Chapter 73 – Ya wanna?

After silencing the walker, Daryl came back into the cabin just as Tahlia was emptying the contents of his pack out onto the wooden bench - fruit, crackers, candy bars and a couple of Tupperware containers of something stew-like that Carol had made.

"You had all this in your bag and you made me eat squirrel for lunch?!"

Daryl smirked as he lit a fire in the wood burner. "Ain't nothin' better than a bit of fresh caught squirrel."

"Literally a sniff of any of these things here would've been better than squirrel."

Balling up a sheet of newspaper, Daryl threw it at her. "Don't tell me livin' in Alexandria's got ya spoiled already, huh princess?"

To which, Tahlia gave a mock-haughty flick of her hair over her shoulder, then grinned as she set about preparing some food.

Plates on their knees and the easy flow of good-natured banter between them, they sat together on the lumpy sofa in front of the flickering flames, but Daryl was far from relaxed. It helped somewhat that Tahlia was pressing him with question after question about what this place had been like, what work he and Aaron had done and what he still wanted to do, but after the almost moment earlier, apprehension had been steadily building inside him until there was barely room for breath, barely room for anything except –

"Huh?"

Tahlia jabbed at him with her toe again. "I said, where'd you go?"

Daryl blinked himself back to the present and shot a defensive glance her way. "I'm right here."

She tutted. "You know what I mean. You're zoning out. Disappearing. Are you tired? We can go to bed."

"Naw. I'm…" Daryl sighed in resignation.

Now.

He wanted it to be now.

But he also wanted it to be on the roof.

"Come up for a smoke?"

Grabbing a couple of cushions, a blanket and a lantern, they headed back up to the platform on the roof and settled in to sit together under the silver glow of the night sky.

"God, this is so beautiful!" stretched Tahlia, feeling truly at peace. She glanced over at Daryl who was chewing on his lip and scratching his thumbnail down to the quick.

"Give us a smoke, then."

"'Kay."

But he made no move.

Tahlia turned to face him, eyeing him curiously as she adjusted the blanket over their laps. "What's up?"

"Wanna…" He bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes darting around. "Wanna… fucksake. Shouldn'ta thought 'bout this so fuckin' much." he grumbled quietly, frowning. "Now I can't even…"

"Daryl?" queried Tahlia, equal parts amused and concerned.

With an exasperated huff, he flicked his gaze up to hers. Then he dropped it to the necklace hanging at her throat, reached out and lightly flipped the piece of jade with his finger.

"See ya still wear the necklace I made ya."

"Of course! I love it."

He nodded and tapped two fingers on his thigh for a moment before quickly reaching into his pocket.

"Made ya somethin' else."

There was a plain white cloth in the palm of his hand and he flicked it open to reveal a perfectly crafted dark wooden ring with beveled edges.

Tahlia sucked in an incredulous breath. "You made that?!"

"Yeah." replied Daryl tightly, the ring trembling in his palm. "This is the other thing that's been takin' up my time. Got near enough the right tools in the shed at Alexandria, but it still took me a while to get it right. Finished it off last night. Took one of your other rings to size it, so hope it fits. Made it outta walnut."

"You…? Walnut? I didn't even know you could…" Tahlia shook her head in amazement. "My God, Daryl, you're so talented! It's beautiful!"

He gave an audible swallow. "S'yours. If you want it."

"Of course I want it!" Tahlia reached out, but he closed his fist at the last second and dropped his hand to his side, realizing that his words had fallen far short of his intention, and so had her understanding.

"Hold up. Ya might not, when ya realise... I mean, like... ain't meant to be just any ring. I made it for..." He paused and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, steeling himself, his breath visibly quickening in his chest. "Coz I… fuck." He raised his eyes heavenwards, then tried again. "I… I… FUCK."

The fingers of his free hand had been knotting into the blanket resting on their knees, and he felt Tahlia's hands closing around it, stilling him.

"Daryl. Hey." she soothed. Whatever he was trying to get at was still floating just beyond her comprehension, and she was more concerned with calming him down than speculating on what was stringing him out. "It's ok. It's just me."

He met her gaze, steady and serene, his own skittish and bright.

She shook her head. "You don't have to-"

"I wanna." he interrupted before she could give him an excuse to put this off any longer. "I gotta."

Strangely, the eye contact made it easier. Grounded him. A wash of determination loosened the strangle in his throat.

"Ain't good with words like you, Tahly. Hard for me to say what's in here." He smacked his fist to his chest and dragged in a deep breath. "And there's a lot. Know I ain't never told ya that I… but I do. I really fuckin' do, Tahly. Love ya, I mean. Known it since way back, just choke up every time I try tell ya."

