Understudy

Author: Cheryl W.

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Chapter 8: Lies and Omissions

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Ronon heard Dr. Beckett and McKay bickering before he saw them, was of the mind to turn tail and not cross their paths until part of their conversation stopped his retreat full stop.

"….if you had been bloody honest with him upfront maybe I wouldn't have thought I had to lie to him!" Dr. Beckett's raised voice carried his accent through the hallway.

"I was honest…sort of. I'm sure I mentioned the Ancient gene and what it could do when I took him on the nickel tour of Area 51's Wraith exhibit," McKay hedged but the medical doctor wasn't letting him off the hook.

"But you never told him he had the gene…like the other Sheppard's did. That he's the strongest known carrier of the gene and therefore…."

"So he's got a high count of the gene..there aren't midi-chlorians, don't give him the Force," Rodney scathingly mocked his friend's concern.

Dr. Beckett's voice shook with anger at his friend's deflection. "No it gives him the golden ticket to Atlantis, which he doesn't even know because I lied and said his gene was barely there."

"If you lied to him, that's on you," Rodney retorted, trying to wash his hands of guilt.

"I lied because he was looking at me like we had hoodwinked him to join the expedition only because of this gene…well, that and his resemblance to some guy in two alternate universes who you and Ronon act as if he's a bigger than life hero. The man has enough to deal with without us dumping his advanced abilities into the mix of why he's important to our mission."

Ronon had heard enough, with three long strides he was around the corner and towering over the two arguing men. "You didn't tell him about the gene?!" ferocious accusation there for both men keeping that information from Sheppard.

"I was going to…"Rodney heatedly shot back.

"When?! After you plunked him down at the control chair to Atlantis and told him to fly the blasted thing?!" Beckett charged.

Having no patience to listen any longer, Ronon turned on his heel and tried to wrack his brain where a pissed off Sheppard would go now that he was medically cleared to wonder the ship. His Sheppard would be standing stiffly staring out the view window at the stars, his jaw clenched. This Sheppard…didn't seem the type to stand still and dwell on things, was more like Ronon himself, needed to be in motion, to …to.. vent his frustration. Ronon smiled, knew where this Sheppard just might be.

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Usually Teyla had this particular training area to herself this time of night, knew that wasn't the case when she entered the room and heard the slap of fists raining down blows on the punching bag. She wasn't deterred, didn't actually mind company …until she saw the person who was attacking the punching bag with such vigor. Wasn't sure if she should intrude on the man, though, to be honest, she was highly curious, had yet to be even intruded to John Sheppard by the two teammates that were so fond of the man they had known barely two weeks.

Telling herself she was being skittish to not make his acquaintance now that the opportunity was there, she approached the man, noted the man's sweat drenched clothing, the way he braced his left arm against his side as he swung his right into the bag and the telltale spots of blood leaking through the man's shirt. She didn't intend her first words to be what they turned out to be or conveyed in a reproachful tone. "I do not believe Dr. Beckett would approve of you overtaxing yourself, reopening the stitches in your wound."

Though John had known the second that the training room was no longer his sole sanctuary, he gritted his teeth at the reproof but didn't reply. Hoped the woman would get the hint and leave him alone as he continued his attack on the bag.

Teyla fought back a sigh at the man's stubbornness, decided it was no wonder Ronon got along so well already with this John Sheppard. Crossing to be in the man's line of vision to the right, she tried her diplomatic shtick on him. "I know Ronon is looking forward to you joining our team. It would be disappointing to him if you set back your healing and delayed the time frame for that to happen." Though she wasn't looking forward to this man joining their team, a man not even properly trained for the stargate program, having bypassed all that and gotten green lighted to the expedition seemingly solely based on his similarity to an alternate universe's man of the same name and appearance whose bravery she had witnessed firsthand.

Hitting the bag with a combo, John finally lowered his arms, faced the bronze skinned woman, Teyla, McKay had mentioned the woman on their team, another Pegasus Galaxy resident. "Yeah, it would be a shame to disappoint everyone even before my first mission. Should probably hold off and make that a goal for my alpha mission."

Though the man's tone was biting, Teyla paid more attention to his words, the sentiments prompting them: namely a surprising dose of self-loathing. "None of us believe you will disappoint us," she denied but it was stiffly said, a courtesy more than a declaration. Honestly, she feared he'd do more than disappoint Ronon and McKay…was more likely his lack of training and their blind loyalty to him would get her two teammates killed, probably herself as well.

"Really?" John challenged, eyes searing into the woman's, not letting her lie go undetected. "I get the feeling I've already disappointed you and we've what? Been in the same room…3 …5 minutes."

Teyla stiffened at the man's insight. "I meant no disrespect…"

"Sure you did. And it's actually refreshing," John replied with a smirk. "One of the other Johns…you met him and realize I'm sadly lacking in comparison."

