Snippet 77
Plenty of Ways to Die – Chairway to Hell
Genre: Humor/Tragedy
Pairs: Fireball (Taiyang/Raven), eventful Tiamat (Taiyang/Summer)
Parody: RWBY/1000 Ways to Die (#231 - Chairway to Heaven)
AU-Type: Modern AU
Tags: No Aura, Scumbag Raven, Karmic Death, Narrator Voice: Salem, Ruby Hasn't Been Born Yet, Italicized Text is the Narrator, TW: Death
Location: Somewhere in Patch
Date: Late 1999
Raven turned on the lights to the neon sign letting out a satisfied hoot of joy that she got it to work as her new place was really coming together. She turned and immediately bro-hugged Vernal.
We get a lot of losers on this show, but a woman who turns her back on her own family? Personally, I'd like to kill her myself.
Raven and Vernal kicked back on the couch cracking open several beers to drink.
Raven Branwen was a star cheerleader back in her high school days, but she never really learned responsibility. Getting pregnant in her last year could have been changed that…but nope. Still the irresponsible waste that never grew up.
Raven weeded through a box of her things ignoring the handmade drawings her two-year old daughter. She took up a poster of a rather famous male model and put it up on the wall as Vernal approved.
This bitch left her husband and child to find herself. In reality, she could be found just getting drunk and wasted with her idiot dropout friend, Vernal.
Vernal got out a guitar trying to play it but was rather bad at going so. However, a buzzed Raven cheered her on despite Vernal having no talent. Raven's cell phone rang, and she groaned from being interrupted. She answered it to find it was her husband.
"Hey Rae, I really need you to pick up our daughter from Pre-K." Taiyang asked.
As she went on, Raven had really much zoned out of listening.
But nothing mattered to this load of pig excrement. Taiyang was growing at his wit's end with her.
"Look, just get Summer to pick her up. I'm busy with work. How long? All weekend…deal with it!" Raven said before hanging up.
What Raven didn't know was that Summer was pregnant, and Tai was the daddy. You see…before this loser and Taiyang got married about two months prior, Summer had one night of passion with him. End result, she was pregnant. Ironically now, Taiyang was this close to starting an affair with Summer.
Raven tossed the phone aside as Vernal got the hookah ready offering her a hit of it. Raven gladly took a hit and blew up a plume of clear white smoke. The two were shown in a montage of doing different activities.
The only thing that she cared about was setting up her girl pad on her parent's dime. Come the next day, those two numbskulls found the last thing to complete the room. A pilot seat from an old Atleasian fighter jet.
"Can't believe we got the real deal!" Vernal said excitedly.
"Good thing I dipped into the college fund." Raven said with a chuckle.
"Isn't that for your daughter?" Vernal asked showing a tiny amount of concern.
"I'll pay it back. Not like she needs to go to college." Raven said waving it off.
Those two plopped it out in the center and Raven took it for a test spin.
Raven sat in her throne while Vernal was on the couch as the two were playing Mortal Kombat 4. After several rounds of winning and losing, Vernal looked over at Raven's chair but noticed a small lever in-between her legs.
"Hey Raven, what's that red strip there do?" Vernal said curiously as Raven looked down at it.
Raven began to reach for it and pull it.
Rule of thumb for you all, if someone asks, "What does this lever do?", never ever pull it!
Having pulled it triggered smoke to come out of the seat as Raven was launched into the air slamming her skull right through the roof. Blood soaked her head and neck….and the room was clouded with smoke as Vernal screamed out Raven's name hoping for a response.
Turn out the seat's ejector rockets…were still hot and ready to launch. These seats are actually quite easy to get. And sometimes, people get lazy in making sure these seats are unable to launch. Quite unlucky for Raven as they launch to get to 200ft fast. But she got to 10ft and her skull was crushed, and her brain became mush.
It hit Vernal that Raven was dead, and she fell to her knees breaking down with the realization that she just killed her best friend.
Raven was a deadbeat mother…now she's just dead.
(A/N: 1000 Ways to Die, one of those shows I got into during my teen years. I was interested in the science behind it. So, for the next 5-7 entries, we'll be following this theme. Oh…and some of them will get an "aftermath" piece. A bit of an epilogue to it to fully complete them.)