The words were all rushed and mumbled but he could see by the way Tahlia was staring at him, her face alight, that she'd caught every last one. And he could also see by the way her lower lip was clamped between her teeth that despite the fact she was practically vibrating, she was doing her best to stay quiet until he'd said everything he wanted to.

Which was good, because he wasn't done.

"But that just ain't never felt like enough. Them words. They ain't nowhere near big enough to let you know how much I… so that's why I thought that maybe…" he faltered, his throat closing over, so he grabbed her left hand and squeezed her ring finger with his thumb and forefinger. "Think you're meant to wear it here. Like… I mean, only if… if ya wanna…"

Blinking rapidly, Tahlia looked down at their hands, then up into his jittery blues, back down at their hands, then back to him, her brow furrowing as she tried to make sense of what he was saying.

"I may have gotten the wrong end of the stick here, and I'm going to feel like a real dick if I have," she said slowly, "but... are you... are you asking me to marry you?"

A shadow of utter terror scudded across Daryl's face, then he raised his eyebrows hopefully.

"Uh… yeah. Ya wanna?"

Tahlia let out a short incredulous huff, her eyes sparkling in amazement as she beamed at him. "Daryl! That's so…!"

Then she caught herself and dimmed to a gentle smile as she shook her head.

"You don't have to do that. You are enough, just the way you are, and you always have been. I mean, I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty awesome hearing you saying you love me, but you've never needed words. I hear it from you in so many other ways, and I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything more to prove it."

Daryl stared down at their hands, fingers still intertwined, then looked up at her in earnest.

"Naw, shit Tahly, that ain't why I want it. And that sure ain't how I planned to ask ya, but…" he shrugged helplessly, "My words just got all messed up. And I've been goddamn thinkin' 'bout this so much, for a long fuckin' time."

He shook his head and stared over her shoulder for a moment as if silently berating himself, then he took a deep breath, determined to be more articulate this time.

"'Kay. So, back at the prison, Eleanor once told me that there was somethin' real nice 'bout tyin' yourself to someone with marriage and knowin' that they wanna be tied to ya right back. And I didn't get what she meant, I always thought marriage was a crock of shit - just an excuse for people to have a party or somethin'. Then we started up and… I got it, y'know? And I know it don't mean nothin' in this world, not really, not like it used to, but it's still a promise, right? Promisin' yourself to someone. Promisin' that you're gonna look out for 'em, take care of 'em, stick by their side. Wanna promise ya that. Want ya to know that no fuckin' matter what, I'm always gonna be there for ya. Either one of us could be gone tomorrow so I want this with ya now. Don't wanna wait no longer. And...!" he added, just remembering something else, "And I damn well hate it when people ask if we're a 'thing', like it ain't serious - coz shit Tahly, I'm 'bout as serious as anyone can get when it comes to you. Want you and everyone to know that. I'll probably still be shit at tellin' ya how I feel, but least this might remind ya when I don't."

For once, Tahlia was speechless - not just because that was up there with the most that Daryl had ever said to her in one go, or because it was the most candid he'd been about his feelings – but also because she'd never entertained for a second the idea that marriage might be something that Daryl would consider, something he would want, something he'd feel so deeply or think so hard about. And the fact that he'd gone to the trouble of making her a ring, and managed to push through his nerves and tangled words to voice all of that…

"Shit." she breathed, still trying to gather her wits. "You really have thought about this."

Daryl fixed her with a flat look. As if he were capable of something like this without thinking himself inside out about it.

"Mm-hmm. Lil bit."

"So…" Tahlia gazed at him in astonishment, realization finally dawning. "You're really asking me to marry you?!"

"Yes!" iterated Daryl with a frown. "Ya goddamn wanna or not?!"

With a delighted laugh, Tahlia sprang onto him and knocked him back onto the platform.

"Yeah." she declared happily, carding her fingers through his hair. "I goddamn wanna!"

"Yeah?" breathed Daryl in wonderment – he hadn't realized that he'd been as taut as a pulled bowstring until his whole body loosened with relief at her answer.

Tahlia nodded as she dropped her lips to graze his jaw. "I'd love to tie myself to you. Then you can never be rid of me."

"Damn." he smiled. "Like the sound of that."

Then he coaxed her mouth to his and they sank into a long kiss of heat and promise and only stopped when the edge of the platform digging into Daryl's shoulder became too uncomfortable to bear, and reluctantly they untangled themselves and struggled to sit upright again.

Side by side now, Tahlia tucked her arm through his and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Everything you said? That was all so beautiful, so perfect." she told him softly. "And romantic as hell."

Daryl growled a little at that but was glad that she couldn't see the flush on his cheeks.

"Hey. I'm sorry it took so long for me to tell ya… tell ya I love ya." Those words still felt clumsy on his tongue. "Wanted to right from the start. Then after the prison when I thought you were… well, shit. That was the worst. Thinkin' that y'ain't never knew."

