Chapter 4

"Lockon hold up," Allelujah called out as they moved toward their mobile suits for deployment.

Lyle glanced over his shoulder, Haro under his arm, "What's up?"

"Have you talked to Feldt lately?" Allelujah asked.

Lyle clenched his teeth, "I did… briefly the other night."

"And?"

"How's it any of your business? We've got a mission, let's go," Lyle said and hopped in Cheridum's cockpit.

"Lockon!" Allelujah shouted as the door shut in his face.

The super soldier huffed and made his way to Arios, "Oblivious."

…

"Feldt, are you alright?" Sumeragi asked as the mission commenced and they sat on the bridge together.

Feldt nodded wordlessly and typed on her work station. Mileina looked over her shoulder with a worried expression.

"Whatever is going on, you need to talk to someone about it," Sumeragi said bluntly.

"I tried that," Feldt replied shortly.

Marie's eyes widened and she looked out the front window into the vastness of space where there were flashing lights.

'That jerk,' she thought as she saw a flash of a sniper rifle light.

….

Mileina sat with Feldt in the mess hall and they ate dinner together. She chattered excitedly about the successful mission and was practically glowing when she talked about Tieria.

"He's so smart and skilled, did you see him take out 7 mobile suits with just one shot?" she gushed with glittering eyes.

Feldt forced herself to smile and poked at her food. Her stomach felt like an empty pit and she had no appetite.

"I'm telling you it's not your business!"

Feldt paused and her head shot up to see Lyle and Allelujah walking in still wearing their pilot suits. He spared her a glance and kept moving without a second look. Feldt dropped her fork and pushed her tray away.

"You've hardly eaten anything Feldt!" Mileina said with concern.

"I'm not hungry. I need to lay down," Feldt replied quietly.

"You're not…" Mileina trailed off with wide eyes.

"Not what?" Feldt asked as she stood up and took her tray to the garbage.

"Pregnant?"

Feldt stumbled and almost dropped the tray she was carrying. She swung around with terrified eyes and Mileina's lips parted in surprise.

"My woman's intuition was right!"

Feldt tossed her tray quickly, "No! It's not!" she exclaimed in horror as Allelujah and Lyle stared at both of them, stunned.

"I'm going to my room," Feldt said quickly and left them in an awkward silence.

Allelujah and Lyle watched her go and then glanced at each other.

"Setsuna is being so rude to her, she can't be a single mom!" Mileina groaned and continued eating.

"I need a cigarette," Lyle spat and walked out of the room.

Alellujah sighed and looked at Mileina, "She's not pregnant you know."

"How do you know?"

Allelujah didn't reply as he thought about the conversation he had late the previous night with Marie. It was a complete mess. Feldt and Lyle both still liked each other, but believed the other had moved on and were currently avoiding each other.

"She's not, trust me," he finally said.

….

Feldt laid in bed in her dark room and stared at the ceiling. She was naked under the sheets and sweating. She couldn't believe herself. She had truly gone over the edge and was falling at an unstoppable speed. She lost Setsuna and Lyle and here she was pleasuring herself at the thought of the older Gundam meister having his way with her. Her chest heaved and she started to feel tears in her eyes.

"Oh Lyle, what have I done?" she mumbled as she rested her forearm across her eyes.

She should have realized how happy he made her during their short time together and stayed with him. She knowingly chose to leave him and be with Setsuna. Now she had lost both of them and it was her fault. She began to cry and covered her face with her hands. Sobs wracked her body and her small frame shuddered.

…..

Lyle inhaled deeply on his cigarette as he stood in one of the offshoot rooms of the spaceship that looked out into the vast nothingness of stars. He puffed gratefully on the glowing stick in his hand and closed his eyes, imagining he was back home once again. This time he was a teenager again standing out back skipping class smoking with his friends. A light rain fell on them and they laughed together as the teacher ran out shouting at them. They took off running in different directions and were each given a week of detention for that stunt.

"Lockon!"

Lyle narrowed his blue eyes as Allelujah came into the room quickly with narrowed eyes, "Go talk to Feldt."

"How many times do I have to say this isn't any of your business," Lyle spat and dropped his cigarette on the floor and stomped on it angrily.

Allelujah stared at the ground and then slowly brought his mismatched eyes back to the Irishman's face, "First off, Sumeragi would kill you if she saw you do that, second, it isn't my business, but Marie is really concerned about Feldt and she talked with her. After the conversation they had… you need to talk with her, it's important."

"What did they talk about then if it's such a big deal?" Lyle rolled his eyes and bent over, picking up the crushed cigarette and tossing it into a nearby trash receptacle.

"You're absolutely oblivious. Go talk with her."

"No."

"She still loves you! That's why she broke up with Setsuna!" Allelujah exploded with an angry glare, "You're making my life hell because Marie is upset about Feldt. Feldt is my friend too and I hate watching this. Get yourself together, grow up and go talk to her!"

Lyle stared at Allelujah with raised eyebrows in silence and then glanced back out the window where millions of stars twinkled back at him.

"I'm finished, I can't do any more. The rest is up to you," Allelujah stated dryly and left the room without another word.

