DISCLAIMER: EIICHIRO ODA OWNS ONE PIECE I OWN THIS STORY

Luffy grinned and attached himself to Marco's leg the second they returned to the Moby Dick. "PINEAPPLE!" he yelled happily, "hehe…"

Marco groaned and slapped his hand to his forehead, but that did nothing to conceal the fond smile that was twitching at the ends of his lips, "How's it going, kiddos?"

"Yeah!" Thatch butted in, slinging his arm around Marco's shoulder, "Find any vampires?" he teased.

Zoro yawned and stared at Thatch for a second before nodding sluggishly, "Yeah." He murmured, grumpily, "Apparently Mihawk is a vampire… And the world's greatest swordsman." Zoro muttered darkly.

At Thatch and Marco's questioning looks, Sabo elaborated, "Yeah, Zoro wants to become the World's Greatest Swordsman one day, and so, he kind of wants to challenge Mihawk, but he didn't realize that Mihawk was the World's Greatest, and once he did find out, we were already pretty far out at sea."

"Ah." Thatch nodded sympathetically, "I see."

Zoro just grumbled and sat down for all of five seconds before he was snoring his life away. Marco stared at him longingly, "I wish I could easily go to sleep like that too." He confessed, "Unfortunately, I'm kept up all night with worries that someone," he glared not-so-subtly at Thatch, who was whistling too loudly to be honest, "is going to dye my hair pink." He finished.

Usopp stared at Marco critically, stroking his chin, "I don't know." He commented, "I'd think you would look surprisingly well in pink, depending on the shade."

Marco did not gape at Usopp. No. He was much too dignified for that. The fact that he just barely opened his mouth before snapping it shut means nothing! It means nothing!

"Yeah. Fine. Sure, whatever." Marco muttered, waving them off, before prying Luffy off his leg and leaving.

Ace stared at Marco's retreating back and questioned, "What's got his feathers falling off?"

Thatch stared at Ace for a moment before quirking a dry smile, "Ha. Nice pun. But really, he's all grumpy because…" Thatch looked around for a moment, before beckoning the small group into a huddle, "It's because he's grumpy since tomorrow is his birthday and 'no one remembers'."

Luffy frowned, "That's mean." He said brazenly, before continuing, "I'm going to go wish him happy birthday!"

"NO!" Thatch shouted, before quieting down and the slight glares and rubbing ears of his brothers around him, "No. We're trying to make a surprise party. You know? Marco hates his birthday for some inane reason. We're trying to make it so that, you know, it's an occasion to be remembered."

Ace looked down, "Can we help?"

Thatch grinned widely, "Of course you can!"

Luffy smiled, before frowning, "But what are we going to do?"

Thatch grinned, "This isn't common knowledge, but there are two kitchens on this ship. One in the galley, where me and my division cook for the entire crew, and…" he pressed one finger to his lips in the universal 'hush' motion, "One in my room. Commander Quarters can always be personalized in their own special way to reflect the commander it holds. I put a kitchen in my room. Heh."

Luffy frowned, "Yeah, so?"

Usopp choked on his spit and almost fell over, "Luffy." He made a strangled noise with his throat, "He means that he's going to let us cook in his kitchen."

"Oh." Luffy said dumbly, "But why?"

"For Marco's birthday." Sabo benignly explained.

Luffy grimaced and clutched his head, "But why do we have to cook?"

"For a cake, stupid." Zoro yawned, before getting up and stretching, "Marco needs a birthday cake or something to eat for his birthday. Call it a mystery."

Luffy made a slight 'oh' sound with his mouth and grinned, "Yeah! Mystery cake here we come!" and with that, he rocketed off in whatever he presumed to be the direction of Thatch's quarters.

"He… He does know he's going the wrong way, right?" Thatch asked, as he watched Luffy rocket off in the direction opposite of the commanders' quarters.

"Eh." Ace grumbled, "He'll figure it out eventually. It's Zoro you need to worry about."

"Hey!" Zoro roared, clutching his katana so hard his grip became white, "I resent those implications!"

"Good." Ace deadpanned, before sending a pointed look at Thatch who gave a slight nod and walked in the correct direction of his quarters Zoro grumbled annoyedly, but followed along wordlessly.

