Pyro was on a mission. He was going to finish his novel. After opening up to Kitty about his erotic novel ambitions, it had been weighing heavily on his mind. He'd let himself fall behind, getting caught up in the easy money of his part time job, shifting his focus and priorities and putting his novel on the back burner. He'd started working the phones for inspiration, an attempt to broaden his steamy vocabulary, only to wind up stuck in a rut of weird fetishes. Not to mention all that breathy moaning was beginning to take it's toll on his vocal chords. So he decided once and for all to really buckle down and get to work, setting a vague goal for himself to finish ten pages by the end of the week. He'd set up his laptop at the coffee shop around the corner from the apartment, a little independent place named Beanz, and went to work, taking advantage of the establishments free wifi and incredibly strong coffee.
He was two pages, and countless cups of coffee in, when he realized the downside to working from a coffee shop where one was expected to be a paying customer in order to use the free wifi. Making matters worse, Beanz did not have restroom available for customers to use. He felt like telling the barista that he'd never been denied bathroom access at Starbucks, but natures call was becoming increasingly impossible to ignore, and so he begrudgingly packed up his laptop before scurrying back to the apartment.
He had hoped of course, that Kitty and Piotr were still out on their driving lesson, but when he stepped inside, the sound of the shower running in the bathroom down the hall burst his bubble.
And quite nearly his bladder.
He tossed his laptop carelessly onto the sofa and made a beeline for the bathroom and banged on the door with the side of his fist as if his life depended on it.
"Pete! Is that you in there mate?!" He called out desperately, praying a silent prayer that it wasn't Kitty occupying the bathroom, lest he be forced to use the kitchen sink. Again.
There was a thump sound from the shower and a moment of silence Piotr finally replied with a simple, "Yes."
Pyro let out a relieved sigh and twisted the door knob, shoving the door open without hesitation, "Thank GOD." He zipped his fly down on his way to the toilet, "If I had to wait for Kitty, I think I woulda died."
He heard a foot squeak against the bottom of the tub and another dull thump, "What are you doing?!"
"Sorry mate, had to drain the lizard." He said, before letting out a long sigh of relief.
"Could you not hold it?!" Piotr bit out angrily from the other side of the shower curtain.
"No! Obviously this is an emergency! I barely even made it back here in time, an' if that door woulda been locked I would have had to go in the kitchen sink again. An' I think we remember how that was received last time." He chuckled with a little snort and continued, "Remy ripped out the sink, remember? He pulled the whole damn sink out and put a new one in. An' I ain't payin' for another new kitchen sink. Not this time. I guess I could have gone in an empty bottle... but then you gotta worry about overflow and spillage, y'know?"
He could have sworn he heard Piotr whispering in there, but then again it could have been the pipes hissing in this shitty old apartment,
"Are you still with me, mate?"
A sharp smack sound followed by yet another thump caused Pyro to knit his brow, and wonder exactly what Piotr was doing in that damn shower.
"Huh? Yes, just... hurry up." Piotr snapped.
"Yeah yeah," Pyro rolled his eyes as he zipped himself back up and stepped over to the sink, "Relax would ya? I'm just washin' my hands and then I'll be out of your hair, an' you can go back to rubbin' one out."
Piotr let out an irritated sigh, "I am not-"
Another thump.
"I'm not judgin' mate, just don't tell Kitty, she gets all pissy when I do that in the "communal shower"." Pyro said as he happily twisted the faucet on, pumping out some soap and letting the warm water spill over his hands as he scrubbed them together. And then suddenly, the warm water turned ice cold.
"Shit, what happened to the hot-"
Pyro's question was interrupted by a sharp, high pitched gasp from the other side of the shower curtain followed by the sound of shampoo bottles clattering against the bottom of the tub. His eyes flicked over to the shower and he knit his brow,
"You alright in there, Pete?" He asked with a smirk.
"Uh..." Piotr began hesitantly, twisting the faucet off to stop the stream of cold water, "Yes. The cold water surprised me."
"You screamed like a girl." Pyro snorted.
"Yes. I guess I did." Piotr replied with a strained laugh. "It is that damn hot water heater again..."
"We'll take a look at it when you get outta there." Pyro dried his hands on his jeans and stepped out into the hall, pulling the closet door open to peer in at the appliance. It didn't look broken, but he wasn't exactly Mr. Fix-It. He pressed his lips together thoughtfully as he appraised the situation before stepping into the closet and flipping the tool box open, finding some sort of wrench to use. He turned back to the water heater and gave it a few smacks, when he noticed Piotr in the hallway, pulling a blue shirt over his head.
"Clearly that stolen part didn't fix it, eh?" He said over his shoulder with a snort as he clanked away at a pipe.
"Uh, yeah." He chuckled as he brushed a hand through his wet hair, "I guess not. You should take a look at it. It is obvious that I do not know how to fix it."
