"1...2...3...4...5... Oh and that one over there." I'm laughing, a very rare thing these days but I can hear the familiar sounds and feel my mouth moving together with the sounds. My hand is clasped in Lev's as we stare up at the night sky, the same thing that we do every night when we meet up, his other hand is pointing up towards the sky. Everywhere else in the District is normally covered in coal dust, but near the Victors Village the sky is clearer. We spend as little amount of time in each others houses, his is always full of his 2 brothers and his parents anyway, so we never get any time alone. My house is too big and doesn't feel like mine yet. Since my sister died, its just too lonely.

"I think there is probably more stars in the sky than 6 Lev." I'm still laughing and I can feel his eyes burning into the side of my face, I turn to look at him to find him smiling, watching me laugh. I nudge him slightly but he carries on looking at me. I lean in and place a quick kiss on his lips.

As I pull away from him, he smiles at me again. "You make me happier than I ever thought possible." He says quietly. "I hope one day there will be a place where we can be together properly, without sneaking around." I smile back at him. I know that won't happen, not as long as President Snow is alive but I would never be able to tell him how much I want that too, if only I wasn't so messed up.

I find the tears falling down my eyes in a second and I pull myself up to a sitting position. He follows me and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him, the smell of bread flows into my nostrils, a calming scent, the scent I always associate with home, Lev. "I'm sorry." He mumbles. "I shouldn't have said anything." His lips touch my hair and I can hear him breathing in, taking in my scent, which probably from the shower in my bathroom, nowhere near as posh as the one in my apartment in The Capitol but a lot more than anyone in District 12 is ever used to.

I pull myself out of his arms and look at him, a sad look has taken over his face. "Maybe we should start hanging together at my house." I say and his eyes light up, I never invite him in my house and I know he worries about it but I can't let my guard down and let him in fully, then he would be in a lot of danger with Snow but I know that he already knows about Lev so us staying at my house instead of lying on a patch of grass in the Victors Village shouldn't make a difference. He nods his head, like I imagine a dog would after being offered a treat and I pull myself up, offering my hand to him, wiping the tears from my face with the sleeve of my other arm. "Coming?"

I wake with tears in my eyes. The first nice dream I've had in months. Without Lev next to me, the Nightmares have found me worse than ever, with him back last night, it must have helped. It was a memory more than a dream, the night Lev first stayed here, when I let him in a little bit. The first time I let my guard down, that night we roasted marshmallows in front of the fire and he read me my favourite book, I remember falling asleep on the sofa and waking up in the bed next day, I still remember how he looked lying there with the sun beaming off him, his shirt had been taken off sometime during the night and he was bare, his long curly hair over his face enough to not be able to tell if his eyes where open or closed. I knew he was sleeping though by the sound of his breathing. I remember lying there watching him for what felt like hours, He woke up and told me off for watching him, even though we both ended up laughing. It was his day off from the Bakery that day so all we did was eat and talk, it was such a good day that I forgot about everything else going on in my life.

I turn in the bed, wiping the tears from my eyes and as I suspected, Lev is gone, the bed is half made in true Leaven fashion. I pull myself out of bed and pull my robe around myself. As I'm leaving the room, a slip of paper catches my eye and the bedside table next to where Lev was sleeping. I walk over and pick it up.

Sera,

I'm really sorry about coming here last night, I missed you, I needed to see you even if it was just to sleep. I shouldn't have come. I've got to get to The Bakery.

I will love you, forever and always. I love you wherever you are, whether together or apart, my heart is yours. I know we left it badly but I know now that I shouldn't have asked you to marry me, i need you in my life Sera, whether its as a wife or as a friend, I just know I need you, you've always been there and without you talking to me every day, my life hasn't been worth living. I need my best friend back. I hope you come and see me so we can talk.

Yours forever,

Leaven.

My mind finds the dream I had last night whilst I read the letter again. Me and lev have been together since we where born pretty much. My Mother was friends with his father and as our birthdays are only a month apart, we where always put together, which then caused us to be best friends all the way through our lives until we took the next step. I don't know what life is like without Leaven in it but one thing I have realised about the last 6 months is that he is safer without me. Snow has threatened him before, I know that he will threaten him regardless of whether we are together or not but I have a chance of keeping him safe if we aren't together. I need to talk to him in person though, I owe him that much.

