her smile as he muttered, "Just gotta keep checkin'."

Because she was here – real and radiant as ever - and it was no thanks to him.

He was still swirling in a jumble of emotion. His churning grief had given way to relief, happiness, incredulity to have her back; but below that, a pulling tide of guilt because he'd left her for dead; because he hadn't checked to be sure.

His brow knotted as he shook his head in disbelief. "Can't believe you were still there. You were still goddamn there, and I walked away."

Tahlia looked at him like he was crazy. "Uh, you thought you saw me get blown to smithereens! What were you gonna do? Come and search for bits of me amongst the sea of walkers?"

Visibly flinching at that, Daryl's eyes glittered with pain. "Gawd, don't, Tahly!"

The memory of what he thought he'd witnessed was something that he would never be able to see the lighter side of.

Her tone softened. "There were walkers everywhere up there. If you had come looking for me you would've been bit for sure, and I would never have forgiven you for that. You absolutely did the right thing by getting out of there. That was all you could do, given the circumstances. And look, we're still here."

"What if Glenn hadn't found ya, though?"

Tahlia gave an easy shrug. "Then I would've walked out of there on my own."

"Said you were injured real bad."

"Pfft." She waved a hand in the air. "You know that head wounds bleed like crazy. Looked way worse than what it was."

"But what 'bout that?" Daryl indicated her waist. "That don't seem good."

"Told you – that's just a little cut." replied Tahlia dismissively. "Snagged it trying to get back into the prison. It's nothing."

It wasn't. Her wound wasn't healing and her whole side hurt like hell. But it would only upset Daryl to find out what had actually happened to her, and although he would know the extent of it eventually, Tahlia was determined to play down her injuries for as long as she could get away with it. He was studying her with a skeptical look, and she knew that he'd only be moments away from reading the truth of the matter on her face, so she hurried to move the conversation along.

"So, tell me about what happened to you after the prison?"

That question felt like a bucket of icy water had been upended over him and Daryl immediately dropped his gaze to the ground.

"Don't wanna talk 'bout that. Worst days of my fuckin' life thinkin' that… thinkin' you were…"

"Oh." breathed Tahlia apologetically as she gave herself a mental kick. "Right... sorry, I-"

"Naw." Daryl cut in softly as he tucked his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her against him. "Will be able to talk to ya 'bout it one day, just… just not yet."

They walked in silence for a little longer before Daryl spoke up again, his voice hesitant and hopeful.

"That the truth, Tahly? Really think ya coulda got outta the prison on your own if ya had to?"

"Yes! Of course!" Tahlia assured him. "I might've had to wait a little longer for the walkers to thin out, but yes. I'd have gotten out and found my way straight back to you."

A tiny smile quivered on Daryl's lips. "Dunno 'bout that, girl. Ya still can't track for shit."

He was a long way from fully forgiving himself for leaving her, but the tugging guilt in his chest abated with her reassurance that she would've made it on her own, that she still would've ended up by his side again.

Just then, Sasha bounded up next to Tahlia and tucked an arm through hers.

"Right, I've given you guys your grace period of 10 minutes alone time, now I gotta say hi to my girl!"

Tahlia grinned and bumped Sasha with her hip. "How the hell are ya?!"

Sasha chuckled. "A lot damn happier than I was this morning!"

"I want in on this too!" announced Michonne arriving at Daryl's side and elbowing him. "Sorry, Dixon. You gotta share her. We've got a lot to catch up on!"

Daryl rolled his eyes. "Gawd. You girls back together again. Think I'ma leave you to it." He dropped his hand and grabbed hold of Tahlia's, raising it to his lips to press a slow kiss against her knuckles.

"Just gonna check in with Carol for a little bit. Then I'm comin' right back, so hurry up and get ya gossipin' done."

Dropping back, he fell into step with Carol who was walking on her own, lost in thought.

She nudged him gently and shot him a small smile. "Good to see you."

"You too. Y'alright? Happened after the prison?"

"Me and Tyreese got the kids out." A shadow passed across her face and she gazed off to the side for a moment.

Since Judith was the only kid with them now, Daryl didn't need to ask where the others were and just gave her arm a brief, sympathetic squeeze.

"Found a little house." continued Carol. "Stayed there for a couple of days, then decided we needed to move on. Saw the Terminus signs and Tyreese said that you guys had heard about it before, so we headed there. About a day out we came across Tahlia and Tara."

"Tahly ok?"

Carol wagged her head from side to side noncommittally. "She's always in good spirits."

"What's that other girl like? Trust her? Coz ya can't trust Tahly's judgement on no one."

