Chapter 14: Girls
When night falls, Alec is feeling well enough to get up and move around, pacing the infirmary. I'm pretty impressed with how fast he's recovering. Or, at least, at how well he hides the pain. Whichever it is, I follow him closely, trying to make sure he doesn't overdo it. It seems like some sort of anxious energy has been building in him since he felt well enough to get back on his feet and I just know that he's going to do something he shouldn't.
My own wound is feeling much better, and although it's definitely not one hundred percent, the pain is manageable. So, I help Alec pull on a shirt and follow him closely when he decides that he needs to stop by HQ and check in with Max. Apparently there's no question that she'll still be there regardless of the time of day.
"Oh, Maxie!" Alec calls out as he walks in, his voice almost a teasing sing-song.
Sure enough, Max is standing at the head of a table lined with transgenics including Kira, Sierra, and Krit. Papers are scattered across the tabletop, almost obscuring the wood surface entirely. She looks up at Alec, her face a war between annoyance and relief.
"Having a meeting without me? I'm hurt." Alec pouts, walking over to her.
"Exactly. Which is why you weren't invited." Max snaps before turning back to the others, "So...I want a new security detail procedure. We need more people at every section of TC. If we give them an opening, they'll..."
"Max," Alec interrupts, "We know. Some of us were even trained in this stuff."
"Alec." Max growls through clenched teeth, her eyes glaring hatred down at the papers in front of her.
"Yes, Max?" he asks brightly.
"Shut. Up." she growls, her words clipped.
Alec rolls his eyes. I can see he's enjoying being able to harass Max without the risk of her physically retaliating. She would never hit him in his current condition, but I don't know why he's going out of his way to antagonize her at the moment.
"Sorry, guys." Alec says apologetically to the rest of the group, then continues in a loud conspiratorial whisper, "Max is just a little cranky because she hasn't gotten any in forever."
Max whips around towards Alec, her face a mask of rage. Her hands are clenched in fists and it's obvious that she's struggling to maintain her control and not lash out at him.
"Alec, this way. Now." she orders in a low growl, jerking her head to direct him off to the side.
Without waiting for a reply, Max stomps across the room. Alec shrugs carelessly and follows. All eyes in the building watch the pair curiously. I wonder if maybe I was wrong about Max refraining from being physical with him and if I'm going to have to drag him back to the infirmary in a moment.
"What's up, Max?" Alec's casual question practically echoes through the now silent building full of eavesdropping transgenics.
"Alec, I'm glad you're feeling better, but if you don't knock it off, I am going to kill you!" Max replies, her voice raising steadily into a yell.
"Knock what off, Maxie?" Alec asks innocently.
"Knock what off?" Max repeats incredulously, "Gee, I don't know. Maybe you could knock off the completely disrespectful comments about me in front of everyone. Or maybe you could try not interrupting me? Or maybe you could even stop being such a jerk period! And don't even give me that look. I know about you and Syl. How could you be such an asshole? We all know that you have a thing for Jess, so why the hell are you trying to screw everything up by being such a horny bastard? Can't you do anything right? Do you like pissing people off, hurting people? And by the way, if I ever hear you breath another word about my sex life, I'm going to fucking castrate you!"
Max's screamed threat echoes off the walls and slowly dies. It feels like everyone's afraid to even breathe. Alec's face is expressionless as he stands in front of her, facing her angry accusations. I'm still stuck on the part about everyone knowing that he has a thing for me.
After a full minute of silence, broken only by Max's deep breaths as she reigns in her temper, Alec speaks.
"Okay."
It seems that everyone in the room was expecting anything but that one quiet word. Sierra almost falls out of her chair. It would have been much more like Alec to yell back at Max, or lash out with some smart ass comment, or blow her off entirely with a 'whatever' and a roll of his eyes. It's definitely not like Alec to simply give in. Even Max does a double-take, blinking slowly and looking momentarily confused.
