My earliest memory wasn't that of a human. All I remember was wandering through the wilderness with my nose to the ground, hunting, struggling to survive. I was a wolf then. A young wolf, abandoned by my family at such an early age that I do not even remember them. But, even though my body was not human, my mind had some human intellect left. I understood that I was an animal, but that I was also a human. I did not know what word described me then, but I knew that I neither belonged in the wilderness with the animals nor in the cities with the humans. Somewhere inside me, I understood I was different. I think that's why my parents threw me away. I think that is why I kept the instinct that humans were dangerous to me, so I stayed away from them. I hunted and moved through the wilderness during the day, to keep out of sight of humans. At night, I walked through the cities in the shadows. I don't know how far I traveled exactly but I do know that I was born in the warm South and over several months to a year - I still don't remember clearly - I made it to Upstate New York.
When I arrived in a small town, I wandered the streets, taking in all the new sights and sounds. Then, I scented it. Most humans have similar scents but this scent was different from anything I had ever smelled before. It smelled like me but it was still different. It kind of smelled like me. That scent was my first memory.
I followed the scent, remaining in the shadows as I made my way out of the small town. I continued to follow the scent into the woods, moving slowly. Every so often, I would stop to take in my surroundings, raising my nose into the air and inhaling deeply. I followed the scent until I saw a house in a clearing. I didn't like houses. Houses meant humans and humans did not like animals on their property. But that scent still lingered and was coming from that house. It was a scent that was sweet and spicy at the same time. Every time I inhaled, that scent gave me a comfort that almost made me let my guard down. I felt as though I was not in complete control of my body as I yearned to find the source of the scent. My body was filled with a strange feeling of wanting to know the person that scent belonged to. But I caught myself. After so long of being cautious, how could I let myself go completely? I remained in the forest, feeling safe among the trees as I circled the house. It was a large manor but it was completely silent. I could only hear two different breaths, two heartbeats, and two scents in the large stone manor. I sat behind the house, watching and waiting with curiosity, never daring to take another step.
When I opened my eyes, the sun had risen. I yawned and stretched my body out before shaking the leaves from my fur. As I welcomed the morning, I was still so lethargic that I didn't notice the man and the boy coming into the forest. That scent again. It was coming from the man. Once again, my body wanted to move closer to him, to indulge in his scent but I held myself. Fighting the urge to move forward, I took several steps back. My small body in the shadows of a large trunk, I watched the man and the boy. The man spent a long time talking to the boy before the man removed his shirt. The boy followed suit, removing all his clothes. They got on their hands and knees, like animals, grunting and groaning as their fingers turned to claws, their hands and feet became paws, their backs grew covered in golden brown fur.
It was then I knew. I understood what I was. I understood why I was so attracted to that scent. They were like me. I was like them. I was not an animal, but I was not human either. I was both; a wolf and a human. Like the man and the boy. I could not help but let out a whimper, drawing the man and the boy's attention to me. The young wolf growled, bearing his teeth as he stared at him, his brown eyes, murderous. My fur stood on ends and my back arched as I stepped back. It was instinct that told me that I was no match for the young wolf, let alone an adult wolf. The young wolf was twice my size and the adult, many times larger than me. I could not help but want to back away, keeping my head low as the body slowly stalked toward me.
Part of me wanted to submit, to lie on the ground on my belly at their mercy. But another part of me took over. The part that had helped me survive told me to run. And I turned around and I ran as though my life depended on it. Because it did. I ran in a zigzag motion, weaving through the trees trying to escape my fate. I could hear two sets of paws following me, a large set and a smaller set. Without turning to look, I could feel the large wolf chasing me and the young wolf. I heard the large wolf surpass the younger, his paws thundering on the ground with each stride, feeling me with dread. His stride was longer, his body large, making him much faster than me. My legs ached and my lungs burned with every breath I took. I could never outrun him. I felt with my entire being that I needed to get away so, I climbed the nearest tree. I almost slipped many times, but I dug my nails in and clung to the rough bark until I reached a branch far out of the wolves' reach.
