Chapter 13: Jealous
I keep Alec company in the infirmary, chatting about anything and everything to keep both our minds off our injuries and how frustrating it is being out of action, even temporarily.
"So, what about those two X5s you brought in? Anyone I'd know?" Alec asks eventually.
"Actually, they're from Max's old unit. Apparently, two of the escapees. Their names are Krit and Syl." I say.
"I've heard about them. They helped blow the genetics lab. Max must be thrilled."
"Yeah, I think she is. I know I'd be excited if some of my unit showed up."
I think sadly about what may have happened to the other X5s I spent most of my life with. I hope that they're still out there somewhere, safe and making the most of their new freedom, but realistically I know that the chances of that are fairly slim.
"I was pretty excited when I ran into Biggs." Alec nods in agreement.
His face scrunches up in pain for a moment and I'm fairly certain that it has nothing to do with his bullet wound. I remember that he mentioned something about a friend of his being killed not too long ago by a gang. He covers his lapse quickly by raising an eyebrow and looking curious.
"So, is Syl hot?"
I shake my head and laugh a little.
"I wouldn't know." I reply, then quickly decide to add, "But Krit's not too bad."
Alec pouts at me and looks about to say something when Max enters, trailed by the two transgenics we were just talking about.
"Hey, she is pretty hot." Alec mutters before putting on a pained look and groaning softly.
I glare at him quickly before looking down, trying to look pathetic like I promised.
"Chow time!" Max announces, holding up a pizza, "We brought plenty. Figured Lena and Spaz might be hungry, too."
She sets down the pizza on an empty bed and comes closer, a concerned look appearing on her face once again.
"How are you doing?" she asks Alec.
"Hurts." Alec says in a small voice, like he's in a lot of pain, but is trying to be brave, "But I'll be fine. It's enough to know the rest of my team's okay."
I see Krit and Syl exchange glances behind Max's back and know that Alec hasn't fooled them at all. Lucky for him, they both seem rather amused and don't look like they are about to clue in Max. Apparently, Alec notices, too, because when Max turns to get out a piece of pizza he winks at them. I catch Syl stifling a snicker.
"Here. Have some pizza. That ought to help cope with the injustice of it all." Max holds out a piece to Alec, eyes wide with sympathy.
Alec reaches weakly for the pizza, but before he can take it Max springs forward and smears it in his face.
"You dumbass. Did you really think you could play me?" she has her hands on her hips and is trying to look angry, but is failing due to the grin on her face.
Alec peels the pizza off his face and I can't help but laugh at the sight of him. His face is covered with pizza sauce and there's a pepperoni stuck to his cheek. He glares at Max.
"Picking on the wounded, Maxie. That's low." he accuses.
Max rolls her eyes at him, turning and taking some pizza to the pregnant woman, apparently Spaz, and Lena. Syl and Krit take out some pieces, as well. Krit brings a piece to me.
"Jess, right?" he asks as he hands it to me.
I nod, taking a large bite of the pizza. I really am starving. I haven't eaten since the day before when I was trying to keep my mind off of worrying about what might happen to Alec.
"What?" I ask around my food, noticing the way Krit is looking at me.
He has a slightly amused look on his face and his head is cocked quizzically to one side as he looks at me.
"Hungry?" he ventures.
"Starving." I confirm.
"You're X5?"
"613."
"How's it been since Manticore burned down?"
"Actually, I escaped." I correct him as I take another bite.
"Really?" Krit sounds surprised.
He takes a quick bite of his own pizza and sits down on my bed, looking at me with interest.
"She went AWOL on a mission with her partner about six months before the big barbeque." Alec interjects, "She's been out about a year."
He sounds a little annoyed. I glance at him, wondering what's wrong, but he's busy wiping his face off on a towel Syl hands him.
"Why'd you split?" Krit asks.
"Lots of reasons. Just couldn't take it anymore." I say simply, shrugging.
It's too complicated to get into right now. But surprisingly, Krit seems to understand anyway. I take another bite of my pizza and chew thoughtfully. I suppose if anyone would get it, it would be an '09 escapee.
Suddenly, I find myself distracted by Syl talking to Alec.