"What did you say?" she asks.
"Okay, Max." Alec repeats.
Max falters, apparently not sure of what to do now that she's won the argument.
"O...okay, then. Right. Good. Well, I've got to get back to the meeting. If you're feeling well enough, you and Jess can join us." she says, shifting her weight back and forth uncertainly.
"No, thanks. I think I'd better take it easy, you know?" Alec says, still without any of his usual sarcasm.
"Uh...good idea." Max replies, then beats a hasty retreat back to her meeting like she doesn't know how to deal with this version of Alec.
I look over at Kira and quickly sign to her that I'll find her later and that I'm doing okay before heading over to Alec who's already turning to head back outside. I walk silently next to him for a little while, but his silence is worrying me. This isn't like him. Something is definitely up with him.
"Alec, are you alright?" I ask.
"Yeah, I'm fine." he says quietly in the same slow, humorless voice he used earlier with Max, "I'm always fine."
"Alec." I persist, refusing to let him put me off that easily.
"Really, Jess. I'm okay." Alec insists.
I stop and he stops, too, looking at me for an explanation. I pick at my clothes, partly because of the humidity and partly because I feel uncomfortable, out of my element. Manticore didn't exactly have a class on discussing your issues.
"Tell me what's wrong." I urge.
"I told you already, nothing's wrong."
"I don't believe you."
"Obviously." he says with a hint of his normal attitude, "But it doesn't matter because even if there was something wrong, I don't want to talk about it."
I can't think of a reply to that. I wonder what could be so wrong that he wouldn't tell me. He even told me about Rachel. What could be worse than that?
"Can we go now?" Alec asks.
I continue to say nothing, but start walking again. Alec falls in beside me. I'm quiet until I start to turn towards the infirmary and Alec doesn't.
"Aren't you going back to the infirmary?" I ask.
"I've had enough of that place. I'm going back to my apartment." Alec replies firmly.
"Mind if I come with you?" I ask, hoping that maybe he'll change his mind and open up to me when he's back in a more comfortable environment.
"Suit yourself." Alec answers, shrugging and sticking his hands into his pockets.
We fall silent again and I reflect on what just happened and what could have triggered this attitude in Alec. Max's words are still foremost in my mind. Everyone knows that Alec has a thing for me. Everyone but me apparently. How could they know that? Is it true? Or was it just something Max said to tick off Alec? And if it is true, what does it mean? A thing like he's just attracted to me and maybe wants to take those stolen kisses further or a thing like something more than that, like whatever this thing is that I feel for him?
I think guiltily about kissing Krit. I admit to myself that it was nice to be openly wanted without any weird history or dark secrets about my true nature to worry about. Plus, Krit's nice, attractive, everything I could want. Except that he's not Alec. I almost outwardly blush at that thought, but manage to keep the emotion from showing thanks to years of training in repressing my feelings.
We're now at Alec's apartment building. I follow him inside, noticing with narrowed eyes that his hand is now inside his shirt, pressed against his wound. He's hurting, after all. I curse myself for getting lost in my own thoughts and not noticing sooner, springing to his side to help him up the stairs.
"What are you doing?" he demands as I put an arm around his waist and grasp his bicep with my other hand.
"Helping you. You're hurt, remember?"
"I'm fine." Alec says, attempting to jerk his arm out of my hand.
But as soon as he tries, he gasps in pain and falls back against the wall, both hands moving to the site of his injury, his face going pale.
"Or not." he says, trying to grin, but only managing more of a grimace.
"Come on." I say, stepping back into my former position and helping him slowly up the stairs, "You should probably lie down."
It seems to take forever to reach his apartment door, but I force myself to be patient. I don't want Alec to land himself back in the infirmary. We'll need him whole for when CAT makes their move.
