In which Arya realizes what her past action has led her to.
*Year 304 After Conquest (AC) - New Future*
You know the feeling when you have just woken up from a good night sleep? That one fleeting moment of blissfulness when you open your eyes willingly to greet the beginning of a new day in the early morning, instead of being awoken by ominous dreams that you can't escape in the middle of the night? Arya was not familiar to that peaceful moment ever since she made that first fateful trip to Kings Landing. But, if she had to describe how she feels right at this moment as the violet eyes faithfully gazed into hers, she would say that that's exactly how she felt. And she noted that this is the second time she had felt this way. The first one being; when she wakes up from a soundless sleep with the older girl around her arms.
Daenerys still had a smile on her face and a slight quirk of her eyebrow. Her expression is tender as she lets the peaceful silence wraps them further. But, there is no silence in Arya's mind since the word that Daenerys spoke seconds ago keeps replaying inside her head. She doesn't have the slightest clue on what to say at this moment.
Should Arya say it back? Is that not the right thing to say when one proclaimed their love? That we love them too? When Father and Mother said it, she usually reciprocates without missing a heartbeat. But, that was different. Those are her parents, and this is Daenerys, the last living Targaryen, the mother of dragons, and the rightful Queen of Westeros.
The last thought slowly brings the younger girl to the reality where moments ago, she just told the dragon queen that the North won't support her in reclaiming the Iron Throne. And yet, none of that seems to matter to the Targaryen Queen.
"The North won't aid your cause in claiming the Iron Throne." Arya finally blurts out, breaking the silence.
Daenerys' eyebrows rose more prominently, confused and amused at the same time. "Aren't we passed that already?"
The young Stark blinks once before answered. "Yes," she said quietly and looks away as the violet eyes are becoming too distracting.
So engrossed with her thoughts on what to say next, Arya doesn't even realize that Daenerys had move quietly into her personal space. Only when the older girl's warm hand caressed her cheek gently before she tucked a loose strand of brown lock behind her ear did she notice. Her stomach did a flip as the mesmerizing and torturing violet orbs are only a few inches away from her now.
"Do you not hear what I just said, Arya?"
The young woman swallowed a lump then. "Yes." She answered short, though her tone more like a question than a statement. She believed she had heard everything that the dragon queen said but perhaps she missed something else entirely?
The questioning tone didn't go unnoticed by Daenerys. Her hand smoothed the length of the young girl's hair as she gazed into doubtful grey eyes. "I don't care if you cannot convince your brother to assist me in taking the Iron Throne. Three grown dragons and thousands of Unsullied and Dothrakis armies will fill that gap. I'm confident that we can win this war and then the Iron Throne… Do you understand that?"
"Yes." Arya nods softly, relishing in the 'we' that Daenerys insinuated.
Satisfied, Daenerys continues. "And most importantly, I love you, Arya Stark." She says, still meeting Arya's eyes. "Not because of your connection to The North and I don't care that you're a Stark and the bad blood our families have for years… I refuse to let that come into my conscience because at the other end, you're there and that's all that really matters. It took me a while to get here, but I did eventually and I want you to know that."
A beat of silence pass as Daenerys last words echo through Arya's ears and filling her mind again.
"Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
"Yes." She answered, more clearly this time. She really did and though she still can't believe it, the older woman earnest declaration washed away all the previous doubts she has.
As seconds passed by, Arya finally realized what this could really mean. Now that Daenerys' words have engraved into her mind, the violet gaze in front of her suddenly becomes too much. She can feel her face heats up and her heart beats so fast that she's surprised it doesn't jump out from her chest yet. She decides to look at everything but the dragon queen to try and calm herself.
Daenerys, on the other hand, can't help the tugging of her mouth at the young girl's reddened face and how she squirms adorably under her gaze. "Do you truly understand?" she asked again for confirmation.
"Yes," Arya said quickly as if it's her second nature.
Daenerys quirked an eyebrow. "Is there anything else you can say other than 'yes'?"
"Yes."
Daenerys laughs softly at the reply and instantly Arya relaxes as she basked in the beautiful sound and at how ridiculous her answer was. She takes a moment appreciating the lovely yet queer feelings she experienced that seems to only happen when she was with the older woman. "Daenerys, I–" she starts but stops short as she tries to find the right things to say.
