Chapter 4
Isabella, Boston, June 1769
"Over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn-yard,
He tapped with his whip on the shutters, but all was locked and barred;
He whistled a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord's daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair."
The noise and clatter of the inn added to the chaos in my mind as I grabbed the four tall tankards of frothing beer that the cook had set out on the kitchen table. It was a full house tonight and the tables were crowded with men drinking and shouting. There was a rowdy group playing a card game in one of the tables to the left and, shuddering, I noticed a group of rather tipsy Redcoats to the right. Their bright costumes made them quite noticeable and despite the rowdiness of the inn, there was a distinct tension in the air and I caught many an eye suspiciously glancing in the way of the soldiers.
I approached the table of smokers whose drinks I had in my hands, and one of them leered at me as I set the heavy mugs on the table. HIs grey-tinged lips peered back to reveal a grotesquely crooked set of foul yellow teeth and I barely suppressed a shudder as I subtly edged a little away from the table. Many of the patrons were grabbers and I made sure to keep well out of their reach.
"Why, thank'ee sweet 'art," he grinned, "Now if ye could be so kind as to deliver some bread for me an' the men, I'd be mos' grateful. Mos' grateful indeed." He wiggled his brows at me lecherously as he blew a cloud of acrid smoke into my face.
I coughed, eyes welling up from the fumes, and said weakly, "It'll be right up." I scurried away, nose wrinkling from the nasty smell of the tobacco. I barely noticed where I was going and I almost crashed into Molly, the ruddy-cheeked, good-natured serving girl that helped Charlie and I with managing the inn.
"Goodness, Miss!" she chastised, as she swerved to avoid me, "You've been out of sorts today! What's gotten into you?" I quickly apologized and hurried into the kitchen for the bread.
Molly was right. I was absent-minded today.
Edward had moved out of the stable three months ago. Naturally I'd protested, but he'd insisted that he didn't feel right taking advantage of our hospitality for so long. I'd balked, but he kissed me and swore that he'd come back for me as often as he can. And he did.
I knew he was coming tonight. It was his birthday today, and I blushed in shame to think that I hadn't found anything to give him. I'd spent all last night surreptitiously baking a little cake for him whilst everyone was asleep, but what was a cake to something more permanent? I'd gone into town to look for a new set of spurs for his boots perhaps, or a new bridle for his horse, but the new taxes both raised the prices of the goods in the stores and dwindled my supply of pocket money so that I barely had enough to buy a teaspoon of vanilla flavoring for the cake.
As I moved across the room, I noticed in a dark corner a vague shadow, who seemed to be following me with his eyes. I stared back for a moment, noting the half-full tankard of ale by his elbow. His face was half-encased in shadow and his head was wrapped in some sort of scarf, so that I couldn't see the particulars of his face. A scarf in June? I shook my head and moved on. We received all sorts of people here. But I couldn't help glancing back again before entering into the kitchen. There was something else about him...
Charlie looked up at me as I entered, taking in my rather frazzled appearance. His brow creased and he opened his mouth to speak.
"I'm fine, Father," I said firmly. I was tired and more than ready to head up to my room and let it be just me and my thoughts as I pondered how to explain my lack of present to Edward when he came, but we needed the money, and Charlie needed all the help he could get.
"Are those men bothering you, Isabella? If they are, I'll be more than happy to throw them out," Charlie said.
"Why would you turn away a paying customer?" I said, "Those drunkards can't do anything to me as long as I stay out of their reach. Some of them can't even grab the handles of their tankards on the first try. You know that I can take care of myself."
Charlie sighed and looked at me, "Yes, Isabella, I know." I busied myself with the bread as he lapsed into silence once again. Then he spoke:
"You're turning eighteen in September."
"Yes," I answered cautiously, wondering what he was up to. Birthdays were never big in our household. Especially mine, since it was also the anniversary of my mother's death.
Charlie's eyes were sad as he looked at me, "You've grown into such a lovely girl, Isabella. You shouldn't have had to learn to take care of yourself. If only Renée..."