Alec's door is unlocked so I open it and swing it open wide so that we can enter without me having to leave his side. I kick the door closed behind us and begin to head for the bedroom when my senses alert me to the fact that someone else is in the room. I can hear breathing and the room feels off. I look around and my eyes fall upon Alec's recliner. The back is to us, but I know there's someone in it.
"Who's there?" I demand.
The recliner spins around, revealing a familiar short blonde. She smiles brightly at us.
"Syl?" Alec says, clearly confused.
"Hi!" she replies, "Thought I'd drop by. Figured you must be sick of the infirmary 'cause when I stopped by there, you weren't there. So, then I thought maybe I could catch you here. Oh, and the door was open, so I made myself at home."
Her face transforms into a pouty expression.
"You woke me from my nap." she complains.
"Sorry." Alec says, his eyes regaining some of their usual sparkle, "Should I knock next time?"
I can't help but feel that jealous anger sparking inside me again. I let go of him abruptly and turn to leave. I just can't go through this again. If Syl's the one who can cheer him up, then she can stay and help him with his wound, too.
"Wait, Jess!" Alec calls after me, "I thought you were going to stay a while."
"You have company." I reply emotionlessly.
"Stay." Alec insists.
"I don't think that's such a good idea."
"I want you to stay."
"Kira's waiting for me."
"Why are you...?" Alec begins in frustration.
I cut him off, "You know why."
"You know what? Fine. If you don't believe me, I'll prove it to you." he declares.
Alec turns to a curious Syl who's been watching the conversation with interest, her eyes going back and forth from Alec to me as if she's watching a tennis match.
"Look, Syl. You're great. just the kind of chick I'd normally go for, but I think it would be best if you left." he says.
Syl frowns and looks from Alec to me once again. Her eyes suddenly widen and she gets a knowing look on her face like she's suddenly realized something. I wish I could see whatever she's seeing because I certainly haven't noticed anything that clarifies things for me.
"I get it. Sorry. My mistake. I'm usually more perceptive about these things. It's cool. See you guys around?" she asks, evidently not phased in the least.
Alec flashes a relieved smile, obviously glad that she's taken the dismissal so well.
"Yeah." he nods.
Syl heads past us towards the door.
"Oh, and Jess." she says, and I turn towards her, "Don't worry. I'll break it to Krit."
She's gone before I even think to say anything in return.
"Believe me now?" Alec demands.
I nod numbly, still a little stunned by what just happened, "Yeah. I guess I'll stay."
"Good." Alec says, then winces, "Cause I think I might need some help getting into bed. Wow, I've never said that before."
I can't help but roll my eyes at him, his comment diffusing the tension. I move back to his side and help him into his bedroom, lowering him gently onto the mattress. Alec, I notice, also has a real bed like in the infirmary. I test the mattress with my hand after Alec's in place and note approvingly that the bed seems pretty comfortable. It will be good for Alec to rest and recuperate for a while.
Alec is still clutching at his wound. I pull up the hem of his shirt and pry his hands away so I can see the damage. The bandage is stained red and I shake my head. I knew I shouldn't have let him overdo it.
"Do you have a first aid kit?" I ask.
"Yeah, in the bathroom, but you don't need it because I'm fine." Alec says hastily.
"Nice try. I know it sucks, but you've got to keep fresh bandages on it and go easy on yourself for a little while." I scold him.
"Ah, come on. If you're going to play nurse, you could at least wear a sexy costume." he teases.
I punch him lightly in the arm. He grins at me and I go to retrieve the first aid kit. I, like all X5s, have basic training in field med. Provided he hasn't done any serious damage, I can handle changing the bandage. The real difficulty is keeping the patient distracted to minimize their pain while you work. I return to Alec's side, determined to keep him in conversation while I patch him up again.
"I appreciate what you did." I tell him as I sit on the edge of his bed and begin to undo the old bandage, keeping my focus on the task at hand.
"Good. You know, I don't have a whole lot of real friends. Joshua, I guess. Maybe Max on her good days. I don't want you to think that I'm going to dump you the second I see a pretty chick."