"It's funny. I mean, you look like him, of course, but you're nothing like him. Maxie told us you were his twin, you know, to prepare us and I thought you'd be more...Ben-like." she says, her fingers hovering near his face like she wants to touch him, verify that he's real.
"Nah, I'm one hundred percent, genuine Alec." Alec replies with his usual smirk.
"So, how'd..." Krit begins, drawing my attention back to him.
"I've got to go, guys." Max interrupts both conversations, "I've got so much to do right now. We have to be ready for when White comes. Krit, Syl, are you guys coming?"
"I'm still kind of hungry. I think I'll hang here for a little bit." Krit says absently without taking his eyes off me, like I'm some kind of puzzle he's trying to figure out.
I look away, feeling like I'm being scrutinized and not confident that I can measure up to expectations. Previous experience has shown that I usually don't.
"Yeah, me, too." Syl agrees, taking a bite of pizza for emphasis, "We'll catch you later, Maxie."
Max nods and leaves, glancing at her "siblings" before she disappears outside. My eyes then fall upon Syl sitting on the edge of Alec's bed and leaning forward to wipe a piece of sauce off his face that he missed. It seems like such an intimate gesture and a strange, sharp, sickening feeling wells up inside me. I feel myself growing angry at Syl. I don't even know her, but I don't like her and the closer she gets to Alec the more I feel myself bristling with agitation.
"Anyway, how did you end up here in sunny Seattle?" Krit asks.
"Just moving around. I never heard about Manticore. Kira and I stayed on the road too much to hear much news. I thought we still had a government agency tracking us. It was a coincidence that we ended up here and ran into Alec." I answer, choosing to do my best to ignore Syl and Alec and the feelings seeing them together are inspiring in me.
"Wow. It's hard to believe you didn't hear about that." Krit says in surprise.
I shrug. I can't believe we didn't hear about it either. Clearly a tactical mistake on my part. I should have been paying closer attention even if it didn't seem like it had anything to do with us at the time.
"How long have you been here?"
"Not long. Only a few days."
"Less than a week and you've already been shot? This is worse than LA." he jokes.
I glance over at Alec involuntarily, like my eyes are drawn to him no matter what my brain says, and see him looking at me. He quickly turns his gaze back to Syl, raising an eyebrow at her. She smiles easily in return and flips her hair over her shoulder flirtatiously. I can't stand this anymore.
"Would you help me outside? I need some air." I say quickly to Krit.
"Sure." he jumps to his feet and offers me his hand.
I take it, glancing once more at Alec. He's busy flashing his grin at Syl. I clench my free hand in a fist and limp towards the door a little faster, forgetting my hunger. I can't help but feel betrayed. After that last fight we had, he has to know how much it hurts when he just ignores me and this is even worse.
I turn to Krit, telling myself that two can play Alec's game.
It's not raining, but clouds still linger in the sky and the air is crisp with the smell that comes just after rain when we step outside. It's a pretty nice day, in terms of weather anyway.
"Nice day." Krit says, echoing my thoughts.
"Yeah." I agree, inhaling deeply and enjoying the cool air filling my lungs.
"So, what's with you and Alec?"
I almost start in surprise at the question. I glance at Krit, then away before replying.
"Nothing I want to get into. We just keep running into each other and having some intense clashes." I shake my head, "He's an ass."
Krit laughs. I glare at him. I can be mad at Alec, but he cannot laugh at him. He doesn't even know him. He seems to sense my anger because he raises his hands in surrender.
"No, no. It's just...that's almost exactly how Max described him, too."
My anger disappears and I smile in amusement.
"And what about you and Syl?" I ask in return.
"Syl? She's my best friend and has been since before I can remember. We were always partners back at Manticore. We got split up after we escaped, Zack thought it would be best, but I had to find her. It took two years, but I tracked her down. Turned out, she'd been looking for me, too, which is probably the only reason I found her. Zack tried to split us up after that, but we made a promise to stick together. She's got my back, I've got hers. Even if she is a dumb blonde." he grins, then looks quickly over his shoulder like he's afraid that Syl might appear just in time to hear his comment.
I laugh, amused by his actions.
"What?" he asks defensively, "You'd be surprised how many times she's done that."
He smiles at me again and I can't help but notice that he has a really nice smile. Despite everything Manticore put him through and whatever his life has been on the outside, his smile seems open and genuine.
