Hello! Good afternoon and Happy Thursday!

I hope you've all been well since I last saw you! I've been busy going to shows and trying not to get heat exhaustion. On Saturday when I saw Rolling Blackouts CF it was hotter outside at about midnight than it was inside the venue! Ridiculous. The show was SO amazing though, like, seeing them live just reaffirmed that the last two minutes of French Press might be the greatest outro to any song ever. Or at least in the top five. Plus this band I'd never heard of called Razor Braids opened and was absolutely killer. Always come for openers! I've had their album on repeat all week.

Then on Tuesday when it was 96 Fahrenheit I took my friend to see Rise Against for his birthday and another friend tagged along, and it was another absolutely killer show even though it was disgustingly hot. Fortunately the venue was outside and we had a nice breeze coming off the river! It was also such a glorious nostalgia trip because Senses Fail and The Used opened, and I saw The Used at my first small venue show when I was like, 14, with two friends, and it just... Oh my heart was singing. I also was listening to a lot of Rise Against the first time I read X/1999, which, in case you aren't familiar with my work, is my favorite manga in the entire world.

The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? I take enormous comfort in the fact that my 14 year old self would think current me is super cool and figure I've done a few things right LOL.

Okay enough of my rambling.

So this chapter... honestly there isn't much to say? We get some more depravity, which I always love, but I feel like both Eren and Levi are so hazy and confused in this chapter it kind of rubbed off on me? Like, sorry guys I'm just as fucked up as both of you right now, I don't know what to tell you. SO YEAH I'll be extra curious what you all think, especially after the last chapter! Yeah, that's all I've got to say, really.

Oh except! FOR THE VIBES! Listen to And I Return To Nothingness by Lorna Shore. I love to imagine Eren passed out listening to the utter insanity that is this band. The contradiction and all that. Speaking of contradictions, if you wanna see the most adorable thing in the universe, watch the video of Will Ramos (their frontman) trying to determine if screams are an animal or metal vocalist. Seriously, it's on YouTube and you will not be sorry.

Enjoy, everybody!

Clean and packed and ready to go, Eren stood sentinel at the top of the stairs, waiting for his mother to leave the kitchen. His father was holed up in his office and he had no idea where Mikasa was, though he didn't care as long as she was out of the way. He gripped the banister so hard it pulled at the fresh cuts on his knuckles and listened to the indistinct sounds of the dishwasher and his mother's audiobook going on and on and on. The longer he waited, the more frustrated he became, so that every second seemed to cost him. Even just standing up in the bright light of the hallway was draining him of energy and making the pain throughout his body worse, why the fuck was everything taking so goddamn long?!

Finally, finally, his mother paused her audiobook and walked into the hallway. Experience taught Eren that he was totally out of sight, but he still drew back as she passed the stairwell and opened the basement door. The moment she was out of earshot, Eren sprinted down the stairs and out the front door, his heart pounding and eyes stinging.

Once outside the townhouse, he recoiled from the sun and blinked furiously, but kept moving forward. It was so hot the humidity shimmered in the overbright air before him, blurring the surrounding buildings and parked cars. Eren had never taken psychedelics, but he imagined this view in his sleep deprived vision was similar.

Because the F train was on some bullshit, Eren walked to 68th Street and boarded a ridiculously crowded and painfully bright 6 train. However, it was at least air conditioned, and he leaned against the doors with his headphones on and eyes closed. Unfortunately, his stomach still lurched with the motion of the train and all the people pressed in around him, hot and unaware and screaming at each other.

He transferred at Canal Street before he could completely lose his grip, and took a J train full of young people going to Bushwick and homeless people going god knows where to Delancey. The moment he was out of the train station, Eren's hazy, shining vision tunneled in on Levi's building. The pain inside him spiked, but he forced himself forward, barely aware of getting buzzed in, of riding the elevator up, of sprinting the length of Levi's hallway. However, when he saw Levi himself leaning against his door frame, Eren cried out in relief and ran straight into his arms.

Levi gasped at the impact, but stood strong, holding Eren steady with one arm while he braced against the door with the other. He closed his eyes at the usual headrush as Eren buried his face in his hair. His music was so loud in his headphones Levi could actually make out words through the screaming.

Heart speeding up and head still hazy, Levi pulled Eren over his threshold, shut the door and wrapped his other arm tight around him to hold him closer. It felt good, had it really been so long that it was such a relief? Or was that all just Eren's need filling him up and drawing him out to sea? Regardless, already hard and without pausing to think, Levi pulled Eren's headphones away from his ear to tell him, "Get on your knees," just like always.

