The next day, when I woke up, my legs were less painful than they had been since the terrorist attack and, while my stomach was still upset, it wasn't as upset as it had been. I was able to have another small serving of trifle for breakfast, and to amaze Grant with my understanding of nutrition. As I scraped up the last of the custard, Grant smiled at me. "That's the most calories that I have seen you eat in one sitting in a long time."

"It was very good. Plus, the kids made it for me, and I want to be able to tell them that I had a big helping of it for breakfast."

Grant smiled. "You are the best mother that I have ever seen. Did I hear that you are reading Harry Potter to them?"

"We started last night. When the kids came home from school, I meant to read one chapter to them. But they were enjoying it so much, and we were having a fun time. I ended up reading three chapters to them and then, when bedtime came, I had meant to read them another chapter but I had fallen asleep and the kids told Ranger that they wanted to let me sleep so that I'd be able to read another chapter or two to them after school again today. It was nice for me. It made me feel like a mother again, especially after the fiasco in the morning."

Grant smiled. "It turned out okay. This morning, the kids all gave you another healing kiss bump-up on your palm so that you wouldn't run out of healing kisses today. They said that you are better, but they want to make sure that you stay better."

I smiled with tears in my eyes.

"I have already changed your dressings and given you your antibiotic shot. I was wondering whether you would like to call Ranger in and we could give you your sponge bath. I suspect that you would like to meet with your team."

I smiled. "You know me well. Even just feeling fresh and clean will be good. I greatly look forward to the first time I am allowed to have a shower again."

Grant smiled. "That day is coming, Steph. I was going to set up an appointment with a burn specialist. I suspect that it will soon be time to do the grafting."

I sighed. "I was having such a good day."

Grant smiled. "Why don't you want to get grafting done?"

"It gives me the willies and it sounds incredibly painful."

"Yes, but it will help you heal. After the skin graft grows in, you'll be able to have a shower again."

I sighed again. "That's cruel, Grant."

"What's cruel?" he said in surprise.

"I desperately want a shower and I am desperately afraid of having the skin graft done. It sounds excruciating and I haven't had enough of a break from being in excruciating pain to have forgotten what that kind of pain feels like. I'm just not sure how much more I can take."

"I understand. You've had a lot of pain to deal with in the last few months, and no one knows how you've been doing it and still keeping your spirits up."

I smiled sadly. "It's a front."

"Yes, but I think that Ranger and Tracy and Kai and Eduardo and I are the only people that know that. Everyone else just thinks that you are sailing through it."

"Good."

"But you need to talk about your feelings, Steph. There are two components of the trauma that you went through. The first, that you are almost over, is the physical component. The second, however, is the emotional component. Make sure that you keep talking to us, and you don't bury it. If you do, you'll likely become depressed again and you don't want to go there."

I sighed.

"So how do you feel? You had an incredibly traumatic thing happen to you, you've been in agonizing pain, you've been holding everyone up…but how do you feel about what happened?"

I thought for a moment and, as I did, a well of anger washed over me. "Furious", I said quietly.

"Why?"

"I'm not angry about the original fire. Yes, I am angry that there was a terrorist attack. The fact that people think that they know better than other people and are willing to use force to get it makes me angry, but that is a tired bit of anger. That happens all over the world in most countries with most governments, and the whole thing is just very tiring. There is no end to the powerplays of politics and, unfortunately, it was my turn to get caught in the blast. No, what gets me furious was that I was healing. The fire happened, I was hurt, but I was recovering and handling things well. And then my sister reinjured me, and that's what gets me beyond angry. If it weren't for her, I would have been much more healed by now. If it weren't for her, I would likely not have to have grafting done. And her defense? She didn't know that I was truly injured."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Incredibly angry."

"Why? Put it into words."