"They never told us what happened to make you all escape. There had to have been a reason. All they told us was that you were rats, traitors." I say, the familiar images of the indoctrination from Manticore briefly flashing through my mind.
"They just pushed us too hard." Krit replies, his face getting a look that tells me he's drifting back into his memories, "And when they found that some of us were having seizures, it got worse. They took Jack away and killed him, cutting up his body. Like he was defective and they needed to find the faulty part. Maxie saw it. And then, she got the shakes. We all loved Maxie, but no one more than Zack and Eva, our CO and SIC. They attacked the tac leaders when they tried to take her away and Eva took one of their guns. That's when Zack decided it was time to bounce. Eva took the lead with the gun, but we ran into Lydecker. He shot her down right in front of us. We just had to get out of there after that."
I absorb his story in silence, letting him come out of his memories in his own time. Not knowing what else to say, I offer a pathetic apology that feels entirely inadequate.
"I'm sorry."
The words feel so insubstantial and stupid. It isn't like me feeling sorry for him will change anything. It isn't even like what happened to his unit was out of the ordinary at Manticore. People disappearing at Manticore was the norm.
"Don't say that." Krit says, looking visibly upset, "At least we got out. We got away before Manticore could dish out more. The rest of you guys got the worst of it. The rest of you who were there for nineteen years. No, we were definitely the lucky ones."
My respect for Krit instantly grows, but again I don't seem to have any words to express my appreciation so this time I decide to just keep my mouth shut.
"What made you leave?" he eventually asks again.
I've already dodged the question once and now, even though he was so forthcoming with me, the question being turned back on me again makes me feel defensive.
"Just didn't fit in, you know? Couldn't take all the crap anymore. So, I thought I'd split and take my best friend with me." I shrug, like it doesn't matter at all.
Krit gives me a look that says he isn't buying it, but thankfully he doesn't press the issue.
"I'm new around here. Where's the happening place to be?" he asks, rolling his eyes at himself as he says 'happening.'
I smile, more at the fact that he's letting me get away with my insouciant facade than at his words.
"Well, there is a bar with some pool tables and a TV that doesn't play news." I offer.
"Perfect." Krit agrees.
I lead him towards the bar, surprised when he takes my hand in his and tangles his fingers with mine. For some reason, I don't take it away from him. It occurs to me that Alec has never held my hand like this. Thinking back, I can't remember anyone ever holding my hand except for once or twice on missions and that certainly doesn't really count. It's a strange, but comforting feeling.
We enter the bar and I notice that it's rather quiet. There are a handful of transgenics inside getting wasted, probably trying to make themselves forget the hell that's coming when CAT tries to invade. But there's no celebrating, no cheerfulness, no fun like the last time I was here. The whole place feels depressed and, unlike I promised, the solitary television is in fact playing the news.
"Did someone run over everybody's dog?" Krit asks in a whisper.
I shake my head.
"No one's too excited about White and some gung ho military team trying to bring the fight to us." I explain.
"Right. That CAT thing. Syl and I saw that yesterday before we got busted. Who names those things anyway?" Krit asks with amusement.
I look at him curiously, wondering why he isn't acting more worried. There's no part of what's coming that's going to be anything resembling good and there will almost certainly be casualties.
"Why aren't I worried?" he asks, correctly interpreting my look, "I am. But, come on. Sulking around while we wait isn't going to change anything. So let's play some pool and worry about those idiots with guns when they get here."
"And what about being prepared?" I ask.
He shrugs.
"Syl and I have always been more spur of the moment type of people. Zack's the one who does the planning. Did, I guess."
Krit's voice falters a little when he mentions Zack, his CO, and his voice trails off into practically a whisper. It's clear something happened to him, but I don't press him about it. We've all had more than our fair share of tragedy and he can tell me if he wants. Still, he must see something in my face because he looks down at the floor and shuffles his feet uncomfortably for a moment before he speaks again.
"Zack was captured when we blew the genetics lab and we thought...we thought he was dead, him and Max. I mean, Zack would never let them take him alive and after what happened to Max... But Maxie told us that he's not dead, that she saw him. They used some kind of cyborg technology stuff to fix him. Only problem is he had amnesia and when he remembered who he was, their brainwashing kicked in and he turned into a straight-up assassin boy. So Max had to wipe his memory again and give him a new life where he doesn't even know he's a transgenic. I was blown away by the story, but the weirdest part is that I still feel like I've lost him. He may be alive, but I've still lost my big brother, my CO."