Pyro dropped his wrench and shrugged, turning back to a slightly agitated looking Piotr, "I think we should just hire some- Kitty?" His train of thought was lost when he caught sight of the petite brunette speed walking past the door. He knit his brow at her when she stopped at the sound of his voice, cursing under her breath and forcing a smile at him from over her shoulder.
"Oh hey, Pyro-"
"Why is your hair all wet...?" He frowned, letting his eyes drop down to her attire- or lack there of, finally noticing that she was wearing nothing more than an oversized mens t-shirt. "Where are your clothes?!"
She blinked at him and then uttered an airy laugh with a blase hand flip, "Funny story... so... I was walking down the street with... a pizza. In my hand. And then it started raining. So I-"
"Wait, why didn't you just pick the pizza up when you were out for your drive?" Pyro interrupted before narrowing his eyes suspiciously, "An' I was just outside, it ain't raining."
Kitty and Piotr exchanged a look before Piotr cleared his throat, "Must just be... those isolated rain showers."
"Yes!" Kitty agreed enthusiastically, "Super localized... weather systems..."
"What?" Pyro furrowed his brow and turned to Piotr skeptically, "What is going on here?! You're both acting-"
He stopped himself suddenly, looking back at Kitty as his face morphed slowly into terrible realization as the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place in his mind. "You were in the shower. You were in the shower with him!" He looked back up at Piotr in horror, "You were doin' it! You were shower doin' it?!" His wide eyes darted back to Kitty and he jabbed a finger towards her, "With her?!"
Piotr shook his head and opened his mouth in an attempt to deny Pyro's accusations, but was only able to come up with a pathetic, "... Maybe..."
"Oh my God..." Pyro ran his hands through his hair, "I can't- what are you thinkin' mate?!" He asked, turning his wild eyes to Piotr, "Are you crazy?!"
"Hey!" Kitty protested defensively.
"Don't take it personally, Sheila, I'm sure you're a lovely piece of ass, but don't you have a new girlfriend?!" Pyro flicked a hand towards Piotr with a frown.
"Yes, I do..." Piotr replied, shifting his glance back to Kitty.
"So then what are you doing playin' don't drop the soap with this one?!" Pyro snapped, "For shame, Piotr Bartholomew Rasputin!"
"That is not my name." Piotr began with a frown, "And I do have a new girlfriend..." He finished with a pointed look.
Pyro stared at him dumbly for a moment before giving his head a slow shake, "I know..." He said slowly, "And I'm sayin', I didn't take you as the double dippin' type."
"Gross!" Kitty grimaced.
"Hey, don't give me that look, you two are the ones bein' gross!" Pyro snapped, turning back to Piotr to add, "I just don't think it's fair. You get yourself an Amazon woman an' that ain't good enough?! Leave some for the rest of us, Comrade!"
"There is no Amazon woman, Pyro." Piotr explained, quickly growing short on patience, "Kitty is my new girlfriend."
The anger disappeared from Pyro's face and his eyes grew distant and glazed over while he tried to process everything that was happening, "But... the blonde. What happened to the blonde?! I saw her! At the bar that night, she was there, I'm not imagining this... right...?"
Piotr gave his eyes a roll, "Yes, there was a blonde, but-"
"An' you gave that up for this?!" Pyro threw a hand at Kitty again.
"Um, excuse me?" Kitty scowled.
"Come on, Sheila. You saw her yourself; She was a ten." Pyro stated matter-of-factly, "You ain't bad or anything, but when you get a choice between Veronica and Betty, you don't pick the Betty."
Kitty scoffed and gave her eyes a roll, muttering, "She was not a ten... She was like, a six, with really good makeup. Also, Archie did pick Betty. Plenty of times."
"As he should." Pyro scoffed, "That Veronica was bad news."
Kitty squinted at him and shook her head in bewilderment, "What?! That doesn't even make sense, you just said-"
"I did not give anything up." Piotr spoke up, sensing that the argument was only going to get worse, "She was very attractive, obviously, but she was not... who I wanted." He glanced over to Kitty with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, and she grinned back coyly, causing Pyro to sneer in disgust.
"Ugh, gross. I get it. Quit with the bedroom eyes, would ya?" " He ran a hand over his face and gave his head a shake, "I can't wait 'till Remy gets home-"
"You can't tell him!" Kitty blurted out quickly, "You can't tell anyone!"
Pyro's shoulders sagged and he dropped his head back to look up at the ceiling, "Aww come on! I can't keep this a secret!"
"I am sure you can manage." Piotr knit his brow and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Please Pyro." Kitty said, clasping her hands together in front of her, "We're just not... we're not ready for..." She shot out a sharp breath and squared her jaw, "It'll change everything once they find out."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's already changed, Kitty." Pyro replied dryly. "I dunno. I don't think I'll be able to keep somethin' this big a secret without some type of incentive-"
"You want incentive?" Kitty crossed her arms and quirked a brow, "Johnny Thunder?"
