Kitty breezed in through the door and unceremoniously dropped her purse on the floor. It was her day off, and she'd been expecting to spend it relaxing. Little did she know, her lunch date with Rogue would be completely exhausting. She'd figured that the obnoxious "new couple" phase was limited to time actually spent together, but she'd apparently been dead wrong. Rogue had spent the entire time gushing about Remy, and all of the apparently "cute" idiosyncrasies he has, which up until a month ago were driving her up a wall. Kitty had considered gently reminding Rogue that she does in fact live with this man, and that she most certainly did not need to hear about Remy's obnoxious habits, but had eventually decided to let Rogue spout of about how cute he is when he eats with his mouth open, and how funny it is that he gets up to pee 25 times a night.
After all, if she and Piotr had been open with their relationship, chances are she'd be just as obnoxious.
When she got home to the predictably empty apartment shortly after lunch, she decided that she needed a nice mundane activity to help her wind down. She went to her room and changed into her comfortable sweat pants before pulling out the box of nail polish she'd accumulated through the years, deciding that a nice mani/pedi seemed relaxing. She set about trying to decide which colour to go with; On the one hand, October had just started, which would mean that she was entirely justified going with something incredibly autumnal like orange. On the other hand, she knew perfectly well that orange would look horrific against her skin, not to mention clash with all of her clothing, but on the other hand, there really was only one month of the year she could justify orange nail polish.
After a good fifteen minutes of weighing out her nail options, she decided to go with a more conservative soft pink for her finger nails, and sparkly neon orange on her toes. She brought her supplies out with her to the living room, deciding that her best work station would likely be at the island counter in the kitchen. Remy would be appalled that she was putting her bare feet up on the counter that he eats off of, but she justified her decision by telling herself that the counter would be much easier to clean if she had an accidental spill.
Of course, with this idea came one rather large obstacle, in the form of the huge home intercom system which had been sitting on the counter for the past week. Either Piotr or Pyro had taken all of the parts out of the box and had begun going through the instructions, but never actually got around to actively installing the thing, which meant that it had just been sitting there, blatantly in the way, and nobody had bothered to move it, or you know, install it.
Kitty pursed her lips as she stared at the box before eventually letting out a deep breath and making a last minute change of plans. She hated doing her nails anyway, it took far too long and the results were always mediocre at best. So she would install this home intercom system instead, and show Pyro up, and help poor Piotr out, who had only agreed to the installation at another attempt at providing for her. She found the instructions in the bottom of the box and began flipping through, discovering that Pyro had neglected to mention that this was a wireless intercom system, which meant that it really should be an absolute breeze for her to figure out.
Technology was her forte. She'd have this thing done in a heartbeat.
She got to work, quickly scanning over the instructions before plugging the first intercom into the outlet right there in the kitchen as she quietly muttered to herself about how ridiculously easy this was going to be. After it was plugged in, she flicked it on as she began reading about the different channels available and how to choose the proper channel, when she started to hear vague, distorted words through the static. She knit her brow and flicked to the next channel and the voices suddenly became much more clear.
"Great." She grumbled with an eye roll, "This stupid thing doesn't even work right."
She looked back at the instructions to see if there was some type of troubleshooting guide for what to do if the intercom is picking up phone calls from the neighbours, when she distinctly heard the word "Sexy."
It was morbid curiosity which made her put the instructions down and turn her attention back to the intercom, turning the volume up just in time to hear a man with an unappealing, whiny sounding voice ask,
"Would you wear women's shoes for me?"
"Oh, of course I would." Another man rumbled, and Kitty let out a laugh. A pang of guilt struck her as she realized that she really shouldn't be eavesdropping on an obviously private conversation, until the second man said, "But you only paid for ten minutes..."
"That's fine, just..." The first man with the whiny voice sighed, "Just bill me for another ten."
Kitty scrunched up her nose as it occurred to her that she wasn't just listening to a private conversation, but she was listening to a phone sex conversation. A professional phone sex conversation.
"What kind of shoes do you like?" The second man interrupted Kitty's train of thought, getting right back down to business.
"Ohhh..." The whiny man sighed, "Platform heels. Would you wear platform heels for me?"
