Chapter Fourteen: Prison of Instinct

Black ink pooled out over Kasumi's shoulder, spilling out onto her blank parchment, coating it until none of the paper remained. She blinked through blurry eyes, swiping away the mane of hair that obstructed her, flinging it over her shoulder.

"M'lady," Usui's voice broke through her bleary torpor and she looked up to see the girls expression. She held concern in her eyes for the young fox, who seemed notably less lively since she changed her appearance. "Would you like me to put your hair up for you?" She asked kindly, adding a smile to sweeten the request. Kasumi gave a slight nod, and the young demoness quickly hurried behind the tired kit and knelt behind her. She started separating her hair, and a peaceful silence fell between the two girls as Kasumi tried focusing on the task Sesshomaru had given her. She was to complete it before he returned around dinner time. "You have such lovely hair, Lady Kasumi." Usui said, breaking the silence of her mind, and Kasumi gave a weak smile in return. "It's a shame Lord Sesshomaru has you hiding the original color. I loved the mixture."

"He insisted upon it. Said I can't look to familiar… Whatever that means." She rolled her eyes, shedding some light on her annoyance that Usui quickly picked up on.

"It must be tiring, m'lady. Keeping up an illusion all the time like this. You look terribly exhausted." The motions of Usui's hands slowed a tad, but she still proceeded to braid her hair and move it up to place into a loose chignon*.

"I'm fine," She said smoothly. "I've had to do this all my life. I don't know what made me think I would have to change that now…" She sighed heavily, and felt Usui's hands on her shoulders as she finished with her hair. The touch was warm, and reassuring and Kasumi felt herself relax. "I just… I've been so weak lately… I haven't felt much of my demon powers until recently. I don't really understand why though… I just need to get used to holding the illusion and barrier up again. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"You'd be better if you ate more, m'lady." Usui gestured to the tray of nearly untouched food, and Kasumi felt her stomach churn.

"I can't eat anymore, Usui." Kasumi said, trying to refocus on her task in an effort to ignore Usui's concern.

"You've been here almost three months and haven't eaten nearly enough to live off of. You're still all skin and bones, m'lord can't possibly introduce you to the house when you are as weak as you are." Usui said, moving to sit beside Kasumi.

"How do you know that isn't my plan?" The Kit looked down at the demoness only to be met with a strong look of disapproval. She felt the laughter building before she could stop it, and she slapped the table in an attempt to keep the boisterous noise under control, failing none to gracefully. Her laughter was loud and filled the entirety of her study with its warmth, and though the laughter confused Usui, she smiled at seeing the kit filled with so much joy. "I-I'm so sorry," Kasumi finally managed through chortles of mirth. "It's just… that look… It reminded me of my caretaker back home. She used to give me that look all the time." Her laughter died down eventually, and sadness clenched her heart once more, reminding her that her loved one was gone.

"M'lady, it's wonderful to see you laugh this way. You've seemed so terribly sad since you arrived here." Usui spoke sweetly, and Kasumi watched as the girl's expression morphed into a tender joy. "When m'lord brought you here, I feared for the worst. He refused to let anyone else see you. He was so wrought with worry he came to your bedside every day to see your wellbeing." Usui twisted the truth a tad, knowing her lord would back hand her if he heard what she was saying, but there was more truth in there than he realized. "You were a very fast healer too. Especially for a hanyou, m'lady. N-not that that is bad of course." She stammered apologetically before continuing. "You healed within a day of being brought to me, with no help from m'lord, and just from my home remedies. But you were asleep for so long… it was like you had given up on your body. You must have been grief stricken for a strong woman like you to be unwilling to live."

