Snippet 5

Genre: Humor/Parody

Pairs: Implied

Parody: Spongebob Squarepants/TFS/Mario Party

AU-Type: Canon-eqsue AU

Tag: TerrifyingSemblance!Jaune, Two-Semblance!Jaune

Jaune Wins by Practically Doing Nothing. (For the Most Part)

Beacon Academy had seen better days. Only parts of the grounds were on fire, the top of Beacon Tower was gone, and a dragon Grimm circled the school spawning creepers as he flew. Salem stood in the courtyard alongside Cinder Fall and Adam Tarsus, there was a dust cloud a few feet away. When it cleared it was revealed Ozpin, Blake, Yang, and Jaune where standing in it. Pyrrha was on the ground a few feet away bleeding out from being stabbed.

"Well Jaune, my arms are busted. Blake's close to pissing herself, and Ozpin's too winded from dealing with teleporting cunt, Neo." Yang stated. "Please tell me you got a plan!"

"Yup. One that will stop them." Jaune said confidently. "I will win by doing absolutely nothing."

"You must be suicidal." Adam said with a chuckle.

"No. Suicide is what you're doing right now." Jaune said crossing his arms looking smug.

It was a flash, but an invisible uppercut viciously tore Adam's head clean off his body which slumped to the ground. Jaune had not moved an inch, but Adam was already dead. Cinder looked horrified and Salem looked amused.

"No, wai- ", Cinder said she was slapped by that force hard enough to brake her jaw.

A barrage of backhanded slaps hit her left and right with enough force to shatter her jaw. Everyone except Jaune and Salem held their jaws in sympathy. When the slapping stopped, she was hit with a blow to the head only to be swung around like a child playing with an action figure. She was dragged on the ground through corpses and through the dirt. Her head was repeatedly smashed into the dragon Grimm's thick skull. Dazed and trying to get up, the invisible force punches her back down the ground to position her ass high in the air.

Ruby had arrived on battlefield only to get her eyes covered by a blushing Yang.

"What the hell are you doing Jaune?" Yang said glaring at Jaune.

"I'm about to discipline a bitch." Jaune said with no complete filter.

Cinder found her undergarments yanked down by his invisible force and it started to spank her. The gesture was met with mixed opinions. Some found it stupid, some found it funny, and Blake found it kinky. Cinder wanted to attack, but the force had tied her up and gagged her. Too bad, Mercury and Emerald were already out cold to see this.

"Why can't I fight back?" Cinder screamed in her mind.

As for Salem, when Jaune turned his gaze on her, she laughed. She was the queen of Grimm and the bane of all humankind! He'd have to be crazy to fight her, she thought. WHAP! Salem looked down to see that Jaune had moved…to throw a dog treat at her face to the shock of everyone else.

"Wha.." Salem had gotten out another dog treat hit her face…from Ozpin of all people.

"Did you just throw a dog biscuit at me?! A dog biscuit! You insolent daft bastard! You will feel the earth fall out from under you, your world shatter! As I... WILL... why can't I feel my everything." Salem said realizing she was just a head now. "WHAT? HOW?"

Salem's body topples on the ground after being decapitated by Jaune.

"You were distracted." Jaune said.

Salem looked in horror.

"This is the end of the road... The end for me... I-I wonder... Will I dream...?" Salem thought.

Ozpin hit her face with another dog treat.

"Ozpin, you fucker!" Salem spats out.

SPLAT! Jaune crushed her head as the invisible force dragged Cinder away despite her begging for help. Yang was confused and had so many questions. Alas, she decided it was best not to ask them. As for Cinder? Well…let's just say Jaune had plans for her. Pyrrha needed a maid to help her back on her feet, and he had the means to force her to do so.

(A/N: Weirdest piece, I've done by far. But man was it funny. Edited and Finalized – 3/16/18)