Snippet 117
Politics? Rap Battle! (Jaccques vs Robyn)
Genre: Humor/Songfic
Pairs: None
Parody: RWBY | Real World Politics | Epic Rap Battles of History
AU-Type: Canon-esque AU (Vol.7)
Tags: Sick of the political commentary in RWBY, I'm just going to make it blatant, Bust some Rhymes
"I can't believe this is how they're settling this." Blake said dryly looking at the crowd all gathered around. "A rap battle to break the tie!"
"Well it was this or forcing Freya to vote, and she refuses to do so." Weiss said with a shrug. "But it's not like my dad can actually rap."
The beat was dropped as the announcer went, "Welcome abroad and we're about to get political up in here."
"Papa Jaccques Schnee"
"VERUS"
"Mama Robyn Hill!"
"BEGIN!"
Weiss expected her father to fail and Winter was recording to laugh at it later. Then, they saw him smirk as he let Robyn take the lead like a gentleman.
[Robyn]
I've been in this game too long
I'm a public servant!
I'm a woman of the people, that's for certain
You're a man of the people against those who are just a bit furry
I was living among the common folk getting their power while you fucked around in your ivory tower
You got skin like Grimm dressing
From too much Grimm investing
You been long corrupt since over 'dem decades
If I was in Mengearie, you couldn't find me
You don't care about the job, Schnee
You just think the desk is nice and shiny
I said that I respect your children
But I was bullshitting, yo
They looking like some extras from Valeian Psycho
"Bitch!" Weiss thought sourly.
Winter was tempted to vote for her father out of spite if not for common sense.
[Robyn]
First name is Robyn, middle name, Christina
Last name is Hill and lyrics, I got 'em
You fire celebrities on your lowly whims
Motherfucker, I fire the White Fang! Crack!
Robyn paused to fake cough before walking around him like he was prey before continuing.
How do I say this? You're racist
Ooh, you must get so pissed that your hands are too small to stop and frisk
So, you use your fingers to touch chicks
Fiona jumped in backing Robyn up.
[Fiona]
She's a bit young.
[Robyn]
Just gotta get pushy
[Fiona]
That's your daughter's friend.
[Fiona]
Well, grab her by the pussy
Well that's assault, brotha!
Don't tell me the faunus is at fault, sucka!
You don't know shit about the stakes, yucka!
But the ones on the 8th are in the shits, muthafucka!
Better save the date, I'm gonna rock the vote
Bad bitch on the scene like Murder, She Wrote
So, go ahead Schnees, let me see your flow
I brought Ironwood's speech, borrow some quotes, bitch!
She even threw note cards in his face as the crowd cheered for right as Jaccque cleared his throat and the beat changed.
[Jaccques]
Hello there, welcome back to a world called Remnant
Where actual minds do groundbreaking work.
Let me just say I respect all females
But it won't stop me to say that your rhymes are trash.
Put 'em back down in my mines
Our country's in crisis
Who wants to vote for the mother of all failure?
You're so ineffective, you may as well be infertile
But call me virile
You wanna break the glass ceiling, Hill, I sense it
But the only crack you'll find is my ass pressed against it
How do I say this? You're a twofer of a loser
You lead the minority parade!
What do the Altas people gotta do
To get it through your fat face that they're just not that into you?
They want a strong male leader, who can stand up to the world
Not a crooked little wishy-washy bleeding heart vagina
I'm gonna run these streets like I run my business
More workers for plenty of pay
While you bury us in debt buying Mantle stocks
I'll create jobs tearing it all down
Then, I'll use all the best rocks from the site to build a wall
Dip it in dust and make Vale pay for it all
I'll make this country great again
We'll all be living large
I'll tell the Council you're fired and put Whitley in charge
'Cause this whole system's fucked and we all know the why it's sucked.
I'm a masterful businessman!
What I've done will outclass all the crap on your laughable list
You have your worth hoping not to be bemisrch
I measured my worth by the sales of my merch!
Weiss and Winter were floored, and the crowd was eating it up as Robyn was about to speak, but she was interrupted.
[Penny]
Saluations! Everyone's favorite robo warrior dropping a bomb!
Penny flew and let Ironwood go as he landed right between the two opponents.
[Ironwood]
Are you both done with your childish tantrums?
Because we got a situation where people could die.
I've heard more thoughtful discussion up in Reddit threads!
You two got brother blocking brother on their Dustbook feed!
I'm so sick and tired of this ridiculous shit!
If this is the best you could up with Schnee, then you should just quit.
Jaccques nervously stepped back in fear as Fiona took this as a chance to get a pot shot in. But, Ironwood was not having it as he whirled around to face her.
[Iroonwood]
I'm sorry, did I say something that you found funny?
Wipe that creepy-ass smile off your face or you'll dissapoint this dummy!
He turns back to Jaccques.
[Iroonwood]
And even if she somehow wins the Council Seat, be a man and hold the door!
Don't get your workers stirred up in some sorta employment civil war!
Here's an equal opportunity smack down in the sequel
That's of the people!
Ironwood decks Jaccques in the jaw with his metal arm sending him off the stage with broken teeth.
[Iroonwood]
By the people,
Not even missing a beat, he glares at getting Robyn to flinch.
for the people
He sparta kicks her off the stage before raising his arms.
PENNY!
Penny swooped in flying him away into the distance leaving the two candidates stunned and the crowd cheering loudly for the show they were given.
"WHO WON! YOU DECIDE!" The announcer said as crowd was raving. "WHO's NEXT?"
"That would be me." A new voice said taking the stage shoving Jaccques off it.
"Cinder!" Ruby said surprised.
(A/N: Now, this was fun to write mocking both those tools. Ironwood dropped it hard and smacked them both up. Woo! No, Ruby vs Cinder isn't happening. That was a joke.)