A/N: This is a repost of a fanfic I wrote many years ago, but I have recently revisited it. I have started at the beginning and rewritten it thoroughly. Hopefully, it has been improved. I am also hoping that I will be able to finally complete the ideas I started with this. I also decided to up the rating to M because...well, because it's more fun. I appreciate everyone who reviewed the original version and if anyone decides to review this version, you will have my gratitude as well. Thanks.
P.S. Anyone else hearing rumors about a Dark Angel reboot? Not sure I can be on board with that without Jensen Ackles.
Chapter 1: 494
It seems like I've spent my whole life chasing after something. Well, either chasing after something or running from something. Sometimes the distinction between the two hasn't been too clear.
That's one thing you could say for Manticore. Things were always pretty clear there.
"Unsatisfactory performance, 613!" the squadron commander screamed at me as he clicked his stopwatch.
"Yes, sir! Sorry, sir!" I answered, skidding to an abrupt stop in front of him and falling immediately to attention, trying not to let my shortness of breath show.
"Do you realize that this is the fourth time in a row that you have failed to meet minimal standards?"
"Yes, sir!"
"So, what are you going to do about it?!" he demanded.
"I'm trying, sir!"
"Not hard enough." the commander snarled. A vicious smile appeared on his face, "Maybe you just need the right motivation."
"Sir?" I ventured uncertainly.
The commander ignored me and moved off towards one of the guards posted nearby. I remained frozen in place, waiting for further orders, but my sensitive hearing detected the commander's words to the guard across the distance.
"Have them release the dogs. That'll get her to pick up the pace."
A subpar top-speed for an X5 is a problem that has plagued me for years. Ever since the day I was injured in a training exercise. No matter how well they repaired my leg or how hard I trained, I have just never been able to match the others in that regard. Unfortunately, speed is what I need most now.
"Where are we going?" X5-772, Kira, yells at me.
"I don't know. Just keep running." I call back.
I scan the area ahead of us quickly, searching for anything that could be used as a weapon. I know I'll need it for when they corner us. It's only a matter of time before they do. There will be no shaking this tail. Not this time. Not with an X5 after us.
"Stop!" I yell abruptly.
Kira immediately skids to a stop. Her eyes meet mine questioningly, waiting for further orders. There isn't much time. I can feel the X5 gaining on us. It's a gamble, but I decide this is as good a place to make a stand as we're likely to get.
I didn't know where we were headed when we started our frenzied flight, but the complex of buildings around us looks like some kind of school or training facility. There's loud noises coming from the nearest structure, almost like drumming, and I hope the sound will cover any noise we might make. Unfortunately, I still haven't spotted anything like a weapon and I doubt the X5 after us will give me time to search one out. We need to hide.
"Follow me." I say quietly, knowing Kira's ears will pick out my voice despite the noise.
Kira and I stalk around the building where the noise is emanating. I signal with one hand for her to go to the right, while I move to the left, dropping low to the ground as I peak around the corner of the building.
Rapid movement catches my eye and I quickly spot the X5 even though he's still a good distance away and blending with the lengthening shadows in his black tactical gear. He slows and assesses the complex of buildings ahead of him. I can tell that he's in full mission mode, all senses on alert. I try not to even breathe as he slowly approaches.
"I know you're here, 613." he calls.
As his voice reaches me, he steps out of the shadows and I recognize his face. Suddenly, I feel like I can't breathe.
"494, your unit is on seek and destroy. 857, escape and evade. There will be consequences for the team that loses this exercise."
"Yes, sir!" came a loud chorus from two units worth of X5s.
"857, move your team out!"
"Yes, sir!" my CO replied.
I glanced at 494 before following 857. His face showed no emotion, his eyes were icy cold. I had heard the rumors about his reputation. Only a fool would think that just because he shared the face of one of the '09 traitors, that this would be an easy mission.
"I caught you before, I can do it again." he continues to call to me as his cold eyes seek me out, "Still a little slow and clumsy, 613?"
I try to ignore his words and the chill his presence has sent down my spine. I signal to Kira to move. She hesitates for a fraction of a second and my gaze snaps to her. We don't have time for her to question me. She needs to follow my orders. No matter what, I will get her out of here.
"Give yourself up, 613. There will be consequences for your actions, but not nearly as bad as what will happen if I have to take you by force." 494 warns, now dangerously close to where I'm hiding.