Pushing herself away slightly, Tahlia turned to him and bit her lip. "Um, about that. I've got to level with you. I did know. I mean, aside from the fact that you were always a total sweetheart – ow! No pinching! I knew because Michonne told me about what you said to her that day when we went to Dr. Death's place."

Daryl's gaze snapped to hers. "What?! She told ya 'bout that?!"

"Yeah." nodded Tahlia apologetically. "She didn't say anything until we'd been together for a while, until she was sure that we were solid, but then she pretty much repeated your confession of love word for word. It was super cute, by the way."

"Fuckin' hell." grumbled Daryl, frowning. "She goddamn swore she wouldn't tell ya!"

Tahlia shrugged. "Sorry, buddy. My friendship with Michy trumps your friendship with Michy, so she basically had no choice but to tell me."

"How come y'ain't never said nothin' 'til now?!"

"Well," Tahlia chuckled and flicked her thumb over his pouted lip. "Because I didn't want you to ever feel pressured to say anything to me that you weren't comfortable saying. Like I said before, I hear it from you in so many other ways, and even if you never found the words, I would go to my grave feeling unconditionally loved and respected by you, and that has always been more than enough."

Daryl gave a hard, wobbly swallow and blinked a few times, then as he was studiously avoiding eye contact, he caught sight of the ring lying at the side of the platform where he'd dropped it when Tahlia dove on him.

"Oh." he remarked, picking it up. "Should I just…?" He gestured at her hand, then furrowed his brow. "Or do we…? I mean, I never thought 'bout havin' an actual wedding, but I… I guess if ya really wanted to do that, then…?"

Clasping her hands at her chest, Tahlia hitched her shoulders and donned a dreamy expression.

"Now that you mention it, I have been fantasizing about my wedding day since I was a little girl… I'd wear a poufy white dress with a train that would stretch all the way down the aisle; I'd have ten bridesmaids; flower girls and page boys; mountains of flowers and a huge tiered cake. And of course, a string quartet, fifty white doves, buckets of confetti, and we'd definitely have to do a Viennese waltz…"

Daryl blanched, then somehow grew steadily paler as her list unfolded, his eyes wide in horror.

"I'm kidding! Daryl! I'm kidding!" guffawed Tahlia, nudging him. "Oh my God, you look like you're about to pass out!"

Daryl choked out a huge breath of relief. "Fuckin' hell, girl! I was near ready to jump off this roof and make a run for it!" Then, twirling the ring between his fingers, he looked back up at her, quietly serious now. "But… I would. Do all that. If that's what ya wanted."

The amusement immediately faded from Tahlia's face, because that in itself was a pretty massive declaration of love from Daryl right there.

"I mean, I'd hate it, but I'd do it."

"You would hate it." she agreed with a smile. "And so would I. Not to mention the fact that sourcing fifty white doves might be a bit of a struggle. But honestly, no, I don't want anything like that. I don't want a wedding. This, between us, this is perfect. But…" she arched a brow in challenge. "You're not getting away without saying some vows."

"Vows?" Daryl wrinkled his nose. "Hell no."

"Come onnn." wheedled Tahlia. "We've got to do something to mark this momentous occasion!"

"How 'bout I just shove this ring on your finger?"

"But there's got to be at least a little bit of cheesy soppiness involved!"

"Course you'd be into that." said Daryl drily, rolling his eyes. "What 'bout all that shit I said just before, though? Ain't that my bit done?"

"Yeah, ok," Tahlia waved a hand at him. "That was lovely. You're off the hook. I'm totally saying something though." She cleared her throat purposefully. "I, Tahlia Wilkins, take you-"

Daryl groaned loudly and dropped his face into his hands.

Hushing him through her mirth, Tahlia schooled her face into a solemn expression as she carried on, "- take you, Daryl Dixon, to be my forever, my one true love, to have and to hold -"

"Tahly!" complained Daryl from between his palms. "Naw! Why y'always gotta make it weird?!"

"What?! I'm declaring my love! Ok, ok, I'll change it up. Right… Dixon, you are a beautiful soul and without a doubt, the most incredible guy I've ever met. I never knew that one person could be my everything, but you are, and I – stop kicking me! Let me finish! – I fall deep as shit in love with you more and more every day. Does that even make sense? Anyway. You make sense. You make my world come into focus. There isn't a single thing about my life that I would change if it meant not finding you-"

He had been peeking up at her through his fingers, but his hands slipped down his face at that, the weight of that statement taking his breath away.

"And," Tahlia had to wrap it up because despite attempting to keep her tone light, her eyes were still misting, her voice quavering, "And I don't give a shit what lies ahead, as long as I get to keep hugging it out with you every day! There. Love declared."