The command caught Eren sharply in the chest and sent heat flooding between his shaking legs. At once, he ripped off his headphones and shoved them along with his phone into his bag, which he threw onto the floor behind him. He then fell to his knees, gripped the backs of Levi's thighs and pressed his face into his belly. He took a deep breath in as he nosed under the hem of his t-shirt, his eyes already watering with relief at the familiar feel and smell.

Levi inhaled sharply and broke out in goosebumps as he felt Eren's shallow breath tickle his skin. He took firm, but gentle, hold of the back of his head and closed his eyes, enjoying the split second of soft contact, of sensuality, before, "Levi…" Levi sighed, and, diving headfirst into the storm tossed sea, grabbed Eren by the hair and yanked him back. Eren groaned gratefully and dug his fingers into Levi's thighs, his mouth and eyes wide as he was forced to look up.

"You want it?" Levi asked, his lip curling as he met Eren's gaze unflinchingly.

"Yes!" Eren cried, his knees spreading against the floor. Levi stepped on his obvious erection with the ball of his foot. "Fuck! Yes!" It was bliss, the overwhelming relief and pain and the pleasure. Eren closed his eyes, tears sliding down his face, and began to move his hips back and forth, grinding shamelessly into the pressure.

"I should just let you dry hump my leg like the dog that you are," said Levi, his contempt sparking the already charged space between them. "That should be more than enough to satisfy you."

"No!" Eren whined, clutching at Levi, his eyes burning with more tears.

"No?" Levi asked, in amused incredulity. "You're ready to come on my goddamn foot, I can feel it." Eren gasped but glared up at Levi defiantly, his eyes huge and beautiful against his flushed skin and dark hair.

"I want you to fuck me," he told Levi, and his erection throbbed as he said it. "Nothing else is good enough!"

"Needy little shit," spat Levi, but Eren just nodded and rocked his hips more insistently against Levi's foot.

"Yeah… but I don't think you'd settle for less than my ass right now," he continued in a low, desirous voice, kissing along Levi's still clothed erection. Levi let go of Eren's hair and slapped him hard across the face. He fell to his side with a sharp cry, gloriously dizzied by the sensation, his chest heaving and erection twitching. Levi stepped on the side of Eren's face, pressing his cheek into the floor, and he groaned and curled in on himself, hands between his legs.

"That's it, run your mouth so you get fucked up," spat Levi. Eren laughed, his crazed, aroused laugh that was both exciting and horrifying.

"Give me more!" he whined, grinding into his hands. Levi's lip curled in disgust and he kicked Eren onto his back.

"Spread your legs." Eren uncurled like a flower blooming, his trembling legs straightening and spreading while he reached his arms above his head. He looked beautiful, splayed out like that, and though Levi was momentarily distracted by his erection, it was his eyes, always his eyes, blazing demandingly blue green, that he focused on. As they stared at each other, any plan Levi had of drawing this out was set ablaze. He stepped over Eren and sank down to straddle his hips.

"What the fuck," Eren groaned, though he thrust up against the pressure. Levi slapped him across the face again, much harder this time, and Eren's whole body sang with arousal.

"How do you want it?" Levi asked, grinding in slow circles against him. Eren's toes curled and he tried to reach for Levi's thighs, only to get slapped a third time.

"Fuck!"

"Keep your dirty hands above your head and answer the fucking question." Eren let out a frustrated cry, and his eyes flashed up at Levi, so strong and powerful and beautiful.

"From behind," he moaned with an excited little shiver that Levi felt in his own body, "and I want it hard." Levi seized him by the face, and they stared intently at each other.

"I fucking knew that already, you masochist punk," Levi shot back, though his lip curled in that almost affectionate way that made Eren's heart skip. Levi let go of his face and backhanded him for good measure before standing up and kicking him onto his front. "Get up and get your ass to my room."

Eren scrambled to his feet at once and kicked off his shoes before sprinting down the hall. Levi followed him at a distance so that by the time he entered his room he found Eren stripped naked and on all fours in his bed. Levi paused, taking in the picture before him and biting back a moan as Eren looked at him over his shoulder, his eyes huge and demanding. Wordlessly, Levi took off his belt, folded it in half, strode forward and smacked Eren hard on the ass with it. Eren cried out and fell forward onto his elbows, his mind gloriously, blissfully blank as his body attuned to nothing but the stinging, throbbing pain. Levi took a moment to appreciate the bright red welt against Eren's flushed skin before repeating the move. He bit back another moan, the recoil from the belt shooting up his arm and making his heart and erection throb.