Lyle continued to look out at the vastness of space and reached into his pocket. He pulled another cigarette out and lit it without regret. He closed his eyes again. This time he was standing in the cemetery. His sister, mother, father, Neil and Anew all stared back at him… their tombstones.

"God damn it," he spat.

….

"Feldt, can we talk?"

The systems engineer gasped at that voice and sat up straight, her sheets pooling around her waist. She covered her bare chest and grabbed a spare t-shirt off the floor. She made her way to the door and pressed the button to open it. Charcoal eyes met hers and she couldn't help the tears that ran down her cheeks. She was miserable and the man she used to harbor so much affection for was right in front of her. She reached out to him desperately and wrapped her arms around him, her body shaking with cries. Setsuna went rigid in her arms and slowly walked into her room, the door closing behind them.

"Feldt," Setsuna said again gently as she cried into his chest.

She pulled back and looked up at him with swollen eyes, "I'm sorry."

"There's no reason for you to apologize," Setsuna replied, looking uncomfortable as tears continued to run down her reddened cheeks.

Feldt was numb at that moment and wanted to feel something. She leaned forward and her lips met his as her tears continued to flow. Setsuna pulled away from her with a somewhat startled look on his face.

"Feldt, let's talk," he repeated.

The pink haired girl immediately backed away from him, pulling out of his grasp and wiping her lips with the back of her hand. She once again felt disgusted with herself which was becoming quite familiar recently. Her eyes stared down at the floor and she refused to look at him. Setsuna stared at her with an intense charcoal gaze.

"Everyone is worried about you," he stated frankly.

Feldt didn't speak and instead walked over to her bed, throwing the sheets back. She laid down and covered herself head to toe. She bit down on her lip as her body started to shake with cries. She internally willed Setsuna to leave, but heard no movement. She knew he was still there, probably incredibly uncomfortable and confused.

She hugged a pillow close to her chest and squeezed tightly, "Neil," she whispered out, "Why did you have to leave me?"

With that she heard the door to her room open and she was alone once again.

…..

"Don't go in there."

Lyle paused with his hand ready to knock on the door in front of him. He saw Setsuna down the hall with a stern expression on his face.

"What's it to you?" Lyle growled back.

"She's upset and doesn't want to talk to anyone. She needs to sort things out for herself," Setsuna spoke and turned around.

Lyle watched him disappear down the hall and he huffed. He hadn't worked up the nerve to come and talk with the girl for nothing. He tentatively tapped his knuckles on her door. There was no answer and he knocked louder.

"Feldt, I know you're in there, let me in," Lyle called out.

The door still didn't open and there was no sign of anyone inside. The Irishman sighed and knocked again with a frown.

"I need to talk to you Feldt and I think you need to talk with me too, please let me in," he said, sounding a little more desperate than he would like.

"Leave her be."

Lyle paused as he felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Allelujah and Marie behind him.

"You're the one who told me to talk to her, make up your mind," Lyle said with a furrowed brow.

"She's hurting," Marie said sympathetically, "She's been through so much. She's lost and trying to find herself again."

"I don't have time for this, I'm going to bed," Lyle said distastefully and made his way down the hall without a glance back.

Allelujah and Marie looked at each other with defeated expressions. He reached out and hugged the girl in front of him tightly. He cherished every moment with her because the next moment could always be their last.

….

Sumeragi stared at the girl in front of her with a stunned expression. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Feldt's parents had been part of Celestial Being and it was all the girl knew. It was her family and now she stood there saying she quit and wanted to leave to start a different life.

"You can't be serious Feldt, I know how much this organization means to you."

The systems engineer shook her head, "I'm completely serious. I need to find myself and I won't find it here. Too much has happened and I can't be here any longer."

"Where will you go?"

"Back to the surface."

"Do you need an escort?" Sumeragi asked with a sad smile, "It's the least we can do."

"If it's not too much trouble. I'd also ask that it's anyone except Setsuna or Lockon," Feldt replied quietly.

"I can make that happen. When do you want to do this?"

"As soon as possible, I've already packed my things."

Sumeragi nodded, "I can have something arranged in the next hour, but please rethink it."

"I've done all the thinking I need and my mind is made up," Feldt replied with a new confidence in her voice, "I need this for myself."

…..

Tieria sat in the cockpit of his Gundam and tinkered with the settings of his machine. He let out a sigh when he heard someone approaching on the metal scaffold and glanced up with a scowl on his face.

"Sumeragi Lee Noriega."

"I have a mission for you," she stated.

"Just me?"

"Yes, and keep it to yourself," she told him and folded her arms across her chest.

….

Lyle walked to the bridge and saw Sumeragi talking quietly with Lasse who was at the helm nodding slowly. Mileina sniffed from her chair and he could tell she had been crying.

"Seravee is launching," Mileina said with a quiver in her voice, "Mr. Erde, you're clear for takeoff."

Lyle furrowed his brow and stepped fully into the room, "Where the hell is he going?"

Sumeragi spun around with wide eyes and frowned at the man in front of her.

"No use hiding it now," Lasse said with a shrug, "They're all going to find out."