"So cheesy." Daryl managed with a sniff as he flicked her thigh affectionately. "You're cryin' and everythin'."

"You're crying."

"Ain't. Got a bug in my eye."

They blushed a little and grinned a lot, then Daryl held Tahlia's gaze for a long moment before rolling his eyes dramatically and shifting so that he was kneeling in front of her.

"Fine."

"Ooh, are you really going to - ?"

"Shh!" he hushed her sternly as he took her hand and slid the ring onto her finger.

"I, Daryl Dixon," Kiss on her knuckles. "-take you, giant pain in the ass," On her forearm. "- to be my ball and chain," Her shoulder. "- and I ain't sayin'," Her cheek. "-no damn soppy vows." Then a smiling press on her lips to seal his words.

Tahlia chuckled against his mouth. "That was the most romantic thing I've ever heard."

Moving to sit back on his heels, Daryl's expression turned serious, his tone reverent. "But, I will say this - girl, ain't never thought it was possible to feel like this. Really fuckin' love ya, the big kind, the fierce kind, the once-in-a-lifetime, Highwayman kind of love. And I'm gonna love ya with every breath 'til the day I die. And doncha forget it, coz I ain't never sayin' all that shit again."

The heels of Tahlia's hands flew to her eyes as she ducked her head, tears staining dark lines on her shirt.

"Well," she said in a tremulous voice without uncovering her eyes, "That was really goddamned beautiful!"

"Damn! You blubberin' again?" Daryl teased, surreptitiously swiping his arm across his own eyes. "Lucky I ain't in the habit of declarin' my feelin's too often, coz look at the state of ya when I do!"

"It's the bugs!" choked Tahlia, sucking in a stuttered breath. "There's like, ten in each eye! At least!"

Laughing quietly, Daryl gently tugged her hands away from her face and she tipped her head skywards, her streaked cheeks glinting in the moonlight.

"Crybaby." he said fondly.

"Shut up, Dixon." retorted Tahlia feigning affront, even though she was practically effervescing with elation. Finally she floated her watery gaze to his, then moved forward to straddle his lap, circling her arms around his neck as he meticulously kissed the salt from her cheeks.

"Hey."

He pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, his own soft and questioning.

Smiling sweetly, she said, "Remember that time you told me you loved me?"

"Gawd. Here we go already." muttered Daryl good-naturedly.

He'd given her a decent ribbing after her admission of love all those months ago, so he'd always known that he had this coming. Lucky he'd had plenty of time to prepare for it.

Schooling his face into a blank expression, he gazed back at her. "Hmm… nope. Don't got no recollection of that at all."

"Is that so?" asked Tahlia innocently, although there was no disguising that mischievous glint in her eye. "Because I'm pretty sure you said you really fucking loved me. The Highwayman kind of love, even."

"Naw, don't think so. That definitely wasn't me."

"Think you might have. In those exact words. Referencing poetry and everything."

Daryl shook his head. "Well shit, that sure just don't sound like somethin' I'd ever say. You musta mixed me up with someone else."

Tahlia was having difficulty keeping a straight face. "Huh. You think?"

"Mm-hmm. No doubt about it."

"So, 'I'm gonna love ya with every breath 'til the day I die' doesn't sound familiar to you at all?"

"Sorry, girl." shrugged Daryl, managing to keep his tone impassive although his eyes were glittering with mirth. "Ain't ringin' no bells."

"Really? Not one single wedding bell chiming in your head?" pressed Tahlia, barely suppressing a snicker. "Suppose you don't know anything about this painstakingly handcrafted ring on my finger either, hmm?"

Daryl cracked at that and laughing, dropped his head to her chest and simultaneously smacked her hard on the ass. "Alright, wifey. I give in!"

Then his head snapped up and he stared at her in loose astonishment, causing Tahlia's smile to dim a few watts.

"What?"

Swallowing hard, Daryl shook his head.

"What?" she pressed, curious now.

"Naw." he said stubbornly. "Don't need to give ya any more ammo for teasin' me."

Tahlia pursed her lips and blinked widely at him. "I promise I won't say a single word."

Narrowing his eyes in mistrust, Daryl then sighed.

"'Kay. Was just… that's the first time I called ya that. Wifey. My wife." His cheeks flamed apple-red, and he bit his lip bashfully. "Think I like it. A lot."

Her face turned radiant at that, and she nodded happily. "Me too."

"Gawd!" crowed Daryl. "Is that another damn tear? You could single handedly put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college with all the –"

"Shut up, Dixon!" laughed Tahlia pushing at his chest to get to her feet. "Now get up and get your smart ass back down into that love shack. It's our damn wedding night."

Apologies for all cheesy soppiness.