As I caught my breath, I watched the wolves below me groan in pain, their bones popping out of their sockets and their fur receding into their skin as they changed back into their human forms. I couldn't help but wince at their pain as they stood below the tree, completely naked. The man sent the boy away before turning to me. I climbed to a high branch out of his reach. He said something to me. But I couldn't understand him. I remained in the safety of the tree, curiously observing them.
The boy returned with the man's clothes before leaving again. The man remained at the base of the tree, every so often, he would speak to me. But I still couldn't understand a word he said. I grew displeased after a few hours because I was stuck high on a branch and I was beginning to get hungry.
As if reading my mind, the boy brought food to the man, who placed a sausage on a stick and raised it into my reach. I jumped away from the sausage on the stick. It smelled good and my stomach was growling non-stop. I looked at the sausage and I looked down at the man and the young boy. Why would they do this for me? Maybe it's poisoned. I sniffed the sausage. It didn't smell poisoned and my stomach was still growling. No matter how much I wanted to, I still couldn't let go of my lone wolf mentality. I turned away from the sausage, lying on my stomach on the branch.
Night came and the man remained beneath the tree. I watched as he removed his clothes and painfully changed into his wolf form. He lay at the base of the tree, his head resting on his front paws. And he remained there for the rest of the night. Maybe he wanted me to let my guard down. I remained awake and alert, watching him remain motionless under the tree. I was hungry and tired and I fell asleep. The next morning, he was still there and I was still in the tree. He had returned to his human form and was dressed the same as the day before. I didn't even sense him waking up, so why didn't he use the chance to attack me? Why did he spend the night in the forest? Was it for me? It was as though he was telling me that he wouldn't do anything I didn't want. Was that really what he was saying or was it my wishful thinking?
Once again, the boy brought food. Sausages again. The stick too. I hadn't eaten in over two days and the sausage smelled so appetizing. I walked close to the stick, using my nose to scent anything strange about it. But I smelled nothing other than grease and pork meat. After another painful growl of my stomach, I inhaled the sausage, wanting desperately to fill my stomach. The man smiled brightly, his brown eyes shimmering. He looked pleased and so kind. There was a warmth in his smile that I'd never seen before. My heart ached as he pulled the stick back. My disappointment was fleeting as he raised another sausage on the stick.
I spent the rest of the morning eating delicious sausages. I don't even remember the last time I ate human food. I preferred to hunt wild animals instead of foraging through human scraps. I ate hares, birds, foxes, and other small prey. Whatever there was, I would hunt. More often than not, my snout would be covered in blood. For the first time, I ate food that didn't smell like it was decomposing.
Once my stomach was full, I lay on the branch, playing and chewing on the stick. He seemed pleased with my reaction, but he didn't do anything else. He simply remained under the tree, talking to me. I don't think he understood that I couldn't understand him, but I found his voice soothing. I just laid there, listening to him. I fell asleep again.
I suddenly woke up when I felt a horrible pain in my chest. The pain spread from my lungs to my back, the sensation of being pricked by a million needles. But it was my fur. My fur was receding into my back, each and every follicle in my double coat painfully receding to make way for skin. My ankles and shoulders popped from their sockets, bringing more pain. It was just like what the man and the boy did. I cried as the pain became unbearable. I had no space on the branch to complete the Change comfortably. With the pain, the ringing in my ears, and the change in my photoreceptors, I couldn't remain upright. My half-transformed foot slipped off the branch and I fell.
I braced myself for the impact of the ground, but I only felt the soft bounciness of a sheet as the man caught me. My body had completely transformed from a wolf to a human. The cold air on my naked skin caused me to shiver as I had completely finished the transformation. The air was cold but I felt like my skin was on fire, still reeling from the uncomfortable sensation of my Change. I couldn't help but let out a painful cry. I was human for the first time in a long time.