DISCLAIMER: EIICHIRO ODA OWNS ONE PIECE, I OWN THIS STORY.

"What."

Thatch grimaced, and tried to tear his eyes away from the… scene that currently coated his walls. "Mind telling me what this is?" he questioned dryly. Luffy grinned widely in response, "It is Marco's cake!" he announced, and Zoro (who was now awake) dipped his chin in agreement.

Thatch's hand twitched minutely, as if he wanted to strangle either the rubber-kid or himself, but instead, he slapped his forehead and sighed, "We need to clean this."

"Why though?" Luffy questioned confusedly, "I think it's pretty good."

"Luffy." Sabo grumbled, "There is a reason you're the one eating the food and not cooking the food."

Luffy tilted his head blankly, "I don't get it.". Zoro nodded in agreement. "It's reasonable." The mosshead said, "The cake is everywhere. All he has to do is hug the wall and/or lick it."

Haruta shuddered, "Lick the wall?"

"Uh," Luffy eyed Zoro confusedly, "Yeah. What's so bad about that?"

"Luffy." Ace made a strangled sound with his throat, "That is so unsanitary."

"Well, I don't get it." Zoro interjected, eyeing everyone confusedly, "It's perfectly reasonable to cook like this."

"Zoro—" Thatch began, but another voice interjected.

"What is on your wall, Thatch?" an impressively tall individual with a moustache eerily similar to the former Pirate King peered in and looked around.

"Vista! Vista, hey, Vista!" Thatch yelped and turned around, dragging him inside and motioning for Haruta to shut the door behind them. The moment Vista was fully in the room, the door shut with an ominous click.

If he was nervous, he didn't let it show.

"Thatch, what are you doing?" Vista paused, "Please, please, please don't tell me this is a prank."

"A prank? Wait, what? No, it's not." Thatch shook his head.

"Oh, okay." Vista nodded, before looking around, "By the way, what have you done with the place? It smells…" Vista took a deep sniff and his face contorted, "…unique."

Thatch groaned, burying his head in his hands, "Please don't remind me." He moaned.

"Okay, seriously, what's going on?" Vista grumbled, "Why does everyone look semi-depressed?"

"Marco's birthday is tomorrow, and we're trying to give him a surprise party!" Luffy chirped, seemingly the only person in the room that was cheery.

"A surprise party, you say…" Vista stroked his moustache, "I don't suppose I could join in?"

Haruta grinned, "Oh yeah! We got another joining us! Welcome to the party." He punched Vista's forearm good-naturedly.

Vista rubbed his forearm slightly, "Ah yes, but before we do anything, could someone please tell me…" his eyes shut and he kneaded a headache, "Why it smells so bad in here?"

"…The chocolate cake is starting to dry and spoil." Thatch said faintly, still cradling his forehead in his hands, "That was half our chocolate supply and now it's just gone."

"Oh." Luffy tilted his head apologetically, "Sorry."

"Luffy." Ace pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "Okay, can we all take a vote to never let Luffy in the kitchen again? All in favor, say 'aye'"

Everyone in the room save for Zoro and Vista practically yelled out 'Aye'.

"I abstain from the voting. I do not even know what happened." Vista said.

"I don't get it." Zoro grumbled, "It was perfectly reasonable what we were doing. I don't see you doing any better." He snarked.

Thatch snapped his head up so fast, a crack sounded throughout the room. Vista's eyes widened in disgusted fascination, and Haruta winced from second-hand pain.

"Ooh…" Haruta hissed, "That's gotta hurt."

"You don't see us doing any better?" Thatch giggled disturbingly, hairs from his pompadour falling onto his face, giving him a more crazed aura about him, "YOU DON'T SEE US DOING ANY BETTER?!"

Zoro stepped back, but didn't deny what he said. "I don't." he said firmly, even as his hands trembled and his grip on Wado becoming a stark white.

Thatch laughed, and Ace felt his arm turn into fire, "Uh, Thatch?" he questioned, the ends of his hair combusting, and hissing with heat, "Are you okay?"

"No, Ace, I am not okay." Thatch grinned, and a few more hairs fell on his face, "I want my kitchen clean in 5 minutes. Do you think you can do that? 5. Minutes."

Sabo nodded so fast, Ace wondered if his neck would snap from the speed, "Yes, Thatch! We can do it, Thatch!" he smiled widely and stepped forward to the 4th Division Commander, pushing him back, "Just sit down and let us do the work!"