I'm shocked into silence. I didn't know Manticore was experimenting with robotic technology. Of course, with Manticore, anything is possible.
"But he's free." I point out, "Like really free. He doesn't have to hide anymore. He doesn't have to run. He can live a normal life. Isn't that what we all want anyway?"
Krit smiles a little, but his eyes still look sad.
"I guess." he says, but it's clear that he doesn't feel like sacrificing your whole past is worth the chance at a future that is at least partially a lie.
I grab two pool cues and throw one to Krit. I lean on the other one so that I can take some weight off of my leg for a while.
"Remember, sulking won't change anything. Let's play." I say.
Krit almost visibly stuffs his pain down inside and smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes this time. It's clear that's a wound that hasn't quite healed yet. I wonder if it ever will.
"Okay, but I get to break." he declares.
I shrug and gesture at the pool table, telling him to go right ahead. Krit leans across the table and expertly breaks, sinking three balls right away. I raise an eyebrow. He's good.
"I've had a lot of practice at this game." Krit explains, "It's Syl's favorite. She makes hustling almost an art when it comes to pool. I've gotten used to losing. This will be a nice change of pace. Three in the side pocket."
"Don't be so sure." I reply, watching as he sinks another ball easily.
Krit grins, but doesn't take his eyes off the table.
"Seven in the far right corner." Krit says.
I look carefully at his shot.
"Don't you mean side pocket?" I ask.
The shot's obvious, but Krit shakes his head. I shrug and watch. The ball bounces off the corner of the side pocket and rebounds into the far right corner.
"Nice." I comment, impressed.
"Thanks. Two in this pocket," he taps the pocket in front of him before rebounding a ball off the opposite end of the table so that it comes back and sinks into the pocket perfectly, "I hope you didn't want to play."
I smirk in reply, stepping back so that Krit can line up his next shot. As he's shooting, I use my pool cue to hit him in the back of the knee with just enough force to cause him to sink on one side and throw off his aim. Looking over his shoulder, I see his ball bounce off the side, missing the pocket. He glares at me and I try to look innocent.
"My turn?" I ask sweetly.
I move to the other side of the table from him, limping only slightly, and quickly line up my shot.
"Twelve in the corner." I say with a quick gesture at the pocket before I sink the shot.
"You play like Syl." Krit complains.
"Good, then you're used to it. Eleven, left corner." I say simply, sinking a second ball.
Krit rolls his eyes and leans against the table, watching me play. I sink three more shots before he speaks again.
"We're almost tied." he comments, "I was hoping you'd get distracted and miss by now."
"Sorry to disappoint." I say, narrowing my eyes as I prepare to tie the game, "Fifteen in the right corner pocket."
"Alec! I can't believe you're up, man!" Krit yells suddenly, looking wide-eyed over my shoulder.
I know he has to be lying, but I have to look just in case. It would be just like Alec to push himself too hard too fast and show up right behind me when I least expect it. But of course, Alec isn't there. I turn back to my shot, but as I do Krit bumps into me. My arm slips and taps the white ball. It rolls about an inch and stops.
"Oops." Krit says, echoing my fake sweet tone from earlier.
"You suck." I grumble, my lips pulling downwards in a pout.
Krit just smiles as he finishes the game. His smile turns apologetic as he looks up at me after sinking the eight ball.
"Buy you a drink?" he offers.
"Peace offering?" I ask.
"Sure."
"Alright then. I'll have whatever you have."
Krit nods and goes to the bar. I muse that Krit is easy to get along with. There's something about him that makes me feel like I can relax and open up to him. It kind of reminds me of Kira. In fact, I think Kira would really like him.
Krit returns and presses a glass into my hand. I down the contents quickly, recognizing it as tequila. It's actually the same drink I ordered when I ran into Alec that first night in Seattle. Guilt arises in me at the thought of Alec. Sure, he was a jerk the way he was flirting with Syl right in front of me when I was distracted by Krit's stream of questions, but he's still injured and I still care about him. I should go back and check on him, make sure he's doing okay.