"No, that is not what I think," she rebuffed a bit heatedly, refused to get drawn into the comparison game.

As Sheppard pulled off one glove then the other, Teyla noted his wince when he jostled his left arm, knew she should be escorting him to the infirmary to get his shoulder restitched instead of engaging him in a terse battle of words. But before she could make that suggestion, he unflinchingly disputed her denial. "Ok, not sadly lacking…more like…not good enough to wear his boots let alone get the hero worship McKay and Ronon are laying on me."

It seemed he was trying to get her to say something she would regret, so she chose her next words with care. "You are different from the other Sheppard I met but…"

Sick of the politicking, of people tiptoeing around him, of keeping things from him, pretending they didn't have some agenda for every word they said…or didn't say, John stepped closer to Teyla, growled, "I didn't ask to be here! To try and pretend to be some saintly version of myself! Be a stand in for some guy that Ronon loved like a brother and lost! What no one's been willing to hear is…I'm not like Ronon's John or McKay's Sheppard! I am not a good guy…" his rasped out before tilting his head, watching her reaction, realizing, "…but I think you know that. So why don't you stop trying to convince me of something I already know…tell them! Ronon! McKay!"

Teyla was usually a good judge of people, tended to trust the right person and be suspicious of those not worthy of her confidence but this man…she was conflicted, felt he was unworthy to join their team but …could not agree with his words. She found she couldn't claim her problem with him was in any way a disbelief in her heart that he was "a good guy." "You risked your life to stop the wraith from sending his message…"

John irritably waved away her words, it was like that was the only thing they could come up to put on his likeable column. "And if I had failed…how great a guy would I be then, huh?! It's not intentions and it's not even actions…it's how the damn story ends that ever matters! I got one win…one!" raising one finger at her. "And it probably …no..it shouldn't wipe out my losses…any more than some damn gene in my blood should." Then he was stalking for the door but she found she didn't want him leaving thinking she agreed with him, didn't know some of what he was feeling.

"I do know what it is like to have the best intentions and for that to turn out…" she thought of her people..gone..taken…killed because of her actions, her decisions, "…horribly wrong." She had also read his file, had wanted to know more about the man who she would be trusting to have her back, knew of the rescue mission that had failed and cost people their lives.

Though John had slowed his walk at her words, he didn't stop, growled, "I'm not interested in a therapy session…" hated the pity, the 'I know how you feel' speeches worse than the hatred.

Regardless of his rebuff, Teyla announced, "I was my people's leader and I left them to join Atlantis, to fight against the wraith and they were taken," felt her declaration was worth it when he stopped his departure, though he didn't turn around. "They were taken…some were murdered…by an enemy of Atlantis…an enemy of mine." That guilt haunted her everyday…knew it was not so much unlike this man's guilt at the loss of lives when he intended to do only good.

John turned around, faced the women whose features were tight with pain. Knew that her words cost her something but she had bared some of her soul, spoke of something painful, personal, had put trust in him he again hadn't earned. "You kill this enemy?" he quietly asked, understood the need for vengeance better than most.

Teyla didn't expect the question or the look in his eyes that told her he hoped she had found a sliver of healing. "No. I have not been able to give my people justice but I vow one day that I will."

Silence hung between them before John surprised her by offering, "I might not be a good guy…but I'm pretty good in a fight. Day you find this enemy of yours…count me in," then he left her standing there, not understanding how she came to reveal her greatest regret and why she felt touched that this stranger had just vowed to be at her side if she faced off with Michael.

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Eavesdropping on two conversations in the same day seemed low, even for him but Ronon didn't walk away until he sensed John approaching the exit to the training room. Even then he didn't skulk away but leaned against the wall, saw the man's surprise and then grimace at seeing him.

"For claiming to not be guarding me…you do a fair job of stalking me," John groused, didn't stop his journey down the hallway, knew Ronon wouldn't be deterred, would match his stride to his own. Hated that he already knew that much about the man, was getting ..he wouldn't say "attached". No "tolerant". Yeah. Was getting "tolerant" of the big guy's presence.

Ronon didn't correct the man, knew it was words he didn't need to say, said instead, "You're bleeding."

John didn't look to his shoulder, felt the stickiness of the blood, heck had felt the punch that had tore most of the stitching out…like the first two he threw into the bag in his rage of once again not seeing how he was a pawn in this "war". Now he had been told that he had a freaking alien cell floating in his blood that made him…what had Dr. Beckett said, "This genetic code initiates programs, is the only way to fly their ships, you can even open doors, effect the lights in Atlantis. Getting a natural high count member to the team like you will be quite the boon for the expedition…" the doctor praised before he got a look at John's stony expression and tried to backtrack, ended up outright lying to him. "I mean, not like your gene is strongest or…it's weak actually. Will hardly be an asset to …" John hadn't waited around for the lies to continue.