Carol laughed a little at that. "Seems nice enough. Think she just got caught up by accident with the Governor. She didn't know anything about what he was really like. Feels pretty terrible about the whole thing."

"So she fuckin' should." he groused. "They cost us a lot."

"Wasn't her fault, Daryl."

"I know." he replied quietly. "Just sometimes feel like blamin' someone that ain't myself."

Carol sure knew a bit about that feeling.

They all did.

It was sliding into early evening when Rick called a halt to the journey and they found a suitable spot to camp up for the night in the woods. He didn't know whether he naturally stepped into the role or whether people put him there, but once again he felt like he was the leader, responsible for the wellbeing of all these people and the strain of that was clawing at him already.

Before, a bad decision might have resulted in some money lost; a dent in your car; an argument with your spouse. Out here, the cost of a bad decision could easily be someone's life.

"Gonna stop here, guys. Keep a rolling watch through the night, then we'll pick up again in the morning."

"Then what?" asked Abraham. "'Less you're headed D.C. way, we'll be saying our farewells."

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose, then ran a hand over his face. "I don't know yet. But yeah. Maybe we'll be headed that way, too."

Everyone busied themselves with securing the camp as best as they could - piling leaves and brush together as makeshift beds; foraging; lighting a small fire.

"Right, Tahly. Let's check that wound. Come lie down over here."

Fairly certain that Daryl had already headed off to hunt, Tahlia glanced around anyway to double-check, then nodded to Carol. "Ok."

Carol raised a brow and propped her hands on her hips. "You know he's going to see it sooner or later."

Tahlia sighed as she lay on the ground. "Yeah, but I'm hoping that it will heal up a bit first and not look so… bad."

"I know you're in pain. A lot more than you let on." Carol said softly as she pushed her pack under Tahlia's head to prop her up a little. "You should tell him. He'd want to know."

"There's no point in both of us being in pain." muttered Tahlia, lifting her top.

She winced as Carol carefully removed the dressing, the bottom layers sticking to the weeping wound, pulling at it, tearing the scabbed area.

"Sorry." grimaced Carol, then tsked quietly as she inspected it. "Honey, this isn't healing like it should. And we've only got this one dressing left, we need to-"

"Ma Gawd. That ain't 'just a little cut'!"

Tahlia jumped at the sound of Daryl's voice and glanced up to see him standing a couple of feet away, his face paling as he stared down at the at the large, angry, ragged gash widely bordered by fading bruising all across her left side.

"Oh! I thought you were hunting!" she exclaimed as she tried to sit up, cover up, but Carol pushed firmly on her shoulder to hold her down.

"No. Lie there and let some air around it."

"The hell really happened?" asked Daryl, his tone wavering with shock.

Tahlia bit her lip and tried to ignore the go on, tell him look that Carol was fixing her with. "It's… it's just…"

At that moment, Glenn sauntered up with a handful of berries. "That's gonna leave a good scar!" he proclaimed cheerily before popping a couple of berries into his mouth. He elbowed Daryl. "You should've seen her, man! The car exploded and impaled her with this massive piece of metal! When I found her, she'd been lying there all night with it sticking right out of her, covered in blood, couldn't even move-"

"He's exaggerating!" Tahlia cut in quickly, but Glenn raised his eyebrows in challenge as he tossed another berry into his mouth, oblivious to the tension in the air.

"Exaggerating?! Do you not remember begging me to leave you there to die?" he declared with a teasing grin. Then he nudged Daryl again. "It was bad. And I had to pull it out! So gross. You could hear it tearing her up as it came out! There was so much… uh… blood…" Glenn faltered and frowned as he tried to work out why Tahlia was giving him a wide-eyed pointed look and mouthing 'no' as she shook her head imperceptibly.

"And she nearly uh… passed out…" He then glanced at Daryl whose face was a tight mask of anguish and horror as he digested this story, and only then realized his mistake. "Uh… but you know, it was actually fine and here we are… so… yeah…" Glenn attempted a feeble save.

Slowly rubbing his hand over his mouth, his eyes glassy and unblinking as he stared down at Tahlia, Daryl nodded faintly then took two shaky steps backwards before spinning on his heel and disappearing into the trees.

"Shit." said Glenn apologetically. "Was that too much?"

Tahlia shot him a tight smile. "I was just maybe gonna go with a less detailed version of that story. It's fine. I'll talk to him."

Daryl could barely concentrate on hunting so it took him twice as long to catch enough to feed the group, but maybe that was a good thing as he wasn't sure he could even face Tahlia just yet. Images of her all alone, lying on the cold concrete prison floor immobilized by injury and waiting to die were playing on torturous repeat in his head.