I'm dressed and ready before I can even think about wether it's a bad idea or not and I set off towards the Bakery. He will be expecting me which is good but he will be expecting me to say something else, that isn't going to come out of my mouth. It's not until I get outside The Bakery that I stop, all breathe in my body has gone, it's like all the oxygen from the air has disappeared and I can feel myself shaking. Over the past 6 months I have missed him but I just figured that I would get back and everything would be okay. It's not until I got back and he wasn't waiting for me at the train station that I realised that it was only a hope.

I need to leave here, I can't talk to him. I'm about to turn to leave when the door opens and Lev stands there. "Sera, you came." The smile on his face breaks my heart again.

"Lev, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be here." Comes out my mouth, that was not the right thing to say, he now probably thinks that I don't want to be with him before I've even explained to him.

Before thinking I turn to walk away, his hand grabs my arm though, stopping me from moving. "Sera, I love you. Please tell me what you're thinking."

I take a breathe and turn to him. "We can't be together Lev. You know it deep down."

Before I can carry on he speaks. "No Sera, I don't know that but what I do know is that I love you and want to be with you forever, if you don't want to be with me that's fine but that just means that you don't love me enough to try." I would normally get angry at him saying something like that but the tears falling from my eyes are from sadness. If I never won the games, I could have had everything with this man. "Please Sera, tell me you love me because I love you."

The words fall from my mouth before I can stop them. "Lev, you know that I love you, in fact it would be impossible for me at this point to love anyone else. But we can't be together, we want different things, I used to want marriage and kids and everything that comes with it but I can't now and I know you do but it's not in the cards for me anymore Lev. I couldn't give it to you anyway after Snow had me have that surgery." When I agreed to start sleeping with Capitol men, he had me undergo surgery to stop any Capitol/District children being born, the only problem being that I would never be able to have kids if I chose to. "He destroyed any chance I had at a normal life. With you or with anyone Lev. I can't do anything about it, you saw what happened to my family, there is too much at stake."

"But what could be possible be holding over you Sera, your family are gone, you always keep yourself to yourself." All I have to do is look at his face and my face probably says it all, his mouth opens slightly, "Me?" I nod.

"Your whole family. He knows how much you all mean to me. He threatened you all." My head drops, looking towards my Capitol boots. "To keep you all alive, I have to give you up. Doomed to a life alone whatever I decide to do. I just know I'd rather me be alone and you be alive even if it means it's not with me." The tears spill onto my boots at the idea of him moving on with someone who isn't me.

He pulls my face up to meet his, looking a little calmer than before. "I would rather him kill me right now than be without you Sera."

"Don't say that." I can't see him much through the tears anymore but I can feel his hands around my waist, holding onto me for as long as possible.

"Why not it's the truth, I can't live without you."

I pull away from him, anger building up in me. "And I can't see you dead Lev! Don't you get it? I've seen everyone I ever cared about die, I can't bury you Lev, I just can't do it, you're all I have left." His eyes are brimming with tears as he looks down at me, his eyes are making me question every decision I've ever made. Starting something inside me, telling me to stay with him forever.

"If you say I'm all you have left then why are you pushing me away?" One of his hands finds my face, wiping away the tears, I can tell by the look on his face that he knows it's hopeless, he looks hopeless and it breaks my heart.

"To save you." I mumble.

"I don't want to be saved." Be whispers back. "Not unless it's for you, we've been best friends since we where born, I don't know a life without the strong independent girl that I fell in love with in it."

"I'm so much different now and that's the problem, you want that girl back, she's gone, she's been gone since the games, snow ruined me, that 50 something year old man who took my virginity ruined me." He grimaces at the memory, I know he had an extremely hard time that day and the weeks that followed when I was broken and refused to get out of bed, he never left my side but I barely knew he was there, he wasn't allowed to touch me but he stayed by my side for weeks making sure I would come back to him but the woman that came back was nothing like the girl I was before that night. "This is me now, a depressed alcoholic, just trying to keep you alive. I'm broken Lev and you can't fix me anymore. I belong to Snow now, I'm his pet, his creation. I'm sorry. Forget about me Lev, be happy, find someone who can give you the world." We are both crying now.

He's holding onto me for dear life, he's in no state to let me go and I'm in no state to let him go, all I want to do is fall into him and let him take my inside for a brew. "You have always been and always will be my entire world Sera, nobody will ever compare to you. I couldn't ever say Goodbye to you."

