Snippet 135

Jaccques Just Snaps

Genre: Humor

Pairs: Varies

Parody: RWBY/Real-Time Dubs

AU-Type: Canon-esque AU (Meta)

Tags: Deconstruction of Fanfiction Tropes, Jaccques's done playing games, In response to Volume 7, Jaccques has lost his mind.

On all the big screens, Ironwood rattled on about the status of Atlas. But however, the feed was cut replacing it with Jaccque Schnee at his desk looking pissed.

"Why is your dad on screen?" Ruby asked Weiss and Winter.

"Father, what are you doing?" Winter asked.

Everyone was silent and it was eerily quiet as Jaccques glared before getting up to clear his throat.

"Today, I will expose a massive conspiracy of traitors hiding in Atlas." Jaccques said holding onto his anger. "And call them out live on television!"

"So, Jaccques is confessing?" Robyn said excitedly.

Then, Jaccque let it all out.

"I've come to make an announcement: Jaune Miles Arc's a bitch-ass motherfucker! He pissed on my fucking wife!" Jaccques said as the crowd was taken aback.

Team RWBY immediately turned to Jaune who was nervously sweating. Nora, who could not read the room, cheered for Jaune leading Ren to question why the hell did he even get into a relationship with Nora. Oh right, the plot made that train sour. Nora was struggling to not guffaw at the fact Jaccques had said that.

"That's right, this blonde chud took his pale-fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife before having her take it up the ass! And he said his dick was "this big,"" Jaccque said making the gesture of length with his hands.

The thirsty moms drooled like the vapid fools they were meant to be. Why were they even moms when they could do is drool and gawk over Jaune?

"And I said "that's disgusting and a lie."" Jaccques said producing photos for all to see.

Weiss was sputtering, Blake was taking notes, Ruby was covering Oscar's eyes, and Yang had her jaw on the ground. Cinder was munching on popcorn but was practically near choking on it.

"So, I'm making a callout post right here on Dustbook, Dustergram, and Twitter! That bitchboy got a small dick, It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. Looks about as pathetic as your cheap haircut! Why don't you just take you, and your fucking team and just go away. This is RWBY! Not RWBY and their shitty unfunny leeches. I was supposed to get my plot with Weiss! But guess what? I got fucked! So here's what my dong looks like." Jaccques said before a giant laser cannon came out his yard.

It was shaped like a penis, Jaccque's penis to be exactly. Now not wearing pants, he grabbed his crotch as he continued, "That's right baby, all points, no quills, no pillows— look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck REMNANT!"

He was putting in coordinates while laughing like a madman saying, "That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!"

The massive laser fired into the sky leading a blazing blue trail.

"Except I'm not gonna piss on the Remnant, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing ON SALEM! How do you like that, Robyn Hillary? I PISSED ON THE QUEEN OF GRIMM! YOU GUTLESS BITCH! You political stand-in! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking kingdom, now get JNR outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!"

The transmission ended but some people could not stop themselves from laughing. Nora was corpsing out tears while holding her stomach. Ironwood kicked opened the door.

"So does explain want to explain me why you all decided to lie?" Ironwood said holding up the Volume 7 script and a gun. "Please inform me."

He cocked it, the group could only pale as the Ace Ops all sided with Ironwood on this. They weren't too happy about getting nerfed.

(A/N: This was silly. Pure silliness, but I had to write this out. I was stifling as I did it, but I did it.)