Snippet 19

Genre: Humor/Parody

Pairs: Implied ships

Parody: RWBY/Everybody Hates Chris

AU-Type: Canon-eqsue.

Tags: Metahumor, Deconstruction, Fourth Wall Breaking!Jaune, Jaune Flips His Shit!

You Just Had to Piss off Jaune

Being the leader of JPNR was no easy task being that Nora would drive any rational person nuts. Jaune was under a lot of pressure. Glynda was on his case for his losses against Cardin taking pleasure in harshly putting the knight down. Jaune had to put up with Cardin bullying him on a daily basis making his life in Beacon a living hell. With Cardin having connections to get away with his bullying, Jaune was in a vicegrip. Didn't help that Ozpin was obviously grooming Pyrrha for something adding to his worry. With Lie Ren being the quiet supporting one, he would be Jaune's moment of peace before Nora did something chaotic. Lastly, there was Weiss, the girl of his dreams…who spat in his face and despised him. Sadly, he was blinded by pathetic puppy love for her despite their literally having more desirable and attractive options (*cough* Yang, Blake, Nora, Ruby, and plenty of other girls *cough*). All this lead to Jaune being close to snapping, as the students piled in for breakfast at the cafeteria. What could be the catalyst to Jaune's explosion? Weiss? Cardin? Not exactly.

Jaune managed to somehow look rational thanks to having a strong cup of coffee in the morning and dragged himself up to the counter to get some only to find…none left.

"No…no…I can't function without my coffee! Who took the last one?!" Jaune said barely above a whisper. "What am I going to do without my coffee?!"

PANIC.

Jaune screamed in a mixture of fear, anger, and frustration loud enough to get everyone's attention as he tore out the table from the wall with the coffee maker and hurled it. The hot coffee pot smashed right into Weiss's face with the table sailing past Team RWBY's heads. Jaune's eyes had shrank and he had a feral look to him through this unpleasant mental breakdown. The rest of JNPR were all blissfully in their beds unaware of the hell the rest of the students were about to endure.

"WHO TOOK THE LAST OF THE FREAKING COFFEE?!" Jaune screamed in a dark and angry tone. "Well, who was it?!"

Cardin boldly said it was him expecting Jaune to deflate. What he did not expect was Jaune come up to him, grab him by his collar, smashed his face into the wall repeatedly, before throwing him into RWBY's table.

"Listen you one-dimensional douchebag! Do you know what it's like to put up with Nora every day?! Huh?!" Jaune shouted strangling Cardin. "You have to put up with their one-note stereotypes! I have poorly developed people passing off as fully developed characters. I can't even get a feel for my own character. It's like I'm someone's onahole to shove ideas in!"

"Jaune, are you all right?" Ruby meekly asked.

"Obviously, something's wrong! Here's a better question! Shouldn't you be asking Ozpin what's so damn special about your silver eyes? Or your mother? It's so obvious they have godlike power and you're doing nothing about it and that your mother is important yet we never bring her up." Jaune said with a bit of twisted laugh. "The writers clearly suck at their jobs. Can't even show faunus discrimination right?"

"What are you rambling on about? Faunus are being treated poorly." Blake touted.

"Says the island princess. For fuck's sake, Velvet has more reason to complain then miss spoiled princess. You literally could be sipping drinks off the beaches of Menagerie which is lovely this time of year. The only reason you left because you let the White Fang stroked your damn ego and your fucking daddy issues. We don't even know if even you murdered anyone in your White Fang!" Jaune said crazily. "Or were you fucking Adam while he slaughtered?"

Cardin was scared at the raving madman and Ozpin walked into the cafeteria with his fresh cup of his special coffee. Poor Ozpin didn't the freight train that ran him over and stole his coffee.

"Sweet coffee at last!" Jaune said drinking the entire glass down.

And just like that, Jaune was his nice self once again as the rest of team JNPR waltzed in.

"What the hell happened here?" Ren asked seeing the mess all over the cafeteria.

Jaune shrugged as Ozpin got up asking what hit him. That day, everyone would learn a simple lesson. Jaune NEEDS his coffee to stay sane. They made sure to get him a cup every morning, and Jaune found himself much better for it.

(A/N: Asdfguy432 requested this one. I'll be more likely to take a request if you take one of my works to react to. ;) Thanks to NigmaShady, who reminded me of this piece which got me to fix it up.)