Ranma Aqua-Isekai'd, by Chaos Orchid
Chapter 11: Cologne's Anything-Goes Revenge
" 'Indiscriminate Gung Ho School', my ass! I knew he was lying and now I know why he did!" Cologne barely managed to mutter so angry was she.
Tsukiko had never seen the Elder act this way and it was worrying him. He identified with the redhead, even if it was Ranma. He knew what it was like to have sisters and that's what his almost-twin suddenly became for him. He wanted to protect her! "Elder Cologne, what makes you think Ranma is a pervert?"
She didn't answer him, but spoke directly to the cursed boy enjoying her role of a young girl on a date. "Ranma, anything-goes for you, doesn't it?"
"Anything-Goes!?" Like a dog whistle,her mind was taken away from her cooking and flirting. "I'm the best!"
"You are?!" Hairdo smiled.
"No, no!" she waved him off. "I meant Anything-Goes Martial Arts!"
"You like martial arts, too!? We have something in common!" He would have embraced her if the hand not stirring didn't keep being out in front of her. It was proving too fast for him to get around.
"That does it!" And Cologne headed out of the kitchen.
"Don't leave!" Ranma cried. The more witnesses, the less likely Hairdo would be to try to do outright lewd things with his date. She hoped. Up to now the fun of her date was practicing and showing off her flirting ability.
Tsukiko, though, saw that the redhead looked like she could protect herself from her 'date'. From Elder Cologne was another matter! It was up to him to follow her and do what he could to keep her from wreaking vengeance on the stranger!
He found her picking up two packets of Instant Change from the shop counter. "Why do you hate Ranma?! What has he done to you?!"
"The Anything-Goes School is the reason I was cursed! I was punished for falling in love with Ranma's master!"
"The Women Heroes on That-side punish people for falling in love?!"
"I was punished for loving a pervert on a rampage who also ended up stealing treasures from my tribe! I aided and abetted him right up until my eyes were opened to his true character!" She flinched from the pain of those memories…and of betrayed love.
"But, but that was Ranma's master, not him!"
"I know it's guilt by association, guilty until proven innocent, but I will not let what happen before happen again! I will protect my tribe on This-side: There will be no more anything goes!" And she headed back towards the dating couple.
Before he could know better, he laid a hand on the still most powerful woman this side of the Phoenix people. "What are you planning to do(!)?!"
His insolence was lost on her. Cologne was focused on something else. The tone of her voice changed, becoming like what she sounded when she was doing a diagnosis. "Ranma's female saliva mixed with the Instant Nannichuan he swallowed. When you mix a woman and a man together, dating can follow. The Nannichuan means Ranma is not wholly female. She's dating from the perspective of how she thinks a man would like to see his date be. To put it bluntly, her femininity is being subservient to the desires of his own masculinity."
She opened her palm and let Tsukiko see the labels of the packets. "Horny, the amount of saliva and hormones in her has increased. The extra dose of Instant Nannichuan will only increase her
desire to fulfill the desire of not himself but the man with her, perhaps, any man. But this-Instant Nyannichuan-will put her into conflict with that agenda! It will become a real 'should I or shouldn't I' tug of war that women can know all too well!"
Again Tsukiko noticed the change of her tone again. Before she had been mainly talking to herself to review if her memory and thinking matched up. He knew how much Cologne homework she had to do to keep her status as an Elder. Soon, not even that hard work may not be enough. In other words, even she had some small doubts that her plan was going to be a success.
There was a sudden *Thud*, *Tumble* as Hairdo hit a hall wall and fell through the open door of the shop. "Red's defenses are good," he groaned.
"Did you try to molest me-I mean, Ranma again!?" Tsukiko yelled.
"I don't remember." Then he got a goofy smile. "I do remember how sexy she looked."
It was Tsukiko's turn to groan. His cursed body was the only thing the guy with short-term memory problems couldn't forget. And Ranma's own cursed body looked so much like his, Hairdo was forgetting the differences. He just fixated on either 'Red'.
"Come, Hairdo-chan, it's time to have our first meal together!" Ranma, in only the minidress, appeared in the hall behind him. Total mood change.
That triggered a negative reaction in Tsukiko. He disapproved of how lightly Ranma was taking all of this. He knew from his own experience and his sisters' how serious situations like this could become. Maybe the arrogant guy did need to get a lesson in consequences.
"Dinner! Wonderful! It is time for it, isn't it!" Cologne smiled.
"This is a date! It's supposed to be for two! Three's a crowd and four's a mob!" Ranma told the meddler off.
