Snippet 119

Disengaged Salem – Moments in the Life

Genre: Humor/Waff/NSFW

Pairs: Former Bitch and Bastard (Ozpin/Salem), others may very

Parody: RWBY

AU-Type: Canon-esque AU

Tags: A timeline where Salem's a Chaotic Neutral, She's disengaged with the plot, Immortality leads to Hedonism, Watts accidentally saved the world, OOC Cinder (completely different personality), Mercury, Emerald, Cinder are basically Salem's "children"

-Part A: Going to the Mall-

"I hate coming here." Cinder snarled.

"I find strange you don't mind living in a land full of Grimm but going to a mall is an issue." Emerald said as herself, Cinder, Mercury, and Salem (in human disguise) were going up the escalator.

Cinder twitched. Salem had insisted she come as she needed new clothes. All her exercise wear were wearing clothes out. As they got to the top, Salem handed both Emerald and Mercury a roll of lien.

"Now go out to get your new clothes and something nice for yourself." Salem said kindly.

"Thanks, mom." Emerald chirped before rushing off to shop.

Mercury jogged off as Salem took Cinder aware wanting a few answers.

"It's not the people, mom. It's well, whenever my old mom took me shopping. She'd laugh at me as she gave me clothes that didn't fit mocking me for being fat." Cinder said bitterly as Salem hugged her.

"Don't fret. I won't really be around to see what clothes you pick, plus you're looking fit as a fiddle. You'll get eyes on you…but not to mock you." Salem said breaking away. "Now I need to check out the game shop."

Salem rushed off and Cinder sauntered into the clothing shop. As Cinder walked in, she noticed a bit of lingerie on sale. The style reminded her of what her mother would wear when she had male company over. Cinder sighed but smirked thinking that she could rock that better than her mother ever could. At the game shop, Salem excitedly rushed in with childlike glee.

"This is perfect, the new Dusts of Rage, Dust of Rage Revived!" Salem said drooling on the cover.

The employee rolled his eyes as this as Salem put the game on the counter. She bought the game and also bought a soda drinking hat before leaving a big tip for the employee before sauntering into the sex shop. Without a hint of any care, she walked out of there with a few virbators and a big black dildo in full view of all. She even tasted the black dildo with her mouth.

"Ugh, this tastes horrible." Salem said before going back to refund that one. "Taste like black licorice."

She curtainly turned eyes when she joined her kids for lunch in the food court with the bag of sex toys on the table.

"Ok, I did buy you one, Cinder." Salem explained. "It's just a precaution. I rather you not use your fingers. I sort of tasted your pussy juice on the last sandwich you made me."

Cinder choked on her spaghetti and Mercury was laughing his head off. Of course, Salem had not bothered to buy one for Emerald. She had seen her and Mercury fooling around, and Emerald was not the one doing the cooking anyway. All she needed to do was to get them condoms.

"Excuse me, do you have to have that bag of disgusting toys on the table? People are eating." A woman said walking up to them.

That woman's teenage son was begging his mom not to start a fight.

"I'm sorry, but I am not broadcasting to the world that I bought them. But I may as well give you one, it'll be your only company tonight seeing your husband won't touch a frigid woman." Salem snarked.

Mercury broke down laughing as Emerald snickered shamelessly as the woman's cheeks went red.

"You bitch!"

That woman decided to slap Salem. Too bad, Salem caught her hand and slammed her face into the table hard enough to knock her out.

"Kids, we're leaving." Salem said calmly as the group vacated.

That son only shook his head before dragging his mother away.

-Part B: Trolling Atlas-

Watts found himself making sure of his talents to secure Salem's bank account, but the hacker decided to do the worst thing possible for Atlas. Trolling. Which was why the Altas PA System has been doing nothing but airing Nyan Cat for six hours straight. They tried turning it off, but Watts would only make it come back with the more Nyan Cats on screen. Then he added little Atlas Miltary helmets on them with a "Sponsered by the Morning Wood of Ironwood" message.

Didn't help James that everyone made a meme out of it and memes are forever. At least, Watts will make it forever. Winter could not even look him in the eye without cringing. Watts decided that the Schnee was next on his shit list. He just needed good blackmail material.

"So, cameras in all the rooms? Oh ho, this is going to be…" Watts said only to be interrupted by Salem telling him to get some sun. "Big talk coming from you."

"Yeah, but I'm immortal. Go get sun, stretch your legs, kill a Grimm, and relax." Salem said supportively. "Just don't overwork yourself."

-Part C: Salem's Night Alone

The rain upon Castle Grimore made for a gloomy night and Salem was all alone tonight as entered her castle damp from the rain. Watts was out of castle wanting to go see a movie in theathers, Mercury took Emerald out on a weed sale, and Cinder wanted to go to an actual gym in Mistral. Salem threw her soggy black robe before discarding off her undergarments as well. Leaning back on her head, her fingers began to wander to places that reminded her of that gnawing human craving. She decided to give those vibrators a shot only to find that they just did not hit the same spot for her as much. Her fingers were only slightly better at quelling the aching desire from between her legs.

"Damn it, I need a partner for this. Too bad, Mercury's like a son to me and making Emerald quite happy." Salem remarked.

Of course, what gender said partner was did not matter, but she was low on options. She was pretty sure that Watts was asexual. Plus, Cinder and Emerald were like daughters to her. She groaned to a rather weak orgasm.

"That's it. I'm taking a break from self-pleasure." Salem said getting up. "I need to find someone…but how am I going to do that?"

Little did Salem did, someone was coming to her.

(A/N: Yes, I'm planning for for four special guests to arrive. Things are going to get wild next time with Salem!)