She'd needed help. Needed him.

Did she call his name? Did she wait with fading hope that he'd come for her? And did she spend all those long hours with Death waiting by her side instead?

And he kept circling back to one thing – why hadn't he just gone to see if he could find her? He'd wanted to. Knew he should. He had always been adamant that alive or dead, he would never leave her – so why the hell had he fucking left?! Rationally, he knew that, at the time, everything happened so quickly, there hadn't been time to think anything through and there was a real urgency to get out of there in order to survive. But in hindsight all the events stretched out in his head, time slowed, and a thousand opportunities to have done things differently popped open like acidic bubbles, each one burning him, branding him with the knowledge that he had let her down, and he let them swamp him, torment him, a kind of penance.

When he arrived back at camp he tried to hover around the edges, blend into the shadows, but she was on him in moments.

"Daryl, talk to me."

The weight of his self-blame hung so heavily on him he could barely meet her gaze. "When were ya gonna tell me what ya really went through?"

"Eventually." affirmed Tahlia. "I mean, chances are you'll probably be seeing me naked again sometime and…" She gestured to her side with a smile and a shrug, but Daryl wasn't in the mood for jokes. Tahlia sighed. "I just didn't want you to feel like you could've changed anything."

"But I coulda." he replied, head hanging and tone heavy with anguish. "Coulda looked for ya. Shoulda. And now I know ya were lyin' there for God knows how long in a bad fuckin' way, needin' help, and I… I…" He trailed off and shook his head, eyes glistening.

"You didn't know!" she reiterated, grabbing hold of his arm.

But he shook his head again and tugged his arm out of her grip, averting his gaze once more. "Weren't there for ya. Let ya down. And I dunno how to…" He waved a hand in the air, his eyes still on the ground, his tone desolate.

"What?! No, you didn't! And there's nothing you need to-"

"Gonna go do watch." Daryl told her flatly, turning away.

"I'll come with you."

"Naw. Don't."

"Daryl, please-"

But Tahlia's plea faded into the breeze as Daryl had already gone.

She'd been worried he'd do this. Curl inwards with self-blame; retreat into his shell. He'd always told her that things play out the way they play out and there's no point in getting hung up on it - but he had never been great at taking his own advice. After a bad run or after lives were lost, she'd seen him sink into harsh introspection for a few days before he'd start to make his peace with it and resurface, and she would wait quietly nearby until he was ready to turn his gaze outwards and open up again. So, after everything that had happened, she'd been expecting a certain amount of this from him, but it still stung. To have him close again, but closing off. With a sigh, she wondered how long he'd need this time.

She faded into sleep that evening without catching sight of him again, holding onto the hope that he would come to her in the night. But when she rolled onto her side by accident, a lightning bolt of pain sparking through her and causing her to gasp herself awake, he was still achingly absent.

All was silent in the pre-dawn gloom and Tahlia pushed herself carefully up onto her elbows and slowly let her eyes drift over each of the sleeping forms around her – no Daryl. Quietly getting to her feet she made her way across camp to check if he was still on watch, but as she approached the two figures leaning against a tree in the shadows, she saw that it was only Abraham and Rosita.

"You're up early." Abraham commented cheerily as she arrived at their side.

"Yeah. It's a habit I just can't shake. You want me to take over?" Tahlia offered.

"Nah. Only just got out here. Anyway, soon as that sun rises and your fearless leader arises, need to pin him down and figure out which way you folk are heading, see if it's the same as us."

"I still don't think it makes sense to take off on our own before we absolutely have to just to make better time." said Rosita flatly to Abraham, as if this was an old point of contention between the two of them. "At least there's more eyes on Eugene while we're with this group. God knows he needs it."

"You know that we gotta-"

"Seen Daryl?" Tahlia interrupted, knowing from previous experience that their opinions on what was best for Eugene and the mission could be batted to and fro for quite some time.

"Went out hunting. That way." Abraham pointed vaguely off to the right.

Tahlia thanked him as she quickly headed off in that direction to find a spot to wait because she'd woken that morning with a steely resolve to pull Daryl out of the murky depths of his self-reproach – space to process be damned.

He'd had enough space from her this past week. He wasn't getting any more.

Some time later, Daryl finally emerged through the trees with a string of dead animals on his hunting line and Tahlia headed straight for him with a fire in her eyes.

"Morning."

"Mornin'." he mumbled without meeting her gaze.

"I need to talk to you."

"Maybe later." he deflected, then indicated the animals. "Gotta prep these."

Tahlia just fixed him with a long flat stare, then shrugged. "Fine. Well, I'm going this way."