If he gets any closer, he'll find me for sure. I try to slink back around the edge of the building, but even that miniscule movement betrays me. 494's eyes snap to my location and I find his gaze boring into mine, freezing me in place.
I could hear the X5 behind me and I knew he was tracking me. He would catch me if I didn't think of something quick. I really didn't want to face the consequences of failure.
I spun and dropped to the ground, slithering on my belly beneath some bushes, then lying motionless while I waited for the X5 on my tail to appear. It didn't take long before he appeared, materializing out of the woods like a phantom. It was 494.
He paused in his tracks so close to my hiding place that I could smell the polished leather of his combat boots. My eyes were wide and anxious as I watched him scan the area, looking and listening for me. Then, suddenly, somehow, his eyes found mine, boring through the bushes, and pinning me in place.
I spring to my feet and take off, prey fleeing before a predator. I know 494 is on my heels. He will catch me. He's right about that. He's much faster than me. It's just a matter of time.
494 catches up to me as I reach the fence around some kind of athletic field. I can practically feel his breath on my neck, he's so close. Desperate to escape him, I launch myself as high as I can onto the top of the fence where it extends at an angle over the interior of the field. I land on my hands and knees, looking down and back at 494, wondering what he'll do. He looks back up at me, unconcerned.
"You're only making this worse for yourself, you know." he remarks, turning his back towards me and leaning casually back against a fence post.
"I'm not going back." I snap, hoping he can't hear my fear or my fatigue.
"You can't escape." he replies with a shrug, "It's pointless to try. This is just a prolonged exercise and when it's over, you'll become an example."
"Freedom is not an exercise." I argue, although I don't know why I bother. This is 494.
He snorts derisively at my statement, "You're not free. You won't ever be free. None of us ever could be. Not with that barcode on your neck. At least at Manticore you're accepted for what you are. That's more freedom than you'll ever find out here. Stop kidding yourself."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"No? I've been on the outside. More missions than you, I'm sure. I've always come back."
"Well, I guess you're just a better soldier than me." I growl in frustration.
494 straightens out of his lean and faces me again, evidently done chatting.
"Come down." he orders, his eyes commanding my obedience.
I shake off the instinctive impulse to obey, "No."
The word has barely left my mouth before 494 lands on the fence in front of me, crouched low to maintain his balance. I scramble backwards, managing to get my feet back under me as I reach the edge. 494 lashes out, his fist a blur as it flies towards me. He's so fast that it's all I can do to dodge his attack. Before I can recover, his leg snaps out towards my feet. I leap to avoid him, but I'm too close to the edge. I land in a crouch, my eyes still on 494 above me. He raises an eyebrow, as if asking if I'm ready to quit yet. I give him my answer by launching back into a sprint.
I escape the athletic field and the associated complex of buildings fade into the distance behind me. I push myself to keep going, running as fast as I can, but eventually I can't shake the certainty that something is wrong. Where is 494?
I slow as I crest a hill and find myself approaching another structure, a tall building on the edge of a decent sized pond. The daylight is fading, but my enhanced vision catches on movement in a second floor window. I don't know how it's happened, but it's Kira in that building, being manhandled by two armed guards.
I swear in frustration. Somehow they'd managed to catch her while I'd been busy with 494. How could I have let this happen? I have to rescue her even though I know they'll be ready for me. I can't leave her behind.
I glance behind me, looking once more for 494, but I don't see him. I know he's still out there somewhere, still a threat, but I've got no choice. Warily, I start towards the building.
"Can't you tell a trap when you see one?" 857, my CO, demanded angrily.
"I'm sorry."
"You keep costing us missions." he grumbled, running his hand through his short brown hair in frustration.
"I'm sorry." I repeated, my eyes on my boots.
"Don't be sorry. Be better." he snapped, before stomping off.
"I will." I promised his retreating figure.
And I meant it, too. I would do my best not to be the cause of failure ever again. I hated being the weak link, letting my unit down, and it was obvious they were getting tired of covering for me. I had to turn things around. I couldn't keep being 613 the screw-up forever.
Screwing up was not an option this time. I carefully begin the process of climbing up the building to the roof. It's a three-story building, complete with numerous windows that outline each floor. I'm just below the third story window when I finally spot 494.