Once they made it there, Thatch slowly clicked the door shut. "Okay, listen closely." He whispered, before pausing, and opening the door again, letting Luffy fly inside, "Okay, now listen closely." He clicked the door shut once more. "So, here's what we're going to do."

Sabo nodded along, occasionally inputting ideas as Thatch talked. "But how are we going to do that? Unless you haven't noticed, Luffy's motor control is trash unless he's fighting. In which case, his intelligence somehow goes up by 9,000."

Thatch tilted his head and conceded, "Maybe, but we'll figure something out. Somehow. Some way."

Ace tilted his head, mirroring Thatch, "I have a question." He didn't wait for Thatch's response, and instead forged on, "You can't celebrate everyone in the crew's birthday, right? And it wouldn't be fair just to celebrate the commanders' birthdays. So why is The Roasted Duck's birthday so special?"

Thatch snorted and shook his head, "Roasted Duck…" he muttered, before graciously answering Ace's question, "Marco has always hated his birthday. He hasn't told most of the crew why, save for Oyaji, me, and perhaps a few others. That information is not mine to disclose, but we wanted to show him that his birthday isn't something to be hated."

Ace narrowed his eyes and shook his head from side to side, conveying his irritation beautifully, "And how is this scheme going to help him?" he grumbled.

Thatch smiled. It wasn't a big, wide, eclipsing smile that could only be bested by Luffy and a few others, but rather a small smile, a content one, that seemed like it just belonged on his face, "This scheme isn't going to help him, Ace. It's going to show him that we are happy that he was born, and that he is loved because of it. He is loved, so, so much."

Sabo shot a meaningful look towards Ace, before schooling his face into a blank expression and nodding. Ace tilted his head to his side contemplatively and nodded, "Yeah." He sighed, "Okay."

Thatch's smile abruptly widened into its usual form and he teased, "Careful Ace, you wouldn't want anyone to think that you care."

Ace snorted, and shook his head, but said nothing. Sabo grinned, "Aww, Acey." He said in baby-voice, "You care!" he attached himself firmly to Ace's leg like a child, and one would actually think that… if Sabo weren't nearly Ace's height. "Coochy Coochy, Coo." Sabo blubbered in amusement.

Ace groaned and swatted Sabo's hand away, "You bring that appendage near me one more time, and I swear, Sabo. I will burn it." Ace intoned after Sabo crawled his fingers to Ace's cheek and squeezed it once more.

Sabo pulled his hand back with a pout, "Fiiiiinneee…" He grumbled.

Luffy burst into raucous laughter at the sight of Sabo's pout, and wouldn't stop, even with Sabo's weak protests. Usopp, being Usopp, had no idea what was going on, and ended up laughing along with Luffy because of his intrinsic desire to fit in with the crowd.

That was a liar's best strength after all. Their ability to fit in with a crowd. And besides. Usopp grinned, I'm going to be Luffy's sniper. I need to know when and how to stay hidden and not.

Thatch clapped his hands, "Okay." He smiled amusedly, "Let's do this."

Zoro huffed out a laugh and got up from his formerly relaxed position, and rested his hand on the hilt of Wado, "Okay Chef." He mumbled, stretching his body into wakefulness, "Where's the locations?"

Thatch shook his head, "Oh no, no, Zoro. You won't be leaving this room. You and Luffy are going to stay here and do the cooking in my personal kitchen."

"What?" Zoro stared at Thatch incredulously, "Why?!"

"Zoro." Thatch stared at the moss-headed kid, decidedly unimpressed, "You get lost in a straight line. There's no way I'm letting you leave this room. For all I know, you might end up in West Blue."

"THAT'S HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD!" Zoro roared.

"And logic is nonexistent in the Grand Line." Thatch smoothly countered with a cocky grin, "Now, if you please, I have to show Usopp and Sabo to Haruta's secret Prank Storage."

Zoro screeched incoherently for about ten seconds, before Luffy dragged him into the kitchen and put an apple in his mouth, "Calm down, Zoro." Luffy grimaced and sticked his finger into his ear, "You're making me deaf."

Zoro grumbled incoherently under his breath, before flipping the recipe book Thatch gave them open to that one page that had Chocolate Mousse Cake…

o-o

Ace walked out of the room with silent steps, and the intent to stay hidden in the shadows. Unfortunately, a flame can't hide in shadows, for it exudes light. That was why he was currently being cornered by a fuming Haruta, who was coincidentally holding out one of his blades.