The dragon queen reaches for the young girl's hand, squeezing it a fraction. "You don't have to say it, Arya… You don't have to say anything at all," she assured. When the other girl only looks back still doubtful, she continues. "I didn't say it for you to say it back. I said it because I want you to know how I truly feel. I want you to understand how much you mean to me."
Arya's gaze softens at that. She squeezes her hand in return, smiling genuinely at the older woman. Daenerys seems to be satisfied by her small gesture judging by how bright her face lit up. And Arya can't help but to selfishly pray to the Old Gods and the New that she had long left behind to let her stay by this woman's side each day for the rest of her life.
*
They had spent a bit more time alone in the Godswood, enjoying each other's company before Tyrion and Jorah found them, delivering news that the King in the North has requested a meeting with the dragon queen. Daenerys concurred as she had expected they will need to address the situation at hand sooner or later.
So, Arya decides to become the good host that she was supposed to by leading Daenerys to her Father's study – which is Robb's now. She willed her mind to stay clear from the conversation she had with Robb earlier that day, not wanting those thoughts to cloud her action and how it could only make it worse for the older girl. She peered over her shoulder to find Daenerys five steps away at the back, walking alongside Jorah. The violet eyes captured hers naturally as the dragon queen gifted a small smile before she focuses on Jorah again and continuing whatever conversation they're having. Finding no possible threats around Daenerys – which was the reason why she steals glances of the older girl in the first place. Not because she wanted to see her face or her smile, of course – she looks ahead again and proceeds her way along the hallways.
"So, I have a feeling that your kingly brother is harder to convince of our cause than the bastard one." A voice interrupts the silence then.
Arya looks down to her left where Tyrion was, falling in steps with her. "Jon is not a bastard." She glared back.
Tyrion looks up then. "Oh? Well, I'm not a dwarf and you're not a princess."
The young Stark rolled her eyes at that. "What gives it away?" she asked back, remembering his earlier comment.
"It's hard to just pick one reason when there are quite plenty to choose from." He paused, throwing a fake smile her way. "There's the way how he acted when we first got here…I'm sure you notice since you're there with us. And then there's the matter of the living quarters, where he coincidentally assigned me to the coldest room in the entire hundreds of rooms available in this castle. Not to mention that your king of a brother failed to mention that we're prohibited to wander outside of our room after curfew, this was before midnight, mind you. And of course, there's the infamous meal that tasted not like I last remembered it. Perhaps mine was already spat on? I couldn't tell for sure." He said with a shrug.
Arya's frown deepens as each word hits her eardrum. To say that she was surprised was an understatement. She wonders of the possibilities that Robb really was behind the poor treatment and if Daenerys had received more or less the same. Though, the older girl failed to mention anything regarding how bad of a host Robb is earlier at the Godswood. The young Stark shifts her attention towards the dwarf then. "I apologize for your discomfort. I'll find you another room and a fresh meal from the kitchen once we're done with the meeting." She offered.
Tyrion smiles genuinely this time as he raised his hand in dismissal. "Thank you. But, it's quite alright. The cold room kind of grew on me now and I still have my share of the leftover bread from before, and the wine makes up for it." Arya only gives him a disapproval look before he continues. "Besides, we're leaving on the morrow anyway. So, I can't say that I'm going to miss this place…though, I certainly will miss your presence."
Arya chooses not to look at Tyrion as she keeps her gaze ahead. She doesn't know whether to be bothered by the fact that Daenerys didn't tell her they were leaving so soon or the fact that Tyrion seems to assume she will stay behind in Winterfell. She chose to address the latter. "Then, I'm sure you'll be delighted to know that you won't be missing anything."
The Lannister dwarf looks at her, surprised evident on his face as she held her gaze, waiting.
"I thought you wanted to go home? And now that you have, there is no reason left for you to come with us." He said pointedly.
"I don't know about you but where I come from when you swore an oath you have to keep it. And as I recall, I swore to Daenerys my fealty and I'm going to keep it as long as I shall live." She said calmly, before climbing a set of stairs that leads to another hallway.
Tyrion catches up with her, walking beside her again. "But, you don't have to actually be by her side all the time. If you stayed here, you can convince your brother in time to bend the knee. It certainly will be beneficial for Daenerys then."
"I can't protect her from the Faceless Man if I'm stuck here, playing politics."
"She has thousands of armies and three dragons behind her back, I'm sure she will have enough protection as it is."
