Snippet 57

Guest Writer Theater 5 (*Written by Mod Green*)

Genre: Humor

Pairs: Ozpin/Salem

AU-Type: (Canon-esque AU)

Paraody: RWBY/The Mask

Tags: One More Relic, The Mask is a Relic, Ozpin is driven to madness, Salem's sucked in

What if Ozpin have one more relic up his sleeve?

Ozpin had stood out in the rain, digging up a part of Beacon's courtyard as rain fell harder and harder around him. He grunted as the rain seemed to make every shovelful of dirt hit the ground around him, but he didn't care that he was tired. No, not tired in the physical sense but tired in a spiritual sense as this was between him and Salem finally took its toll on his sanity. He was ending this all, with the one relic he'd kept secret from all…the relic of insanity…something so cruel not even Salem knew of its existence.

When he'd finished digging up the chest that housed the relic, did he begin to laugh as he opened the chest. He saw it, the relic that looked like a simple mask made of green wood, but he knew what its true power was, and he intended to use it. He took it out of the box, before tossing the box away, and putting on the mask. May luck be on his side…

Within Salem's castle, the forces of darkness all gathered around the meeting room each doing their own form of staying active for now. Cinder was making nefarious plans, Emerald was blindly agreeing with Cinder, Hazel just day in silence, Tyrian was giving his devotion to Salem as per the norm with him, and Watts went on about creating a Grimm cyborg hybrid that was part shark. This caused Salem to roll her eyes.

Salem sighed as she looked to whatever Mercury was doing and was doing, seems he had a bong that he was preparing. She was tempted to just steal it, and smoke its contents herself, then she'd be able to feel something other than annoyance at the motley crew of disappointment before her.

'I swear to the gods I'd rather play Atlas Roulette right now, at least then I'd have some form of anticipation.' Salem thought to herself just as the main door flew open. "What the?"

A leg stretched in and quick as a whistle Ozpin stood in the center of the room. His face was painted green though, and he had a mad grin on his face. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a roar of, "Ozpin!" from Hazel who stood up and charged for the headmaster, only to quickly be throw out the window for his trouble.

Tyrian began to cackle as he stood at attention ready to attack Ozpin. "My goddess let me dispose of this slime for you."

Before Salem could say a word, Ozpin sped over to Tyrian and chained him to his chair. "Not now kiddo, let the adults talk." He then turned back to Salem and sauntered over towards her. "So, doll face, have you missed me?"

The Grimm hands that seemed to manifest and pull at him seemed to be her answer for the headmaster. He shrugged and pulled out a giant can of pest poison spraying it around him creating a big puff cloud. When the cloud had subsided, Ozpin had stood before them in a puffy and frilly shirt with maracas in hand. "Hit it!"

Within an instant, Mercury and Emerald were both playing instruments to go along with Ozpin's Rumbah routine.

"They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rumba beat

When I play the maracas, I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom

Yessir, I'm Cuban Pete. I'm the craze of my native street

When I start to dance, everything goes chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom." Ozpin sang and played his maracas in time with his words, while swaying and thrusting hips in Salem's line of fight.

Everyone gathered couldn't help but follow along to the beat, even Hazel who'd climbed back in from the window followed along to the song. Well everyone, but Tyrian he was very much displeased with his lady's eyes following along Ozpin's hips.

"The señoritas they sing and they swing with terampero -

It's very nice, so full of spice

And when they dance in they bring a happy ring that era keros

Singin' a song, all the day long." Ozpin has jumped on the long table swaying his hips still as he made his way towards Salem. He'd long ditched his maracas, and just danced his way to Salem who kept a straight face throughout his whole routine. He began to shake, thrust, and gyrate his hips before Salem as he kept singing "So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete

And I'll teach you to chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom."

Salem just stood up, and stared Ozpin in the face while he just grinned. The music stopped and he got to eye level with her. "So, doll face what do you say?" Ozpin said in an exaggerated mobster's voice.

Salem just smirked as she crossed her arms. "My room, two minutes, don't leave me waiting."

With that she began to walk out of the meeting room with her hips swaying as if the music has still been playing.

"My lady, noooo!" Tyrian wailed before a muzzle had been placed on him by Ozpin.

"Hehe, don't worry kid, I'll be sure to make it a night she'll never forget." Ozpin said with a wink before following after Salem.

After the night the Grimm had become less organized, all plans to destroy the Huntsmen academies were abandoned, and a young girl would be born nine months later who would inherit the maiden powers that would come to be associated with the relic of insanity. By the gods help them…oh wait, they left. No, they're all screwed…especially "Auntie Cinder".

(A/N: Green wrote this one, and I merely fixed a few spelling errors I caught. This one was good for a laugh.)