I sighed. "That was my sister, Grant. The person I lived with for the first twenty years of my life. And even though we weren't close friends, I cared about her. So for her not to believe everyone when they said that I was injured, when I said that I was injured? I feel like I cared about her but she didn't care about me, and that hurts. Over the years, I have done a lot for her. I have supported her financially, emotionally and physically. I have been a sounding board and I have cheered her on as she faced trials in her life. I have laughed with her and cried with her. And she didn't believe it when everyone said that I was injured, and she decided to prove me a liar by kicking me and causing me unbearable pain. And what gets me, is If the situation was reversed, it never would have occurred to me that she was lying. I would have been trying to help her rather than making myself feel superior by trying to prove her wrong. I just don't understand why she did what she did, Grant."

Grant sighed. "To tell you the truth, I don't understand either. Her desire to do whatever she could to prove that she was more knowledgeable than everyone else is so fundamentally different from the way that I think that it is hard for me to comprehend."

I sighed. "I am looking forward to getting into the gym and working with Miles next week. Even though doing the physio is incredibly painful, I will be using my body and expending energy, and that will help me get rid of my anger."

"Be prepared for it to make you more angry at first. Until the pain dissipates a bit, you might resent Val all the more."

"True", I said, "but at the same time the anger will carry me over the pain so that I'm not feeling sorry for myself."

Grant smiled. "You're an amazing person, Steph."

Ranger walked in and smiled at me. "What's wrong?" he said as he assessed my face.

"We were talking about Val."

I was struck by the expression of anger on Ranger's face because Ranger had one of the best poker faces that I had ever seen. You normally had to look for the tiny tells to see that he was upset.

"Specifically, we were talking about the anger I feel when I think of her, and why I feel anger. Grant is right, and I have to deal with it. I have often wished that I could work on the heavy bag over the last few months. Sometimes the anger feels almost tangible, it is so strong, and I am having trouble containing it."

"What are you doing to let out the anger?" said Grant.

I sighed. "I cry when no one is here." I smiled. "And sometimes when people are here as well."

Ranger sat down on the bed, picked me up and plopped me on his knee. "You can always cry when I am here, babe", he said softly.

"Same with me", said Grant.

I smiled sadly. "I know. But I don't want to cry at all."

"I bought something for you", said Ranger. He kissed me on the head. "Grant? In the closet on the top shelf is a blue bag."

Grant looked curious, and he quickly retrieved the bag and handed it to Ranger. Ranger then handed it to me. I opened it to see a large box of clay. "I know that you like to do pottery, and I know that we don't have a wheel here, but I thought you might like to make something with the clay and, if you are angry, you could smash it down. For instance, you could make an effigy of your sister and then chop her head off or throw it on the ground and roll your chair backwards and forwards over it."

I laughed. "It's been a long time since I did anything with clay."

"I'm sure you miss it. You're such a talented potter, and it has always been a source of stress relief for you. I always like seeing the things that you create."

"It would be nice to lose myself in creating again." I looked at the clay wistfully.

Ranger smiled. "Let's dress you in old clothes and so you can spend some time creating."

"I really need to talk to the guys."

Ranger smiled again and kissed me on the top of my head. "I'm sure there is enough time to do both. Tracy is picking up another box of clay today – they only had one box in stock when I was there – and we figured that you could lead the kids in making things. Tracy contacted your pottery teacher and your instructor has said that you can dry the pieces in her kiln. Tracy said that she is also going to wear old clothes over the next few days so that she can have fun with you at the same time."

I grinned with tears in my eyes. "Thank you", I said huskily. "I've missed creating."

Ranger smiled. "Babe", he said quietly, "you need to let out your anger. You know that I often hit the heavy bag to let out mine. You deserve that release just as much as I do."

Grant smiled slightly. "Steph, I actually think that your stomach may settle out a bit more when you deal with your anger. You have felt nauseous for a long time, and I have long suspected that the main cause of your nausea is stress-related rather than medication or physiologically related. You need to let it out."

I smiled. "I don't think that I am up to the heavy bag yet. With being in the chair, the bag would be more likely to snap back and hit me in the face."

Ranger smiled. "That's okay. The way that I create, I would make an effigy of your sister and the kids would think that it was a monster." He paused. "Of course, they might be right."

I laughed hard. "Ranger! She isn't a monster!"

"Perhaps technically? However, I am very happy with the thought that we might never have to see her again."

I sighed. "Me too."