Snippet 104
Applications of Logic*
Genre: Humor/Meta
Pairs: Vary
Parody: RWBY
AU-Type: Canon-eqsue AU
Tags: Rewriting of certain parts of RWBY, Pointing out plot holes, Lampshading issues, Sticking it to the writers, Some rewrites are for comedy, some are to raise serious issues
Note: For the sake of comedy, we're playing on that this is a rewrite based if the rest of the volumes were planned and if RWBY was a bit more swear happy. Do not assume, the rewrites bits are canon to each other unless it clearly stated.
-Volume 1-
V1E1 – Ruby Rose - "First Dust In Your Hand? What Could Go Wrong?"
Ruby Rose was more than determined to get Roman Torchwick wanting to prove herself a hero. She had given chase through the streets before he climbed up onto the roof.
"Hey! I can't just let you escape." Ruby said twirling her sytche.
"Persistent little pain just doesn't know when to quit. I'll give props your bravery." Roman said stopping at the edge. "If you weren't so stupid."
Ruby readies to fight him, but a getaway Bullhead rises up and opens the hatch to allow Roman inside.
"End of the line, Red." Roman said stepping in before whipping out a Fire Dust Crystal. "Say my…"
BANG! Ruby had shot the dust crystal hoping to just disarm and protect herself. However, it was a fire dust crystal, so it exploded blowing up Roman, the bullhead, the pilot piloting it, and chunks of the building. Ruby was flung of the building only to caught by Glynda Goodwitch who arrived to see the fireworks.
"Oh my gosh! The Glynda Goodwitch! Can I have your autograph or a photo?!" Ruby says excitedly.
Glynda looked at the damage and the burnt bodies laying on the street with the mangled pieces of the bullhead they tried to escape in. Roman was alive, but he bemoaned the lost of his hair. Cinder was unconscious from her concussion from hitting the ground.
"While I am glad you stopped the criminal from escaping, young lady. I pray for your sake, they will live to see tomorrow." Glynda said sternly as Ruby paled.
"Oh…crap." Ruby thought.
-AoL-
V1E11 – Jaunedice – "Zero Tolerance"
Jaune Arc was a man who had done things to Beacon that were questionably immoral given his character. He had endured abuse after abuse from Cardin Winchester.
"I didn't land far from the school!" Jaune said trying to laugh off the rocket locker incident.
"Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask." Pyrrha said kindly.
"Or you could, you know, tell a teacher?" Weiss said dryly.
Of course, Jaune's fear of his transcripts made him option the simplest solution. Jaune was slowly considering the solution if not for his pride getting in the way.
Nora suggested they simply break his legs only to Jaune to dissuade the idea.
"Guys, really, it's fine! Besides, it's not like he's only a jerk to me; he's a jerk to everyone." Jaune remarked candidly.
"That's not a good thing." Ren said as there were squeals of pain.
They all look over as the laughing grows louder, mixed in with cries of pain from the rabbit girl when one of her ears are tugged on by Cardin. Velvet Scarlatina just wanted to get lunch, but she had to deal with these freshman upstarts.
"Ow! That hurts! Cut it out!" Velvet said with a grimace.
Cardin continues laughing as he turns to his cronies doing on about how it's real as they all laugh.
"Atrocious. I can't stand people like him." Pyrrha said shaking her head.
"You're not the only one." Blake said clenching her fists.
"It must be hard to be a Faunus." Yang said a bit insensitively.
"Yeah, well it must easy talking about that, and not helping me you blonde asshole!" Velvet screeched as Cardin tugged harder.
That got Yang's attention, but, before she could do anything, the doors opened to three new figures.
"I wonder if she's got a bunny tail." Russel leered grabbing for Velvet's skirt.
"Paws off."
Team CDRL looked to see three new figures, one of them being hulking male that could use the whole team as dumbbells. Coco Adel, Yatsuhashi Daichi, and Fox Allistar had came after Velvet only to walk into this mess. Coco merely ordered them to release her.
"I'm sorry, but I don't have paws. I'm not a filthy ani-GURK!" Cardin said as Yatsuhashi grabbed him by his skull.
Coco cleared his throat.
"I see that none of you first years stepped in to help and frankly I'm disgusted with all of you. Beacon is an environment for us to grow to become Huntsmen." Coco said making her little speech. "We don't tolerate people like him. Yatsuhashi, make an example out of him."
SMASH! Yatsu smashed Cardin's face into the lunch table covering the redhead with food. WHAM! Again. WHAM! Again! WHAM! Yatsu kept going it until he crashed Cardin through the table. Before Russel could run, Velvet kicked him into the wall. Rabbit faunus were known to have strong legs. Sky and Dove were both nervously backing up as Fox cracked his knuckles. It would be a valuable lesson to Team RWBY and JPNR. The upperclassmen did not play around. Velvet dusted off before glaring over the table of "heroes", specifically Blake. She grew nervous and then her bow twitched. Velvet stormed right over.
"It's one thing to stand by and do nothing. It's another to hide your faunus pride, hypocrite." Velvet said to Blake before storming off with her team.
"Um, Blake? What did she mean by that?" Ruby asked.