"I know you know who raided my PrAnK caBiNet~~" Haruta crooned, sharpening the two blades together, "Tell me, AcE."

Ace gulped and shifted into his Flame Form before creeping away. Unfortunately, his mild fear was rather telling, and Haruta could pinpoint exactly where he was.

Haruta stomped down on the tail end of one of Ace's flames, that was also, coincidentally, his foot, and grinned, just a tad crazily, "Now, now, Ace… No RuNnInG aWay."

Ace grimaced, This better be worth your crazy plan, Thatch! Ace shook his head, "No. Haruta." He lied, "I have absolutely no idea who raided your Prank Cabinet."

Haruta tilted his head contemplatively for a moment, almost appearing sane, but the glint in his eyes was telling, "No, no, no. Ace. You know. I can SeeEe IttTTtTt~~"

Annnnnnd we're screwed. A small, dark part of Ace's mind sarcastically remarked. Shut up. Ace mentally retorted.

Haruta sunk one of his blades into the ground and grinned, "No one tAKES MY PRANKS FROM MEEEE!"

Ace yelped and dodged the next blade coming his way, before turning tail and running. I'm fighting Haruta. He justified; I can run away. And besides. This is fair. It's Haruta. THATCH THIS BETTER BE WORTH IT!

o-o

Thatch shuddered, and sped up his pace a bit more.

"Whoa! Slow down!" Sabo panted, as he ran after Thatch and Usopp, who was flying next to him.

Thatch shook his head, "Nope, sorry can't slow down. I get the feeling that if I slow down something very bad is going to happen to me."

"Ooohh. Foreshadowing." Usopp nodded in understanding and sympathy.

Sabo groaned, and sped up to accommodate for Usopp and Thatch's pace, "Fine, whatever. You do you. Totally not a pained semi-werewolf running after you."

Thatch snorted, "Exactly. You're a werewolf. You can keep up." And Thatch sped up just a bit more to accentuate his point.

Sabo huffed and he puffed… and he fell down on his face, "I SWEAR THATCH!" his voice was muffled by the deck, but Thatch knew what he was saying nonetheless, "I WILL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS! YOU HEAR ME?!"

Thatch grinned, "Looking forward to it, Wolfy!"

Sabo groaned, and pushed himself up from the deck, before running after Thatch. Soon, they made it to Haruta's Prank Cabinet.

"Okay." Thatch muttered, taking a small list out of his back pocket, "We need confetti, streamers, all the standard party materials, but it's Marco, so we also need feathers. Preferably blue and yellow. Also, we need pineapples."

Usopp stroked his chin with a thoughtful expression on his face, "How do you think Luffy and Zoro are doing?" he questioned.

Thatch shook his head, "Truthfully I don't care what they're doing." He revealed, "All that I want to make sure is of two things. One: They do not leave the room. Two: They make a cake."

Sabo grimaced, and stretched his body out, before walking to a crate, "You know you're probably going to have to room in another Commander's room for a while after this while your room is being repaired, right?"

Thatch nodded with a happy smile on his face, "Worth it!"

Usopp flew back to Thatch and shoved three buckets in the pompadoured man's face, "Here!" he stated triumphantly, "Three buckets of feathers!" Usopp paused, pulling the buckets back, "Why do you even have three buckets of feathers to begin with?"

Thatch smiled, "So there's never a shortage of feathers."

Usopp stared at Thatch confusedly, "But why do you even need the feathers to begin with?"

Thatch's smile widened, "For Marco!"

Usopp tried to wrap his head around the statement, "But wait… Marco already has feathers?"

Thatch's smile widened even more, "You'll see." Usopp shuddered and stared at Thatch contemplatively, "I am afraid of those implications."

Sabo snorted, "Haha. Now could someone help me?! I didn't know confetti and streamers could be this heavy…"

Thatch grinned, "Awww… Come on werewolf, can't lift it?" he teased, only to be pleasantly surprised when Sabo growled in defiance, shifted into his half wolf form, and hefted one huge crate over his shoulder, before sending a cocky smirk Thatch's way.

"Well played." The chef muttered, "Very well played." Thatch picked up the second crate with great effort and walked to the door before stopping, "Wait… Now that we're in here… How do we get out without anyone noticing us?"