Friend. I'm a friend. I frown as I think about it.
"So, I'm your friend, huh?" I finally ask.
"Sure." Alec grunts as I push him onto his side, "Why not?"
I change the subject since I'm not about to tell him that I've already decided that he's much more than a friend to me, "So how long do you think we have before CAT shows up?"
"Who knows? They probably wouldn't have shown that broadcast if they weren't almost ready to go. They wouldn't want to give us too much time to prepare. Are you worried?"
I lower Alec back down and slip the bandage out from under his other side, quickly pulling it back across his torso to repeat the process.
"Yeah." I admit, "I'd be crazy if I wasn't. It's just that Kira..."
"Has had years of training and knows how to take care of herself." Alec finishes for me.
"You don't understand." I shake my head, "I was the one who brought her out here, out of Manticore. It's my job to take care of her. It would be my fault if something happened to her."
"Faulty logic." Alec says immediately, "How could it possibly be your fault when one, you have no control over what happens out here and two, even if you hadn't taken her out of Manticore, she'd be on the outside by now anyway since Manticore was destroyed."
"I know." I agree, but I still feel the same.
"Besides," Alec continues, "I'm going to take care of you guys."
"Oh, really?" I ask, a smile sneaking onto my face.
His protective declaration is amusing. He just sounds so certain and I'm not sure how he can make that kind of statement when he just said that we have no control over what happens around us.
"Yeah. I mean, back when I took that mission to bring you guys back to Manticore, I accepted that you two are my responsibility. That hasn't changed." he sucks in his breath quickly when I strip the last layer of bandage from the wound. It's sticky with half-dried blood and pulls at the wound when I peel it off, "Ouch."
"Sorry." I say offhandedly, more interested in inspecting his wound at the moment, trying to determine how bad it is.
The area is a deep shade of purple from the damaged rib. It also appears that the wound had started to close over, but Alec reopened it. I remember the look on his face as he leaned against the wall on the stairs and figure that must have been when it happened. Luckily, aside from the renewed bleeding, it doesn't appear like he's made it any worse.
"You need to be more careful." I admonish him, cleaning up the blood.
"Obviously." Alec snorts.
I wet some cotton with alcohol. Alec sees the bottle and his eyes widen.
"Ah, shit." he swears.
"Don't be a baby. It's for your own good." I say, then quickly press the wet cotton onto the wound.
Alec makes a face even though I know it doesn't really hurt him. Still, even the suggestion that I'm causing him pain makes me feel a little bad. I remind myself that it will ultimately help the wound to stop bleeding and heal faster and ignore the guilt.
Next, comes rewrapping his stomach. My eyes drift over the tight muscles in that region as I prepare the bandages. He has perfect abs, of course, and it's extremely tempting to just run my hands over them and forget about the bandage. I yell at myself to focus on the task at hand. I direct Alec to hold a fresh gauze pad against his wound while I push him gently back onto his side, pulling the new bandage tightly across his body. The rib that was injured is the lowest one on his ribcage, luckily, so none of his other ribs were affected, but the thought crosses my mind suddenly that if the wound were higher, I'd be running my hands over his chest.
I realize with disgust that I'm not distracting him, but merely becoming distracted myself and I don't even have my heat to blame it on this time.
"So why do you pick on Max so much, anyway?" I ask the first thing that comes to mind that isn't related to Alex's physique.
"Me? I'd never!" Alec says in mock outrage. He grins slightly, "I don't know. It's just the relationship Max and I have. I annoy her, she kicks me. That's how it works."
"But why?"
"I don't know. Lots of reasons, I guess. But you know, I think that deep down she really...can't stand me."
I shake my head at him. That's obviously not true.
"Max needs you." I correct him.
"Yeah, right." he scoffs.