"Y-yeah! More!" Eren moaned, gripping the sheets in front of him.

"Disgusting," said Levi, striking him yet again.

"AH!" Eren's erection twitched and oozed precum onto the bed between his knees.

"Jesus, you're that fucking wet and I haven't even touched you," hissed Levi, climbing onto the bed behind Eren and reaching around to press his fingers against the tip of his erection, not enough for any real stimulation but more than enough to make him shudder and drip onto his hand. Eren laughed at the words, sounding as insane as ever, but then Levi shoved his fingers into his mouth. Eren groaned and sucked them gluttonously, then coughed and cringed as Levi pressed them all the way to the back of his throat. "Should I just keep doing this?" Levi asked, menacingly, rubbing his belt against Eren's thighs. "We already know you can come from getting slapped in the face." Eren moaned around Levi's fingers and tried to shake his head, only to cough and moan harder as they scraped the back of his throat. "No, you wanna get fucked, don't you, you greedy little bitch." He withdrew his fingers, leaving Eren gasping and eyes streaming, but he managed,

"Fuck! Yes!" Levi struck him one last time with his belt, then set it aside to undress. Eren watched him over his shoulder, taking in his strong chest, his thighs, his erection. With a little moan, he took hold of his own erection and pleased himself slowly, almost reassuringly. Levi flushed under Eren's burning gaze, but then smirked as he yanked open his bedside table drawer and pulled out lube and condoms.

"You gonna come before I even put it in?" asked Levi, squeezing lube onto his fingers.

"If you tell me I can," moaned Eren, still watching Levi greedily over his shoulder. Levi just raised his eyebrows, grabbed Eren's ass with his clean hand and shoved his slicked up fingers inside him. Eren cried out, but welcomed the intrusion, pulling in tight and shivering excitedly.

"Don't put that on me," Levi told him, coldly, withdrawing his fingers. "You always do what you want regardless, you shitty brat." And he thrust them back inside.

"Oh-"

"That's fucking right," growled Levi, repeating the move again and again. Eren let go of his erection and pressed himself back up onto his hands so he could grind back against Levi's fingers, find the perfect angle- but then Levi pulled out and slapped his ass as hard as he could.

"FUCK!" The sting echoed gloriously through Eren's body, but he wanted Levi's fingers more. As if intuiting this, Levi said, firmly,

"Stay still and fucking be patient." Eren gasped and shuddered, but then glared at Levi defiantly. "So it's like that?" Levi asked, his voice softening and somehow much more threatening for it. The hairs on the back of Eren's neck stood up, but he didn't lose his nerve.

"Why'd you stop?! Oh-" Levi thrust his fingers back inside and Eren groaned in relief.

"I'll give it to you," Levi assured him in the same quiet, dangerous tone, spreading his fingers again and curving them to press on either side of Eren's sweet spot. Eren closed his eyes in an ecstatic moan and arched into the touch, his thighs easing apart as he fell onto his elbows again. "That's right," said Levi through gritted teeth, fucking Eren harder. "Take it, you greedy little slut." Eren cried out at the words and the sensation and Levi breathed hard through his nose, feeling every twitch, every shiver, every drop of sweat and precum as if it were his own. He wrapped his arm around Eren's hips to keep him steady, then brought his fingers together and fucked him mercilessly at the perfect angle.

"Fuck! Yeah! Don't stop!" Eren moaned and gasped and begged, the pressure between his legs already at the bursting point, just a little more and he'd- but then Levi withdrew his fingers, seized Eren's wrists and pulled them behind him, forcing his upper back into a deep arch. "FUCK!" Eren screamed, the pressure inside him redoubling as, although his erection throbbed and inner walls spasmed, he didn't come. He cried out hard in frustration, every muscle in his body tensing painfully so he could barely move, let alone struggle against Levi's powerful grip. "Why- no!"

"Yes," said Levi, still in that low, dangerous voice as he gripped Eren's wrists so tight his own knuckles were white. Eren turned as much as he could and glared at Levi, then blinked, and even more tears slid down his face. For a split second, Levi rose above the tide of Eren's desire, and in the cold air and clarity he gasped at Eren's pain, his need- but then Eren spoke and he was pulled right back under.