Blake bolted saying she needed to use the bathroom hoping everyone would forget. Too bad, Weiss didn't.
-AoL-
V1E11 – Jaunedice – "Zero Tolerance V2"
Jaune Arc was a man who had done things to Beacon that were questionably immoral given his character. He had endured abuse after abuse from Cardin Winchester.
"I didn't land far from the school!" Jaune said trying to laugh off the rocket locker incident.
"Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask." Pyrrha said kindly.
"Or you could, you know, tell a teacher?" Weiss said dryly.
Of course, Jaune's fear of his transcripts made him option the simplest solution. Jaune was slowly considering the solution if not for his pride getting in the way.
Nora suggested they simply break his legs only to Jaune to dissuade the idea.
"Guys, really, it's fine! Besides, it's not like he's only a jerk to me; he's a jerk to everyone." Jaune remarked candidly.
"That's not a good thing." Ren said as there were squeals of pain.
They all look over as the laughing grows louder, mixed in with cries of pain from the rabbit girl when one of her ears are tugged on by Cardin. Velvet Scarlatina just wanted to get lunch, but she had to deal with these freshman upstarts.
"Ow! That hurts! Cut it out!" Velvet said with a grimace.
Cardin continues laughing as he turns to his cronies doing on about how it's real as they all laugh. Now, Jaune felt guilty just watching. He rose up from his walking over trying to be confident.
"Caridn, cut it out. We're all training to huntsmen." Jaune said trying to be the peacekeeper.
"You trying to a hero?" Russel asked.
Jaune did not get to answer at he was hit by Russel's tray as Cardin shoved Velvet to the ground. Before he could do anything, Glynda had opened the room finding for Cardin after a student came to her dripping wet in toilet water only to see Cardin about to assault two other students.
"You wouldn't do that in front of Goodwitch." Ruby said as Cardin had not noticed her.
"Goodwitch? Oh, I'm so scared of that ancient b…" Cardin said as he found Goodwitch staring down at him. "I…it's not what it looks like!"
"Please…humor me." Glynda said glaring daggers.
-AoL-
V1E12 – Jaunedice Part 2 – "Pragmatism Under the Surface"
Jaune didn't mean for it happen, but Cardin gave it no choice. He had overheard his conversation with Pyrrha and he was feeling pretty dumb for thinking the roof was the safest place to tell his secret. He was wrong. After Pyrrha had walked away, Jaune paced a little until he hears the mocking laugh of Cardin. He had heard the whole thing from his dorm room window. Jaune panicked at the idea his dream was going to shot to pieces. Cardin was coming closer with that his sneer, and Jaune panicked accidentally tripping him.
"Jaune, you…AAAHHHHHH!" Cardin said before falling off the roof.
Jaune, horrified, looked down to see Cardin had made a big splat on the ground. His aura had shielded him from making a bloody mess, but the bully was out cold in a crater.
"Oh man! What have I done?!" Jaune said stumbling back into the wall.
He had no idea whether he was dead or not, but Jaune calmed thinking of what to say.
"Just say he was trying to bully you, and he fell off the roof doing so. Once you tell Goodwitch, he was picking on other students, they'll have no problem throwing him out. You could even claim they were lying about the transcripts." Jaune's mind thought.
"But I can't do that. That would be lying." Jaune said to himself.
"Buddy, you LIED to get into Beacon! At least this point, you can either come clean or double down! What will it be?"
"Damn it…" Jaune groaned as he shakily got up.
He had gone to Goodwitch and promptly told her what happened but left out a few details. Cardin's body was found. The aura had saved him from getting killed but had severed his spinal cord and put him in a coma. Cardin was done for, and as for Jaune, it was declared that Jaune was liable. He would not be thrown out, but he had to get a job to help pay for a few medical bills. As for as the blonde knight was concerned, that was a fine sacrifice.
-AoL-
V1E15 – The Stray – "Not Helping Your Case"
"You no-good faunus!"
Sun used his tail to hang on a lamppost while he peels back a banana.
"Hey! A no-good faunus would've been caught! I'm a great one!" Sun boasted before the detectives called for him to get down.
Sun drops the banana peel on the detective's face, who growls in return. The monkey-like Faunus twirls up to crouch on the lamppost laughing at the scowling detectives before they whipped out their badges. Noting he should make himself scare, he leapt off and fled from the detectives. As he runs past Team RWBY, he winks at an astonished Blake before speeding off from the officers.
"Well, Blake. That's not helping your case." Yang said as Weiss had a smug grin.
Blake had her face in hands making a mental note to deck that faunus when she had the chance and maybe put pink dye in Yang's shampoo.
"If I meet that faunus, it'll be too soon." Blake thought.
When she did end meeting up later, after the argument and taking off her bow.
"You look better without the bow." Sun said coming up.
"Son of a bitch!" She thought angrily.
(A/N: I had planned to do a rewrite of the argument Blake and Weiss had in "The Stray" but I decided against it. Considering what we do about the White Fang and Blake's history now, Blake really comes off as a complete tool and a hypocrite all considering. Really doesn't help that narrative has done nothing to prove Weiss right. Either way, I hope you enjoyed "Application of Logic: RWBY Edition")