"I should check on Alec." I voice aloud to Krit.
Krit shrugs and returns our glasses to the bar. When he returns to my side, he takes my arm and helps me back towards the infirmary. I'm glad of his assistance since my leg is really starting to hurt again, but more than that I'm glad that he didn't make me ask for his help. Manticore was never shy about letting us know that asking for help was a clear sign of weakness and try as I might, I still have a hard time shaking that belief. I try to silently convey my gratitude with my appreciative expression. He nods back, so I assume he understands.
"It's been really nice talking to you, Krit." I say as we draw nearer to the infirmary. Even if this whole outing was spurred on by my frustration with Alec, I really have enjoyed spending time with Krit.
"You, too, Jess. Hope we can hang out some more when you're leg's better." he says, stopping just outside the door to the infirmary and turning to face me.
"Sure. Why not?" I shrug.
Suddenly, to my utmost astonishment, Krit leans down and kisses me. It only lasts a moment, but I'm thoroughly shocked for much longer than that, standing frozen in place. Something inside me recoils at the feeling, making me feel like I need to physically put distance between us. I don't understand it and I can't explain it but some deeply instinctual part of me is telling me that as much as I like Krit, this is wrong.
I blink out of my shock when I notice that Krit's staring at me expectantly.
"W...w...why? Why did you do that?" I finally manage to spit out.
"It was a goodnight kiss. Only in the middle of the day. It's generally accepted as a good way to end a date. Of course, a goodbye kiss the morning after..." he trails off, his lips quirking a little on one side.
I interrupt him quickly because that lopsided smirk, too, just feels so wrong to me. I take a couple steps backwards, lifting my hands as if to ward off even the suggestion that this was more than just hanging out with a new friend.
"But we...that wasn't a date. We were just talking. I..." I'm so confused I'm babbling and I quickly cut myself off by biting my lip.
Krit rubs his forearm anxiously and the awkward tension begins to build rapidly. I still want to bolt, to run away from the situation, but my leg hurts just at the thought. The worst part of all of it, though, is that some traitorous voice in the back of my mind is whispering about how much easier things would be with Krit and reminding me how nice it felt to hold his hand.
"I should go." I finally blurt out, gesturing weakly at the infirmary door.
"Yeah." Krit agrees, "I should collect Syl."
We both head towards the door at the same time. I stop, anticipating a collision, but Krit stops as well. I feel so awkward I almost can't bear to look at him. Krit gestures for me to go first and I try to hurry through, hoping that I'm not blushing as hard as I think I must be.
I freeze again just inside the door, barely registering the fact that Krit bumps into me, not anticipating me to halt so abruptly. The sight in front of me consumes all my attention.
Syl and Alec's faces are a hair's breadth apart and they're staring into each other's eyes. They both notice my entrance. I know because I see their eyes dart towards me before returning to each other. Then, Alec kisses her. Not a quick kiss like Krit gave me, but a long, deep, hungry kiss. I feel sick.
My leg chooses that moment to give out on me after all the abuse it's taken recently. Although, honestly it doesn't feel so much like I'm falling to the floor as it feels like the floor is falling out from under me. Alec manages to tear himself away from Syl to look at me, concern flashing across his face, but Krit's the one who catches me before I hit the ground.
"Shit, Jess! Are you okay?" he asks.
I nod quickly, "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I just need to sit down, I think."
Krit helps me back over to my bed. I try not to look at Alec, who has returned his attention to Syl, but I can't help myself. It's like some masochistic tendency in me won't allow me to look away.
Alec gives Syl a lopsided smile, his eyes sparkling. I hate that he's looking at her like that and I hate that all I can think about is when he looked at me like that. I can almost feel a growl building deep in my chest. Again, some animal instinct lurking inside me is telling me to leap over there and yank her away from him by her beautiful blonde hair, but I clench my fists and ignore it.
"See you later?" Alec asks her.
"Definitely." Syl says, wetting her upper lip with her tongue as she slowly straightens, like she's enjoying the lingering taste of him on her lips.
"Good." Alec says, his gaze dropping to her mouth to watch the movement.
"Later."
"Later." Alec replies, eyes following the sway of Syl's hips as she walks towards the door.