He doesn't follow me up the building, but watches calmly from the ground, proving this has to be a trap. When I gain the roof, I'm greeted by two soldiers. Luckily, they're human and I manage to incapacitate them both, but I'm tiring fast.
I arm myself with one of the soldier's semi-automatics before descending to the third floor. I've barely made the interior of the building when I'm startled to find myself nearly face-to-face with Kira...as well as six gun barrels. Kira sends me an apologetic look, but I shake my head in response. This isn't her fault.
Slowly, I place my weapon on the floor and raise my hands. My mind is still racing with how I can turn this around. There are six of them, but they're only human. No match for two transgenics. We just need an opportunity.
Before my escape plan can get any further, a familiar voice makes me tense.
"You're a long way from home, soldier." Lydecker says as he slowly emerges from behind the recovery team.
I don't reply, but my need to escape is now bordering on panic. It's been years since I last saw the colonel. From what I've heard his primary focus has been on tracking and recovering the '09 unit that escaped. I suppose it makes sense that he would be assigned to our recovery, as well.
The only possibility I can see is the window behind me, but even with X5 speed I'm not sure Kira and I can make it through without taking a few bullets. We might survive it, but we might not.
"It's useless to resist." Lydecker says, watching me search for an exit.
An idea blossoms in my mind. It's insanely dangerous, but I've got nothing else. Before I can second-guess myself, I leap forward and grab ahold of Lydecker with one hand and Kira with the other, yanking them both towards me. Lydecker immediately goes for his gun, but I release my hold on Kira to grab it first. One hand holding his gun to his temple, the other gripping him tight by the arm, I make sure to keep him between me and the soldiers' guns, and myself between him and Kira.
Luckily, she needs no verbal direction from me. They've bound her hands, but she kicks out the window. I drag Lydecker back towards it.
"Not much of an escape plan, soldier." Lydecker comments as if I don't have a gun to his head.
I cock the gun, hoping that will make him take me more seriously.
"You know my reflexes are faster than any of theirs." I say quietly.
He nods, but his voice is still calm and controlled when he orders, "Hold your fire."
I motion to Kira and she leaps out the window, dropping gracefully into the water. I hope the water is deep enough and trust that even with bound hands she can get herself to shore. Now, it's my turn. I can't chance releasing my hold on Lydecker, my human shield, so I sacrifice the gun instead as I pull us both backward out the window. I hit the water hard and the wind is knocked out of me, but it's worth it because Lydecker's men won't risk a shot as long as there is a chance they might hit the colonel.
I drag Lydecker back up to the surface with me. The impact has knocked him unconscious. Kira is on the bank waiting for me, but closing quickly is 494. I make a quick decision and drop Lydecker's limp form on the edge of the pond. He would slow us down too much anyway. Kira grabs my hand, having evidently managed to free herself from her bindings, and pulls me out of the water. The second my feet touch land, we race away.
But I'm trailing. I can't run for much longer. I gesture to Kira to continue without me. I'll find her later. I just need her to get away, to get somewhere safe.
"Well, that was pretty risky."
494 is suddenly running alongside me. He chats as if this is a routine jog around the compound and we're discussing my maneuvers on the last mission.
"I didn't have a choice."
"You could have surrendered."
"Never."
"You know I can take you. You're tired. You don't stand a chance."
"I know. But I have to try."
"Why?"
I look 494 squarely in the eye. I have to stop. My body won't hold out much longer and clearly running is pointless now. I slow to a stop and he slows with me. I'm panting from the exertion, but I'm proud to hear my voice is firm and unwavering when I answer him.
"It's who I am."
494 is silent for a moment. He almost seems to be considering something. I take advantage of the opportunity to catch my breath.
"I've thought about you since you left." he suddenly says quietly, like he's admitting something secret to me.
I glance up at him in surprise, but he's not looking at me. He's gazing off into the distance, a speculative, thoughtful look on his face. This isn't like him. 494 is cocky, cool, confident. He gives nothing away. Why is he telling me this?
"You interested me." he continues, "That's why I requested this assignment."
I don't know how to react to 494's abnormal behavior. Is this some kind of trick? What is he after?
"I actually dreamed about this capture."
"What?" I blurt out before I even know what I'm doing.
"Yeah. There was never any doubt that I would capture you. It's just the how that was interesting. I wanted to see how this would play out."