"She does. I can tell. She depends on you. She cares about you. In fact, according to what they taught us in Situation Assessment in Regards to Tactical Evaluation, I'd guess you liked each other. You fight like little kids who have a crush, but can't admit it." I say, smirking at the thought of a young Max and Alec on a playground somewhere, fighting.
Alec colors at my comment and I look at him shocked.
"You don't...like Max, do you?" I'm afraid I let hurt creep into my voice, but my mind is immediately flashing back to Alec with his arm around Max, comforting her.
"No!" Alec exclaims, but it feels like the denial is too quick, too adamant.
I bite my lip and keep my eyes focused directly on the white bandage. My vision starts to blur and I tilt my head down more so my hair falls forward, trying to hide my face from Alec. God, I'm an idiot. Of course he likes Max. She's a CO, not some defective screw-up like me. No wonder they have such passionate arguments.
"Hey. Don't do that." Alec says, reaching out and lifting my chin up again.
He brushes my hair back, then gently wipes away beads of moisture from my cheeks. I can't believe I'm actually crying. I frantically try to force myself to stop, to regain control, but the more I try to stop, the more it feels like I can't. I feel so weak, so stupid, so ridiculous, but most of all, I hate that he's seeing me like this.
"I'm sorry." I say, my voice sounding choked despite my best efforts, "Alcohol's making my eyes water."
Alec smiles at me sadly and I know he isn't buying my lie.
"Don't cry. Please?" Alec insists, "Look, I'll level with you, but you have to stop crying. Manticore never trained me in how to handle crying women."
I sniff, wiping at my eyes. I take a few deep breaths and finally manage to get myself under control again by the time I'm finished with his bandage, but I still can't bring myself to look him in the eye.
"Alright. About Max. Max and I have never been anything more than friends. She's got this whole thing with this guy Logan that's too confusing to get into. But yeah, I care about her. Max gave me freedom. And she kept me from throwing it away, too. I owe Max a lot and I guess that I was sort of drawn to her. She's so passionate, so not Manticore. She's beautiful, smart, wicked sense of humor. We're really a lot alike when she's not letting herself get all bent out of shape feeling like she's responsible for solving the whole world's problems. I think for a while...I might have been falling for her. Apparently, I enjoy pain." he quips with a wry smile.
His words feel like an icy blade, piercing my flesh and twisting in my chest. Here I just won out over Syl, only to lose to Max. I bite my lip again and close my eyes so Alec won't see the tears welling up again.
"Then, something happened that turned my already fucked up life upside down. I ran into you. Since then, it's like everything's changed. Every time we've kissed, that time you said you liked me...hell, even when we're fighting I'm still kind of happy just because you're here. It's weird. I just...I'm...well, kinda spun 'cause I think that I'm... I just don't want to lose you like I lost Rachel." he finishes quietly.
Now when I look up at him, Alec's the one whose eyes are brimming with barely contained emotion. They almost shine with unshed tears, but he doesn't let any escape.
"You won't lose me." I promise. There's no way I'm going anywhere now.
"I can't." he says softly.
He grabs my arm and pulls me towards him. I let myself be pulled down to his side, resting my head on his chest and pulling my feet up onto the bed, carefully resting my injured leg on top of my good one. He wraps his arms around me and I feel like I could happily spend the rest of my life in this position.
"Stay here." Alec mutters into my hair.
"I will." I reply because the last thing I want to do is move even a single muscle.
We fall quiet and I begin to feel sleepy as the tension drains from my body. Maybe it's because I feel secure enough with him to let my guard down and welcome sleep. Maybe it's because my body is still recuperating. Maybe it's just because I've had a rather emotionally draining day. Whatever the reason, I close my eyes and start to drift, letting Alec's soft breathing lull me to sleep.
"You know, I have the weirdest luck with girls." Alec says, but his voice fades into obscurity as I fade into the dark of sleep.
