Understudy

Author: Cheryl W.

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Chapter 7: All In

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John woke to find fresh clothing on the chair in the room. 'Ronon' he surmised, grimaced in pain as he struggled to sit up, was nearly drenched in sweet before he had the new clothing on. Just the act of dressing drained him enough that he lay back on the bed, fully clothed and checked out again. Woke again and realized there was no way to tell time in the windowless room. Course maybe spaceships didn't come with windows. Crap but he didn't even know anything about sci-fi craziness, wished he had been a trekkie or something to give him groundwork on what he could expect.

Then again, the visage of the Wraith McKay had locked in a glass cage, and the Wraith that was itching to slurp the life out of him with his sucker hand and the drained bodies were their own crash course in 'out of this world' lexicon. At least Ronon looked human, was human. Hoped the rest of the Pegasus galaxy inhabitants ran to those lines because gag worthy special effect makeup, that was the deal breaker on movies for him. He wanted to be able to eat while enjoying a good flick.

'Guess I'll soon find out firsthand how gruesome some of the Pegasus galaxy population gets,' he realized, knowing the decision he had come to, it would open his life experiences ten thousand fold. Speaking of which…he had yet to make that official. Pushing himself upright he rubbed a hand at his throbbing shoulder wound and then downed some of the pills lying on his bedside counter, again, courtesy of Ronon. But he didn't wait around for them to kick it, instead pushed himself to his feet, swayed a moment with lightheadedness and then took that first step forward. It was a lot like his trek the prior night, when his path had crossed with Elizabeth's, but at least he looked less inconspicuous, sporting one of the their uniforms and not hospital scrubs.

Exiting the room, he noted the pedestrian traffic in the hallway, figured he had timed things for shift changes or something. He snagged one young guy's arm before he could rush past him, asked, "Where can I find Dr. McKay?"

The guy gave him a once over look, like he knew he didn't belong in that uniform but he didn't dismiss his question. "I can find out. And you are?"

"Sheppard," John provided, didn't expect the kid's eyebrows to do that climb thing or for his look to change from wary to a little awestruck.

"Sir, yes, sir. I'll tell McKay to meet you here."

"No, I'll…" John protested, didn't know why the kid was giving him the junior officer to superior officer response but didn't want McKay summoned to him like he wasn't the person AWOL on the ship.

But the kid was pressing on a communicator bud in his ear already. "Captain Caldwell, I found Sheppard in the Delta wing. He's asking to speak to Dr. McKay." Whatever this captain said had the kid nodding and giving a curt, "Yes sir" before he turned back to Sheppard. "Dr. McKay is on his way." Then he hesitated before sheepishly saying, "Maybe it'd be best if you went back into your room sir." Grabbing John's arm as John's world did a tilt, the young officer ushered him inside and back to sit on his bed.

"Thanks," John mumbled, hated this pathetic wave he was giving off to everyone he came across.

"No problem, sir. Are you alright to wait here alone? I am needed at my station…" the young guy asked whose name tag John took the time to read.

"Sure, Lt. Ford," he replied, saw the startled pleasure in the twentysomething's eyes when he addressed him by rank and last name.

"Hope to see you around, sir," the lieutenant beamed before he left John to his solitude, solitude that didn't last more than a minute before McKay was stalking into the room, speaking before John could even open his mouth.

"I realize you think this is a prison but leaving the infirmary was unbelievably stupid in the condition you are in! If you had ventured into one of the desolate areas of the ship you could have bled out and all we would have found when Carson put up the alarm was a bloody corpse. It was a miracle you crossed paths with Dr. Weir and that she didn't boot you off the ship right then and there because, let me tell you, she was not your biggest fan." Had learned of that encounter, not from Dr. Weir, but Carson because the doctor was crap at keeping secrets from him when he badgered him, course Beckett had kept to his guns and refused to say where Sheppard had crept off to, much to McKay's irritation. But thinking of that chance meeting, McKay tilted his head in contemplation, "Then again…that little encounter helped my cause…well our cause. I guess its true women, even strong ones like Dr. Weir, love to fix broken men and, boy, do you look broken, and that's a day after…."