Arya halts her steps in the middle of the path before she turns to face Tyrion, irritated. "And yet, we still lose Missandei to them." She said with a clenched jaw. The air between them turns heavy as soon as the name is mentioned. Tyrion looks away with a pained expression on his face.
The young Stark takes a deep breath to collect herself again before she addressed the real question. "Why does it bother you so much that I come along?" she asked.
He looks to her again with a sigh. "Because we're in a war and you're a distraction to her," he said quietly but it was loud to Arya's ears.
A mirthless chuckle left her mouth in return. "You're a funny man… First, you tell me that I'm the only one that is good enough to protect her and now you're telling me I'm a distraction to her?"
Tyrion flinched at that, but he keeps his ground. "That was before I realize how close the two of you have become."
"If you're talking about the day you walk in on us at New Castle, nothing happened. We slept together and that is all to it…we just sleep on the same bed." She explained.
Tyrion raises a sceptical brow. "And those other nights in your tent, when we're travelling to Winterfell?"
Arya only gave him a pointed look, concluding that nothing happened as he imagined. Tyrion looks at her with a frown for a moment before he chuckles in disbelief. "Well, that's worse." He concludes which she gave him a frown in return. He steps closer to her then, wearing a serious expression on his face. "I see the way she looks at you…the tender and longing in her eyes whenever you're in the same room with her. She's not as subtle as she thinks she is. And now, this only confirms that it's certainly more than just physical attraction."
The irritation from before comes rushing in waves as Arya takes a step towards him too. "I'm starting to regret saving your life back on the ship."
The mismatch orbs in front of her don't waver at that comment. "She has feelings for you." He said instead, not backing down. "And you know why feelings are much more dangerous? Because with it, you're weak; your thoughts get clouded with it and suddenly all that really matters is that person and it makes you a coward because now you have a weakness that everyone else gets to use. It can get you killed faster than any assassin and poison combined."
Arya clenched her fist so hard that she can feel her nails digging through the skin. "Is that a threat?"
"No, it's not… That's a fact." He said softly, almost saddened as his mismatch orbs glazed with unspoken understanding.
"Is everything alright?" Daenerys suddenly interrupts the two who are silently eyeing each other, unaware that the dragon queen and Jorah have closed in on them.
The young Stark doesn't have it in her to look at the older woman's face since what Tyrion said still hovered inside her head. "We're almost there," she said instead, dismissing herself and continues down the path in a hurry. She doesn't check behind her to see if the others followed, merely hoping that they did. A few more turns later, she finally arrived in front of the same door she faced earlier that day. She turns to see Daenerys, Jorah and Tyrion are only a few steps away and waits until they're close within hearing range before she spoke. "This is it."
Daenerys moves closer to the young Stark then, away from the other two ears. "Are you alright?" she asked, studying the girl in concern.
The young Stark schooled her face to indifference. "Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Daenerys searched her face for any discomfort but she can't find any, so, she decides to let it go for now. Arya continues then. "Are you ready?" The Targaryen Queen only nods in return.
Facing the door again, Arya raises her hand before knocking twice. Robb's voice telling them to enter soon follows and she opens the door wide, letting herself in and the other people behind her to do the same. Her gaze immediately caught Robb standing behind his desk. His blue eyes stay with hers for a moment as if he's trying to make sense of her presence there. But, his attention soon shifted to the other three people behind her. And in an instant, his gaze hardens and his jaw set.
At the same time, Arya can't help but mirror her brother's action. Only on her part, her attention has been seized away completely by the two new figures that are on Robb's left and right side respectively instead. The first one is the tallest in the room, huge and heavily-muscled man bearing horrible facial scarring on his right side. He still wears his armour on like he used to, but there's an addition of a Stark direwolf on his breastplate. A single longsword was to his left hip, where a belt secured it in place. The next one was the opposite. He's a medium man of slender build with sharp features, a small pointed beard on his chin, and dark hair with threads of grey running through it. And over his top chest, there's a mockingbird pin attached to his jacket.
Her throat seems to constrict on itself and her head spins as the memories connected to the person with the burning scar and another with a sly grin assaulted her mind.
Their travel together through the cold on foot and later in horseback. Through day and night, in hunger and in pain they kept going until she finally left him to die. And then, it was replaced with him swinging his longsword to Robb, towering over him, before she released the arrow to Cersei Lannister.