Pyro lifted his chin as they stared at one another for a long moment before he narrowed his eyes and said, "Well played."
"Johnny Thunder? What is that?" Piotr frowned, glancing between the two of them who were still participating in a stare down.
"It's nothing." Kitty said before her eyebrows perked up, "Right, Pyro?"
"Right." He glowered, "For the record, I was just gunna ask for the blonde chick's number." He turned back to Piotr and gave him a nod, "I mean, I assume you kept it, right? I wonder if she's still available... what's it been a few weeks...?"
"It has almost been three months." Piotr replied, "I doubt she is still available."
Kitty snorted, "Whatever. She's probably like, always available. She's probably super desperate."
Piotr pressed his lips together into a smirk turning his eyes back to Kitty, "She is cute when she's jealous."
"Yeah, she's a friggin' doll." Pyro muttered darkly before heaving out a deep sigh, "So you're tellin' me that the two of you have been doin' this for almost three months?!"
"Well, not this." Kitty gestured towards the bathroom.
"Oh God... all those driving lessons... you were car doin' it." Pyro breathed, running a hand through his hair before uttering a sharp gasp, "The hickey!"
"Okay, how do you even remember that?!" Kitty balked at him.
"He has always had a very good memory." Piotr shrugged.
"I'm like an elephant, Kitty." Pyro said, tapping his temple for effect, "I never forget. In fact, for a while there, I was almost called Elephant Man instead of Pyro, until I rented the movie."
"What's goin' on?"
The sound of Remy's voice caused all three heads to snap towards him; Standing at the end of the hall with a brown paper grocery bag in one arm, and Rogue in the other. They stood frozen with their matching deer-in-the-headlights looks for a few seconds before Piotr said,
"We... did not hear you come in."
"Yeah. I guess that's why normal people don't hang out at the end of the hall." Remy snorted, glancing down at Rogue for affirmation.
"Why are you naked?!" Rogue blurted out, gaping at Kitty's state of undress, "What is happening right now?!"
"A spider. There was a spider. In the shower." Pyro blurted out quickly, "Kitty was in the shower, and there was a spider. So she screamed and jumped out, and then Pete and I ran down the hall to see what was wrong."
Kitty and Piotr looked over at Pyro, who ignored them and continued weaving his web of lies, "And then Pete went in and killed the spider for her, which is- explains why his hair is all wet..."
Kitty stared at Pyro for a long moment before letting out a breath and reluctantly playing along with his asinine story. "Yes. That's... what happened. Because I'm a girl. And I am incapable of washing spiders down the drain on my own."
Pyro nodded and pointed at her, "It's true, she is."
"Okay... where are your clothes?" Rogue asked, still looking as confused as ever.
"Pyro took them." Kitty replied, without missing a beat and Remy's shoulders sagged with a sigh,
"Ugh, this again? Jesus, Pyro..."
"...I can't help myself." Pyro ground out, casting Kitty a small glare, "I'm obsessed with her breasts."
"He has a sickness." Piotr added with a sympathetic nod.
"So... spider in the shower. Pete... comes in to kill it, and I... phased myself through the wall. Into Pete's closet. Which is on the other side of the shower. And that's why... I'm wearing Piotr's shirt."
Remy knit his brow, "But, what about-"
"The water heater died again." Piotr interrupted before Remy could poke holes in their horribly flawed story.
"Awww dammit!" Remy frowned, effectively distracted from whatever point he was about to make as he lowered the brown paper bag to the floor and clomped his way past the Three Stooges to take a look at the broken appliance.
"So the hot water went out... after you saw the spider? Or before?" Rogue asked, crossing her arms and quirking a brow, "I'm just... tryin' to understand how any of this makes sense."
"Piotr noticed the water. When he was... killing the spider. He noticed it go cold. Right Pete?"
"Right." Piotr nodded in agreement, without missing a beat, "It went cold."
Rogue stared at him thoughtfully for a moment before turning her eyes back to Kitty and giving her head a shake, "This kinda crazy shit never happens back at the mansion. Are you sure you don't wanna move back home?"
"Oh, she's sure." Pyro snorted, "Livin' here has way too many perks. Ain't that right, kitten?"
"Shut up." Kitty snapped, giving him a sharp look before muttering something about putting some clothes on as she slipped past them to head for her room.
"Don't forget to bring that t-shirt back to Pete when you're all dressed, Sheila!" Pyro called out after her with a snicker, which was quickly squelched under Piotr's stare.
Rogue sighed, bending down to grab the brown paper bag up off the floor and hoisting it up onto her hip, "Perks, my ass. Cold water, pervert, Lego cities, crazy ballerinas, couch on fire, weirdo obsessed with baby carrots... And, this place is on the eighth damn floor."
A/N- Woah! It's been so long since I posted! In my defense, I had to re-write this chapter, almost 2 whole times. And after the first re-write, I lost a bit of steam, you know?
Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait!
Thank you all for your wonderful reviews, please please please, keep them coming! :D