Good morning! Happy Thursday!
Or I guess, Unhappy Thursday might be more apt, given what's coming. Yeah, this chapter is one of those and I'm sorry. If it makes you all feel any better, editing this was a MOTHERfucker. Like, the initial draft was really incoherent, no matter what I did nothing seemed to work and even little details drove me fucking nuts. I was up until like, 1 AM last night giving it one more readthrough after having a full on breakdown.
Yeah also the content is just really fucking heavy. We all knew it had to come to this, right? The big climactic "You need to get your shit together or I'm out" moment, right? That doesn't make it any easier to write or read, and I'm honestly really unsure how i handled the entire situation, both in this story and in my personal life. I hope i made good choices but... Who knows! NOT ME! Ugh.
ALSO, CONTENT WARNING FOR SUICIDE. Attempt, ideation, if suicide is a difficult subject for you, feel free to press the back button at any time. Even if suicide isn't a difficult subject for you, the back button is always there.
Okay, let me lighten the mood at least a little before I totally lose my mind.
After I post this I'm actually going to go see my dear Vega in her city! I can't wait, it's been way too long since we've seen each other and screamed about Attack On Titan in person.
FOR THE VIBES! Listen to Anvil by Liily. Not a heavy song for our heaviest chapter, yes? Yes. I love this band. Saw them at Mercury Lounge last October and they were fantastic, and I'm seeing again this October supporting Fidlar. Should be a dope show! They have this other song I really like with the line "your eyes are ocean blue but I'm seasick" which I heard while writing the first draft of this story last year. Perfect, right?
...Okay I'll quit stalling. Good luck, everybody.
A low clap of thunder sounded in the distance, and Levi's eyes flew open. He took a few deep breaths, though the air was hot, heavy and humid even with the AC, or maybe that was just because Eren was wrapped around him under the blankets. He groaned, rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand and checked the time. He didn't need to be up for a while, but he wanted to be out of bed. With another groan, he extricated himself from Eren's feverish embrace and shoved the damp sheets off himself.
However, the movement startled Eren awake, and with a choked, terrified cry he seized Levi by the arm and pulled him on top of him. "Whoa, easy!" But Eren wrapped his arms tight around him and buried his face in his neck, his heart pounding and entire body shaking. He took deep breaths, trying to steady himself, but it was proving difficult if not impossible, and he didn't like it. He'd never woken up in Levi's bed feeling like this before. "Easy," Levi said again, trying to be comforting despite how hot and sweaty Eren felt against him, how his agitation was infecting him and making his own heart race. "Bad dream?" he asked next, in a decent imitation of playfulness.
"Huh?" Levi closed his eyes for a moment, then pushed himself up to see Eren properly. He looked sick; there were dark shadows around his eyes and his cheeks were flushed and feverish.
"Did you have a bad dream or something?" Levi asked again, still trying to sound light but mostly just sounding sarcastic. Eren's eyes narrowed.
"What? No, I never remember my dreams," he replied, impatiently, digging his hands into Levi's back.
"All right, relax, it's early," he said warningly, on a rush of revulsion.
"Is it?" asked Eren. He didn't actually care what time it was, but he did care that he was feeling so out of sorts and anxious. He needed something to calm him, steady him, satisfy him. He swallowed, and his eyes flashed as he stared at Levi. "So we have time?" He spread his legs under the sheets and Levi grimaced at how hard he was despite his agitation.
"No," said Levi, flatly. "Not first thing in the morning when I have to go to work." Eren made a frustrated noise and wrapped his arms tighter around him.
"Please? You don't have to fuck me, just-"
"No." Levi tried to pull away, but Eren was holding him too tightly.
"Come on!"
"Jesus Christ, do you hear yourself?" asked Levi, and they realized at the same time that the disgust in his voice was genuine, not fun or excited or tinged with arousal. Eren's guts froze while Levi's heart leapt into his throat. A moment's silence passed, then Levi, in spite of his aversion, pressed his forehead against Eren's. "I have to get ready for work. Let go of me and get dressed." He pulled away, and another moment's silence passed. Levi and Eren stared each other hard in the face, the grey morning light illuminating the scene with an almost forensic honesty. "Let go of me," Levi said, quietly, and Eren finally obeyed, his arms still trembling.