Then;
Her horrible stay at Harrenhal, watching men tortured and being tortured for information they did not know of; how she was saved by Tywin Lannister needing a cupbearer and then she overheard that cunning man planning with Tywin how they can defeat her brother and his army.
"Why is he here?" Arya asked, not caring how her voice slightly wavered as she looks to them both before she decides to stay at the tall man where his dark eyes return her gaze evenly.
Robb looks at his sister before he shifts his attention to the person she referred to. "Ser Sandor Clegane is the Commander of my Kingsguard." He explains and then he gestured to his right side next. "And this is Lord Petyr Baelish, Hand of the King."
There was a buzz in her ears as Robb finished speaking. Arya seeks the blue orbs then, waiting for him to say that it was some kind of a mistake. But, Robb only stares back with his usual calm expression, confirming what he just said.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Princess Arya," Petyr speaks up, smiling as he bows his head slightly in greetings. He shifts his gaze to the person behind her then. "Your Grace." He greets similarly.
Daenerys only nods in return, stealing some glances to the other girl who was silently looking ahead as if she was somewhere else entirely.
"Ah, what a peculiar sight." Tyrion joins in then, successfully bringing all the attention towards him. "The last time I saw the both of you, you were with another King… Grew tired of Robert already?" he asked curiously, eyeing the two men but lands on Petyr last.
Petyr still adorned a smile. "King Robert no longer needed my service seeing as he decides to take the matter of managing the kingdom's account by himself."
Tyrion hummed in response. "I must say that I'm impressed… From Master of Coins to the Hand of the King, that's quite a big jump."
"But, surely it's not as big as a runaway with a bounty on his head to come back home as Hand of the Dragon Queen." Petyr retaliates. "I see someone almost succeed bringing only your head back home." His tones light, mocking as he eyed the dwarf's scar across his face.
"Yes, almost... He had the worse aim when Princess Arya stuck a sword through his throat." Tyrion shrugs.
Everyone glance to the young girl in question though Arya paid them no heed as her attention seems to stick solely at The Hound. Tyrion and Littlefinger eyed each other warily, even though there were still smiles plastering on both faces.
Daenerys decides to step in then. "I assume your request for a meeting was not to exchange pleasantries?" she asked Robb, as she takes the only seat that was available in the room. Tyrion and Jorah move to stand at each side of her respectively and at the corner of her eye, she can see that Arya has not moved since she came in.
Robb sits down too then, Petyr and Sandor at his right and left with the wooden desk separates him and the dragon queen. "You assumed true… I wanted to make myself clear on where the North stands." He speaks, fixing a stern gaze.
Daenerys gives a slight smile. "And where would that be?" she asked even though she can already guess the answer.
"Here– the North stands here, in our land. We have no interest in participating in a war that has nothing to do with us."
"Then, does that mean you won't assist Robert in any way?"
"My loyalty lay with my people, not with him."
The silence stretch on for a while as the King and Queen weighed each other out. "Of course, I respect that." Daenerys finally answered short.
Robb frowns. "That's it? You're not going to convince me otherwise?"
"Will you change your mind if I did?" she asked, raising her eyebrow in question.
"No. I won't"
"Well then, let us not waste anymore of our precious time. I'm sure you have other far more important matter to tend to… And I believe my men and I have some preparation to do for departure on the morrow."
A chuckle suddenly left Robb. "You're confident that you can win the war." He said pointedly, almost accusingly.
Daenerys narrowed her eyes, not liking the tone. "Yes, I am. Tell me, why I shouldn't be, when I have enough forces – that I'm sure you're aware of, behind me to take back the throne from Robert."
"Sure your numbers are far superior but that alone won't guarantee victories in war."
"I disagree."
Cold blue eyes against determined violet ones as the heavy silence wrapped the inside of the room again. It lasted a moment longer before Robb suddenly breaks into a small smile, though it was more of a force one than anything. "I wish you good luck then," he said.
Daenerys returns the taut smile. "Thank you…but I don't need it." She moves to stand up and make her leave but Robb mirrored her action, catching her gaze again.
"We're having a feast on the morrow in my sister's honour, to officially welcome her back home. Join us before you leave. It's the least I could do to thank you for bringing Arya back to Winterfell." He explained.