"I'm ready, fucking keep going!" His voice shook as his whole body shuddered, and Levi allowed him a moan of his own and let go of his wrists. Eren cried out and pressed himself up onto all fours again, only for Levi to smack him hard across the ass one more time. Eren groaned and more tears splashed down his cheeks as Levi put on a condom and lubed himself up.

"Ready?" he asked, just to be sure, taking hold of his erection with one hand and Eren's ass with the other.

"Yes!" But instead of Eren's usual bratty cry, he sounded desperate, shaky, pained. Levi shivered, but guided his erection into place.

"Breathe," he commanded. Eren managed to inhale, and Levi thrust inside on his exhale. "God," he groaned, closing his eyes in a moment of ecstasy, then, "You okay?"

"Y-yeah," replied Eren, holding tight to the sheets, tears pouring between his hands and precum dripping between his knees. "You're s-so deep, fuck-"

"That's what the fuck you wanted," Levi reminded him. He dug his fingers into his hips and leaned forward to kiss the back of his neck, inhaling his skin, his sweat and his hair with a shudder of arousal. "Tell me when I can keep going." Eren let out an impatient noise somewhere between a gasp and a groan, then nodded.

"Now! Please!"

"Tell me if it's too much." Levi straightened up, drew his hips back and thrust inside. Eren cried out hard and fell forward onto his elbows, eyes rolling back as he surrendered to the rough, hot friction, the sharp, consuming pleasure.

"Fuck yes!"

"Take it," Levi growled, breathing hard through his nose and digging his fingers roughly into Eren's hips.

"Give it to me!" Levi did, over and over in a powerful, perfect rhythm, working them both up in what felt like no time at all.

"Fuck!" Levi gasped, the hot, velvety pressure already forcing him right to the edge. He stopped abruptly, steadying himself against Eren and doing his utmost not to give in and come. "Are you close?" It was the sensation stopping rather than the words that reached Eren deep in his haze of pleasure.

"Don't stop! Why-" but his protests dissolved into an ecstatic scream when Levi leaned over and bit him hard on the back of his neck. However, the pain in the same place Levi had kissed him so gently before righted him, reminded him Levi had spoken to him. "What?"

"Are you close?" Levi breathed against the shiny red bruise.

"YES! It hurts, I-" Levi bit down on Eren's shoulder, drew his hips back and thrust inside again. Eren shuddered violently, fresh tears pouring onto the bed.

"Where, here?" Levi groaned, reaching around to drag his fingertips up Eren's erection. Eren's entire body seized up, pulling in so tightly around Levi it was almost too much.

"YES!" Eren cried, his thighs trembling so violently it was all he could do not to collapse. "Levi please, I can't-"

"Fuck," Levi growled, straightening up again to resume his hard, merciless pace. "Come for me, Eren." With a grateful moan, Eren reached between his legs and stroked himself in time with Levi's thrusts.

"Fuck, oh god, oh god, I-" but then it was all too much and he gave himself completely to the pleasure, to Levi. He came with a hard scream, all over his hand and the sheets, the sensation radiating out sharply through every nerve of his body. He shuddered and went limp, falling forward onto his chest, unable to support himself. His head swam in the aftermath and he shut his eyes, wanting to stay in it, get tossed around, not think.

A split second later, Levi came, hard, inside Eren. He held tight to him to stay upright as the force of the release made him sway on the spot. He gasped for breath, then pulled out when he eventually got his wits about him. Eren gave a little shudder, lay shakily down on his side, and was asleep before he even realized what was happening.

Levi peeled off the condom with distaste, tied it up and threw it out. Even in his satisfaction, he wanted to go rinse off and he wanted Eren to do the same. He turned to tell him so, but then his contentment seemed to freeze. By now the sight of Eren passed out, covered in lube and cum and tears and sometimes blood was familiar, it might even have been endearing were it not so disgusting, but this was different.

Eren was curled up at a strange angle and his face, rather than his usual fucked out contentment, was contorted, pained. Alarmed, Levi shook him by the shoulder. "Eren?" He didn't respond, and Levi was struck by how hot he was to the touch. He was always warm, he was used to that too, but again this was different. He felt feverish, and Levi had the sense that he was in pain, though the pain had nothing to do with what had just happened. His heart sped up uncomfortably. "Eren."

"Mm…" The sleepy, irritated moan soothed Levi's worry slightly, but then out of nowhere a memory surfaced from the depths of his mind to be superimposed over the scene before him.