"Coming Krit?" she calls over her shoulder.
"Just a sec." Krit replies. He looks down at me with a worried expression, "Are sure you're okay?"
"Fine." I assure him quickly, barely even listening.
I glance at Alec again who is in the process of winking at Syl as she lingers by the door waiting for Krit and an intense, irrational desire for revenge surges through me. My hand reaches out, as if of its own accord, and wraps around the back of Krit's neck, pulling him down to me as I smash my lips against his. I see his eyes widen momentarily, then feel him smile and respond. His lips caress mine and even though something in my gut is still screaming 'Wrong, wrong!,' I ignore it. After a long moment, I finally release him, falling back onto my bed as I catch my breath.
"Bye, Krit." I say, smiling at him.
"Uh...bye? I mean, bye, Jess." Krit replies, seeming slightly dazed by this turn of events.
He remains frozen for a second before Syl pointedly clearing her throat snaps him out of it and he hurries over to join his impatient partner. The two leave a moment later. The silence that follows weighs heavily down on me but I stubbornly refuse to be the one who breaks it.
"So, Krit, huh?" Alec finally asks, his voice brusque and challenging.
"Syl?" I shoot back.
"She's cute." he shrugs, then smirks again, "Very...spunky."
I again barely restrain myself from growling angrily.
"What was with kissing Krit out of the blue like that, huh?" Alec continues unexpectedly.
His voice is sharper than usual, almost like this is some kind of interrogation. It makes me bristle defensively. How can he take that tone with me? He started this!
"He's cute." I mimic Alec, "And he's sweet. Understanding."
"Wuss." he tries to make it sound like a cough, "So what were you doing all that time?"
I glare at him, resenting the tone of voice he's using and what he's insinuating.
"None of your business." I snap.
"Whatever." Alec replies coolly.
My temper's flaring. I try to calm it, but I'm not having much luck.
"Why are you being such a prick?" I demand, sitting up and turning to face him more directly.
"Me? I'm not being a prick." Alec replies, unperturbed, "I'm just asking how your date was?"
"It wasn't a date. We were just talking."
"Sure." he says sarcastically.
"Leave me alone!" I snap, my hands clenching the edge of my bed so hard my knuckles are white, "You're the one who started it, flirting with Syl!"
Alec struggles to sit up and winces in pain. He manages to move his head a little higher up on his pillow so he's closer to eye level with me, glaring furiously right back at me.
"I started it? You're the one who was all 'Actually, I escaped. Isn't that cool? We have so much in common. Wanna make out in front of Alec?'" he snaps back.
"What the hell? I was just answering his questions! What did you want me to do, ignore him?" I demand.
"No! But you could have...I don't know, been a little less nice about it!"
I cross my arms over my chest and lay back down on my bed, facing resolutely away from Alec, "I don't even know why I'm having this conversation with you."
"Maybe because you feel just a little bit guilty about dissing me so royally." he grumbles.
"How the hell does me having anything to do with Krit even concern you?" I ask angrily, turning back towards him so that I can glare at him again.
"Forget it." he growls, laying his head back on the pillow and staring straight up at the ceiling.
"Fine!"
Silence falls upon the room once again. Neither of us speaks a word. Eventually, Lena comes back in and speaks to Spaz, who I frankly forgot was still there, telling her that she can leave if she wants, but to check back in if she feels at all different. Spaz nods and leaves, thankfully not saying anything about the drama that unfolded in Lena's absence before she goes. Lena then changes Alec's bandages again and takes another look at my leg before announcing that it seems to be healing well enough. I simply grunt in response. As long as it heals soon so I can get the hell away from Alec, I don't care. After that she leaves again and it's just me and Alec and awkward silence.
It's funny, the pain that welled up inside of me at the sight of Alec kissing Syl was more painful than the bullet wound in my leg. The image keeps playing through my mind, over and over again. Especially the part where he looked at me and then kissed her like he wanted me to see it. But why? Did he want to hurt me, to push me away? Had I been wrong about him all along?
I think back over what Alec said: his accusations about how I was flirting with Krit, his proclamation that I dissed him, the fact that he even thought the matter concerned him at all. Could Alec actually be...jealous? The conclusion is hard for me to swallow, but I have to admit that jealousy was the emotion that claimed me when I saw him with Syl. And I also know that part of the reason why this is all so hard is because it's Alec. I'm quite a bit less than objective when it comes to him. That's obvious. I sigh, thinking that maybe all this hurt and anger was caused by a simple misunderstanding.