The dragon queen automatically shifts her attention to the young girl where she finally seems to react with her name being mentioned. The grey eyes move away from the scarred man to her brother before it lands on the violet ones. Daenerys eyed her curiously, noticing the strange in her demeanour ever since she asked why Sandor Clegane was here. Even as the grey orbs find hers, it doesn't seem like Arya was present at the moment as she looks straight pass her instead.
Daenerys decides to return to Robb since his invitation is left unanswered for a while now. "Of course… We'll depart in a full belly then." she accepts. Robb nods then, satisfied.
With one last glance to Arya who was still silently rooted to her spot, Daenerys turns and walks out of the room, leaving her behind as she has a feeling that the girl has unfinished business left in that room.
*
When the thud of the door sounded, Arya's muddle mind cleared and she looks around the room she was in, noticing that Daenerys is nowhere to be seen and so does her advisors, Tyrion and Jorah. The only ones left were Robb, Littlefinger and The Hound.
Since she saw Sandor Clegane and Petyr Baelish, her mind had been in a daze. There were moments in her head, flashes of images at the back of her eyes that she can't stop picturing. She barely paid any attention to what Daenerys and Robb were talking about until her name was called. Even then, she can't grasp the content of their talk. And it was all because these men that she had encountered in the past, in both her timelines.
Robb seems to sense something is amiss with his sister as he dismissed his Commander and his Hand next. When the door closed again, leaving the Starks siblings all alone, Arya waits for nothing else. "Why is Sandor Clegane here, Robb?" she questioned, choosing to address The Hound where she can actually make her point, even though Littlefinger is as untrusted as The Hound at this time.
Robb lets out a sigh as he walks to the open window. The silence grew as Arya waits patiently. "I know this is a lot to take in." he finally said with his back against her.
A mirthless chuckle left her throat. "Oh, you think so?" she mocked. "The last time I saw him, he tried to kill you…and now he's the commander of the Kingsguard?" she asked bewildered. Her anger with Robb from before subsides as the thought of The Hound and Littlefinger anywhere near him overtook everything else.
Robb turns around then. "We were on a trial by combat, Arya… We were both trying to kill each other."
"Yes, I remembered, Robb. You were fighting for me and guess who was he fighting for?" she paused for effects before continuing. "Cersei fucking Lannister."
Robb quirked his eyebrow slightly. "I didn't know you hated the Lannister that much, seeing how you easily befriended the Lannister dwarf, whom – in case it might slip your notice, his brother had murdered our Father and Sansa." He chided.
But, Arya was having none of it. "Tyrion is not the one who slits Father's throat and thrust the knife to Sansa's heart. He's not the one who hired the assassin to kill me; Cersei and Jamie did… And now, you have The Hound who worked for Cersei and Littlefinger who possibly have worked with Jamie in the past back in Kings Landing, roaming freely in our home, are you an idiot?"
"You're overreacting, sister."
Another chuckle left her out of frustration. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose tiredly as she can feel the beginning of a throb at the back of her head.
Robb strides closer then and stops when he's within arm's reach. "You don't have to worry, truly." He said, reaching for both her shoulders in assurance and confidence.
She opened her eyes to look at him with a frown. It was as if he knows something that she doesn't. Before she can ask about it, his blue orbs soften and then he spoke. "Clegane doesn't work for Cersei, he worked for Robert and now he works for me." He starts.
Arya was about to open her mouth to argue but Robb silenced her as he guides her to a chair instead, making her sits. He leans against the desk, looking down to his sister. "The day of the trial, Father and Robert had actually convinced Clegane to work against Cersei."
Her frown only deepens. "But, you fought with him. And he almost succeeded in defeating you when he toppled you down the ground."
Robb looks at her curiously. "How did you know that? Were you there?"
Arya cussed silently at the slipup. After all, she was supposed to be in her room when the trial happened. "I was there," she confirmed which Robb huffed in disbelief. "I couldn't just sit by and do nothing while you put your life on the line for me." She retaliates before shifting to the main reason they're having this conversation in the first place. "But, we're not talking about my non-compliance, was it? You were saying Father and Robert had convinced Clegane working against Cersei and yet I remembered him doing otherwise." She argued.
He sighed softly, letting go of Arya's confession of being there on the day of the trial. "Clegane was only acting apparently… Robert wanted it to be believable enough for everyone else so that he could punish Cersei without anyone intervenes."