Levi slid off of him and sat on the edge of the bed to catch his breath before getting up and retreating into his bathroom. Eren watched him go, then sat up too, shivering as the air conditioning hit his sweaty skin. He hugged his knees to his chest, which was already aching. What was going on? Why wasn't time with Levi working like it was supposed to?! Hadn't he felt hopeful last night?! Tears blurred his vision while he listened to Levi getting ready for work. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to be separated from him, but he also knew that arguing was pointless. Eren shoved his knuckles in his mouth, then got out of bed and started to get dressed, trying to hang onto the last morsels of satiation from yesterday.
A half hour later, Eren and Levi were clean and dressed at the door of his apartment. "What are you doing today, anything?" Levi asked, checking one last time for his keys, wallet and phone.
"No plans," replied Eren, listlessly. Levi sighed and pulled open the door, then placed his hand in the small of Eren's back to guide him over the threshold. "Levi?"
"Hm?" He pulled the door shut and locked it, and they walked side by side down the hall towards the elevators.
"When can we hang out again?" Levi bit back another sigh.
"I'm not sure, but I'll text you."
"Why can't you just tell me now?!"
"Eren, why are you so freaked out?" asked Levi, his patience wearing thinner by the second.
"I'm not!" Eren snapped. "I just…" They arrived at the elevators and Levi jammed the down button in front of them, then crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared incredulously at Eren, who stood his ground. "I just…!" But he couldn't even begin to explain. He was in pain and he needed Levi. He had to go home and deal with his family and friends and everything else and he couldn't do it without Levi!
Levi waited, watching the struggle, pain and frustration play out on Eren's face for as long as he could stand it, then, "Stop. You're working yourself up and you need to fucking stop." His commanding tone reached Eren through his accelerating mind, and though his eyes flashed, he managed to focus on Levi. "I'll see you in a few days, okay?" Eren's eyes flashed again, and he looked more desperate than ever. "Okay?" Eren took a shuddering breath in.
"Okay."
"All right then." The elevator arrived, and Eren groped for Levi's hand as they stepped into it.
"Levi?" he asked as the doors slid shut.
"What?"
"I meant what I said last night," said Eren, in a constricted voice. "About how I just need to be close to you." Levi's stomach lurched sickeningly, and though he knew it was nowhere near enough, all he could say was,
"I'll see you soon."
The elevator chimed and the doors slid open, and even though it hurt, Eren let go of Levi's hand. They crossed the marble lobby and left the building for a crowded, humid Delancey Street. They heard more distant thunder, but saw no lightning in the overcast sky.
"Text me," demanded Eren as they faced each other.
"I will," said Levi, trying to sound reassuring but mostly just sounding tired. "Get home safe, all right?"
"Yeah." Levi sighed, gave Eren one more look up and down, then turned to get on the train. Eren bit his lip and his vision blurred with more tears as he turned to cross the street.
The muggy air was even thicker on the crowded, dirty subway platform, but it was still a relief to be away from Eren. Levi was used to feeling the energy shift when he was out of his riptide, but it was never this intense. He immediately felt guilty, because last night had been so weirdly intimate until, "I need to be close to you." Levi closed his eyes and shook his head. Even though he was showered and changed, he could still feel Eren's heat, his pain and his desperation all over him, and he didn't like it. He'd been concerned about Eren from the start, known something was wrong from their first interaction, but he hadn't really felt it until now. Even those phone calls hadn't brought it home the way the last twelve hours had.
"Goddamn it," he muttered, opening his eyes again.
A few minutes later, an M train arrived, and the rest of his commute was muscle memory. He barely registered transferring at West 4th to the E and the remaining stops to 50th Street, he was too worried and uncomfortable. However, when he got off the train and walked the last few blocks to work, the wind picking up around him, he found comfort in the familiarity of the route, the surly security guard at the entrance, the ugly grey and beige hallway, the plaque outside their office with their crossed wings logo.
He opened the door and knew more sweet relief when he found Erwin at his desk, typing away as usual. "You're here early," he said, without looking up.
"So are you," replied Levi, shutting the door behind him. "Did you even go home last night?" Erwin actually stopped typing to think about it, and Levi knew a rush of affection for him.
"I think so? Of course I might have just dreamed it…" Levi rolled his eyes, then walked over to lean against Erwin's desk. "It's good you're here, actually."
"Why?" asked Levi, suspiciously.
"Hotel suicide by Rockefeller Center. They want us in and out as quickly as possible." Levi nodded.