John knew undoubtedly that Ronon's bodyguarding/stalking right then was connected to that revelation and his none too happy reaction. "So I'm part alien and you didn't think I needed to know that?!" he bit out, not looking to the man, didn't want to read the lie on Ronon's face, to know how foolish he had been to have grudgingly…maybe unknowingly started to put his trust in the other man.

Ronon shrugged. "I don't have the gene, none of my people have it. It's not something I give much thought to."

Sheppard indignantly rounded on him, "Except it's the only way I can fly any ships there! You knew…McKay knew...that was what I wanted most and you…ooops, forgot that small criteria that I might not have even had!"

Ronon was nonplussed. "You have the gene, so you can fly the ships. You'll get what you want."

John shook his head, Ronon made it sound so black and white. "And McKay..he gets what he wants most importantly, right? I thought it was just this clone thing that got me this ticket but now it's also this stupid gene…damn it…none of this is even about me! No wonder McKay didn't care what a screw up I am…I'm just a specimen to him, another piece of equipment …like a freaking laptop."

"Good thing I value my laptops very highly then," Rodney drawled as he turned the corner to confront Sheppard's anger face to face…like Beckett had insisted he do.

"Screw you!" John growled, went to brush by McKay but the scientist stepped into his path, his features wearing that no- nonsense expression he sported when he ripped John apart in the Area 51 interrogation room.

"Yes, you having the Ancient Gene is important," Rodney bluntly admitted. "Yes I'm excited to see you put it to use…did I know you even had the gene when I went off book and told you about the Wraith program, broke every protocol we have in place…no. Didn't know it when Ronon beamed down to that desolate stretch of Mojave Desert to find you or when we utilized every bit of medical and miracle voodoo we had to keep you alive. Only when you were out of danger of dying did Carson test you for the gene, when I was already talking to the powers that be about you joining the stargate program. I thought I could use that as leverage …"

"…To get me to join your team," John bitterly supplied but McKay patiently corrected him.

"Leverage to entice Dr. Weir into letting you join the Atlantis expedition. She's enthralled with the Ancients, thinks their genetic code is fascinating. Honestly, I don't think it's really all that astonishing, any more than genetic dark skin."

Ronon snorted at McKay's condescension, ducked close to John's ear and mock whispered, "That's because he doesn't have the gene."

Not losing stride to his argument, McKay drolly insisted, "Which proves my point that it doesn't impede those of us with astronomically high IQs from being even more invaluable to Atlantis than someone toking around this magic bean gene in his DNA."

"See, McKay picked you for his team in spite of you having the gene," Ronon glibly told Sheppard, destroying the man's belief that the gene was responsible for his acceptance into the expedition. Didn't tell this Sheppard that his own Sheppard had gotten the nod to join only because of his gene..that he had to prove his worth, daily. But this John would have his own prejudices to disprove and hard lessons to learn.

John looked between the two men who were stubbornly backing him every step of the way on this ludicrous journey. And they weren't deterred by his anger or insecurities, or the fact that everyone else knew he was a bad bet but them. Crap but he wanted to be worth it, to not let them be the laughing stock of this unit for having faith in him. They deserved better from him than that. Better than him expecting at every turn for them to be using him, to betray him, to kick him to the curb like his family had.

Letting his shoulders drop from their defense stance, John apologized, "Sorry…when Dr. Beckett told me I had the gene…I jumped to conclusions."

"Like you thinking I was going to stuff you into a black site," McKay teased with a smirk and Ronon did a bad job of hiding his snort of laughter behind a clearing of his throat.

"Ok, so I'm not used to …not having crappy things happen," John awkwardly said, as close as he was willing to get to admitting that he was starting to think of all of this as a good thing.

"Again, your standards for calling something good is idiotically low," McKay drawled in exaspearation. "Maybe you missed the part where you're bleeding…again. You know normal people would consider that a black mark on a day, have it cross right over to a bad day zone."

"Not necessarily," John and Ronon said in synch, looked at each other a beat before breaking out into smiles.

"Oh just great, now I have two macho idiots on my team," Rodney bemoaned even as he gently snagged John's arm and started towing him in the direction of the infirmary. "Better get Carson to patch you up again but once we get there, you're on your own. I'm not walking into that lion's den. He already reamed me out for not telling you about the gene and I'm not taking the blame for you tearing out your stitches."

"Our fearless leader," Ronon mocked but it was a look of mirth he shot McKay.

But John was stuck on the "our" in Ronon's taunt, like they were already a team, he and Ronon, he and Ronon and McKay, even Teyla hadn't carved him up when she had the opening and that, in his book, wasn't a bad encounter for him. So "our" …he had to grudgingly admit, he liked the sound of that. But he liked even better that he wasn't going to be alone anymore.

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TBC

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Have a great day!

Cheryl W.