Sabo shrugged, and turned to Usopp, who abruptly started panicking, "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?!"

Thatch grinned, "You have wings." He pointed out, "You can ferry the crates over and—"

"ARE YOU STUPID?!" Usopp shrieked, "HAVE YOU LOOKED AT MY ARMS?! I'M A SNIPER FOR A REASON!"

Thatch tilted his head, "Which is…?" he prompted.

Usopp groaned and slapped his face, "My strength is garbage. What I don't have in that, I make up for in stealth and aim. Now. With that knowledge. Just how do you expect me to carry two huge crates, plus the three buckets I gave you?"

Thatch tilted his head, "Using your arms?" he hesitantly offered, "You know, like a normal person?"

Usopp stiffened before dissipating into what could only be described as a human-bird puddle, "I'm surrounded by crazies." He moaned, "And superpowered individuals. Why Oda? Whyyyy?"

"Don't question the Great God." Thatch replied condescendingly, hefting the crate over his shoulder, "Now come on. If we can't get you to carry it, all that we can hope for is that Ace is distracting Haruta sufficiently."

Usopp nodded with trepidation, and inched towards the door, "Should we… open it now?" he asked, looking back at Thatch and Sabo.

"Yeah. The faster we get it over with, the better." Sabo urged.

Usopp gulped and nodded, before swinging the door open, and shielding his eyes from the light, "Well?" he questioned, "I'm not going to stay here forever." He prompted.

Sabo and Thatch sent a nod in Usopp's direction, before running out of the Prank Cabinet, and to the Commanders' Quarters section of the ship. Usopp watched their retreating backs and grinned hysterically, "Marco. If we die by Haruta's hands, I just want you to know that it's your fault for not loving yourself stupid!" he muttered, before spreading his feathers and taking to the air.

o-o

Back with Zoro and Luffy…

"Uh… Captain?" That was Zoro.

"Yes?" Luffy asked tiredly, without taking his eyes off the mess that was Thatch's kitchen.

"Don't you think we made plenty of mousse cake?" Zoro, too, was watching the chocolate slide down the wall.

Luffy turned to his First Mate with haunted eyes, "We did not make that monstrosity."

Zoro stared at his captain, through the corner of his eye, "But—"

"We did not make that monstrosity." Luffy stressed.

Zoro relented, "Okay… But how are we going to get all of this to Marco?"

Luffy perked up before groaning and banging his head on the countertop, "First order of business when we go back to East Blue: FIND A COOK!" his voice may have been muffled by the granite countertop, but Zoro could not mistake the frustration and content of what his captain was saying.

Zoro grimaced, "Aye aye…" he paused, "But seriously, captain. How do we get this to Marco?"

Luffy got up and stared at the chocolate sliding down the walls before reaching a conclusion, "We are not going to get this to Marco. We are going to bring Marco here! We just need to coat the entire room in Chocolate Mousse Cake!" he grinned excitedly, "Then everything will be best!"

Zoro stared at his captain for a moment before nodding and unsheathing Wado, "Okay. Let's start."

10 minutes later…

"Perfect!" Luffy grinned, as he watched the Chocolate perfectly coat the walls of Thatch's kitchen. "Now all Marco will have to do is get the Chocolate off the walls and eat!"

Zoro nodded lazily, cleaning the chocolate off of Wado with much effort, "What I still don't understand is how the Chocolate Mousse came alive the first three times we made it, made babies with each other and started projectile vomiting strawberries at us." He commented offhandedly, before freezing and shuddering in fear.

Luffy mirrored his first mate in his shudder and replied, "We never speak of that again."

Zoro nodded, sheathing Wado, "Agreed."

o-o

Marco didn't like it. Not one bit. Everyone was acting suspicious. He knew he dared them with making an awesome birthday party for him, but this was way too quiet.

Way too quiet.

Marco was just about to go talk to Oyaji, when he saw Thatch and Sabo run across the deck, each with a huge crate hefted over their shoulder. Then Usopp came zooming out not long afterwards, holding three buckets.

How… Why… You know what? For the sake of sanity, I won't question it. Marco just shrugged and continued on. Around five or so minutes later, he was encountered by the sight of Haruta looming over a cowering Ace who was backed away in a corner, wearing a smile that could make the Akainu shudder, and Gold Roger wheeze. And so, reasonably, like a reasonable person, Marco reasonably decided to interfere.