My blood ran cold at the mention of my mother. We never talked about her and the sudden mention of her name threw me. The kitchen was suddenly silent and even the usually loquacious cook was quiet, her shoulders tense as she stirred the big pot of porridge that sat on the stove. Charlie loved me, but because of my mother, we'd never been particularly close. I'd never really sat down and talked with him about anything. The only words we spoke to each other were in passing, either about the inn or about some other trivial matter. I rarely regretted the distant nature of our relationship. I knew Charlie loved me and for me, that was enough. Sometimes, I'd feel myself grow a little bit jealous when I watched fathers in the town square lifting up their squealing little daughters and perching them on their shoulders, but then I just reminded myself of the freedom that Charlie gave me that most girls probably never had. We had a comfortable relationship.
But here, with that one unexpected little comment, I felt awkward and a bit bereft as I stood there. Charlie's face was rapidly reddening as he realized his slip.
"I was just thinking... last night," he said, "about how I don't know you as well as a father should. I feel as if I've missed out on most of your life, Isabella, and that's inexcusable."
"I'd like to-" he cleared his throat, "-I was wondering if you'd like to go out for a stroll with me on your birthday. And maybe I could learn a little more about you. We could go to the town square... maybe get you a new dress or something. You'd like that wouldn't you?"
I stared at him dumbly, like an idiot, completely caught by surprise until I finally found my voice and croaked out, "O-of course, Father. If you say so." Charlie acknowledged my answer with a half-smile. Stung by the pain that still lingered in his eyes though, I swept out of the kitchen bearing two mugs in my hand and the bread. My mind was even more distracted with first Edward's birthday and now Charlie's declaration. It was more than enough to make my head throb.
I neared the smokers and bent down so I could free my hands of the mugs and give them their bread, but before I could react, a dirty hand shot out and grabbed the loaf, not too accidentally brushing the skin of my cheek as it did so. I jerked away, spilling a bit of the beer on the floor as the man grinned at me.
"Thank 'ee for the bread, darling," he laughed and I rolled my eyes as I backed further away from the table, far from groping distance. As I turned around to head towards the Redcoat's table, my eyes brushed over the stranger in the corner again and I now noticed that he was leaning forward and watching me intently. His body was tense, as if he was about to spring up from his seat. However, his face was still in shadow and no matter how curiously I regarded him, I still couldn't figure out what it was about him that...
Molly brushed against me and her fierce whisper sounded in my ear, "What are you doing standing around like a lump for, Isabella? Move!"
I jumped a little, muttered an apologetic "Sorry" and hurried towards the table these mugs were going to. As I glanced at who was sitting there, I wished that I had stopped Molly and asked her to deliver the drinks. It was the Redcoats' table, and I could tell that they were more than a little drunk. I should have cut them off more than a few mugs ago, but every mug was money coming in (and headed out to the King's coffers, I thought sardonically), and we couldn't spare that. I squared my shoulders and headed over.
The two soldiers both smelled strongly of liquor and tobacco and I wrinkled my nose. They smirked at me as I got nearer.
"So late with our drinks, dearie?" the golden-haired one slurred, "Isn't she a looker, Laurent?" He made a grab for me but I swiftly sidestepped his arm and heart beating a little faster, I stood there and looked around for Molly. Where was she?
"She'd be prettier if she was faster with the drinks, James. Well come on, wench, and give us our ale!" the other one snarled. I looked at him defiantly, my chin held a little higher at the derogatory name and swiftly set the mugs on the table. But unfortunately, my sweaty hands let one of the mugs slip a little and it toppled, falling over on the table and flooding it with ale, which dripped over the sides and onto the blonde soldier's filthy boots. He sprang upward with a roar. Eyes wide, I fumbled for a rag in the pockets of my skirts. The bar had gone silent, as all eyes were on the enraged soldier.