She wanted to stop listening, but it was far too entertaining. She couldn't help but wonder which one of her neighbours this whiny man was, and why exactly he needed to call into a sex phone line to talk about ladies shoes in the middle of the day. So rather than shut the intercom off, she dropped her elbow onto the counter and propped her chin up with her fist, and turned the volume up a little more.
"I love platform heels." The second man replied in a low throaty tone, "I'm gunna slip my feet into these red platform heels-"
"Pink." Whiny interrupted, "Pink suede. With..." He cleared his throat awkwardly, "With rhinestones on the heel."
"Oh yes, of course. Those shoes. I have those ones right here."
"I wanna watch you vacuum in them." Whiny man said quickly.
"You wanna watch me work in them, hmm?" Second man said with a chuckle, "Alright then, I'll just walk over your closet there, I hope I don't trip in these heels, I'm not used to wearing them."
"Oh yeah, is it hard to walk?" Whiny guy said with a creepy level of enthusiasm.
"It's so hard..."
Kitty held her breath to stop herself from laughing, deciding that this intercom thing wasn't such a dumb investment after all.
"Turn that vacuum on." Whiny guy instructed, and to Kitty's surprise the sound of a vacuum whirred to life through the intercom, and sounded far louder than she would have expected.
"How's this, am I doin' a good job?" The guy in the imaginary pink suede shoes asked over the vacuum sound.
Whiny guy groaned in response and Kitty grimaced, beginning to wonder if she'd reached the point where listening in was no longer a wise decision, when her attention was momentarily distracted from the disgusting trajectory of the phone call by the strange sound of that vacuum. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but it sounded too clear. Like she was experiencing surround sound. She angled her head and glanced absently down the hall when the deep voice came back and pulled her back in,
"Maybe I need to move some furniture out of the way."
"Do you use the attachments?" The Whiny man asked breathlessly.
The shoe fellow let out a low chuckle, "Johnny Thunder uses all of the attachments-"
"Ew." Kitty flicked the intercom off, deciding that the mention of attachments of any sort was her cut off point, before rolling that name around in her head for a moment "Johnny Thunder...?" She paused and knit her brow at the intercom, turning it back on momentarily to hear,
"-It gets right down in the crevasses. D'ya like that?"
"Oh my God!" Kitty cried out, ripping the intercoms power cord from the wall. With the intercoms power source cut off, she suddenly realized that she could still hear the low hum of the vacuum, and the final puzzle piece fell into its horrible place. "Oh my GOD!"
She jumped up off the stool with the disabled intercom in her hand and raced to the hall, phasing through the first door without even bothering to stop and knock.
"Pyro?!"
He had been sitting in his desk chair, with his feet kicked up on the desk next to his laptop and an expensive looking phone headset on his head, tossing a small ball up into the air with the vacuum idling noisily next to him. When she'd burst into his room suddenly, he missed catching the little red ball, and the two of them stared silently at one another.
"Kitty!? What-" He stopped himself, pressing his lips into a thin line and shooting out a breath, "Uh... shoe problem there, mate. Be right back." He tapped his ear quickly, dropping his feet to the floor and turning back to her with a scowl, "What are you doing?! Get out!"
"This is your job?! This is Johnny Thunder?!" Kitty cried out in horror, she stomped over to the vacuum and ripped the cord out of the wall, "Do you just have the vacuum on standby for sick calls like this?! What... I don't even..."
"You were spying!" Pyro shouted, jabbing an accusatory finger towards Kitty with a dangerous scowl, "I can't believe you'd stoop so low, Pryde-"
"I wasn't syping," Kitty snapped, "I didn't even know you were home. I was trying to install this stupid piece of crap-" She held up the intercom, "-and picked up your phone call, and now I need to find some way to scrub my brain clean, Johnny Thunder." Kitty looked off into the distance as a new wave of horror washed over her, "Oh God, Tabby knew... how did Tabby know?"
Pyro chuckled and leaned back in his seat smugly, "Well, not all of my customers are men, ya know."
Kitty's face twisted up and she slapped her hands over her ears, "No! Oh God, ew no!"
"Relax. It ain't that big of a deal." He rolled his eyes irritably and Kitty crossed her arms skeptically,
"You're a phone prostitute-"
"-I'm a phone actor." Pyro clarified quickly, "It's just acting! It pays the bills, Kit, that's all."