"Can't scare the tourists."
Erwin replied with an "Eh, what are you gonna do?" sort of look, then added, "We need to wait for Hange and Petra, though, if you want to make some tea." Levi nodded again, though he didn't move. He watched Erwin type for a moment with yet more affection, and something else, powerful but unnamable. After all these years, Erwin really was still strong and grounding and irrefutably there. Levi's heart sped up sharply, and suddenly he needed to tell someone, to vent, to not worry alone.
"Do you remember when we met?" Erwin stopped typing and looked up at Levi, and it was as if he was staring at him back in his mother's apartment fifteen years ago.
"Amazing, I was just thinking about that."
"Shut up," said Levi, but,
"No, I'm serious," said Erwin, and he smiled. "And of course I remember, I'd never forget." Levi's heart skipped and he wrapped his arms tighter around himself. "Why?" Levi sighed.
"Last night Eren asked why I started working for you."
"Ah," said Erwin, slowly, resting his elbows on his desk and leaning forward, his rolled up sleeves straining slightly at his upper arms. "Why, does he want a job?"
"That's what he says."
"And what do you say?" Levi hesitated, trying to recall how he'd felt last night, why he'd been so viscerally opposed to the idea. Unfortunately, he didn't come to any real conclusions. His heart just hurt.
"I think he needs more than a job," he said, slowly. "I… think there's something really wrong." Erwin nodded. "And I have no idea what it is." Levi broke off, a hard lump in his throat. Erwin reached forward and placed his hand reassuringly on Levi's thigh. He was able to swallow, though his heart still hurt him.
"Have you always felt like this? Or is this a new realization?" asked Erwin, gently. Levi took a deep breath.
"I've known he's a sick fuck from the start, but," and Levi stared straight ahead, at the little shelf of mugs Erwin had given his staff. "I think he thinks it'll help, that me and my job and fucking him and all that shit helps when it fucking doesn't." He didn't mean to sound so frustrated and stared harder at the mugs. Erwin gave him a moment, then asked, quietly,
"We all want something that'll help us sleep at night, don't we?"
The words hung in the air for a full minute, or maybe that was Kenny saying, "We all need to be drunk on something to keep pushing on" or Eren telling him, "I just need to be close to you." Levi turned slowly to face Erwin, horror rising inside him as he finally connected the fucking dots. How the fuck had it taken him this long?! As if in a trance, he slid off Erwin's desk and took steadying breaths, feeling guilty and disgusted with himself.
"Levi? Are you all right?" But Levi just waved the words aside.
"I'm gonna go make sure the van is stocked," he said, very slowly, and with that he was back out the door, the path ahead suddenly illuminated for him.
65th Street was humid and blustery, with thunder rumbling periodically overhead. As Armin headed East, he wondered if he'd get caught in the rain before he arrived at Eren's. He hadn't told anyone he was coming. Indeed he had no idea if anyone would even be home, and he half hoped he'd find the townhouse empty so he could stall for time. Despite the fact that he knew what he wanted to say, had even practiced it before setting out, he didn't feel remotely prepared.
Halfway between 1st and 2nd Avenue, Armin climbed Eren's front steps, gathered his courage and rang the doorbell. Immediately he heard footsteps, and his palms began to sweat. There was a soft buzzing from the intercom outside the door, then Mikasa's voice. "Who is it?" Armin swallowed a fresh surge of nerves, then pressed the speak button.
"Mikasa? It's Armin. Can I please talk to you?" A pause, and Armin closed his eyes, hoping, wishing, praying… but then he heard the click of the lock and sighed in relief. Mikasa opened the door, and Armin's heart sank when he saw how drained and exhausted she looked. "Hey," he said, sadly.
"Hi, um," she looked up and down the street. "Is Eren with you?" Armin bit his lip, but forged ahead.
"I have no idea where Eren is," he told her, bluntly but, he hoped, not unkindly. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"You could have called."
"I'd rather talk in person." Mikasa's eyes widened, but then she looked away.
"Grisha and Carla aren't home."
"That's okay." Mikasa sighed, and lightning flashed suddenly above them.
"Come in." Armin stepped into the foyer and out of his shoes while Mikasa shut the door and locked it, muffling the thunder that followed. "Do you want something to drink?"
"No no, don't worry about it. Thank you though." As if they were back in high school and he'd just come over to hang out, Armin followed Mikasa into the kitchen and they sat down at the table. A moment of very tense silence passed.