"I'm sorry, sir," I stumbled over my words, "I'll get that cleaned up right away." In my fluster, I forgot to keep my distance, and so, I was caught off guard when the soldier grabbed me and held me hard to him.
"Sorry?" he said, "I'll show you sorry by the time the night is through." There was an uproar throughout the inn as I screamed when I felt fingers grappling at my apron strings. Suddenly, I felt a whoosh of air and a crack, and the fingers were gone. I turned around to find the stranger from the corner by my side. He held me a little behind him and his arm was wrapped backwards around my waist protectively, sending a familiar warmth; his other hand held a sword to the soldier's heart. There was a purplish bruise forming around the soldier's eye and it was obvious that the stranger had punched him. I looked up at the stranger's face to see a flash of green and I gasped. I knew who it was even before I heard the voice I could have identified amongst a thousand.
"Touch her again and there will be a hole where your black heart used to be," Edward declared in a dangerously quiet voice. I looked around to see all the other men in the room, poised around the scene, tense and ready for action. If there was one good thing about the customers, it was that even though they were lewd, rude, and crude, they didn't stand to see either Molly or I mistreated by another. I turned to Edward, opening my mouth to demand what he was doing here, especially with Redcoats in the room, when Charlie came rushing out, a pistol in his hand and his eyes sweeping the scene, finally landing on me, still clutched in Edward's arms. Suddenly, I felt myself being released and pushed away and I glanced at Edward, whose eyes had become a warning as he glanced at me. Stunned and a bit hurt, I backed away. He turned his eye back to the glaring Redcoat.
"What happened?" Charlie demanded. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The absence of Edward's touch had taken away my feelings of safety and the aftereffects of what had just happened shook me. One of our more sober customers spoke for me, explaining exactly what had happened. Charlie's face turned first red and then purple and I began to worry that he would suffocate as he turned to the Redcoats.
"You will leave my establishment," Charlie said, his voice shaking in rage, angrier than I'd ever heard him before, "I appreciate your business but I will not have you coming here and terrorizing my daughter."
The Redcoat pulled himself up from the floor and dusted off his uniform, Edward's sword still trained at his heart. He glared at Charlie.
"You can be sure that the Governor will hear of this," he threatened.
"And once you do that, I'm sure he'll be just as happy to hear of how you tried to violate my daughter. Now get the hell out," Charlie shouted.
The soldier now turned his glare towards me, "Fine. The bitch wasn't that pretty anyways." But a warning shot from Charlie sent him and his friend running. Muttering, everyone began to migrate back to their own tables and Charlie strode forward, pulling me stiffly into his embrace. I patted his back awkwardly.
"Isabella," he said, "If anything had happened..."
"I'm fine, Father," I assured him, "Nothing else happened... I'm fine." Charlie sighed and let me go. His eye drifted from me to Edward, who was still standing a little bit behind me. Charlie's eyes narrowed at Edward's scarf.
"Who's this?" he asked suspiciously.
"This is the man who knocked the Redcoat down," I explained. Edward wasn't looking at me, choosing to look at Charlie instead. The hurt stabbed through me like a knife into butter. Was he angry with me?
"Thank you very much, my good sir," Charlie said, shaking Edward's hand enthusiastically. A silent Edward only nodded in reply, still not looking at me. Frustrated, I turned to Charlie. I needed to talk to Edward, or at least get him to look at me.
"I think this good man deserves a free stay tonight for his brave actions, don't you agree, Father?" I prompted.
"Yes, yes," Charlie nodded, "But I'm afraid we've a full house tonight. I don't believe there are any more rooms."
"I'll find some place for him to stay," I pressed.
Charlie acquiesced, "If you can, Isabella. And when you do, I want you to take the rest of the evening off. No more serving for tonight." It wasn't a question. I nodded, agreeing with him completely. I didn't think I could come back down after that, either. Charlie headed back towards the kitchen and I turned towards Edward, my eyes questioning. He shook his head at me imperceptibly and my heart fell.