She headed in the direction he'd just come from, counting on the fact that, regardless of what he was feeling, he wouldn't want her to go anywhere alone.

Daryl's head snapped up as he watched her go. "Tahly! Where ya goin'? Can't just go wanderin' off!"

She ignored him and kept walking and she was right - he was helpless but to follow after her. When she was sure that they were well out of earshot of anyone else she stopped abruptly and turned to face him, propping her hands on her hips.

"This stops now. I mean it. Now."

Taken aback by her deadly serious tone and expression, Daryl just stared at her.

"We did not go through all of this shit and make it back together again only to have you hold your unwarranted guilt like a fucking wall between us!" she flared, and then sniffed and swore under her breath as she quickly dashed a tear away and willed herself to regain her composure. "Because this, what you're doing now, shutting me out - this hurts worse than anything!"

Daryl shifted uncomfortably, his eyes flicking between hers and the ground. He hadn't thought of it like that. That he was hurting her. "But I left ya." he whispered miserably, the pain of the fact still clearly etched on his face. "And-"

"Stop!" Tahlia held a hand up and glared at him. "We're not going to keep going round in circles with this! We've been over what happened, and we're not going there again. You are gonna damn well listen to me!"

Tahlia rarely fired up, and seeing her angry and upset cracked something open inside Daryl and made him want to take her into his arms and hold her tight until she calmed, but right now it seemed like he should probably just pay attention.

Taking a shaky breath, Tahlia softened her tone a little before carrying on. "It doesn't matter that you didn't find me. And it wouldn't have mattered if Glenn didn't find me, because you can bet your ass that I would've gotten out of that fucking prison regardless, and you wanna know why?" He just looked at her blankly, so she took a step forward and gave him a shove. "Because of you, you idiot!"

Daryl gave a quick, confused shake of his head.

"Look, I was in a way worse state when I got away from Rosco, but I still got myself out of there even though I had nowhere to go and no one to go to." Tahlia was loathe to remind him of that because she knew it cut at him, but she needed him to understand. "But now I have you, and just knowing that you were out there gave me all the strength I needed. Nothing was going to stop me from getting back to you." She paused, her eyes suddenly twinkling with amusement as she gave a short laugh. "Ugh, oh my God, that sounds so cheesy out loud! You can give me shit for it later. It's true though. You still got me out of there, and you keep me going." All her sternness had disappeared now and she relaxed back into her easy manner. "And Michy told me that you planned to head back to the prison – so no matter which way you spin it, we would've found each other again. The only thing that would change is how long it took."

Daryl swallowed hard, his eyes swimming a little as he processed what she was saying and it made a hell of a lot of sense and made him feel a hell of a lot better.

"So I need you to quit looking back at all that's passed." Tahlia continued quietly. "Coz this bit is tough. Wandering around out here trying to find somewhere to go; on edge the whole time worried about what danger is waiting for us around the next corner. I need you in this with me to look ahead to what's in front of us. Including all the good shit that we've still got to come. You hear me? You gotta look forward, push forward, for us. I need something to hold on to."

He sucked in a ragged breath as a blue blaze ignited in his eyes and he smacked a hand to his chest. "You hold on to me."

Tahlia nodded slowly and smiled. "Then get your butt over here right now so I can do that."

And just as she always had, she brightened him, lightened him, reminded him that he was no longer alone. The burns of old regrets would remain, but he could use them now. Use them as fuel to move forward, to keep surviving, to keep striving for a better life for them.

Quickly, he closed the gap between them and carefully took her in his arms. "I'm sorry, babygirl-"

Tahlia opened her mouth to scold him for the unneeded apology, but Daryl gave a warning growl.

"But… I got ya now. Ain't gonna let ya go 'gain. Gonna get us through this bit, find somewhere safe, somewhere to stay." he promised, running his thumb across her cheek. Then a contemplative sheen descended in his eyes as he caught a lock of her hair and twisted it around his fingers, tugging on it gently.

"Y'know Tahly, we may be lookin' for a place to live, but… I already got my home right here." he told her softly before leaning in to kiss her. As he did, he felt her lips pull in a smile, and drawing his head back, he groaned when he saw the look of incredulous delight on her face.

"Well, that was really damned-"

"Don't." Daryl cut in with a withering look. "Just don't say nothin'."

Tahlia's eyes sparkled with mirth. "Come on! You've gotta admit that was-"

"Oh ma Gawd. Shuddup." Daryl grabbed her wrist and pulled her to move. "Let's go."