"So what do you want to talk about?" asked Mikasa, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Armin took a deep breath, trying to remember everything he'd wanted to say, but now he had Mikasa in front of him, only the very basic points remained. However, he refused to be discouraged. He was here, he'd say what he'd come to say.
"I'm worried about Eren," he told Mikasa, very firmly. Then, when she opened her mouth, "No, please listen. I know you're worried about him too, but I think…" He stared into her eyes that had never quite lost the glaze her parents' deaths had given them, "I think there's something really wrong. Something neither of us can actually do anything about." Mikasa closed her mouth, and Armin noticed her lip trembling. "Driving home from dinner, what happened… It's not okay, Mikasa, for Eren or for us, and I know you just want to help, but-"
"Please don't," she interrupted, her voice shaking worse than her lip.
"Mikasa, listen-"
"No!" she exploded, then clapped her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes as more lightning flashed outside the window.
"Mikasa, please, I need your help!" Armin begged, hating to see her like this but needing her to hear him. "Eren is suffering, and we've all allowed it to go on too long, and everyone else either doesn't notice or doesn't care enough!" Another thunder clap. It felt like a betrayal to say this about their friends, even though Sasha's birthday had made it clear just how true it was. "Even Grisha and Carla, they-" but he broke off, wary of crossing a line. He flushed guiltily and looked away, but then,
"I don't know what to do, Armin!" Mikasa cried out, and Armin's gaze snapped back to her. She wiped her eyes, and as she looked him in the face, he knew with bitter relief that they were on the same page. "Eren saved my life! He protected me, so I tried to do the same for him and he just pushes me away!" Her voice broke, and Armin's heart did too. Another lightning flash. "But even so, I don't want it to all be for nothing!"
"It wasn't!" Armin tried to assure her, though she was probably right.
"I don't care what happens to me!" she pressed on, clutching her chest. "I mean that! It doesn't matter to me, but Eren-"
Over more thunder, the unmistakable sound of the front door opening made them both jump. They whirled around and saw Eren enter the townhouse and come to stand framed in the kitchen doorway, dark circles around his eyes, blood dripping from his nose and knuckles torn to shreds. Mikasa gave a shuddering gasp and Armin tensed as though preparing for a fight. Eren, who felt sick from walking all the way home in the humidity, just stared blankly at the scene before him, numb and exhausted. A full minute passed in ringing silence.
"Eren, could we talk for a second?" asked Armin, eventually, as calmly as he could.
"What?" Eren took his headphones off so the tinny, scratchy sounds of his music cut the silence awkwardly.
"Could we talk for a second?" Armin repeated, faint with anxiety. Eren tucked his headphones into his bag and dropped it onto the floor, then slumped into the kitchen chair across from Armin, blood still dripping from his nose and the back of his hand. If he'd had the presence of mind, he'd probably feel pleased to see Armin, though he didn't like the look on his face.
"I need to go shower, what do you two want?"
"Eren this is scary," said Armin without preamble.
"What is?" Eren shot back. Mikasa flinched and looked away, but Armin stood his ground.
"All of this! All summer you've been fighting with everyone and staying out all night and getting hurt, then you almost run us off the road and come home covered in blood?" Armin's heart was in his throat, but he pressed on. "I think… Eren, I think there's something really wrong!" Eren's hand shook as he slammed it on the table, making Mikasa shudder again. He didn't want this. He didn't need this. He'd stayed with Levi to avoid this and it was all fucking pointless! The kitchen swam before him and for a second he thought he might throw up, but,
"THERE'S NOTHING WRONG!" he yelled at the top of his voice as more lightning flashed. "I'd be fine if you'd all just leave me the fuck alone!" He gestured wildly, blood from his hand splattering the table and floor.
"So what, you'd suddenly be fine if we left you be?!" Armin shot back, outraged. "If we backed off you'd get enough sleep and stop treating us and the rest of your friends like crap?!"
"YES!" Eren shouted over Mikasa's horrified sob. "I don't need help! I know how to get what I need! You two don't understand, you never understand, it's only Levi who does! I'm done with both of you, just-" but he dissolved into crying, tears mixing with the blood from his nose as they poured down his face and dripped onto his t-shirt. Armin just watched for a moment, and he knew no pity for his best friend. Only disgust. Utter disgust. Lightning flashed and thunder clapped its loudest yet.