"What in the actual name of Oda is going on here?" Marco deadpanned, stepping in between Haruta and Ace's little… spat.

Haruta twisted his head a little and his smile widened dangerously, "This little cHiLd knows where the key to my PraNk CabIneT is… He knoWs… he KnoWSSSss… WhO tOok IT!" Haruta softly whispered.

Marco shuddered at the sound of Haruta's voice, "Look, Haruta." He reasoned, "Ace doesn't know."

"And how are you so sure?" Haruta challenged, the fog momentarily clearing from his eyes.

"Because I saw Thatch, Sabo, and Usopp run away from your direction of the commanders' quarters, with three buckets of something and two buckets of something." Inwardly, Marco was panicking because he just dumped all of the blame on Thatch.

Haruta tilted his head, "Thatch?" He parroted, before narrowing his eyes, "Tha—"

"PLAN 64!" Ace unexpectedly squawked. At Marco's incredulous look, and Haruta's face of dawning realization, Ace grinned sheepishly, "My apologies. Just had to keep it for the kids you know?"

"The kids? What kids?" Marco felt slightly out of his element.

Haruta was also befuddled for a moment before his mouth made a small 'o' shape in realization. Grinning, the shorter man slung his arm over Marco's shoulders and commented, "What kids? Marco, can't you see? There are KIDS. So many kids…"

Ace nodded understandingly, "Exactly. There are so many kids. They are very important. So, we keep it child friendly."

Marco stared at the two for a moment before huffing and flying off, "Of course…" he muttered, "Now I feel like my sanity dropped a little bit more…"

Once Haruta and Ace watched Marco fly out of earshot, Haruta turned to Ace and tweaked his ear.

"Owowowowow—"

"Where is Thatch?" Haruta growled, "He has some explaining to do."

o-o

When Thatch reached back to his quarters, five seconds before he was about to open the door to the kitchen, he shuddered in near-physical pain.

"What's wrong, Thatch?" Sabo teased, "Can't carry the crate? Oh! I expected a commander to be stronger than that!"

Thatch groaned, "I'm a commander, yeah, but I focus more on precision not strength. It comes with being a cook! And… I just have a bad feeling… is all."

Sabo nodded in understanding, "Ah."

Then, Thatch opened the door, took one look, and shut it again, "I am not dealing with that mess." He muttered.

Then, Haruta came crashing into him, "HOW DARE YOU THATCH!" he howled, before grabbing the sides of Thatch's face and shaking him forwards and backwards, "HOW DARE YOU PLAN MARCO'S BIRTHDAY WITHOUT ME!" a silent pause, courtesy of Thatch who had absolutely no words to say whatsoever, "Whatever." Haruta snorted, before getting off.

"Guess what?" Haruta grinned and folded his arms, "If I knew what you were doing, I would've let you take from my Prank Cabinet. However. You lied and didn't tell me. Therefore, your punishment." Haruta sucked in a deep breath, "I'm helping you!"

Thatch stared at Haruta before blurting out, "Wait, hold up, I didn't tell you?"

Haruta scowled, "No, now anyways. Ace told me that Zoro and Luffy were working on the cake, so let's see."

"No wait don't open the door—"

Haruta froze. Sticky chocolate painted the walls of Thatch's quarters, and a few strawberries here and there. Not even a centimeter of space in Thatch's quarter's wasn't filled with chocolate.

"Heyyy!" Luffy pranced up to them, as Zoro snoozed on, "How'd you like the cake?" and he spread his arms grandly to convey the chocolate coated room they were now standing in.

So, with all the articulation and intelligence in the world, Haruta perfectly summarized his thoughts in one word:

"What."

AN: I... am... ALIVE! Blame my horrible updating on school and writer's block. I don't know what to do, so I just dumped Marco's birthday into the picture. After this mini-arc is over, I have something else, much, much BIGGER planned, and ready to go, so please, don't flame me if there's a drop in the writing, I'm still trying to figure this out, haha. And I've been jumping fandoms a lot too. Once I settle into a fandom for a while, I'll start writing more. Thanks for waiting and reading this :D.

~~Oracle