Arya's mind was on a whirlwind as his words replayed in her mind. She shakes her head in disbelief. "Clegane couldn't possibly agree to it… Are you saying he's willing to die just so Robert could punish Cersei?"
"No one was to die… I was supposed to only injure him just enough so that Robert will stop the trial and declared me as a winner." He trails, taking a breather before continuing. "Robert wasn't going to play by the rules when he agreed to the trial… It was clear that Cersei cheated on him and he wasn't going to let anything stands in between her punishment."
Her throat thickens as she swallowed a lump. "Then why do the trial at all?"
"It was for me, or for my image as Robert said… To strengthen my claim as Warden of the North when the time comes, and with Father heading South, that time became sooner rather than later."
Silence engulfs the two Starks as both seem too lost in their own thoughts.
"How do you know this?" Arya asked, softly.
"Father told me before he left for Kings Landing." He replied before crossing his arms on his chest. "I know how impossible these all sounds… I can't believe it myself when Father explained it. But, I guess I can understand where they're going with. It wasn't the best of plan, yes, but it had the potential to succeed if it wasn't for that assassin that intervened and killed Cersei before her due."
Her heart stopped in the last sentences. She looks up to him slowly. "What do you mean?"
"The war with the Lannisters happened because Cersei was declared murdered instead of being executed fairly… Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy that she died, but the people were torn when news of the Queen was killed spread like wildfire through Westeros. Houses that are loyal to the Lannisters blamed us of her unjust death. By then, they didn't care if she was unfaithful or her children are bastard, those were seen only as excuses." He explained before moving to the corner of the room for a glass of wine, unaware how still the other girl has become.
"Anyway, you can rest assure sister that Sandor Clegane is not a concern. He's a good lad and the best of the Kingsguard." Robb offered, sipping his wine to quench his thirst. A beat of silence passed before he moves to stand in front of her again then. "Arya, can we talk about what happened earlier in the morning?" he inquired, softly.
But, there was no answer as his question lingers in the air. Robb searched his sister for a reaction, but the girl only stares ahead at an invisible point, unmoved. "Arya?"
Before he can say anything else, Arya stands abruptly, making the chair screech loudly against the floor. She ignores the confused and bewildered blue eyes in front of her as she dismissed herself in a hurry and out of the room. Her brain is screaming to go back and force Robb to take back his story but her feet keep going forwards, quickening the pace to an almost-run down the hallways.
She tried to convince herself that Robb was telling lies because if he's not, then he's telling the truth. And if he's actually telling the truth, then everything that happened was all because of her. She didn't have to kill Cersei after all because Father and Robert were going to do it eventually and properly by the law. Not only did she fuck up their plan, but she's also the reason that they go into war in the first place.
Arya broke into a run.
*
Everything hurts.
She can't breathe. Her throat all choked up. Her heart feels empty yet it weighs heavily inside. She falls down to her knees, the stinging pain from the small stones that scraps against her kneecap felt insignificance against the shadows that unfolds, strangling her veins.
Arya looks up to her father. His stone eyes look hard and lifeless. But, of course they are, he's dead. She chided to herself. You killed him. Another voice sounded.
I killed him. I killed Sansa too… I killed them.
"I'm sorry." She whimpered. Her voice echoes loudly along the empty tunnels of the crypt.
Her head falls, hanging weakly by her shoulders. Calling herself an idiot would be an understatement. She was a fool, an arrogant fool who thinks that she can change the future by playing Gods herself. Whatever the reasons did she thinks that she can do good to people that she cared about? All she ever does is messed everything up. Hell, everyone around her only seems to drop dead because of her, if not soon, then sooner or later. But eventually, they all did in the end.
Father, Sansa and those other innocent people that were victimised because of the war she started when she tried to take matters into her own hands, releasing that arrow through Cersei's heart.
How can that one small action lead to all of this chaos? It was amusing in a twisted sort of way and she can't help the sound that decided to come out from her throat. It starts with a tiny huff before it breaks into a chuckle and after that, Arya can't stop the full laugh that comes soon after. She was terrified by the foreign sound because laughing is the last thing she wanted to do right now, but her body doesn't seem to agree. So, she lets it all go and closed her eyes tight since her sight was already blinded by the tears.