"Then let me be the one to say it." I feel my heart shatter in my chest as I pull away from his warm body, he pulls back, his hands in his pockets, looking anywhere but me. "Goodbye Leaven Mellark, I will love you always." Then I turn and walk away. Just as he begins to sob, I set off at a run towards the Victor's Village, the place I now belongs, doomed to be alone and sad forever just like Haymitch. I guess he really is all that I have left.

Reaping day comes round quickly. From the moment I get back to my house in The Victors Village, I pick up a bottle of white liquor and never look back, come the morning of the reaping, I don't remember the last 48 hours much except from Haymitch being here a lot. I know that now is the time that I need to sober up a little bit though. As soon as I open my eyes to the sun coming in through the window, the hangover sets in, the worst one I've ever had. I squint through the sunshine rays to find Haymitch slouched in a chair across from my bed. Him being here brings me comfort, just knowing that there is still someone here for me, someone that I haven't pushed away. Haymitch would never be in trouble for being friends with me, he wouldn't care anyway, I wouldn't think, we have a mutual agreement anyway, we will always be there for each other regardless of any threats that would come our way, the alternative is unthinkable. Haymitch was alone for years and he has admitted to me before that he couldn't have imagined still being alone now.

I pull my aching legs out of bed and walk to the bathroom, leaving Haymitch asleep in his chair that I recognise from my sitting room. He must have pulled it upstairs in the early hours of this morning. In the bathroom, I pick up my toothbrush but catch sight of my face, pale and unrecognisable. I haven't eaten in days now, since I got home. Its crazy how much a few days of not eating can change the way you look completely. I've been making Haymitch his food but whilst he has eaten, I've just been sat there playing with mine, all appetite that I once had seems to have gone from my body. For the first time, I can feel my stomach rumbling, It doesn't surprise me with how long its been since I actually ate something.

Its not long before I'm showered and dressed, the first shower I've had in days, I know that I would never hear the end of it from Effie if I didn't so I forced myself to wash my body thoroughly and brush my teeth for longer than normal. The girl looking back at me in the mirror once I'm done looks a lot more normal than she has felt in a long time. I tiptoe back past Haymitch and down the stairs into the cold kitchen. As I'm half way down the stairs, someone knocks on the door. Must be Effie. She always gets here early to make sure that me and Haymitch are in line and ready, Haymitch more than me. As I walk towards it, I realise that I haven't had enough time to tidy up, I can see Liquor bottles in places that I don't think I've ever seen them before. Must have been one hell of a party. She knocks again and I can feel my anger boiling up. Be patient woman! I hear my inner Haymitch coming out. I guess its true what they say, you really do turn into people if you spend enough time with them. I can feel my headache setting in.

I pull the huge wooden door open to show Effie Trinket, this year's pink wig sitting on top of her head, making it obvious that its not her actual hair. Well to me at least, someone who has actually seen her real hair, very rarely. "Hello, My dear!" She beams at me, taking me in her arms. "Is Haymitch here?" She asks over my shoulder. "I tell by the smell that he is around." It must smell like Alcohol. That smell does normally follow him around wherever he goes.

As if on cue, he stumbles down the stairs behind me, finishing off the liquor in his bottle. We both turn to him, Effie pulls a face of disgust. "What is all that damn racket!?" He shouts, still with his eyes closed, holding his head with his free hand.

"Ah, Haymitch. Lovely to see you again." Effie says, the tone of her voice completely different to the words coming out of her mouth.

"Effie, always a pleasure." Haymitch mumbles back. He mutters a goodbye to us both and leaves the house. Effie bids me farewell and tells me that I have 2 hours left, then follows Haymitch to his house to babysit him.

At 1:45 I make my way to the Justice Building, making sure to lock my house up tight as it wont be used for a couple weeks at least. God knows whether I'll be coming back straight away after the games. Haymitch's house is dark, he must have already been forced to move by Effie, or he's fallen back asleep, I'm not particularly bothered today, let the peacekeepers come and get him, its happened before. It takes less than 5 minutes to walk from the Victors Village to the Justice Building so if you aren't in the Justice Building by 10 too, normally the peacekeepers come to make sure you're okay, in their words of course, we obviously know that its a requirement that we are all there.