"Jesus, would you stop thinking about him!" Alec snaps, suddenly.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I can't keep myself from snapping back at him, immediately defensive all over again.
"Sigh. Krit's so dreamy." he says in an annoyingly high-pitched voice that I assume is his impersonation of me.
"First off, I do not sound like that. And for your information, I wasn't thinking about Krit and I haven't been for at least the past 45 minutes."
"Right." Alec says disbelievingly, "Why did you sigh then?"
"I was thinking about you, you moron!" I yell at him, "And about how stupid this fight is."
"Sure, stupid. I mean, it's not like you practically knifed me in the chest." Alec stops suddenly, mouth still open, like he can't believe what he just said.
"Knifed you in the chest?" I repeat, my suspicions all but confirmed, "Are you saying that I made you...jealous?"
"Whatever." Alec does his best to recover by blowing off my question, rolling his eyes.
"Alec." I say firmly, forcing him to look at me, determined to put an end to this.
"What?" he demands, looking like he's braced for another fight.
"I'm sorry."
That's all I can think of to say. I can't tell him what I'm feeling. It's too hard. But maybe, maybe if I let him know that I'm sorry I hurt him, we can resolve this fight and things can go back to the way they were. God, I hope this isn't going to be a pattern that continues. First, I hurt him physically, causing a rift between us when we can't seem to communicate clearly with each other, and now I've hurt him emotionally.
"You're...what?" Alec asks, blinking in surprise.
I glare at him, annoyed and unwilling to repeat myself, "You heard me, God damn it."
His mouth twitches, hinting at a smile that he manages to control.
"Well, then. I guess I'm sorry, too." he says.
I continue to glare at him.
"You guess?" the image of Alec and Syl flashes through my mind again.
"Hey, don't push it, babe." he says, but smiles to show me that he's just teasing.
I start to feel like the situation is mending.
"I didn't mean it, Jess." Alec says quietly in a barely audible whisper.
I'm not really sure what he means. He must see my confusion because he continues.
"Kissing Syl. I didn't mean it. I mean, she's hot and all," I glare at him a third time and he smiles at me, "but I did it...I did it to get back at you."
"Alec, I..." I can't bring myself to continue.
"What?" Alec asks.
I swing my feet out of bed and stand up, taking the few steps it takes to get to Alec's bed. Pulling the chair closer, I sit in it and lean over him.
"Nothing." I shake my head, "Just kiss me, you jerk."
Alec looks surprised at my boldness, and truthfully, so am I. It's just that I had a feeling and unlike 613, I, Jess, decided to go ahead and follow it.
Alec lifts his head and I lean further down so that he won't have to strain himself too much, but he surprises me by pushing himself up slightly onto his pillows. Either he's getting better quickly or he's feeling particularly motivated.
His kiss seems cautious at first, but gradually builds into the kind of kiss we shared on top of the old building what seems like ages ago now. I close my eyes, sinking into the kiss and wondering why my chest hurts on the inside and why I feel so...complete. It's like the exact opposite of how it felt kissing Krit. And even though a relationship with Krit would definitely be much simpler and probably less fraught with misunderstandings, being with Alec like this is simply irresistible. How did he get such power over me? That thought scares me thoroughly for a moment before I remind myself that Alec was a CO, he's used to power, and he won't abuse it, not with me. I hope.
Slowly, reluctantly, I pull back, opening my eyes to look at Alec to try and read his feelings in his face.
"That was fun. Let's do it again sometime." he jokes, eyes bright and smile in place.
I half-laugh, feeling almost flushed with happiness to see him looking at me like that again. I return to my bed, leaning my back against the pillows, mirroring Alec's position. I'm sure Lena will be back soon to check up on us. Maybe then I can finish eating. I'm still starving. But that's okay, because Alec doesn't really like Syl.
I slide down my pillows to lie flat on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. This time, however, when I think about Alec, the thoughts aren't angry anymore. Instead, I wonder what this all means and what will happen between us now. I just hope CAT will give us long enough to figure it out.