Levi must have been… fifteen? And he'd come home from school to find the apartment creepily silent in the way he associated with his mother's illness. He'd been feeling it coming for weeks, like a shift in atmospheric pressure before a storm, though it didn't stop his blood running cold when it finally happened. He dropped his bag, kicked off his shoes and sprinted to his mother's room, turning on all the lights as he went.

He found her on her front in bed, curled up at a weird angle, her expression simultaneously pained and peaceful. Levi swallowed the revulsion that rose hot in his throat, placed his hand on her clammy shoulder and shook her. Fortunately, she returned much faster than he'd expected, and his eyes filled with tears as she blinked up at him. "Levi?" she slurred, dragging the words up from deep in her consciousness. "How… school?" Levi's jaw clenched, and the tears slid down his face.

"Eren," said Levi, forcefully, shaking him again, but he just replied with another irritated moan and curled in tighter around himself. Levi's heart beat frustratedly against the inside of his chest, but he closed his eyes and took deep breaths, trying to reassure himself that Eren was all right. Of course he was. He said he hadn't slept at all last night, he was just tired.

After he'd ascertained that his mother was okay, Levi had called Kenny like always. "The fuck- again?!" Levi nodded, the phone pressed tightly to his tear stained cheek. "You okay, kid?"

"Eren." Still no good. Sighing, Levi reached for tissues and began to clean him up, wiping away all the fluids as best he could. 'Sick,' he thought, tucking a stray hair behind Eren's ear and knowing a rush of revulsion.

"Go turn her head to the side so her mouth isn't blocked, would you?" Kenny reminded Levi, wearily. Levi had already done this, and when he told Kenny so he said, "Jesus fucking Christ… I'll be there in twenty minutes. Don't move." Levi hung up and sat on the battered old couch with his arms around his knees and chin resting upon them, staring into space and listening for any sound that was off. At that point, he still believed naively that if he thought hard enough, worried hard enough, he could stave off catastrophe. It was therefore worth it to concentrate as hard as he could, even though his heart was racing and he could barely breathe.

After what felt like hours, the door unlocked and Kenny flung it open. It smacked hard against the wall behind it, and though Levi shuddered, he was beyond relieved. "Where's she at, her bedroom?" Levi nodded and Kenny stormed across the apartment and yanked his little sister's door open. "You fucking junkie bitch, what the fuck?!"

"Kenny…?"

"Yeah, what the fuck happened?!" Levi closed his eyes against the noise.

"I'm…"

"God fucking damn it!" Kenny stormed back into the living room and Levi straightened up at once. "You," he pointed a broad finger at him, "get your shit and come with me. You got homework to do?" Levi nodded, though the question took him a moment. How was homework even slightly important when his mother was in this state?! "Then bring all your school stuff too. Move your ass, come on!" Levi hurried to obey. "Your mother wants to keep doing this to herself let her, but I'll be damned if she's gonna take you down with her!" Levi hadn't understood, but he also didn't protest. He gathered his school things and overnight supplies and rushed back to Kenny's side.

"Where… are you going?" his mother called from her room, and Levi looked up at Kenny, who just placed his big, strong hand on his shoulder.

"Not your fucking problem, I'll be back!" And he steered Levi out of the apartment.

Levi pulled a sheet over Eren, but he still didn't respond, remaining strung out and unreachable as ever.

In the end, Kenny had just bought him some snacks and dropped him off at the library on Houston St. "I'll be back in a few hours. You stay your ass here, do you understand?" Levi nodded, and Kenny ruffled his hair the way he'd done since he was a kid, then left muttering furiously to himself. Levi watched him go, his vision blurring as his eyes filled with more tears. However, he just hid them in the sleeve of his t-shirt and opened one of his textbooks.

'Why the fuck am I thinking about that now?' Levi thought, shaking his head. "Eren?" he tried one final time, but still nothing. He obviously needed the rest. Levi watched him sleeping for a moment, his heart still beating rather fast, and thought fleetingly of lying down beside him. However, even somewhat cleaned up, he was still so hot and sticky. Instead, Levi kissed Eren gently on the side of the head and moved towards his door. Immediately he felt that familiar tug in his chest, pulling him towards Eren, but no. He needed to go shower. Eren could come to him when they were both clean and awake.

Told you. We're all a little hazy.

What do you think though, seriously? I'm so... I don't even know. Ugh.

Leave me a review and I'll dedicate my heart to you!