Sumeragi sighed and put her hands on her hips, "Tieria is going to earth."

"Is this some kind of secret mission you didn't tell any of us about?" the Irishman questioned as he saw a flash of particles out the front window from Seravee speeding away from them.

Everyone was silent and Mileina's lip quivered as her eyes went to the empty seat across the room from her. Lyle immediately caught her gaze and his blue eyes widened.

"Where's Feldt?"

"She's gone," Sumeragi stated bluntly.

Lyle felt his stomach turn sickeningly and squeezed his fists, "What do you mean?"

"Tieria's taking her to earth, she quit and wants to start a new life for herself," the tactical forecaster spoke, not taking her brown eyes from the meister.

"I don't get it, why didn't she tell anyone?" he asked.

"She wanted to make a clean break, get off it," Lasse said over his shoulder with a hint of irritation.

Lyle sent the helmsman a deathly glare and turned back to Sumeragi, "I'm going after them."

"No you're not," she said firmly.

"I need to talk to her," Lyle's voice grew louder as his frustration grew, "I have to go after them."

"Maybe you should have thought about that earlier," Sumeragi returned, knowing the grief that he and Setsuna had caused the girl.

"I'm leaving."

"You're not authorized, I won't allow you to take off," Sumeragi said and looked at Mileina, "Ensure that Cheridum doesn't go anywhere."

"Yes ma'am," she said quietly.

"Damn it all!" Lyle spat and slammed his fist into the wall.

"Go back to your room and cool down, get your head on straight," Sumeragi growled at him with a frown.

Lyle wordlessly spun around and left the room. He was furious and sick to his stomach. Feldt was gone and he was an absolute idiot. Once again he was too late and he was going to lose another woman he loved. He arrived back at his room and threw himself unceremoniously onto his bed. He stared at the ceiling and was stunned that Feldt had quit and left the team. This team was her family. She must really hate him to leave it all behind. He wondered if being on the same ship as him made her that disgusted.

"I hope she finds what she's looking for and can be happy," he muttered.

…..

Tieria glanced at the quiet girl next to him. She sat awkwardly next to his pilot chair in Seravee with a big bag in her lap.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Tieria spoke, breaking the silence.

"I need a new start. It's hard because Celestial Being is my family, but I need to do this for myself. I can't keep putting myself through what I've been going through. I'm always terrified of losing my friends and I lost Christina already. I can't bear to lose anyone else," Feldt explained.

"Like Lockon?" Tieria said nonchalantly.

Feldt's blue eyes widened, "What?"

"I'm not an idiot. You're leaving because of this thing with Lockon and Setsuna. It's silly really, but it's your decision."

Feldt sighed, he was partially right. The thought of losing either one of them like she lost Christina was too much. She needed to start over and try to be happy because at the moment she was miserable.

"It's my decision and I want to do this," she said firmly.

"Suit yourself. Where am I taking you specifically for this new life of yours?"

Feldt smiled. She had been up multiple nights on her computer and had created a life for herself to go to. She had made an identity, had created a bank account with plenty of money, purchased a house and had a job waiting for her. She was thankful for her computer skills to give her a leg up.

"Ireland," she said wistfully with a smile on her face.

Tieria raised his delicate eyebrows, "Really?"

"Yes," Feldt said breathlessly, "I have a small house waiting for me with a great view of the ocean."

Tieria smirked, "Alright then, to Ireland."

….

A few weeks later, Feldt woke up to her alarm going off. She rolled out of bed and walked to her bathroom and proceeded to wash her face. She put on a fuzzy robe and proceeded to move about her small house and open the windows for the fresh morning air. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply as a breeze blew in the salty ocean air. The pink haired girl put a pot on the stove and started to heat water up for a morning cup of tea. A few seagulls squawked outside her window and she heard the rustling of the grass as the salty wind continued to blow in from the ocean.

Feldt sat with her tea and gazed out the large window in her home with a smile. She finally felt at peace with herself for the first time in years. She was still decompressing from her position in Celestial Being, but was slowly adapting to life on the outside as a civilian. She adored walking to town and going to the markets. The people were incredibly friendly and she enjoyed buying their homemade goods. Her house was quiet with a magnificent view and she got to work from home doing computer programming. She occasionally would have to travel to Dublin or one of the larger cities, but not often. She had a small beat up car that she had found for a bargain price that she drove occasionally and it got her where she needed to go. The girl had taken it to the cemetery about a week ago and visited Neil's grave. She had placed flowers at it and cried as she apologized to him for leaving Celestial Being. She hated thinking he would be disappointed in her. She had gazed forlornly at Anew's grave and quickly left to avoid her thoughts drifting to Lyle. She missed the others, especially Marie and Mileina. She had made acquaintances with a few people in town, but did not have any true friends yet. She still missed Christina dearly. The pink haired girl was continuing to keep romance at a distance. Her heart was still trying to heal and had a long way to go.

She finished her tea and proceeded to get dressed. She wanted to go into town this morning and visit the market for some fresh eggs and milk. She glanced outside and saw the gloomy overcast sky.

"Rain boots just in case," she muttered and grabbed a rain jacket as well.