"Follow me," I said simply and I walked towards the door that led to the stairs. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure that he was following behind me and he was. I sighed. At least he did that much, which was more than I expected following the cold reception he gave me. I grabbed a candle and headed up the stairs to the dark hallway where all the rooms were located and headed for the room at the very end of the hall: my room. I let him in and then slipped in myself, closing the door and locking it, so that no one would be able to walk in on our conversation. I set the candle down but before I could even look up, his lips were on mine, taking me completely by surprise as he kissed me like he'd never see me again. The damn scarf was discarded on the floor, revealing the perfect planes of his face that it had obscured earlier.
He pulled away and looked at me, his eyes tender now as he held my face in his hands, "God, Isabella. I thought that that bastard was really going to... that you were really about to..." He leaned his forehead against my own, cursing as he thought about what could have happened to me.
"Shhhh" I hushed him, "I'm fine, Edward. I'm fine, thanks to you."
"If I hadn't been there," he started.
"If you hadn't been there," I interrupted, "someone else would have come and knocked the brute out or I would have done so myself, which brings me to this question. Edward, what in the world were you thinking?"
Edward looked bewildered, "What do you mean?"
"You! Being there! With all those redcoats around? What if someone had recognized you? What if they had arrested you? What if..." I babbled on before Edward stopped the stream of what ifs with a finger to my lips. I stared at him, slightly angrily at his recklessness, slightly relieved at the fact that all those what-ifs had not actually happened, and slightly impatient at waiting to hear his answer.
"Isabella, I said I would come tonight, didn't I? Besides, no one could have recognized me. You didn't even recognize me! You must have looked over at me about five times!" he laughed.
"I believe it was six," I mumbled.
"See?" Edward said triumphantly, "there was nothing to worry about." He kissed my forehead and I sighed. Now that this question was sated, there was another matter to clear up. I took a moment to compose myself and then looked up at him. I was trying to hide the hurt that must have been evident on my face, but I was not succeeding, which was why Edward took one look at me and said:
"What's wrong?"
"Edward... back downstairs, why wouldn't you look at me? Or even speak to me? Are you angry with me? Did I do something wrong?" To my shame, my voice cracked and trembled a little. And here I was, wanting to stay strong... Edward's green eyes widened and he cupped my face in between his hands, so that I couldn't look away or hide the annoying tears that were starting to form in my eyes.
"No, of course not Isabella! Never think that! As if you could do anything wrong!" he scoffed.
"Then why..." I started. The green in his eyes darkened slightly as he answered me.
"I love you, Isabella. I would climb the tallest mountain and shout it out to the world if I could. I would declare it to the heavens. But if someone had recognized me, if something had truly gone wrong down there, I would deny it. I would deny everything, deny ever meeting you, deny ever knowing you, deny ever feeling your lips upon mine."
I gasped a little at his vehemence that he would ever deny our love and my heart broke a little. Edward didn't fail to miss that and he hugged me tighter.
"Please, just let me explain Isabella. If I were to be caught, I don't want you to be associated with me. I don't want to taint your life in that way. If I were to be caught, if the worst were to happen..." he said desperately.
"The worst?" I said apprehensively, not wanting to think about that day, if it should come, when Edward would be forcibly taken from me.
"The worst," he acknowledged grimly, knowing that I knew what he meant, "I don't want to drag you down with me. It's better... that I go alone." I processed everything that he had said in my mind, the words not making sense until the very end. I opened my mouth and spoke slowly.
"So you would deny my love..." I started and Edward looked at me warily, wondering where I was heading with this, "...but how can you be sure that I will deny yours?"
Edward's eyes turned into stone as he understood what I meant and his voice came out just as hard, "You will."
I shook my head vehemently, "No! I will not! If you lose your life, then I don't want mine anymore. I don't want anything! If you are leaving this world, please, all I ask is to be taken with you!" Edward's hands left my face to grip his own hair.
"God, Isabella, don't say that!" he groaned.
"And why not?" I demanded.