"That was beautiful! One of your best yet. In fact, give me your pen - I've gotta write that down. That line is going in the books, for sure! Or maybe I'll-"

She squeaked and giggled as Daryl gave her a hard slap on the butt.

"Y'know, I had near five whole days without your giant pain in the ass, and I'm feelin' like maybe I didn't make the most of that peace."

"That long?" Tahlia let out a low whistle. "That's a lot of pain in the assery I've got to make up for! Better get started now."

"Trust me, girl." Daryl said drily, trying to keep the smile from his face as he scooped her close against him and dropped a kiss onto the top of her head. He'd missed this. "You've already started."

That day saw more hours behind them and more miles under their feet, but it was effortless for Daryl because it felt like his world was spinning the right way again, like it didn't matter what lay around the corner, it only mattered whom he'd be facing it with, and she was right there. Within arm's reach. And just to be certain of that, he reached out for her.

And smacked her lightly across the back of the head.

To which, she gave an indignant gasp and punched him in the ribs, and he laughed and so did she and he caught her hand and held on to it, held on to her.

Just like the previous day, they stopped to make camp in the afternoon and everyone set about their tasks, Daryl sloping off for a quick hunt to keep the group's hunger at bay.

When he returned, he found Tahlia standing at the edge of the camp, squinting at her palm as she prodded her suturing needle into it.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked as he came up behind her, dropping his chin to her shoulder.

"Just trying to – ow!" She glanced back at him sheepishly. "Got a splinter."

"You're a liability." Daryl muttered as he sat down cross-legged then tugged on the hem of her shirt. "Sit down. Lemme see."

"I got it."

"Bet ya don't. Get down here."

Tahlia huffed but sank down next to him and leaned against a tree trunk as he pulled her arm under his and craned over her palm.

"Don't hurt me." she whined.

"Hush. I ever hurt ya before?"

"No." she conceded reluctantly. "Well… maybe just that one time when you left me for dead in the prison."

Daryl whipped his head to face her, aghast. "Too fuckin' soon!"

"Come on!" she giggled. "Surely it's kind of funny by now."

"Ain't never gonna find that funny! Mean it."

"Ok, sorry, sorry." Schooling her face into a serious expression, she pressed a kiss onto his shoulder then looked up at him with a wide green gaze. "I'm sorry. I am. Just teasing."

Daryl gazed right back at her, his eyes dark and glowing, his voice low and solemn. "Don't ever tease me 'bout that, babygirl." Then, lightening, he bumped his shoulder against hers and indicated her hand. "How'd ya get this anyway?"

"Ugh. Collecting wood for the fire."

He rolled his eyes as he set about gently scraping at her palm with the needle. A minute later, Tara arrived in front of them, proffering a bottle of water.

"Here you go, Tahly. Boiled and cooled just for you."

"Thank you, sugar! Great service around here!" Tahlia declared, taking the bottle gratefully, then she nudged Daryl. "Have you hung out with Tara yet? You're gonna love her. Just as awesome as me."

"Yeah?" Daryl flicked his gaze briefly up to Tara, then back down to his task. "Bet she ain't nowhere near annoyin' as you, though."

"She is!" proclaimed Tahlia emphatically. "She's super annoying!"

Tara laughed and aimed a light kick at Tahlia's knee. "Hey!"

Daryl stopped what he was doing as he turned to Tahlia, his lips quirking. "Naw. Don't believe that for a second. Ain't no way. Just ain't no way there's anyone annoyin' as you, pain in the ass." he murmured fondly, his eyes fixed on hers.

Tara had never heard the word 'annoying' used as a compliment, or 'pain in the ass' as a term of endearment, but the way Daryl said it left no room for doubt that that was exactly how it was meant. And given the way they were looking at one another, Tara suddenly felt like she was privy to an intensely private moment (even though she was fairly certain they'd forgotten she was there) and quickly turned away, unsure if she should go or stay.

Daryl finally refocused his attention on Tahlia's hand and in one deft move, pulled the splinter out. "Done. Now, don't touch nothin' else."

Then he jumped to his feet and tapped Tara's elbow just as she started to walk away.

"Hey."

She turned back, eyebrows raised in question.

"Thanks for stickin' with her out there."

Tara nodded. It didn't sound like much, but it seemed like maybe, coming from this guy, it meant a hell of a lot. "No problem."

Daryl then turned back to Tahlia and pulled her to her feet. "C'mon. Let's get some food in ya."

Then they all froze as the unmistakable sound of someone desperately crying out for help echoed through the trees.

So I'm not concrete on what happens next - what would you like to see? Our group face off against the Terminus ppl? Skip that? Just get to Alexandria quickly? Something else?