"But you left yourself open when you called me your chaperon," Cologne chuckled. "A chaperon can't allow daters to be alone."
"I only said that to get under your skin and I needed your cover until I got my datin' legs under me!"
'Dating legs'? Tsukiko wondered. Was that anything like 'sea legs'? She had been feeling the rough water uncertainties of dating. Especially since she was a noob at being a girl.
In a show of strength, the small redhead picked up with one hand the guy who had forgotten to stand up. But it was to the woman she talked to, "I don't need you, now. I can handle this date!"
"You have heard, 'My house, my rules'," Cologne told her back. "Add to that, 'My food;'. I'm eating with you." And the beautiful woman pulled Tsukiko to her. "And I'm inviting him to join us."
"Okay-Do that! Me and Hairdo will do a real date and go out to a restaurant!"
"Uh, do I have any money?" And he started pulling yet more things from his sleeves.
"Okay! Okay! Not another pile of whatnots! I'll eat here! I'm too hungry to wait, anyway!"
"We'll eat in the tearoom," Cologne said. "The parlor is for receiving patients and other guests."
Ranma dragged Hairdo along behind her while Cologne and the gangpressed Tsukiko followed.
Ranma saw that they ate differently here than in traditional Japan. Instead of people sitting on the floor around a low table, there were chairs around a table high enough that the short body she was in presently could comfortably stand and eat at it. What was more, there were other chairs stacked on top of one another and polished planks that could be used to used to lengthen the size of the table. Right now it was ready for four people.
And one falcon. Sweetie was on her perch on top of a steel stand. It placed her high enough for Cologne in her stilt shoes to reach out an pat it on the head (and silently signal to her what she wanted it to do). But it also placed Ranma's redhead just below its sharp beak. She was glad when the grandmother placed a leather hood over its eyes to encourage it to sleep. And not peep at the 'romantic' couple.
Ranma guessed which chair was the head of the table and made for it! On her way, she shoved her date down on the nearest chair next to the one furthest from the door. Cologne put Tsukiko on the chair opposite of the Ranma and sat on the other chair next to her.
The meal was already on the table. But Ranma was so used to eating informally next to a campfire, the stir fry was still in the wok. The Japanese art of presentation seemed to be a foreign concept to her.
"This meal needs more protein. We have some nato in the kitchen, Ranma. Why don't you get it?"
"Why should I!?"
"Because you're playing hostess."
"I ain't. I'm playing dater. And a girl should only care about her date, right! Besides, I want to eat!" And she dove her chopsticks into-
The wok was gone! "Give it back, Witch! I'm sick and tired of Pop swipin' my food; I'll do to you what I do to him when he does if you don't!"
"Does he call it a training technique, a motivation to spar?" Cologne had to keep herself from glaring at her. "I once knew a martial artist who had that same excuse. You wouldn't happen to know him, would you? His name is Happosai."
"Never heard of him!" Ranma saw an opening and grabbed the wok away from the witch who should have been cliche ugly, but wasn't. "Maybe Pop has. He told me he quested all over Japan and even outside it even before I was born. He musta met just about every martial artist there was. Or he could've just been lyin'. Hmm, but he never told me who the school's founder is. Funny he didn't lie and say he was."
"Don't eat out of the wok!" Tsukiko said, seeing her lift the first morsels to her mouth with her chopsticks.
"What?" Only then did Ranma realize she had been about to eat all of the stir fry herself. "Datin' can be a pain, havin' to think of others." And she served Hairdo his portion.
"Here, Hairdo," Cologne said, sprinkling something onto his meal. "It's the seasoning you like."
"It is? Well, if you say I like it, Elder Cologne."
Tsukiko declined the powder she offered him, then watched as Cologne dusted her own meal with it. Or had she pulled a slight of hand and it only looked the same?
"Hey! What about me!?" Ranma demanded.
"Oh, do you want something to spice things up?"
"Yeah! I'm always havin' to eat plain food! I want my date to be tasty!"
"Oh, it will be tasty." For me, Cologne thought as she emptied the two foil packets over the Anything-Goes girl's food. "Mix it thoroughly, so you get all of it evenly mixed with your saliva, Ranchan."
"Stop callin' me that!" she told her, getting distracted while she mixed the powder in with the other ingredients.
Tsukiko tensed up, conflicted on whether to warn Ranma or not!
[] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] NOTE:
Again, I have no intention of making this story mature; I want to keep it's rating Teen. In Rumiko-sama's mangas Ranma was always being accused of being a pervert and put into compromising situations in the name of fan service. It is this spirit I am after.