"Glad to see you're still just as cocky as ever." I say dryly, almost relieved to be back in familiar territory.
494 flashes a cocky grin at me, probably patented on his missions outside. I'm a little taken aback by the expression. When he grins like that, there's almost a light in his eyes, not the cold, emotionless gaze I'm used to. So much for familiar territory.
"Have I any reason not to be?" 494 challenges, raising an eyebrow questioningly, apparently oblivious to how his actions are unsettling me.
"You won't catch Kira." I finally reply.
"You don't think so?"
"I won't let you."
"Oh, and how do you plan on stopping me?" he asks, that almost playful smirk returning to his face.
I take a deep breath and raise my fists, trying to ignore how off-kilter he's made me feel. But then he makes it even worse. He laughs. A deep, full laugh. I frown uncertainly.
"Do you really want to do this?" he finally asks, still grinning, eyes shining with amusement.
"What other choice do I have?"
494's gaze suddenly darkens as he gives me a suggestive look that makes my brain screech to a halt.
"I excelled in seduction training." he offers smoothly, his eyes trailing up and down my form.
For one panicked moment I wonder if maybe I'm in heat and this is some sort of delusion even though I know that's impossible. What the hell is happening?
"You...you must be joking." I stammer, backing up a couple steps.
He simply raises an eyebrow again. I shake my head. He's insane. I'd heard rumors about his twin, heard that's how he'd wound up in PsyOps a little while back, but clearly they'd missed something. Or maybe they'd pushed him over the edge, because this is madness.
He takes a step towards me and I lash out with my foot, hoping that he won't be expecting the attack. But, of course, he's ready. He catches my foot and while I manage to keep standing, he has me off balance. He pulls me forward and kicks at my standing leg. I fall forward into the splits, using my hands to support my weight so I can sweep both legs around into his. I manage to hook my foot around his ankle and pull him off his feet, but he twists as he falls and I suddenly find myself pinned under his weight, his hands on either side of my head.
"I was first in my class." he continues.
"Yet again with the overconfidence." I snap, squirming to try and escape from under him.
But he doesn't move. If anything, his weight presses down heavier against me as he settles himself more completely on top of me.
"They're transferring me to a breeding program."
"Sounds like just the cushy job for you." I reply, trying not to think about the way his body is pressing against mine.
"It could take some time. Probably enough time for 772 to get pretty far away." he muses.
I freeze. He's right about that at least. I need to give Kira time to escape, but there is no way I am going to sleep with the soldier sent to capture me and take me back to Manticore. Maybe if I can make him think he might be able to convince me, I can distract him long enough to give Kira a good head-start.
"Five minutes is not a long time, 494." I finally say, more to buy time than anything.
He looks shocked.
"It would take quite a bit longer than that, 613." he replies.
"You're not my type."
"Are you sure?"
Before I can answer he's kissing me. He's shockingly good at it, too. Not that I have much to compare it to, but judging by the way my whole body seems to be short-circuiting despite my instructions to remain unaffected, I figure he knows what he's doing. I'm so shocked by it, that I'm frozen until I find myself growing short on air. Finally, I shove him away enough to free my mouth from his, refilling my lungs. He grins that cocky grin at me again.
"What are you smiling about?" I demand angrily, although honestly I'm as mad at my body's traitorous response as I am at him, "That doesn't prove anything."
"No?" he produces a pouty frown, "But we were instructed that kissing is very important for female arousal."
"I doubt you were instructed in regards to Manticore females."
"Maybe not, but you're still female." he counters, "And I'm just as Manticore as you are."
With that, he lowers his head and I feel his teeth on the crook of my neck. I gasp when he bites down hard on my skin, but the pain only lasts a moment and then his lips are closing over the bite and he's nursing it with his tongue. I tell myself I feel nothing, but my body is shaking under his.
"How about now?" he asks, his breath rushing hot over my skin.
I realize that I've closed my eyes and quickly open them again. This is not going the way I'd planned at all. Desperate to regain some control, I act impulsively.
"Well..." I answer, drawing out the word as I run my hands up his back then over his shoulders to grasp his arms, "No."
I wedge my knees between us, pushing with all my might against him so that I can upset his weight on top of me and escape from under him. I jump back to my feet. 494 is only a moment behind.
"That's going to leave a mark." he comments, pointing at my neck.