"Because I don't want my... vocation... to cast any shadow on your life. All I want is to bring you joy, Isabella. Not death," he said, his eyes intense upon mine.
I shook my head, "Your death would bring about mine."
"No, it wouldn't. You'll keep on living, Isabella, continue brightening the world with your presence. You'll settle down with a husband you can actually keep a house with, and with whom you'll have a peaceful life, surrounded by your children, never having to look over your shoulder," Edward vowed, his voice laced with pain.
"NO!" I shook my head vehemently as I grasped at him, "I don't want it without you! Don't you see, Edward? I don't want any of it without you!"
Edward shook his head and I continued, "Think of it this way, Edward. If anything should happen to me..."
Edward laughed, "Like what?"
"Oh I don't know," I said peevishly, "what if something had actually happened downstairs? What if I got consumption? What if I was out riding and got trampled by a horse? There are many things. If anything should happen to me, what would you do?"
Edward's shoulders were stiff now and the words came out through gritted teeth, "Nothing will happen to you, Isabella. I won't allow it."
"How can you be sure? You can't be around me every hour of every day! Tell me, Edward, what would you do?"
"It's not the same thing," Edward said, frustrated.
I crossed my arms and stared into his face, "How is it not?"
Edward sighed and ran his hands through his now severely agitated hair again before he pulled me into his arms, "Just promise me this, Isabella. If anything, anything, should happen to me, please... please... don't do anything reckless."
I pouted, "I can't promise you that, Edward."
"Please," he said, and his voice was so forlorn that it rocked my resolve like a cannonball to a toy boat.
I sighed, "Fine." Edward let out a sigh into my hair, but I wasn't done yet.
"But only if you can promise me the same thing," I finished. Edward tensed.
"No," he said firmly.
"Well, then, I guess I'm dead with you," I said.
Edward groaned, "Don't do this to me, Isabella!" I gave him a look. He mumbled something under his breath that sounded a bit like a string of curses before finally huffing and answering.
"Fine," he said unhappily. I nodded, sealing the deal. Now, I just had to make sure that Edward didn't pass before I did. As I pondered just how I was going to do that, it seemed as if Edward had the same idea as his voice interrupted my thoughts.
"Come away with me?"
I broke out of my reverie, my brown eyes flashing up to mix with his green.
"What?" I asked, the words not quite processing. His gaze was earnest as it bored into mine and his thumbs brushed against my cheek as he spoke.
"Come away with me, Isabella. What happened down there, I'll make sure it'll never happen again. You won't have to work a day in your life. We'll do everything the right way. I'll take you to the reverend. We'll get married. Just please, Isabella. Come. I don't want to think of you being put in a situation like the one you were in today ever again. And this way, I really will be able to fully protect you, the way I should," Edward pleaded. My eyes were unfocused as I saw the dream spreading out in front of me like a bright colorful map of the future. Edward and I exchanging vows in front of a snowy-haired sacred father. Edward carrying me over the threshold of a warm, cozy home in his arms. Edward and I cooing over a tiny crib bearing a beautiful, bronze-haired, green-eyed baby. Edward and I growing old together, sitting in creaky rocking chairs and watching our children grow up. Edward and I... Edward and I... forever...
But something interrupted my daydream and made me hesitate. Charlie. How could I leave him? The fact was I couldn't. I couldn't leave him without a reason, without saying goodbye. I couldn't leave him to fend for himself. He needed me, if only to help tend the inn. Words from earlier in the evening flitted through my mind.
"... I don't know you as well as a father should. I feel as if I've missed out on most of your life, Isabella, and that's inexcusable ...maybe I could learn a little more about you."
I sighed, and I knew what I had to do. I knew my countenance was regretful and I struggled to fix it before I looked up, but Edward caught everything. His own face registered disappointment as he stroked my cheek.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Isabella. I'm not going to force you to come away with me," he said.
"No!" I protested, "I would love to run away with you. Please believe that I would, Edward! It's just that... Charlie..." My voice petered off as his sad face flashed in front of my eyes. Edward looked at me curiously.