"If I join this…space program…" John interjected to McKay's rambling rant, causing the Doctor to stop mid breath.

Rodney stiffened, Sheppard's words sinking in slowly. "Wait? If you join…you're considering it?!" Maybe Dr. Weir wasn't the only one doing a turnaround after their encounter last night.

Holding McKay's gaze, John stated his requirements for this …ludicrous job offer of McKay's, "I need to do some good, not get sidelined at a desk. I want to be on the front lines."

McKay's heart was pounding in anticipation of where this conversation was heading. "Honestly there are no safe rear guard positions in the Pegasus galaxy. You'll learn that soon enough," he almost cheerfully promised. Sheppard was really coming with him, them. Was going to join his team, go to Atlantis. Holy crap!

"I'm either a real part of the fight or else stick me in a black site and throw away the key," John challenged, would take no half measures on this deal.

McKay huffed. "Would you stop with the black site plot. You're not going to a black site…but.." here he paused before darkly predicting, "..after dealing with some of the crap the Pegasus galaxy throws your way, you might wish you were at one of those undisclosed locations."

"Your sales pitch needs some polishing," John grumbled.

McKay stiffened and his cheeks gave off a red hue. "I'm not really part of the recruitment program."

"I don't doubt that," John acerbically rejoined.

Ignoring the insult, Rodney focused on the end game. "Yes, right..so…is this leading up to you saying yes to joining the program, going to Atlantis?" He hated that he held his breath, that John Sheppard joining meant so much to him.

John's eyes held McKay's, honestly didn't know how the guy who knew his record inside and out could want him at his side when the crap hit the fan..but he did. Like Ronon did. 'Not because of you, John, because of the other John. Don't ever forget that. Ever!' But that those other Johns had gotten him the offer and crap, he wasn't going to stand by and let Earth be overrun by life sucking aliens. "Yeah, I'm all in."

Rodney couldn't help the exuberant smile, went so far as to clap John on the shoulder, sadly his wounded one causing the man to flinch back in pain and Rodney to stammer, "Oh crap! Sorry! Sorry!" Pulling back so the man knew he wouldn't unintentionally hurt him again, Rodney got down to business. "The Daedalus, that's the ship you're on right now, is scheduled to head back to Atlantis day after tomorrow. I know that's doesn't give you a lot of time for goodbyes or setting your Earth affairs in order because it might be who knows how long until your back Earthside…"

John decided it best to cut off McKay's unnecessary speech before it got longer than the Gettysburg Address. "Got nothing to settle…everything I had was in my car."

McKay paused, processed John's declaration before concluding, "Right..I was informed that you quit the police force," a slight question in the statement.

"Came into some money," John sardonically boasted, knowingly pushing McKay's buttons, wanting…he didn't know. For McKay to see who he really was, not some knock off of the hero version alternate universe self that he had met.

Nonplussed, McKay countered, "Right, couple thousands of the Wraith's winnings."

"More than a couple," John confessed, held McKay's eyes, wanting the man to get pissed at his deception, to stop putting that hero label on him.

Rodney was surprised by the confession, though he had guessed Sheppard had lowballed the "thousand" number, why did Sheppard need him to know that? Did he want a clean slate or…no, Rodney didn't think that was it at all. "I see what you're doing there, trying to make me take back my offer by selling me on how bad a guy you are. But it's not going to work, do you know why?"

"Because you're too brilliant for that tactic to work," John goaded, from his first encounter with McKay he knew the guy thought he had all the answers and everyone else would nip at his heels trying to keep up with his genius.

Stunned at Sheppard's right on insight, Rodney stammered, "Well…yes..but also because you had thousands of dollars in the trunk of your car, a free and clear 'get out of town' card and you did a pit stop to save the world. A side trip that happened to end up with you being mortally wounded and offering you no hope what so ever of gambling away a single bill of your ill-gotten gains. Not really the profile of a ne'er-do-well."