My hand reaches up to touch the spot before I can stop myself. It's sore, but touching it makes my body tingle in a way that has nothing to do with pain. I hope he's not right, but refuse to let it show that I care.
"Just one more scar." I shrug.
"And not the first I've given you either."
I sprang from my hiding place in the bushes, dashing around trees, but 494 tackled me from behind. I kicked furiously until he lost his grip on my legs. We both sprang to our feet and began circling each other.
494 threw an experimental punch which I easily blocked. The rest of the fight was a blur until he threw me hard down on the ground. A sharp rock pierced my thigh and I screamed until the pain overwhelmed me and I lost consciousness.
"I remember." I tell him, my voice devoid of emotion, "You left me there, immobilized, bleeding out."
"Orders are orders. I had a team to hunt down."
"I almost died. I nearly lost my leg." I can't help the anger that's bubbling up inside even after all this time and all the effort I'd put into burying it.
"Medics fixed you up good."
"I never forgave you. I never could run the same. It was your fault." I continue, barely even hearing his words.
"I didn't mean..."
That snaps my attention back to him and I cut him off abruptly, "Bullshit."
"Okay, you're right. I did mean to." he admits with an unrepentant shrug, "I had things to prove to Command at the time."
He's not the least remorseful. I never really expected him to be.
"You always were good. That's why they sent you on all the missions. 494, the star of Manticore." I spit the words out bitterly, "But I don't care how good you are. I'm not going back and you can't make me. You'll just have to kill me."
"My orders aren't to kill you." he says with a shake of his head.
"You don't have a choice."
"You're not in any position to make demands."
"I hate you, 494." I finally snap.
He grins, like he enjoys pushing me to the edge, getting under my skin anyway he can.
"But you want me so bad." he teases.
Furious, I throw a wild punch at his head which he easily dodges. Not nearly finished, I continue to throw fast and angry punches at his body. 494 is forced to retreat slightly to avoid the blows.
"You're quick when you're angry, but not too accurate." he comments.
I land a blow to the side of his face.
"Accurate enough." I growl.
494 rubs his cheek and moves his jaw a little, checking it's still in the right place.
"613, that hurt." he says, like he can't believe I'd do such a thing, "I might just have to leave you with a few new scars today."
He rushes me and his attacks are all so fast, I can't even follow them, just the pain that results. I feel the wind rush out of me. Then, my face explodes with pain. Then, my knee gives out and I fall to a kneeling position.
I lift my hands to my face and reset my nose before looking up at 494. I can feel blood trickling down my face and taste it on my lips.
"Will you surrender now?" he asks.
"Never."
He sighs. I catch just a glimpse of his fist before it connects with my temple and I fall unconscious.
"She's coming out of the anesthesia, doctor."
My eyes slowly focused and adjusted to the bright light over me. I was surrounded by people in white and I began to panic as my confused mind tried to make sense of what was happening. Not that it mattered if I panicked. I was strapped securely in place on the operating table, unable to move.
"She's X5. She can take the pain." the doctor replied, unconcerned as he finished stitching my leg.
The pain was like fire punctuated by sharp stabbing agony that made it hard to breathe, but I clenched my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut, telling myself that pain was a good thing. Pain meant I was alive. Pain meant I hadn't lost the leg.
"Alright. You severed the muscle, but we've reattached the strands and repaired the arterial damage. With your healing abilities, you should make a full recovery." the doctor reported as he washed his hands.
"Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!" I answered weakly, before the blood loss had me passing out again.
Over the next few weeks, I was put through reconditioning as the muscle tissue reknit and rebuilt itself. It wasn't long before I was cleared to return to my unit, but that had been the start. I became the weak link in the chain and despite the doctor's prediction, I was never quite the same. Because of 494.
I blink slowly as my eyes refocus. I'm not in the hospital wing. That was a long time ago. I'm on the ground, outside, and 494 is standing over me, his back to me.
"What are you waiting for?" I demand angrily once I realize that there aren't any military humvees around, waiting to load me up and take me back to Manticore.
"I was told to await assistance." he replies shortly, "They'll be here soon."
Oh.
"It won't be so bad." he continues, "They'll send you to PsyOps for a while. Reindoctrinate you. Then, everything will be back to normal."