I cleared my throat and continued, "Charlie... he needs me. Besides this inn, I'm all he has." I related what had occurred in the kitchen earlier between me and Charlie and Edward's face slowly relaxed to one of compassion and understanding.
"I understand," he murmured with a smile on his face.
"Do you?" I whispered, searching his eyes.
"Yes," he reaffirmed and then hesitated, "except for just one thing."
"What's that?" I asked curiously.
He smiled his crooked smile at me, effectively melting my heart even before speaking, "How in the world did I deserve such a beautiful, selfless, wonderful girl?" I stared at him for a moment before shaking my head as my mind worked itself back to the reason I'd been so air-headed the entire day.
"Maybe not that wonderful," I muttered under my breath.
"Pardon?" Edward asked. I ignored his question.
"Happy birthday, Edward," I said quietly as I went to retrieve the fluffy little golden cake I'd baked him the night before. I presented it to him and he smiled at me as he took it.
"Why thank you, Isabella," he said. I looked down at my hands. He cupped my chin and made me look at him.
"What's the matter?" he asked me, his brow furrowed at my discomfort.
"Nothing..." I stammered, "It's just that... this is it. I don't have anything else to give you. With all the taxes, everything else was just so expensive, and that was all I had in my pocketbook, and Charlie couldn't spare any more funds away from the inn..." I was babbling.
Edward shushed me and looked at me fiercely, "Isabella. You didn't have to get me anything. Just being with you is good enough for me."
I looked at him, "Really?"
"Really. All I want is you."
I smiled at him, "That I can give you." I kissed him again, my fingers entangling in his bronze locks. So deep was I sunk in the embrace that I barely registered the clink of the plate containing the cake as it was set hastily down on my dresser, all but forgotten.
Edward's hands roamed down my back to my waist, and I could feel each inch of my body that he touched come alive, triggering shivers that ran its way up and down my entire being.
But suddenly, Edward pulled back and I looked at him, confused, as he groaned and ran his fingers through his hair.
"What?" I asked him, sitting up.
"I can't do this to you, Isabella. I can't... it's not... " He stumbled over his words.
I looked at him, thinking things over. I only had a vague idea of what happened between a man and a woman behind closed doors. Charlie certainly never talked to me about it, and the only things I really knew about it was from juicy tidbits of gossip courtesy of Rose and Alice, who were both married themselves. I didn't really know exactly what would happen, or what people actually did. All I knew was that it would hurt at first, but it would become more pleasurable.
Then, I knew what my birthday present to Edward would be. It was exactly like he said. He wanted me, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I wanted to give myself to him, body and soul. I drew him into my arms again and his breath hitched.
"I want this, too, Edward. I want to give myself to you," I told him, as I kissed him again. His lips moved down to my neck and sucked gently on my collarbone and I melted. There was a strange tingling in my stomach and I pressed myself against him.
"You don't know what you're saying, Isabella," Edward groaned, his head resting against my breast, right above my heart. I wondered if he could hear my heart pounding away within my ribcage.
"But I know what I mean," I countered.
"You're tempting me, Isabella, and I don't know how much longer I can hold out," Edward admitted, his voice laced with frustration and strain. In response, I kissed him and nibbled at his ear. His breath came out in a raggedy gasp.
"So just give in," I whispered in his ear. And he did. He attacked my mouth with a new vigor as I moaned, my hands acting of their own accord as they gripped his shirt, pulling it upward. I could feel his fingers on the ties of my bodice. His lips never left mine as he deftly undid them and removed it. Pretty soon, I was left in just my shift and petticoats.
His lips travelled down my neck as he kissed down to the hollow of my throat. When he reached my collarbone, my senses exploded and my knees gave out, sending me on a quick trajectory towards the floor. However, Edward swiftly caught me and lifted me up, cradling me against him. He carried me over to my bed and laid me down, his green eyes dark as the stormy sea as he looked at me in the moonlight. He reached down and stroked my face, so so gently, as if I might break. I took his hand in mine and kissed it.