The Town Square is already filling up, any one of these kids could be taken to slaughter by myself. I recognise faces, some look at me as I sneak around the outside of the on-growing crowd and slip round the back of the justice building. Inside, I find Haymitch sitting in a chair being forced to drink water by Effie, he's drunk, very. I hand my bag to one of the peacekeepers who will take it to the train for me, Haymitch must have already given his to them. I take a seat next to him and lean my head back, Effie leaves to stand by the door with the Mayor. She walks out with him and then me and Haymitch are introduced by him and walk out accordingly. District 12 has had 3 Victors altogether, me and Haymitch are the only 2 alive. Neither of us ever knew the third one, I've asked Haymitch about it but he doesn't even know her name. All he knew was that it was a girl and she won the 10th Hunger Games. Everything else seemed to have been stricken from all written history. I learnt a long time ago not to ask questions, its not worth the risk.

We both sit there in silence until Haymitch's name is called and he pulls himself up and stumbles to the door, disappearing from view, I stand and wait for my name. I put on my signature smile and walk out the door held open by a Peacekeeper, my name is called just as I come into view, I wave to the population of District 12, not that I can see them as the sky is too bright. I find my seat next to Haymitch and keep my mouth shut. As I look around I notice Effie trying to put her wig straight and the laugh playing on Haymitch's lips. Not sure I want to know what he did, so I just look away and focus on the distance. What I wouldn't give to be somewhere in far tree line, away from all of this. "Happy Hunger games, And May the Odds be ever in your favour!" Effie says her signature line, bright and bubbly as always and starts to mumble on about how much she loves it here and how much of an honour it is but we all know its a lie.

Its not long before she passes to the girls bowl to pull out the first tribute, I feel my stomach twist like it used to when I was stood on the other side of the bowl. She crosses back over to the podium and I hold my breathe. I don't have anyone on the girls side that I'm worried about but the whole idea of it always puts me a little on edge. "Primrose Everdeen." Other than recognising the last name, I wouldn't know the person if I walked straight into them, however I am very surprised when The little girl walks out of the 12 year old section right at the back. She's wearing a white blouse that doesn't seem to like staying tucked into her skirt, I see her reach round to tuck it back in, she's not crying, in fact I've never seen a 12 year old so strong at a reaping before. She's just walking forward.

"Prim!" Someone screams just as she reaches the bottom of the steps. This happens sometimes, family members scared for the child's safety. "Prim!" It comes again. I'm surprised to see the kids in the 16 year old section moving away, creating space for someone to get through but I can't see the person coming through. Until a Seam girl flies out of the roped area, her face full of fear, she moves fast and has swooped Primrose behind her in a quick motion. "I volunteer!" She's staring up at us, I feel my mouth hang open and I move to stand up. She looks scared, more scared than Primrose. They must be related. Its this look that reminds me of who she is. "I volunteer as tribute!" Effie starts to mumble to the Mayor about the rules but my heart begins to race, I've seen this girl before, 5 years ago as I handed her a medal of valour, for when her father died in the mine explosion that I caused. I owe this girl more than I could ever imagine and now I'm gonna be taking her to her death. I make a mental note in my head that I have to save this girl, I have to get her home to her family, I cant be the one that causes them to loose to family members.

Effie says something that I don't catch to The Mayor. "What does it matter?" He says, his face is pale, he must know her too, they lock eyes for a second before he carries on. "What does it matter?" He repeats. "Let her come forward!"

A Seam boy comes to grab Primrose when she starts screaming at the girl that Volunteered. He takes her to a woman who looks like her, I'm guessing its her mother and takes himself back to the 18 year olds section, his last reaping.

"Well, Bravo!" Effie Gushes, "That's the spirit of the games!" The Girl is at the top of the stairs now and Effie leads her to the podium. I take my seat once again. "What's your name dear?" Effie asks the Seam girl.

"Katniss Everdeen." She whispers. The Gasp leaves my mouth before I have chance to stop it, Effie shoots me a look. Now I know why I recognised the last name. Katniss Everdeen, The girl from the Seam, the girl with the voice that made even the birds stop to listen. The girl that only I knew about.

Effie talks to her for a bit and then an unexpected thing happens, one person holds the 3 middle fingers of their left hand to their lips and holds them up to the sky, then another and then another until the whole crowd are following. My eyes fall on Lev in the crowd, he's watching me, just as I notice the tear falling down my cheek, I quickly swat it away but hold his gaze, surprisingly he holds mine, I smile slightly at him but he doesn't smile back. Suddenly Haymitch pulls himself up, making me jump. "Look at her, look at this one!" He throws his arm around our newest tribute. "I like her." I pull myself up towards him and grab his arm, if only to hold him up than anything else. He pushes me away but I stay stood up, feeling like something bad could happen. "Lots of...Spunk!" He releases Katniss and looks towards the cameras, I follow him. "More than you!" He shouts. "More than you." Is he taunting the Capitol? He's definitely going to pay for that one. He's about to open his mouth again when he reaches the end of the stage and falls head first off the stage, knocking himself out. Effie makes a sound of disgust as I move for the stairs.