Kasumi swallowed hard, and looked down at her hands. She barely knew this girl and Usui showed a concern for her she hadn't expected in anyone other than her Kyah. "I lost my family." She said softly. "Mother and father both. My caretaker, Kyah… She was like a mother to me and a wretched man shortened her life by his actions. Demons attacked my home and slaughtered everyone in it, father included. I was… kidnapped and near death… treated as a slave by people who 'rescued' me… all because of my desire to live longer. When I learned father died, of course I was upset. Angry that my last image of him had been horrific. I took that anger out on someone who tried to kidnap me… I barely remember what happened, but…" She began to graze over the textbooks that littered her desk. They were almost about the construct of a demon. The basis of their primal instincts was the primary topic in each text, stating that within each demon was a great beast that had its own desires, thoughts and actions. "Reading these, I wonder if it's possible that maybe a hanyou such as myself has this 'beast' these texts bring up." She gestured to them, and Usui watched the defeated look come over her. It was clear to her that her Lady required some insight.

"I can't tell you much about hanyou's m'lady," she began. "However, there were rumors floating around the estate about Lord Sesshomaru's half-brother, Inuyasha. I don't know the details, but his lord fathers blood is powerful, a daiyokai like m'lord. It's possible, I suppose for a hanyou with daiyokai blood in his veins to have a beast of their own. If you have a beast, m'lady, perhaps she is the one that has prevented you from dying."

"You think I may have one?" Kasumi questioned, looking at Usui.

"It's possible. She seems to lie dormant in you, but if you tried reaching out to her, perhaps you'll get the answers you seek." Usui gave a reassuring smile, one Kasumi didn't dwell on as the wheels of her mind began turning. As she once again began to delve into her studies, Usui left her alone, taking away her tray of food and leaving the room.

The morning hours passed her by quickly, and though Usui checked on her often, Kasumi was too distracted to notice her. By the time dinner came, she had finished the final brushes of her work. She sighed contently, when an overwhelming presence sunk into her stomach, and clouded her mind. She swallowed hard, and looked up to see Sesshomaru staring down at her. She couldn't place the emotion she smelled from him, something between annoyance and anger, yet accomplished all the same. And then the reek of death wafted into her nose like an updraft and she plugged it.

"You smell awful," she said, looking away from him as if it would save her nose.

"Tch," he scoffed, walking into the room with Usui behind him, carrying two trays of food and bringing them over to Kasumi's personal rooms. Reluctantly, she followed behind him, ashamed of herself for speaking so freely in front of him. It was like she had no head to mouth filter when he was near. She sat across from him, and stared down at the food in front of her. It was an absurd amount of meat, she couldn't quite place it, but it smelled like boar to her. It overshadowed the rice on her plate, which looked drab in comparison to the steaming pile beside it. The scent actually made her mouth water in delight, and without thinking of her actions, she dug into the meal that had been prepared for them. Usui was ready to correct the lady for eating before Sesshomaru, but the inulord shooed her away. It was only when she was gone did he finally eat himself, but he took a quite satisfaction in watching Kasumi devour what he had killed and cooked for her. She ate as ladylike as possible, but he saw the shimmer of her ravenous demon beneath the surface.

"Your hair is up today," Sesshomaru commented, stopping the kit from eating long enough to look up at him with surprise.

"Y-yes… I'm sorry, my lord. I know it isn't exactly formal but it was getting in the way." Kasumi said softly, and Sesshomaru watched the demon recede beneath her façade.

"Our meals together are meant to be informal." He explained softly and motioned to her food. "Finish eating." He ordered.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly eat anymore, my-" She stopped when she saw him glare at her, and she stared down at her food with a grumble in her stomach.

"You're starving her." He said, and she looked up at him, puzzled by his words. "Today's lesson." He stared off towards her study, before gazing back at her. "What did you learn?"

She paused, pulling at the meat and adding small morsels to her mouth. "Some demons have a second being within them called a beast, and that this beast has its own mind per say… it can, on certain occasions control a demon and take over their every thought, sense and action. The texts describe it as an uncontrollable form not to be reckoned with."

"And?" He pressed, and Kasumi stared up at him, trying to find something in his expression that didn't seem… so noncomforting.

"I learned that your brother Inuyasha has one." She said, taking another bite and using that as an excuse to not say anything as she watched his expression turn sour.