"I love you so much, Edward," I breathed. His mouth met mine again before he replied.
"And I you, Isabella. For now and ever more," he vowed in my ear. I reached down to remove my shift, but quick as a flash, his hands were on mine, holding them immobile in a vice-like grip. I looked at him questioningly, but his face had turned to stone. Did he want to do this himself? Then, suddenly, his head was bowed upon my breast and I was surprised to find him shaking.
"What's wrong, Edward?" I asked, alarmed, "What is it?"
"I can't do this, Isabella," he groaned. I stiffened as a streak of pain stabbed through me.
"You- you don't want me?" I whispered. Before my lips could start trembling, they were stopped by a fierce kiss. I quickly lost myself in it as he stoked the fires of my desires. Too soon, however, he pulled away.
"Does that seem like I don't want you?" Edward's face was tortured, "Of course I do, Isabella. If only you knew how difficult it is right now not to-" He broke off, frustrated. I looked at him curiously. His hands went up to his head as he grappled with his hair, eyes wandering, looking everywhere but at me. I grabbed his hand and held it to my cheek.
"Edward," I reminded him, "I told you; I want this, too."
He groaned, "I want to do right by you, Isabella."
"You are," I argued, but he interrupted me before I could say any more.
"No, I am not. If I were a decent man, I would have professed my intentions to your father months ago. I would have procured a ring, gotten down on one knee, and professed my soul to be yours until the end of time. We would have gone to a holy father and we would have been bound together under the blessing of God and this-" he swept his arm across me lying on the bed "-this should be our wedding night. My god, Isabella, I was ready to steal you away from everything you've ever known, from your home, from your father."
He fell down next to me on the bed, our bodies lying side by side. His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose and his eyes were closed. Even so, I could tell that there was pain in them. I looked at him, contemplating what he had said. Then, I rolled over so that I was lying on top of him, my chin resting on my hands, folded over his chest.
"Edward," I prompted. His eyes remained closed. He didn't — or wouldn't — look at me.
"Edward, look at me," I ordered. He opened his eyes. The struggle in them took my breath away. I kissed his chin.
"Isabella," he groaned.
"Why not?" I demanded.
"Why not what?"
"Let us be married," I told him, smiling as I thought of the idea, "I don't have to leave Charlie just yet. I'll stay with him a few more years, just until the Redcoats are gone. Then it'll finally be safe for you again and I can introduce you to Charlie. He'll love you; I know he will!"
"But realistically, Isabella, we don't know how long the Redcoats could be here. They could be here forever."
"Alice told me that she had a feeling this was only temporary. She said that the Redcoats would not last in America, and Alice's feelings have never led me wrong before," I countered stubbornly.
"I find it difficult to believe that Charlie would appreciate having his daughter become the wife of a highwayman," Edward persisted.
I grabbed Edward's face so I could look him straight in the eyes, "Edward. You must understand this. All my life, I've made my own decisions. Charlie loves me and I know it and I owe him a great deal, but we've never been close. There's a distance between us that we've both grown comfortable with. He's always let me make my own choices. What makes this any different? I love you, Edward. Every part of you. Isn't that enough?"
Edward looked at me for a moment, hesitating as he considered what I was saying.
"I have nothing to give you, Isabella. No household to be mistress of, no warm hearth to return home to."
"Can you not see that I don't care about any of that? All I want is you and me, Edward, forever and ever, until we both depart from this earth, and even after that."
"It'll be so dangerous for you, Isabella," he whispered, "to be connected to me like this is bad enough, but to be my wife?"
"I do not care, Edward," I stressed, "how could it be any riskier than it is now? No one knows about us now. Who would ever guess that a simple barmaid was actually the wife of a man with a bounty on his head? And as I have said before, whatever your fate is, so is mine. There's no one else in this world for me, Edward. Only you. We might as well let God in on it, too."