PsyOps. I am not going to PsyOps. I'd heard about what went on in there. There is no way I'm going to let them do that to me. Maybe 494 was able to handle his stay in PsyOps, but I'm not up for one myself.
"Maybe they'll even transfer you to the breeding program and we'll get to finish what we started."
Arrogant bastard. I hate him so much.
"It won't be so bad." he repeats himself.
That's when I notice the tone in his voice. He sounds...uncertain. Like he's trying to convince himself. I find myself once again feeling confused and a little scared to see another new dimension to 494.
It's horribly difficult to ask, "What's wrong?"
He glances back at me without really looking at me, but I see his eyes. They are dark and stormy, filled with a tempest of emotions. More than anything thus far, this terrifies me. 494 is a soldier. He is cold and emotionless except for his arrogance. There shouldn't be emotions in his eyes and definitely not something so tumultuous.
His voice, however, is as cold as ever when he answers me, "Nothing."
"You don't want to go back, do you?" I ask, astounded by my realization.
"Don't be stupid." he snaps.
"You wanted to waste time on this mission because you don't want to go back." I accuse.
"You're insane."
"Then, why didn't you just take me to Lydecker instead of radioing? We both know I'd be headed back to Manticore by now if you had moved me yourself."
"Shut up."
His voice is getting edgy. I know I'm right. It makes absolutely no sense, but I'm right.
"You can't leave, but you don't want to go back. That's why you're so torn."
"Shut up!" he yells at me, whirling around.
His eyes blaze with fury at me and I can't help but shrink back from them. There is so much power in his eyes. It's no wonder he's a CO and yet, I can't help but think that again he's showing emotions that he shouldn't have, not in Manticore.
"You don't know what you're talking about." he says in a whisper through clenched teeth.
"Then, tell me."
494 turns his back to me again and I assume that's his way of dismissing the conversation. I slowly pull myself into a sitting position and debate running again.
"You have no idea what it's like."
His voice startles me. It's so quiet, just a whisper. I stare at 494's back in surprise.
"First, I spend 6 months in PsyOps because my twin turned out to be a traitor. And then I go on a mission and kill the wrong person." his voice begins to quaver and he takes a deep breath before he continues, "And just when I think I'm past all that, my goddamn twin screws me again. Turns out he's not just a traitor, but some kind of defective whackjob."
I can't speak. I almost hold my breath listening to him, afraid the tiniest disturbance will end in disaster.
"They break you into pieces in PsyOps, you know. You think you can beat them, but you can't. They tear you apart. They get inside you and rip you open. But I didn't care after a while." he pauses again, longer this time and I wonder if that's all he will say when he surprises me again, "She wasn't supposed to be there. It was just her father I was sent to kill. She shouldn't have been involved at all. But I screwed up. I failed her. I failed everyone. I killed her. I loved her and I killed her."
I can't move. I can't even breathe. I can barely form a thought past my shock. This is the last thing I ever expected from 494. Who would ever believe that 494 could love? Who would believe that any of us are even capable of love?
"I don't want to be hurt again." 494's words are just a breath, not even a whisper.
"Don't go back. Come with me." I blurt out suddenly.
"I can't." he says, his voice strong and cold once again.
"Why not?" I ask in disbelief.
How can he go back to Manticore after what they have done to him, what they made him do?
"Because Manticore is where we belong. We're not meant to be out here, trying to be human. We'll never be like them. Manticore is home."
"But..."
I cut myself off as I hear the sound of approaching vehicles. I don't have much time. Either I convince 494 to abandon everything he has ever known or I return to Manticore with him.
"Go."
I look up at 494, confused. I'm sure he spoke, but he couldn't have said what I think he did.
"Go on. Go. Now. Before Lydecker gets here. It's your only chance." he says, turning to me.
"Please come with me." I say as I stand, knowing I'm wasting time as the vehicles get closer.
He shakes his head.
I remain still for a moment, frozen where I stand as I stare into 494's eyes. He breaks the moment by shoving me and looking away.
"Get out of here."
I run quickly, knowing I can't stay any longer. I feel 494's eyes on me for a long while. I can't help but pity him. I hated him so much, wished that I could put him through some of the pain he had subjected me to, not only with the injury he dealt me, but with the repercussions that followed. But now I know that 494's pain is much greater than my own. His torment is something much deeper than physical wounds. I wonder if he'll ever heal before I turn my attention to finding Kira.