No, it's not his face… it's his scent. As the thought crossed her mind, she noticed immediately that his expression didn't change at all, but she could smell his distaste in the current conversation topic.

"My lord…?" She questioned when he didn't say anything to her. His eyes slightly narrowed and she quickly looked down at her food. She was surprised to see almost everything except the rice on her tray had been devoured. She didn't even remember tasting any of it, but the meat she had been consumed lacked a name for flavor. It had tasted like heaven to her, and gave her a nearly euphoric feeling.

"Your food, did you enjoy it…?" He questioned softly, and Kasumi looked up at him, and nodded.

"Yes, my lord. I did." As she said the words, she smelled pride coming off the inulord, and she felt her cheeks turn warm. Why was she able to tell what he was feeling with just smell?

"What else did you learn?" He asked her, continuing their previous topic.

"I… Well, my lord… I'm not quite sure. It seemed to present more questions than answer any." She explained. He lifted a single, quizzical brow and she elaborated. "The text always talks about full blooded demons, and that daiyokai's are the only ones to have this side of them… and that lesser demons are… how should I put this… lesser demons are a diluted version of the beast daiyokai's express." She started thinking back the parchment in her study, which had all the questions she wanted to ask written down. She didn't even write down what he asked of her and she smiled a little at it. "I was thinking… If my lords half-brother can display a beast of his own in the right environment, can other hanyou's do the same? Or is it limited to the ones parented by the daiyokai?"

He closed his eyes as she explained her questions, his mind drifting off momentarily to think of the time his brother would be overtaken by their fathers' blood and become a monster without thought or care, but only if he didn't have the Tenseiga at his side. Then his mind wandered off to seeing the tiny kit before him fight off against a lesser demon and eventually killing him. She seemed to hold no recollection of the fight, and Inuyasha never remembered what happened to him, as far as Sesshomaru knew. Despite that one particular similarity, it seemed Kasumi had had more control over her actions than Inuyasha. She had specifically gone after the man who tried to take her, and left Sesshomaru alone. He wanted to say it was because she must have sensed she would lose against him, but at the same time, just from the look he got into her eyes that day, she seemed to believe she would die during her fight. So it begged the question to him, what was the difference between the two hanyous?

"My lord?" Kasumi's delicate voice broke him out his thoughts and he opened his eyes to gaze upon her. She had a curious look in her eyes, mixed with questions and uncertainty, and he could smell her concern and fear for what she saw as the unknown.

"I can't answer that," he eventually mused. "There aren't many daiyokai's that have hanyou children. I know that there has to be others, but the two I know of are you and Inuyasha. With that being said, there are significant differences between the two of you."

"Differences like what?" Kasumi asked him, and he felt a slight smile tug at the corner of his lips he forced down. His words and reassured her enough the concern and fear in her scent had mitigated.

"The conditions in which the two of you shift, for instance. Inuyasha seems to only do it while separated from the sword our father left him while he's about to die. You however…" He trailed off. "Well, why don't you tell me. What do you remember feeling that day?"

"What I was feeling…" She trailed off as she tried to recall the powerful emotions she experienced. "I was sad. I learned the truth of father's… Lord Ishikawa's death… I was… I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like giving up. That was when I was taken and then I just felt anger. All I remembered was anger. Knowledge that I would likely die, but I wasn't going to go down without fighting. I…" She trailed off. "While separated from my home, I suppose I could say I met with several fates that left me with the desire to just want to curl up and die. But then out of nowhere, something would surge through me that screamed it wanted me to live, no matter what it took."

"Your beast, you do have one. She comes out in your strong desires it seems. One of those strong desires is to live." He pointed to her tray. "To sustain itself, to sustain you. Most pups don't experience the dangers you have at their age. They stay with their families, who guard and protect them. The need for survival isn't strong within them, because their parents survive for them, provide for them. You were taken away from your security. Your beast acted on instinctual survival. She had the strong desire to return you home, so that you can be protected again. Once she lost that safety-"

"She acted out…" She said softly. She thought to herself, considering all of what Sesshomaru had said to her. She had a beast all her own, that protected her even when Kasumi didn't want her too. She almost smiled at the thought, however bittersweet it tasted in her mouth. "I'm my own guardian." She chuckled, the soft sound lifting Sesshomarus ears. "So with my father- Lord Ishikawa passed, I lost what my security."