"If that's really all then why all the mystery?" Kitty scoffed, "You're obviously ashamed-"
"I'm not ashamed." Pyro snapped, cutting her off before she could finish her thought, "Look, I only started doin' it to research my novel."
Kitty gawked at him blankly for a moment before blurting, "Novel?!"
"Yeah, I've tryin' to write an erotic novel for months." He explained, lifting a little blue notebook off the desk by his laptop and tossing it to her, "I figured this would help me nail down some lingo, and I'd make a few bucks."
Kitty flipped the notebook open and instantaneously blushed bright red, thoroughly embarrassed by the material Pyro had written down during his time on the job, "Oh wow." She snapped the book shut and bit her lip, "Holy crap."
"Good stuff, eh?" He grinned, and she handed him back the blue notebook.
"It's very explicit."
He seemed to take this as a compliment and leaned back in his chair again, propping his feet back up on the desk, "Anyway, it just started out as a temporary gig, but as it turns out, I'm pretty damn good."
She grimaced at the thought and shook her head, "...Really?"
"Damn straight! I got fans an' everything! Everyone wants a piece of the Thunder from down under." He informed her with a wink, "It's just that... Even though it's just acting an' everything, I know the guys would give me a hard time about it. Especially over my male customers. I'm not gay."
"Uh, okay." Kitty nodded as she pressed the back of her hand against her cheek, "Is it hot in here?"
"Y'know, so what if I have to make blowie sound effects over the phone for some Doctor in Chicago to get his rocks off. I make a buck a minute! Just for sittin' around on my ass, eatin' lollypops and pretending to vacuum in heels now an' then."
"Isn't it like... degrading?" Kitty asked with a frown, sitting down on the edge of his bed with the intercom on her lap, "You're basically letting these people use you."
"Just my voice." He shrugged, "And a lot of the time, people just call in to talk. They wanna have the boyfriend experience, and complain to someone about their crappy day. They're just lonely, is all. And I'm really good at pretending to care. Besides, you get over feelin' dirty about it after you get your first paycheck." He sighed and rolled his eyes, "Just promise me this is gunna stay between us, alright? Please? I got a good thing goin' here. I'm sure you can appreciate the value of secrecy now an' then."
She couldn't argue with him there, considering the secret tryst she was having under that very roof, she could certainly understand the importance of discretion.
"I guess. Yeah, your... horrible, disgusting secret is safe with me." Kitty pressed her lips into a thin line and let out a breath, "Wait, does that mean you're just pretending to care when I talk to you about my day?"
"Oh, no. Not at all. It's all real with you, baby." He gave her a wink and puckered his lips, "You're special."
She let out a groan and rolled her eyes, "Gross."
"Just be glad I don't charge ya for the boyfriend experience, you get me for free."
"Lucky me."
"Now if ya don't mind, I gotta get back to work. You don't get named employee of the month three months runnin' by sittin' around talkin'." He smiled and let out a laugh, "Technically I do, I guess."
Kitty muttered under her breath as she stood up and made her way towards his bedroom door, "Oh, wait. What am I supposed to do with the intercom? I'm guessing you don't actually want to keep it anymore, since it... picks up your... calls."
"Oh yeah that." Pyro said absently as he pulled his headset back on, "Just throw it in the trash."
"What?! Don't you have the receipt or whatever?! These things are expensive!"
"Please." He snorted, kicking back in his seat again with his feet back up on the desk, "I made that much in one call."
She rolled her eyes and muttered something unintelligible under her breath before tossing the unwanted intercom onto Pyro's unmade bed. "Show off."
"Remember, this is our little secret, right?" Pyro asked one more time as she turned to leave, just to hammer his point home.
"Yeah yeah, I know." She waved his concern off and rolled her eyes, "But you owe me big time, mister."
"Sure. Call in sometime, I'll give you a discount." He wagged his eyebrows and gave her a wink.
Kitty grimaced in return, "No thanks."
"Your loss, Sheila." He chuckled as she left his room, shutting the door firmly behind her, feeling a mixture between disgust and despair over her loss of innocence.
Ignorance truly was bliss.
Two long years of waiting! Was it worth it? Did you guess? Will Kitty be able to resist phoning in? Tune in next time to find out!