I'm woken up some time later by an intense itch. My left arm and side itch unbearably and I realize that I neglected the road burns in favor of my bullet wound and taking care of Alec. Slowly, I tilt my head up to see if Alec is awake. Hazel green eyes meet my blue ones. I smile softly at him.
"Hi."
"Hey." he replies, returning my smile, "Sleep well?"
"Yeah."
Reluctantly, I leave his arms and sit up. Rolling up the sleeve of my shirt, I take a look at the bandage on my arm. It takes a lot of discipline to resist the urge to scratch. Instead, I begin to unwrap the old bandage. The skin underneath is still sore and red, but is virtually healed. I notice Alec watching me closely with narrowed eyes.
"I wasn't informed that you had any other injuries." he says stiffly.
"It's no big deal. Just some road rash from when I lost control of the bike." I shrug, pulling up the hem of my shirt to reveal the bandage there.
I peel off the medical tape that holds the bandage in place and see that the skin on my stomach is in basically the same state as my arm, a little raw, but much better.
"You need to be more careful." Alec scolds gently, carefully pushing himself up into a sitting position, as well. He pulls me back into his arms, avoiding pressing on my sore skin, and in return I avoid leaning against his injured stomach.
"This coming from the guy who got shot in the stomach." I realize as I speak that I still have no idea how that happened, "How did you manage that anyway?"
"Well," Alec says slowly, looking up at the ceiling as he recalls the incident, "we were trying to be subtle, you know? So five of us went in, Char watching our backs. We were quiet as mice and everything would have been great except we ended up crashing a party. Turns out someone else had the same idea we did and thought they'd take advantage of a five-finger discount. I didn't have a choice. If we laid low, they'd have taken off with all the supplies we needed. So, I signaled for an attack. Things got kind of crazy after that. I made the mistake of thinking I could distract or take out most of them so that the others would be free to move out the supplies. Turns out I'm not quite that talented. Lucky for me, the others were able to get most of the stuff out before I got shot."
I frown, realizing how close I'd been to losing him.
"But, it's all good, right?" Alec says lightly with a dismissive shrug, "Hey, it's 0800. You want something to eat?"
"Desperately." I agree, my hunger nearly overwhelming me at the mere mention of food.
I get up, testing my leg and finding to my satisfaction that it holds my weight almost as well as normal. I turn and help Alec up.
"Let's see what I've got in here." he says, heading out of the bedroom, across the living room, to the kitchen, "But I should warn you, keep your expectations low."
The kitchen is almost as barren as the living room, housing just a refrigerator and a stove. There's no table, only a counter. The hinges on half of the cabinets are broken, leaving the doors hanging at an angle. Even so, it's not the worst place I've stayed by a long shot. Alec rummages through them all before emerging triumphant from the refrigerator with a carton of eggs and a block of cheese.
"I'll make you an omelet." he declares, finding a frying pan and turning on the stove.
I use my arms to push myself up onto the counter and sit there, watching him. He's still in pretty desperate need of a shower, his hair sticking out everywhere, but in spite of all of this, he's still extremely cute. Especially when he drops eggshells in the omelet and tries to fish them out in a nonchalant way, obviously hoping I won't notice. I smile as I watch him, but decide that I should probably take this opportunity to shower myself.
"Hey, can I use your shower?" I ask, slowly lowering myself from the counter.
"Sure." Alec says over his shoulder, "Breakfast will be ready by the time you're done."
I nod and head to the bathroom where I'd found the first aid kit. It's as sparsely furnished as the rest of the apartment and there's no hot water, but that's okay. The cold water actually feels good on my sore skin. I borrow some of Alec's shampoo and wash my hair. The shampoo stings my bullet wound when it runs down my legs, but it's not too bad and it feels so good to be clean again.
I pull my clothes back on and put another fresh bandage on my leg. The smell of breakfast wafts through the door to me and I hurry out of the room, still toweling my hair dry, unable to resist following the aroma.
"Smells good." I tell him, my stomach growling loudly.