Sesshomaru nodded approvingly once she had picked up what he was explaining to her, a sense of pride welling in him at how quickly she learned. He squashed that emotion down, and in an attempt to distract his mind he shifted his sitting position a little.

"If that's the case… then why is it that when I met Lord Tomosue… I couldn't bring myself to talk to him? Why did I feel scared?" Kasumi asked him, and Sesshomaru had to consider his words carefully.

"You've never truly met him. It's not unusual for a kit to be scared of a daiyokai. Even if it's their own blood. We radiate power that makes other demons shake. You've never known the man as a father… the likely scenario with your beast is that she doesn't know security with a man she doesn't know." He explained, and watched Kasumi puzzle through her thoughts.

"Then why am I not scared of you, my lord?" She questioned quietly.

Sesshomaru fell silent. He couldn't answer the question right away, he hadn't expected the question to begin with. It's not like he was nice to her. In fact, over the last two months, he's probably pissed her off more times that he could count on one hand. He told her he was making her an intended, but didn't explain to her what that meant, and told Usui to keep her trap shut or he'd kill her. That had been enough to entice the rage of the tiny kit, but it eventually died down. And because he was going to announce her as his intended, he had make outward appearances about it too. This one he knew she hated more than anything, simply because for a solid three weeks he stuck to her side like glue. He traded all of her clothes in for ones that had his scent on them, spent every free minute he had walking into her rooms without announcement, going as deep as her bedroom and even covering her futon with his scent. He did everything possible so that people would realize that she was his property and if anyone touched her they had him to deal with. He also had to make sure she was sustaining herself too. Once he learned she wasn't eating, he had to go out and go hunt for her food himself and then prepare it too. After all, mate's had to provide for each other, and this was how he was supposed to provide for her. Everyone else would assume he was serious about the hanyou with just these small actions. For a brief moment, he thought he was taking it too seriously, but after watching her devour her meal, he was satisfied with what he was doing for her.

He closed his eyes, and Kasumi took it that he didn't plan on answering her. She poked at her food, pushing the rice aside and looking towards the window in the room. It was full, indicating that half a month had flown by for her again without her knowing. Quiet settled between them, and Kasumi didn't feel the need to fill the air with her thoughts, when something suddenly slammed into the forefront of her mind.

"Safety." She said. "You said my beast requires safety, because its still a pup, right?" She asked. He opened his eyes to watch her, and was a little surprised to see the light shining in her gem orbs. "When I was being held captive, I was very conscious of the time I was with them. Not a day went by where I didn't know how long I was with them. When I'm here… I hardly notice it's passing. Because I feel safe here. I don't feel like I'm being threatened… or that I have to try and be something I'm not. The worst you make me do is hide my hair and fur colors." That and annoy her half to death but she kept that to herself, as the sudden realization calmed her.

Sesshomaru watched her, seeing and smelling the girls serenity and feeling himself relax, not even realizing he had been tense to begin with. Again, a sense of pride clouded his thoughts, and he growled in his efforts to squash it. Kasumi heard it and she quickly closed in on herself. "I-I'm sorry, my lord. I didn't mean to upset you." She said, bowing her head to him apologetically, and he growled again as seeing her lower herself. He stood up quickly and left the room without saying anything to her, leaving the door open for Usui to come in. She did so, and without hesitating her speaking to her lord or lady, took their trays away and left, leaving Kasumi with a strange ache in her chest.