The Peacekeepers get there at the same time as me. They pull him off the floor and onto a large bit of wood to carry him towards the train. One nods thankyou and I offer them a hand but I can hear Effie hissing at me from the stage so I move to go back up, picking up Haymitch's dropped flask as I go. I take my seat again just as the Cameras come back towards us. Just in time for the boys name. "What an exciting day!" Say's Effie, laughing, she's still trying to straighten her wig. "But more Excitement to come! Its time to choose our boy tribute!" She crosses to the boys ball and pulls out a piece of paper.

Back at the podium she opens the paper and calls out the name, "Peeta Mellark." My heart drops.

I find him in the crowd, his face in shock. I know unlike Primrose Everdeen, nobody will volunteer for Peeta. The Mellark boys all made a promise to each other when they where kids that they would never Volunteer for each other. Everything becomes a dream, I see Lev begin to cry, Rye is in the 18 year old section, not far from the boy that took Primrose back her Mother, he's trying to remain strong as the Peacekeepers come for his brother. I cant see Mr and Mrs Mellark anywhere but I'm guessing they will be listening from somewhere near the Bakery. I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks and I move quickly to wipe them away. Any previous thought of getting Katniss home to her family has just been deemed impossible. I can't let Peeta Mellark die in them games, I can't be the reason that Leaven looses his brother.

I can't help but think that this is because of me. I've done something wrong and President Snow is taunting me but taking someone I care about. Even if I do get Peeta home, his name being called in the reaping has ruined his life either way, he's going to belong to Snow no matter what he tries to do. I need to get him home regardless, the alternative is unthinkable. I find Lev in the crowd, his looking at me, his face full of tears. I promise. I mouth to him just as Peeta mounts the stage. Peeta is looking at me, all I can do is nod. Our new tributes are asked to shake hands and then the anthem plays.

Peeta and Katniss are led inside and off to the rooms they will get to say goodbye to their families. I am given an hour, whilst they talk. Normally I just go straight to the train with Haymitch in one of the cars that are out the back of The Justice Building. As he has already gone, I'll be on my own. Within minutes I find myself sitting on the stage alone, as 2 people move to put the slips of paper back in cases, ready to be thrown away probably.

I find myself with my head in my hands when they mount the steps. The Mellark's. I don't know they're there at first until Lev's hand finds my shoulders and whatever tears I was holding in just come flowing out. This is all my fault. I know I shouldn't, I know I need to learn to be alone but I throw my arms around his shoulders and bury my face into him. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. This is all my fault." I open my eyes to find Rye standing behind Lev, now crying, Mr Mellark is crying too but Mrs Mellark looks like she just wants to go home. Anger begins to boil so I just focus back on Lev. "I promise I'll try my best to get him home to you." I pull away from him and he smiles sadly at me. We both know its unlikely, District 12 never get sponsors.

"Sera, just don't blame yourself. Promise me that?" I nod to him and move away.

"Sorry, I've got to get to the train." I move to let them go through the door to the Justice Building where the mayor now stands, waiting for them to come in, Primrose Everdeen and Her Mother are mounting the steps on the other side, going to see Katniss. The mayor tells me that there is a car waiting for me.

"I'll see you in 2 weeks." Lev says to me but I don't reply, I just move to the very spot where Haymitch plummeted off the stage and jump, landing in the coal dust that covers the District and begin my walk round the Justice building. Once I'm out of sight, I take a swig from Haymitch's flask. The liquid burns my throat but I swallow it and take another few sips. He's going to hate me for it but I don't care.

I meet one of the Peacekeepers round the back of the Justice Building who holds the door to one of the cars open for me and speeds away instantly. Its only a 20 minute walk to The Train station but for some reason we have to take these cars, which is strange considering I have an hour to be there anyway, if it was up to me I'd be going home for a bit, Its closer to the Train station anyway. We are there in no time and I jump out, he creates a path for me through the cameras that are waiting for a shot at the new tributes and I mount the train, shutting the door behind me, creating absolute silence.