She didn't know how long she was in the crypts, kneeling in front of her Father's and Sansa's tombs, asking for forgiveness that they can never give. She doesn't even know when she decided to leave as she recognizes the hallways she's currently walking through. She didn't know where she's heading and thinking about it seems trivial with everything that happened. But, a little while later, she found herself standing in front of her room. Gingerly, she opens the door and walks inside. She closed the window, to keep out the sunshine and turns back to her door to locked it. Then, in the dark and quiet of her room, she sat down and wept.
*
The daze in her mind seems to be a part of her now. Arya remembered her mother knocking against her door, calling for her frantically asking what's wrong. Arya wanted to yell her reply; everything. But, she kept it to herself and chooses to bar the door with a chair for good measure instead. It was silence again soon after and Arya wondered if perhaps she had imagined it all.
Even right now as she stands in the corner of another room silently, watching the person she cared more than her life is sleeping soundly, she doesn't remember when she got here. But, that is the least of her concern because the older girl's calm expression seems to almost succeed in lifting the heavy weight inside her heart. Though Arya knows it was impossible, it doesn't hurt to imagine it.
The older girl stirs then and her eyes open slightly before she opens them wide, noticing another presence beside herself in the room.
"Arya?" Daenerys called hesitantly as she pushed herself into a sitting position. The younger girl only stared back silently but as each second passed, Daenerys doesn't need any more confirmation. She blinks her sleep away, looking up again. "How did you get inside?" she asked, remembering she had locked her door before going to bed.
"Your windows are open," Arya said after a while.
Daenerys frowns at how distant and cold the girl sounded. But, she lets it go as she swings her feet over the bed and walks to the opened window. It was a long way down as she peered over it. "Did you climb your way up here?" she asked unbelievingly.
When Arya doesn't respond, Daenerys crossed her arms against her chest, tucking her nightgown around her tighter, trying to gather her thoughts as she waits for the haze from the sleep to gradually lift. "Do you know what time it is?" she asked, slightly annoyed before she sighed at how wrong it came out. "I waited for you the whole day." There. That was better, Daenerys thought. After the meeting with Robb, she did wait for the girl to come to see her so that she can explain her plan properly. But, Arya never came.
Daenerys takes a step closer then. "Are you upset that I didn't tell you we're going to leave so soon?" When Arya still doesn't respond, she lets out another sigh. "I apologize that I fail to mention about it earlier, I was afraid that you would change your mind… I know you only just come home and now–"
Daenerys stops short as her feet halt just a few steps away from the young girl. Her violet eyes seek the grey ones in concern as she finally able to see Arya's face clearly in the dim light. The younger girl's eyes are swollen, her face red and her body is trembling in small tremors. "Arya, is something the matter?"
But as before, the girl still doesn't answer as her eyes only stared back vacantly. Daenerys closed their distance in an instant before she reached for the girl's face, cupping it with both her hands delicately. "What's wrong?" she asked again more sternly.
Arya flinched at the contact but welcomes it all the same. Her grey eyes wavered then. "Everything…" she starts softly. "Everything's wrong, Daenerys."
"What happened?"
"I'm so tired… It hurts and I just want it to end."
Daenerys frowns worriedly, not quite understand what Arya meant. "Where– Where does it hurt? Tell me."
Arya raised her hand to her chest. "Here." She croaked, her voice wet and weary. "It's suffocating and I can't hold on anymore. Please, make it stop aching… Please, make it stop." She begs and starts hitting her chest repeatedly as if that action will make it less hurting.
Daenerys called the younger girl desperately, trying to stop her action. When that didn't work out, she reached for Arya's hand that was violently thrashing her own chest before she wrapped her arms around the girl's frame, stopping her from damaging herself for good.
Arya was clinging to Daenerys as she lets the older woman hold her, rocking her. Her leaden brown hair fell in strands in front of her face, forming a veil. Hiding her face. If only she can hide all of her existence too. "Everything's my fault." Her voice came out hoarse.
Daenerys doesn't know what could possibly lead Arya to break down like this. The girl was always so calm, collected and appeared strong even in a distressing situation. But now, she was broken, shattered and devastated. "Hey…" she touches her hair, voice barely audible. "Arya?"
Arya blinks her vision clear as she locks eyes with Daenerys who are faithfully watching her. Her violet eyes are glimmering in the dark, comforting and supporting. But, she doesn't deserve the solace. "I killed them, Daenerys… It's my fault. I was so stupid. How can I be so fucking stupid?" her breath hitches sharply before she leans in, nestling at the crook of the older girl's neck.