"Not hungry are you?" Alec teases, handing me a plate and a fork.
I don't bother with a reply and instead set the towel down on the counter so that I can snatch the food from him and quickly begin to wolf it down. I move into the living room, still eating and plop down in Alec's recliner.
"Thief." Alec accuses, standing over me with his own plate heaped with food.
"You'll live."
"I make you breakfast, let you use my shower, and you steal my chair."
"Pretty much." I agree.
"You're lucky I like you." he says.
I pause in scraping my plate clean to smile at him, pleasantly surprised by his comment. That's the first time he's actually said that to me. Even though his actions last night seemed to indicate that was how he felt, it's still amazing to hear him say it. Maybe he does have a thing for me after all.
Alec perches on the arm of the recliner and proceeds to eat his food almost as fast as I've eaten mine. A knock on the door interrupts our breakfast.
"I'll get it." I say since I've already finished my food.
I get up, knowing Alec will take my seat the moment I'm gone, and go to open the door.
"Kira?" I say in surprise when I see who's waiting on the other side.
"I've been looking all over for you!" she exclaims, "You said you would come find me, but you never did."
"I'm sorry. I fell asleep."
"You hardly ever sleep." Kira says suspiciously.
"I don't know what to tell you. I was tired." I shrug.
Kira just glares at me in response, clearly not satisfied with that answer.
"Hi, Kira." Alec calls from the recliner behind me.
Kira's glare transfers to him.
"Want breakfast?" he offers, holding out a forkful of eggs to her.
Kira looks disgusted. She grabs me by the wrist and pulls me into the hallway, slamming the door behind me.
"Did you do something stupid?" she demands without any preamble.
"What?" I ask, startled.
"I thought you'd learned not to let yourself get hurt by him. And yet, it seems I hardly ever see you anymore when you're not with him. Haven't you noticed how you hate him every other minute? That's not the sign of a healthy relationship."
"I don't hate him." I say quietly. In my mind I wonder if really it's not the exact opposite.
"I can't remember how many times you've told me you hate him." Kira replies.
"That was a long time ago."
"So?"
"It's different now. Everything is different. I know you don't trust him, Kira, but I do. I trust him with my life." I say emphatically.
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"Just trust me then, okay? You trusted me when I asked you to leave Manticore, trust me now. He won't hurt me. He cares about me."
Kira suddenly looks more sad than angry or frustrated.
"I want to trust you, I do." she sighs.
"Then, do."
"I'd like to, it's just..." Kira breaks off and looks away with a guilty expression on her face, alerting me to the fact that she knows something that she doesn't want to tell me.
"What?" I demand.
Kira sighs again and her eyes wander away from me as she answers.
"Do you remember when I got assigned that mission with 530?"
"Of course." I nod.
It had been an unusually trying three weeks without my friend, 772, around.
"I never told you, but 530 had just gotten back from another mission with 511 and 494."
I don't like where this is going. My eyes narrow as I watch Kira glance uncertainly back at the door to Alec's apartment.
"She told me about the mission. About the things that 494 did. I know that was a long time ago, but what worries me is that he's using some of the same lines on you. And you're responding the same way his targets did. It's hard to shake our training. You know that. But it's even harder to shake it when you were that good at it."
For the first time in my life, I'm really and truly angry at Kira.
"What is your problem?" I yell at her, "Why are you so damned set against him? He never did anything to you! And besides that, it's none of your business, okay? I'm not stupid. I can make my own decisions. God, I can't even talk to you right now."
I promptly turn and reenter the apartment, slamming the door behind me. I know that Kira has my best interests at heart, but why can't she just leave it alone? She's made her opinion abundantly clear. I've noted it. Now it's time to move on and let me make my own decisions. I'm not a child.
"Problems?" Alec's voice penetrates my thoughts.
I shake my head, knowing as I do so that he'll know I'm lying, but hoping that he'll take the hint that I don't want to discuss it.