"That's what you want?" he asked in a deadly serious voice that Eren had never heard before.
"YES! Fuck!" he exploded, every muscle in his body aching, head pounding and stomach twisting. He stared at his best friend and sister through tears and blood and exhaustion, wanting more than anything to pass out, to sleep, to never wake up again. Rain began to fall outside the house.
"Fine," said Armin, eventually, in that same, deadly serious tone. "If that's how you feel, then you don't need me in your life."
"What?" Eren gasped, his eyes widening.
"Call me when you're ready to change things. Until then, I'm done." Armin got to his feet, his hands trembling and heart shattering in his chest.
"What the fuck is this, an intervention?!" demanded Eren, looking to Mikasa for an explanation, but she just cried harder than ever. "Mikasa, what-"
"Leave her alone, Eren," said Armin, doing his utmost to keep his voice steady over the intensifying storm. "And call it what you want, I don't care." Pieces of his shattered heart stabbed the inside of his chest with every beat. His throat burned as he and Eren faced each other, but still, he said what he had to say. "You're my best friend and I love you, but the way you behave is dangerous and the way you treat people is disgusting. I'm done." He then addressed Mikasa. "You don't have to do it with me, but I'm going to talk to Grisha and Carla." Mikasa looked from Armin to Eren, tears pouring down her face. She let out a small whimper, then lunged across the table to try and embrace Eren, but he leapt backwards out of her way and she fell forward onto the floor, her chair crashing behind her. "Mikasa!"
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Eren screamed as Armin rushed to help Mikasa up. "Get away from me! This is how it's gonna be? Fine!" He stormed back into the hallway, seized his bag and Grisha's car keys from their hook and wrenched the door open.
"Eren, no!" yelled Armin, suddenly terrified. He rushed out the door after him the moment Mikasa was back on her feet, only to see Grisha's car speeding away along 65th Street. Lightning flashed, thunder clapped, and Armin burst into tears that were immediately lost in the pouring rain. He clutched at the doorframe and fell back into the foyer, horrified at what he'd done, positive he'd cost Eren much more than their friendship.
"Grisha?" Armin started at Mikasa's voice behind him and whipped around to see her with her phone pressed to her ear. Her eyes were brighter than he'd ever see them, illuminated by the lighting. "This is an emergency. Eren just freaked out and took off in your car." Armin wiped his eyes and tried to pull himself together. "No, we have no idea." She turned and locked eyes with Armin, her gaze brave. "Me and Armin, yes." Armin extended his hand, and she took it as thunder cracked the air like a gunshot.
Eren had no idea where he was going. He hit a string of green lights up 1st Avenue, then got on the highway and didn't get off. He wove in and out of traffic, the blaring of horns and screeching of brakes barely registering over his crying and rev of the engine, all the tail lights a red blur in the haze of blood and tears and rain. He felt completely out of his body, disconnected and floating, but also in so much pain he was sure he'd die from it.
After who knew how long, while speeding down some tree lined highway, he realized he'd stopped crying, the rain had let up and he hadn't put on any music. Sniffing, he picked up his phone, ignoring the hundreds of missed calls and texts, and connected it to the car's speakers. Music blared, and Eren tossed his phone into the passenger's seat and bit hard into his already lacerated hand.
His teeth hit his knuckle bone and his stomach lurched. He looked down at his shaking hand, and his mouth filled sickeningly with saliva at the sight of the deep, gaping wound he'd inflicted on himself. He gagged and clapped his hand to his mouth, though the smell of blood only made his stomach heave again.
He pulled over immediately, opened the door and leaned over, but nothing happened. He coughed and gasped, and though his stomach cramped and pitched, only tears fell, indistinguishable from the rain. After a moment, he spat onto the ground, then stared at the backs of his shaking hands, torn open and bloody and raw. "What the fuck…" he moaned, half laughing and half sobbing as he fell back into the driver's seat. He remembered shows, times he'd punched walls, biting his knuckles open in bed late at night, Levi asking "What happened to your hand?" "What the fuck!" Eren snatched up his phone and called Levi, once, twice, three times, as thunder rumbled in the distance.
Levi and Hange, who had followed him home after work, watched his phone go off at call after call on his coffee table. He didn't want to talk to Eren yet, not before he knew exactly what he wanted to say, but after the fourth time, "Let me just answer this." Hange looked concerned, but nodded. Levi picked up his phone and retreated to his bedroom. "Hello?"
