Snippet 97

Disengaged Salem

Genre: Humor

Pairs: Former Bitch and Bastard (Ozpin/Salem)

Parody: RWBY

AU-Type: Canon-esque AU

Tags: A timeline where Salem's a Chaotic Neutral, She's disengaged with the plot, Immortality leads to Hedonism, Watts accidentally saved the world, Tyrian and Hazel are not a part of Salem's circle, Origin Story

Arthur Watts knew what he was doing in joining Salem in ending humanity. However, his actions accidentally saved humanity and he will have to live with the fact he accidentally saved it. It all started with him leaving a video game out. Salem had not really gotten involved in what humanity was doing and had no idea what advances they had made in entertainment. Salem found that game and she was hooked. From there, Watts had not completely realized a downward spiral. She started going out to explore Remnant. Then she got into the food. She had not properly eaten in years, and the taste of new foods was intoxicating. Especially snacks. Watts found her ravenously consuming them and ordering him to get her more. Then, she got access to television and Watts found himself kept as the IT guy. Salem had been on her way to having no interest in being Queen of Grimm. However, it was at the end of the year that Watts saw it.

Watts had a few reports on possible new members for her team. Tyrian Callows was a rising star in the Church of Salem being a church deacon having sacrifices done in her name. The mad church would be perfect for canon fodder to counter Ozpin's huntsmen. Hazel Reinhart was also a strong contender seeing he had a grudge against Ozpin for his sister's death. Arthur strode through the halls find the room that Salem in the castle she began to occupy more often. She had said that this was her personal space, and Watts never bothered to enter thinking it was some torture chamber. Today, he was feeling ballsy, and he entered. He wished he hadn't.

The surroundings had a distinct smell of sweat hiding the smell of lavender and junk food. A few wrappers were on the floor. A large seventy-inch plasma screen television hung on the wall over an entertainment center with all the appliances one would need to relax. Shelves were each side of the television lined with DVDs, CDs, game discs, cartridges, and the like. A fridge and snack bar were set up in one corner. Bean bag chairs were aplenty, but Salem lain on a whole black leather couch. A coffee table was near her littered with the "essentials". Remote control, game controllers, drinks, and a bowl of chips.

Then Watts looked at Salem who looked quite different. Her white hair was down making her look relaxed and she looked a lot fuller than before. When he met her, she was bony and rather thin, but he had a feeling the junk food had a hand in it. She was not even wearing her usual robe instead wearing a soft black shirt with a white Grimm skull was a tad small for her straining to contain her chest and a pair of black gym shorts. Then Watts' eyes bugged out of his skull as he realized that the Grimm Queen…was in the midst of a bit of "flicking the bean" to a Mistralian hentai with lots of tentacles. Before she could notice he was there, he bolted now realizing that smell was more than sweat. Watts probably would have fainted if Salem had decided to break down on the toys. It was the slow realization that Salem's hatred of humanity was waning. He had to wait for her to finish, and she came out to get the reports from Watts.

"Absolutely not." Salem said tossing the papers aside. "I won't have children sacrificed in my name. And as for Hazel, why would someone want to work for me considering it's technically my and Ozpin's fault her sister's dead? What's stopping someone from pointing this out?"

"Do you even care about defeating Ozpin, or destroying humanity, or even getting the relics?" Watts asked.

"Why should I?" Salem said with a shrug. "Humanity is pretty much fighting each other. Can't even get along with faunus whose only difference is an animal part. Nah…I don't really care for that."

Watts had no words. Just a blank stare….for Salem before saying he was going to do lie down a bit. He stumbled into his room with a bottle of rum. Watts would drink that whole bottle mumbling words of shock. He had turned the feared immortal Queen of the Immortal into an immortal otaku slacker who'd rather eat chips.

(A/N: This AU was something that I came up with in a Salem-centric Discord group. A version of Salem that's not interested in the plot. This is a bit of an origin piece to the set up for Salem's woman cave. There is going to be a second part to explain how Cinder falls into this.)