John was almost stung at the put down, tried to boast, "Actually my dad did reference me once as his 'ne'er-do-well' son."

McKay, now feeling back in control of the situation, crossed his arms over his chest and conjectured, "So I take it no tearful goodbye with dear old dad? We can arrange flights to your brother and mother…" because yes his stalking of Sheppard for the past year did uncover a few family ties for the man.

John's eyes dropped to the floor and he muttered, "Pass."

"Surely you want to say goodbye to them, tell them you're going to work for a private security company and will be gone an indeterminate about of time with no contact with them," McKay pressed.

Raising his eyes to McKay, John sardonically replied, "We've already done the whole, no contact thing. It works for us."

"But you're.." Rodney began to protest but John cut him off.

"Going and maybe never coming back?" John bluntly stated but didn't shrink from that possibility. "They'd be fine with that. So are their forms to sign or do I get an ankle monitor so I never run off and join a different black ops unit?"

Accepting John's decision but feeling…saddened by it, Rodney tried to light the mood, "No ankle monitor but subdermal trackers do come in handy." At John's raised eyebrows, Rodney clarified, "Not to track you but for rescue missions. Like I said, there are no safe ports in the Pegasus Galaxy."

"I'm fine with that," John unflinchingly declared.

"Why did I know you'd say that," McKay grumbled, hated that his gut was churning in worry for this man already and yet, he was the one practically pushing him into this danger. "I know what I said …that you'd be useful, needed…but if you don't want to go…there's no shame…no repercussion. You can walk away and …"

"Let Earth fall to an alien race knowing I might have been able to do something about it?! Sitting on my hands isn't really my thing…course last time it cost twelve people their lives." Solemnly he met Rodney's eyes, needed the man to accept what he was getting himself into by trusting him, wanting him in battle with him. "I think the question is, are you ready to pay the price for asking me to join your fight. My future screw ups…they will blowback on you. And historically, when I screw up…there tend to be causalities."

Instead of shaking his faith in Sheppard, the man's warning cemented the rightness of John being with him more firmly in place. "And when you win…you stop catastrophic horrors. I'll take those odds."

McKay's declaration made John want to push by him and get the heck out of Dodge as fast as he could. The gambler in him knew better than most that, every time you thought you'ld 100% beat the odds, you ended up owing your bookie more than you'd make in five years of honest work. "As you like to remind me, I died getting that"win"."

But McKay smiled smugly. "That's why you've got me, to haul your butt out of the flames. Now this is a government agency so there are forms in triplicate to sign. I'll have someone come around with them and Carson, Dr. Beckett, will be here to see you soon. Then, whenever he gives you the all clear, I'll have someone give you the tour of the ship so you know your way around. Questions?"

"You didn't lie about me getting to fly, right?" because he ached to be zipping through the clouds, a control stick in his hands and the horizon getting ever closer from the view outside a cockpit. It also was the only place his world had ever felt right, that he could put all the bad in a box and not peek behind the lid.

McKay's smile turned genuine and a bit fond. "Nope, didn't lie. Included in that tour of the ship will be the hangar bay. Not saying you'll be green lighted yet to take a 302 out but …you know, you can kick the tires, check under the hood, so to say, until Beckett does give you medical clearance to fly." Then McKay was turning around, leaving.

John wanted to do something goofy like say he wouldn't let him down, offer a sincere thank you maybe but that would have come from a younger version of him, one who hadn't messed up and good people had died because of it. So instead he called out, "It's not too late to change your mind because I'm not that other Sheppard. I got lucky with the wraith but luck…it doesn't stay good for very long."

McKay turned back to him at the doorway. "I'm a scientist, I crunch numbers, analyze outcomes, predict odds, I don't believe in fairy dust or luck. You're not sitting here because of luck, good or bad."

"Then why am I here?" because he honestly didn't know how his crap life had turned into a science fiction war movie mash up.

"I think that's a question you have to answer for yourself. But by you joining with us…I think you're starting to figure it out." Then McKay left him alone to grapple with the thousand 'whys' cropping up as he sat in a bed in a space ship ready to go to another galaxy in two days.