"Levi!"
"What the fuck happened to you?"
"Nothing! Nothing, I just-"
"Don't come with that bullshit, you sound in a goddamn state. What?" Eren clung to the words despite Levi's angry tone. He fell back in the driver's seat, staring out of the rainwashed windshield, trying to remember.
"When I got home, Armin and Mikasa were there, and," Eren broke off, taking a deep, shuddering breath, trying to make sense of everything that had happened. "Basically my best friend thinks I'm crazy and never wants to speak to me again." Fresh tears blurred his already dizzy vision and he began to laugh uncontrollably. "But I'm not! They just don't understand! It's only you who understands, that's why I need to be close to you!"
Levi took his phone away from his ear, the sound making his skin crawl. However, before he could even begin to say anything,
"Wait!" Eren sat up straighter in the driver's seat, his eyes suddenly huge. "Can I come see you now? Are you done working?" His heart was beating so fast he could practically feel it forcing more blood out the broken veins in his hands. However, he was sure that if he saw Levi, if he got what he'd wanted this morning, everything would be okay again.
It took Levi a long time to respond, and when he did it was with a heavy sigh. "No, Eren, you can't come see me," he said, quietly.
"Tomorrow then?" Levi swallowed the sudden burning in his throat.
"No. Not tomorrow. Not-" he closed his eyes and pressed the heel of his hand between them. Was this really the time? Was there ever a good time? He hadn't wanted to do it like this, but he didn't want to stay involved with whatever was going on with Eren. Not when they were just hooking up. But were they just hooking up? After last night? Lightning flashed gently and rain pattered the window and Levi held his line. "Listen, this isn't going to work, kid. Not like this." He screwed up his eyes and braced for impact, but Eren's surprised little "What?" was more painful than he ever could have imagined. He felt like a coward, but forged ahead. "It's been," but Levi couldn't begin to think of a word to describe their time together.
"I don't understand!" cried Eren, frustratedly. "Please, Levi, I need to be close to you, I need to, I told you-"
"Yeah, that's the fucking problem," said Levi, and, absolutely loathe to say it but needing to, "You treat me like my mother treated smack, and I'm not fucking having it. I've spent way too much time enabling self-destructive bullshit because I didn't know what else to do. I'm done." Eren stared in horror out the windshield, shuddering and sobbing. "I'm sorry, Eren," said Levi, his throat burning with how much he meant it. "You need help, not me."
"Levi, please…" Levi recoiled from the phone, feeling sick with guilt.
"I know you're in pain," he said, the corners of his eyes burning, "but I can't make it go away, I-"
"Yes you can!" Eren contradicted him, his voice rising hysterically. "I thought you understood!"
"I do understand," said Levi, screwing up his eyes, and fuck if that wasn't true. He understood way too well. However, he still felt utterly heartless when he said, "Take care of yourself, Eren, I'm telling you."
"Wait!" But Levi ended the call, then threw his phone onto his bed and held his face in his hands. "Goddamn it…" For a moment, the only sound was the thunderstorm, but then,
"Levi?" He looked up and saw Hange peering around his bedroom door. Their eyes widened. "I'm sorry, do you need a second?"
"No," said Levi at once, because it was pointless to sit in his heartbreak and let regret begin to fester. He cast a glance at his bed, made neatly with the sheets he and Eren had slept in, and began to pull them off. Hange just nodded and left the room to go fill the kettle.
Eren stared at his phone screen, feeling like the world was falling away beneath him. He had nowhere to go. Truly, nowhere to go. It was all pointless. Eren pulled the door shut, restarted the engine, put the car in gear and floored it.
As he sped down the rainy highway, he felt like he was dissolving, like the more he moved forward the more he was leaving behind and the less it mattered. The sun was gentle on his eyes, his music was loud in his ears, and his pain was leaving his body. It was almost like peace of mind, so that when the car skidded through a slick patch of road and fishtailed, it was like happiness, and flying into the median was joy, and flipping over was euphoria.
...I'm really, REALLY sorry.
Levi immediately changing his sheets makes me cry every single time. Oh wow my cat just jumped into my lap, I think she knows I'm suffering. She sends you all head rubs and biscuits.
FUCK.
See you all next week.
Leave me a review and I'll dedicate my heart to you!