Chignon: Up do hairstyle not to be mistaken for a bun! Its a knot or coil of hair at the back of a woman's neck. Usually held up with hair pins and other hair ornaments in the edo period

AN:

Guest reviewer:

Just a fair warning to you before you begin reading my response to you: I'm kind of an asshole. Well not kind of, I'm a huge asshole, and while I freaking love getting ALL TYPES OF REVIEWS (because honestly, my friends only ever give me the good stuff), I also have a huge problem with what you said, and not because it's negative. Again, let me stress this, I appreciate all sorts of reviews and constructive criticism, but for lack of a better way to explain it, I don't think it's constructive. I think you're more confused.

Now I get what youre saying but I'm wondering how much paying attention you did while reading this? The first several chapters are essentially background for Kasumi, and explaining how She winds up with Sesshomaru. I know that tends to be a huge middle finger to everyone because WOW all those chapters for a background. The real story doesn't actually start (in other words, the plot) until around chapter twelve. Yeah I know, it's a pain, and it's a little sporadic at times but that's why I've been posting three chapters a week, so everyone can get to the actual plot of the story. (Which I know I haven't explained until now).

And again, I don't think you've paid attention? Have you met a child before? Do you have any idea how chaotic their emotions can be sometimes? Granted, it ain't always like that with certain children depending on how their raised, but literally every child has their moments in life. So mingle the emotions of a child with the hyperactivity of a fox (by the way, have you seen a fox that wasn't hyper? One that wasn't old?) and add a dash of repressed childhood tendencies, things can get crazy.

I'll try and break this down so it's easy for you and anyone else who has the same feelings about Kasumi and how she "acts out of character". She doesn't act out of character. There's two parts to her, as with most people, but let's keep our focus on demons. For example: Inuyasha is an asshole. Doesn't matter if you like his character or not, he's a butthole and we all know it. Because he has a strong sense of demon pride. He's old, experienced a lot of backlash from humans and demons alike, and he's an asshole because it's how he protects himself. But god damn it, someone even looks at his friends wrong, he is right up someone's asshole with a torch ready to light it on fire.

There's two sides to him. Asshole, and overprotective friend.

Now take into account Kasumi's history for a second. She's never been allowed to act like a child. Ever. The times she has have been sparse and sporadic and has gotten her into trouble and at times gotten her out of it too.

Now, think about Shippo. How old do you think he is, exactly? Some sources say fifty, some say seven. But let's take into account how long it can take a demon to age, and Shippo is a full fledged demon. He looks seven, acts seven, but whose to say he isn't actually fifty?

Kasumi is 18 right about now. Physically. Doesn't change the fact that half of her is fox and the other half is only 18 years old.

Now I know, in the series we don't have a point of reference, so because of that, I'm coming up with my own theory. How long do you think it took Inuyasha to mature? And if you think about it, he's still pretty immature, but that I'm sure has to do with the no parenting thing after Izayoi died. So who is to say that Kasumi can't have the body of an 18 year old, the trained mannerisms and professionalism of a noblewoman (because let's face it, there has to be some part of her that holds the human maturity she was taught growing up), and still on occasion have the sporadic, perhaps even instinctual need to act like a seven year old? In the very first chapter, if you recall, Kasumi is 14 and It clearly says in there she still sometimes behaves like a seven year old.

So again, we come back to the big question: have you actually seen a child or been around one long enough to figure out they can "act out of character"? Because, let's face it. You can have the sweetest child, the kindest child, the most well behaved child, and there's always going to be a moment where they don't act themselves. Because they experience emotions differently than adults do, because they are kids, and feeling those emotions and expressing them is what they are supposed to do.

Now, after all this, I really hope you don't take offense to my blunt response. I will admit of course there's not a whole lot of clarity in this, and I hope that this chapter, and this response to your review sheds some light for you and makes it easier to understand. And I will say this one more time just so you're aware... IM NOT MAD FOR CRITICISM I PROMISE. I need stuff like that because I have idiot friends who only tell me nice things. Granted neither one of them reads a whole lot...

but reviews like yours is what drives me. Because I didn't even have an idea for this chapter till I read your review, so thank you, for the inspiration. I appreciate it, I really do.