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Leaving John's room, McKay couldn't keep the satisfied smile off his face at his victory, startled when a voice came from a corridor he just passed.

"Is he staying?"

Turned to see Ronon's tall form melt out of the woodwork. "Are you stalking me?!" he accused before insight kicked in. No, not stalking him. Ronon had known where Sheppard was the whole time and that probably meant… "You talked him into staying," Rodney discovered, course it was Ronon who made a real connection with Sheppard, not Dr. Weir…and not him with his lame recruitment speech. He felt a shaft of disappointment and flash of jealously at the realization.

"He's staying?" Hope there and anxiety, like Ronon was holding his breath awaiting Rodney to speak the truth he didn't know he should cling to yet.

"Yes, he's agreed to join our team," Rodney confirmed a bit standoffishly, didn't feel like gloating now that he seemed to have so little a hand in the outcome.

Ronon broke out into a honest to goodness smile, the like McKay had never seen the man sport before, transforming his formable scowl into look of joyous reveling. He clapped McKay on the shoulder in celebration.

"And here you wanted an excuse to rant and rave and threaten me and all of IOA if we didn't force him to join the program," speaking aloud a concern Rodney had had about Ronon's reaction if Sheppard continued to do a hard pass on becoming part of the Stargate Program. Because as much as Rodney had obsessed over Sheppard joining the Atlantis team, it wasn't as personal as Ronon's grief and rabid need to have a connection with this universe's Sheppard.

"That's not what I would have done if he said no," Ronon denied, eyes dark again with things McKay was hesitant to delve into before, when the Satedan wore his grief like ten inch razors around his personal space.

Ronon gave a look down the hallway toward Sheppard's room but forced himself to walk the other way. He could feel safe in giving the man some room now that he knew John wasn't leaving.

But Rodney couldn't let Ronon's boast go unchallenged, called to the man's back, "Oh really?! So you would have meekly stood by while we beamed him to Earth, sentencing you to never see him again?" Doubted that claim especially in light of how raucous a fight Ronon had waged to find this universe's Sheppard when he first arrived through the rip in their intertwined universes. And now that Ronon had come face to face with this world's John Sheppard…he would have been ok losing him again?! Yeah, right.

Ronon turned around to address McKay said his next words casually but resolutely, "No, I would have beamed down with him, gone wherever he went."

McKay was too stunned to not sound it when he stammered, "What?! You…you would have left the fight?" hadn't ever fathomed that Ronon, a warrior of the first order, would ever concede the fight.

And that had been Ronon's battle with himself for the last hours since he had deposited the clothing in Sheppard's room and left the man. What he would do if Sheppard chose to not be in the fight, to leave the Daedalus and everything he had just learned about the Wraith behind. The answer had come to Ronon sharply and cleanly, like his response to McKay now did. "Wouldn't have stopped fighting, just changed what I'm willing to fight for." Or more precisely, who he was fighting for: Sheppard. He had fought for his planet and lost, had fought for his John Sheppard and lost him, and in comparison, both losses were equally decimating to his soul.

So in this world of second chances, he was shaking off the Satedan way of battle, that victory over the Wraith was worth any cost. He had believed that creed but his John hadn't, had tried to teach him that victory could taste like defeat if you lost too many lives you cherished, if you traded off part of your soul in the winning. And Ronon knew that now, soul deep. So winning this war, that wasn't his goal. Keeping John Sheppard with him, safe, reclaiming a piece of what had been stolen from him, that was his new mandate.

Seeing that McKay had no comeback to his announcement, Ronon turned around again, went on his way. Didn't honestly know if he was more proud of Sheppard for agreeing to join the fight or terrified at the danger the man would now face. 'Danger we will face', he corrected because he would not let this version of his friend walk alone, would not let him share his best friend's fate. Would not let it end as it had before, would die first before watching another John Sheppard take his last breath.

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TBC

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Thanks for the wonderful support of my reviewers!

Have a great day!

Cheryl W.