Daenerys wrapped the girl tightly, her hand gingerly swimming between brown strands as she held the girl in silence. The noisy sobs echoed through the darkened room for another while longer as they stay in each other's arms.
Not only until Arya's sobs quieten down to a sniffle at a time that Daenerys guides the girl to her bed. She tucks the girl in before she joins her and wrapped her frame against her again.
Arya had her eyes closed as she instinctively snuggles closer for both warmth and comfort. The older girl's beating heart was loud against her ears and she let the sound soothes her further. It seems like forever that she stays wrapped up in the blanket of warmth and peace of Daenerys form.
"I once had a list of names of people that I'm going to kill." The young Stark starts, her voice comes out barely a whisper. But, when Daenerys stops caressing her hair, Arya knew she heard her, so she continues.
"Most of the people that were on my list had a hand with my family's death. I would recite them every night before I go to sleep. It's my own prayer, the one that I'm going to fulfil myself. Cersei Lannister was among the last names on the list and I succeeded… I killed her. But, everyone was still gone. I had no one else left in this world, so I pray to the Gods. I promised them that I would do anything they want of me, if only they bring back my family. And when I woke up the next day, there they were… father, mother, Robb, Jon, Sansa, Bran and Rickon… everyone was there." she chuckles, remembering how happy she was at that time.
Slowly Daenerys pulled away to look at the girl in her arms. "Is that how you went back in time?"
Arya only nods. "I was one and two again, a child…and everything else was perfect. Until I realized it's not. Because the threat was still there, and everything will happen the same way not unless I changed it." She paused, letting out a pained smile as she remembers how she saved Bran from being a cripple for the rest of his life to knowing that his accident wasn't actually an accident. From there, everything instantly went south.
"I took matters into my own hands… I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was not." She closed her eyes tight willing her faults to pass. A warm hand strokes gently on her cheek making her eyes open again to find the older girl full of concern. Arya enjoyed the light caress of Daenerys fingers which only makes her want to lay it all out. To expose to the other girl how damaged she truly is.
"I killed Cersei Lannister." She confessed.
Daenerys stopped. "Do you mean in the past? You killed her in your previous life?"
"No. I mean in this timeline… I killed her again during her trial. One arrow to her heart."
A beat of silence pass after that as both of them stare, searching one another.
"Jamie Lannister seeks revenge soon after and then he killed my father and Sansa and then the war happened… I cause that." Arya explained further at the girl's unresponsive state.
"Arya…" Daenerys called finally.
But, the young Stark interrupts almost immediately when she can guess what will come out from the girl's mouth. She doesn't need to hear sugar-coated words so she can feel a little bit better for herself. "Daenerys, do you not understand? I killed Cersei, I killed my father and my sister and I killed all those innocent people in the war. It was all me!" she hissed through gritted teeth.
The grey eyes are begging for her to agree with those claims and suddenly everything clicks in place for Daenerys. She reached for the girl's neck, holding her in place so that she can see her and only her. "Listen to me, Arya. You didn't know what would happen."
"But, I did–"
"No, listen to me… You didn't know what would happen when you killed Cersei. You didn't know what it would cause. You were only trying to protect your family."
The grey eyes glistened again, brimming with tears so Daenerys tightens her hold. "You are not responsible for every little thing that people decides to do, Arya."
"But, if I hadn't killed her–"
"Then perhaps she would still live and there would be no war or perhaps she's going to die sooner or later and the war is still going to happen either way. We will never know for sure... Whatever it is it doesn't matter because it already happened and it's done. You can't keep dwelling on the past, wondering what would happen if you do it differently, because that's how one goes insane."
The young Stark opens her mouth to argue but gave up when none comes to mind. The creases on her brows increased instead as she stared back in silence defiance. And Daenerys takes that as a small victory. "You can't go back and change things again, Arya. The only thing left to do is start living in this moment, knowing that in your heart you had done the best you could to save your father and sister."
"How do you do that? How do you keep going?" Arya asked timidly.
"You can start by forgiving yourself."
"I don't– I don't think I can." the young Stark said, her voice wavering.
And Daenerys heart crumpled at that. She leans forwards, their forehead making contact. "Then do it for the sake of your father and Sansa and for everyone else that perished in the war. You owe them that… Can you do that?"
There was a moment of silence and Daenerys thought she would never hear an answer but then, Arya gave a slight nod. "I will."