"I heard what she said." Alec says quietly, evidently not taking the hint.
"I know." I figured he could probably hear us through the door, especially when I raised my voice.
"She's right, you know."
I look at him in surprise. I wasn't expecting that. My mind starts to race with the implications of what he just said.
"What I mean is that I have used some of the same lines on you, but there's a reason for that." he sighs in frustration, "Man, sharing sucks. I did it because I didn't want to...to admit to myself that you actually matter to me. So, I reverted to some old standbys, trying to make this different than it is, trying to make it just a physical thing. But you know I can't do that. You have to know I can't. I mean, apparently even freaking Max can tell I...I mean, I do think you're hot and all, but...well, I don't...I mean, you're...ah, hell."
"I don't understand. Are you saying that you didn't want to actually like me?" I rub the bridge of my nose, trying to dispel a growing headache.
"Yes and no. You...well, you remember what happened with Rachel." he falls quiet and suddenly everything makes sense.
He didn't want to care about me because he's afraid of going through the same hell that happened when he let himself care about Rachel. That mission taught him that caring meant hurting. The obvious solution: not to care. So, he tried to make himself believe that he didn't care about me as a person, but only as someone to sleep with, just like I'd been afraid he might think of me as and just like Kira is convinced that he does. But the thing is, he couldn't convince himself, which means it isn't true. Which means I'm right about him and Kira is wrong; he does care about me. No wonder Max calling him out on his 'thing' for me had him so spun.
"Alec." I say softly, dropping carefully to my knees in front of his chair and reaching forward to hug him.
He scoots forward in his chair and accepts the hug, but I have to push him away a few moments later because the position proves to be too painful for my leg.
"I'm sorry." I apologize quickly, not wanting him to get the wrong idea, "My leg..."
"Oh! Shit, sorry." he says immediately, standing and lifting me to my feet with him.
"It's alright." I say into his shoulder, still enfolded in a hug and not about to let go.
I rest my face against that shoulder, feeling the soft fabric of his shirt against my cheek. I feel Alec sigh again into my hair.
"You know, one thing I don't get. What the heck do you see in me? I know I'm hot and sexy and all, but really."
I smile slightly.
"I don't know. Maybe I just think you're cute." I smirk.
"You want my body. I knew it."
"You're such an..."
"Ass? What's with your fixation on that portion of my anatomy?" Alec teases.
I pull away from him slightly and smile upon seeing that sparkle that I love in his eyes.
"I was going to say idiot." I inform him.
"Sure." he replies skeptically.
"Maybe you're the one with the ass fixation."
"Well..." a devilish look appears on his face and his hand slides down to my lower back.
I move to smack him, but slow my hand before it hits his face, simply resting it on his cheek instead. The devilish look fades into seriousness and he leans forward to kiss me. For some reason, my legs feel weak as he deepens the kiss and I don't think it has anything to do with my injury. Thankfully, his arm around my waist supports me.
Finally, reluctantly, we separate. I drop my head to his chest and he rests his chin on top of my hair.
"I'm afraid I'm getting too attached to you." I inform him.
"Just a bit." he agrees.
"What should I do about Kira?"
"I don't know, Jess. I don't want you to lose a friend because of me." he drops his seriousness and returns to his usual light attitude, adding "Maybe she just needs to get laid."
"I won't lose her because of you. She's just so...so set against you. I don't know why, but she refuses to see you as a good guy. Although she is right about me spending a lot of time with you. I kind of feel bad about abandoning her in a new place."
"You didn't abandon her." Alec interjects before I can continue, "She's doing fine. Don't worry about it. It'll work out."
I sure hope so because I don't know how to fix it.
Suddenly, the sound of ringing fills my ears. Alec steps back away from me and pulls his cell phone out of his pocket.
"What's up, Max? What? Shit. I'll be there in a minute. Hold tight."
His face is creased with worry and anxiety as he hangs up the phone.
"CAT's here."