Edward was silent as I waited for him to give an answer. Finally, his emerald eyes met mine and the love that radiated out of them made my heart soar. I had my answer, and I let out the breath that I didn't realize I'd been holding this entire time. Yet, there was a reservation in his eyes that I didn't understand and that troubled me. I went into his arms as he kissed me on the cheek, holding me tight to his chest.
"Alright, Isabella. I'll make the arrangements."
I opened my mouth to speak, but Edward cut in, "But, there are some things I must show you before we bind ourselves to each other."
"Things?"
"Yes. I already know so much about you, but there are still parts of me and my past that I must show you, before you can agree to be mine for the rest of time."
I nodded furiously, doubtful that there was anything he could show me that would change my mind, "Yes, Edward. Of course. Anything."
He looked at me again, as if to make sure I really meant it. I tried to look as confident as I felt.
"In that case, I must leave, my love. There are many things that need to be taken care of."
He made a move towards the window, but I gripped his arm, stopping him mid-rise.
"So soon?"
Edward chuckled, "We've been up here for hours Isabella. Dawn is but three hours away. You can already hear the birds chirping. In fact, I'm surprised your father hasn't come bursting in here yet, wondering where you and that mysterious stranger you were with has gone."
I was surprised to find that he was right. The morning birds were chirping. I didn't realize that so much time had passed by since I first let Edward into my room. I relaxed my grip on Edward as he strode towards the window. He cut a ghostly figure in the full moonlight that streamed through the open panes as he softly whispered for his horse. An unexpected chill ran through my heart and I shuddered. I grabbed my shawl, wrapping it around myself, and walked towards where Edward was standing. Suddenly, I didn't want to let him go.
"Edward," I said, "please don't go." My voice, I was surprised to find, sounded fearful.
"Isabella?" Edward questioned, surprised at the tone in my voice, "why do you sound so afraid?"
I looked down at my toes, unsure of the reason myself, "I… don't know. I guess that… I suddenly became so afraid… that I would never see you again." My voice trembled at the last word. I felt Edward's gentle fingers under my chin, lifting my face up to look at him.
"Isabella," he smiled, "I love you, and I'll always come back to you. Haven't I always promised you that? And haven't I always kept that promise? Though hell should bar the way, I'll come back to you. And you know that besides you, there's nothing I hold more dear- "
"Than a promise," I finished with him, as he softly brushed his lips against mine. His smile was brilliant as he climbed out my window to his horse waiting below. Just before his head disappeared out of view, I stuck my head out and called out for him.
"Wait, Edward!" I exclaimed, as he stopped on the lattice, looking up at me questioningly. I started pulling out the dark red ribbon that laced up my hair. When it was finally free of my tresses, I held it out to him:
"Here, wherever you may find yourself, I will be there with you in spirit, even if my body cannot," I solemnly said as he climbed back up the lattice so I could tie the ribbon to the inside of his jacket so that it laid close to his heart. He kissed me in the moonlight, my fingers still pressed against his chest.
When he pulled away, I was surprised to find a scarf around my shoulders, over my shawl, that hadn't been there before. I touched it and knew it immediately. It was Edward's scarf, the one he had to cover his face with today.
"And something to have me by," he replied huskily, "I know it's no pretty engagement ring, but-"
"It's perfect," I interrupted, wrapping the scarf up my neck until it almost reached my nose, drinking in the scent of it, "it smells just like you." A breeze came, pushing my loose hair over my shoulder as Edward pulled the scarf down to give me one last kiss. And then, as quick as a blink, he was on his horse again, his glimmering eyes looking up at me. I waved at him and blew him a kiss.
"Be careful, my love," I whispered.
"I'll come back for you, tomorrow noon," said Edward, "and if I can't make it then, look for me by moonlight. I'll come to you then, I will. Though hell should bar the way."
I nodded, "I will." I watched him ride way up the gleaming road, bright as silver, feeling my heart go with him as the hoof beats grew fainter and fainter until I couldn't see or hear him anymore.