Usopp, who was silent till now, watched the chocolate on the walls with mild disgust, "That's going to stain my feathers for sure." He nodded. "Ah well, nothing a good preening will… cleanse." He tacked on hastily after Ace pinned him with a warning glare.

"I'm counting~" Thatch sang, scraping two cleavers together for no reason (except to maybe up the fear factor, in which case, mission accomplished).

Flames licked around Ace's body as he sped between the cooking stations, scraping chocolate off the walls, and dumping it in a bag. Usopp swooped down and grabbed a broom, before scrubbing. "How did you guys even get it up this far?" he murmured in fascination, smacking the wall with his broom.

Sabo grabbed two knives from Thatch's kitchen set, and sucked in a fearful breath when he saw Thatch's eye twitch, "I don't know!" he called out to Usopp, "Let it forever remain a mystery!" and he scraped at the walls.

Haruta wiped a bit of sweat from his brow, "How much time we've got left, Wolf Kid?"

Sabo closed his eyes, "Three. We need help." Ace made a sound of agreement. "Wait a second." Usopp muttered, turning around from his spot high up the walls, "Why aren't the people who caused this nightmare helping?"

Everyone turned to Zoro and Luffy in eerie synchronization, only for disbelief to color their expressions.

"Are they… playing cards?" Usopp voiced, completely befuddled with his situation at the moment.

"No." Ace growled, the ends of his hair sizzling, "They're playing with fire."

o-o

Zoro felt the hairs on his neck raise, and the Asura in his head suddenly go quiet. "What do you think you're doing?" he glared at Ace, in full Asura form, Wado and his two training swords unsheathed.

"You." Ace growled, his voice nearly unrecognizable, "Are helping us. Both of you."

Zoro furrowed his brow, "You could've just asked, instead of threatening us." He muttered, sheathing his sword, and flowing out of Asura form. He turned around, and faced Luffy, entirely uncaring of the way Ace screeched in rage behind him.

Luffy blinked, before shrugging, "Oh well. Shame no one could eat it though." he grumbled, before jumping forward, and raking his clawed hands at the walls.

With the addition of the swordsman and the future Pirate King, the room was clean exactly 26 seconds before 5 minutes ended. Thatch looked the room up and down, surveying everything with a careful eye.

He rubbed portion of wood near his stove area and sniffed, "Not bad." He conceded, "Good job. Okay. Let's do this again," he clapped his hands together and grinned, no longer homicidal, "But let's do it differently."

Everyone made noises of agreement, save for Vista and Zoro, who just grunted, then looked at each other appraisingly, before grunting again.

"Haruta, Vista, you two go distract Marco. Usopp, Luffy, go decorate. Zoro, keep an eye on everyone. Ace, Sabo, you two are helping me cook. Is everyone cleared?" Thatch grinned, "Cool! Let's go!"

Usopp raised a hand, "Uh, where do we decorate?"

Thatch stopped and stroked his goatee, "Hm… good question. Go for his cabin. Usopp, do you know where it is?"

Usopp nodded, The upside of being a liar. He mused, is the ability to read other people pretty damn well. He eyed Luffy, before amending his thoughts, Luffy's unbeatable though.

"Okay, everyone!" Thatch clapped, and Usopp's attention snapped to him, "Operation Marco's Birthday is a go!"

Usopp smiled and walked out of the cabin, breathing in the fresh scent of the air. "Hey, Cap'n." Luffy turned to him questioningly, before yelping as Usopp grabbed the back of his shirt, "Hold on." And with those two words of warning, he unfurled his wings and shot into the sky.

From then on, the only sound in his ears was the sound of Luffy whooping in excitement. He circled around in the sky a few more times, just for fun, before spotting Marco out on the deck. "Luffy!" He yelled over the wind.

"YEAH?!" Usopp grimaced, his eardrums ringing.

"Could you yell a bit quieter?!" he yelled.

"SORRY!" Usopp groaned, as his head started spinning.

"I found his cabin! Now just… hold on…!" he grunted, and stood upright in the air, before aiming for a low-down swoop-dive. Which was a really, really bad idea, because his head was spinning and he was carrying Luffy on his back.

So, he ended up crash-landing on deck. And, a testament to their amazing luck, Marco happened to spot them falling, and rushed over.

"Are you kids okay, yoi?" he checked them over for any injuries.

"Uh…" Usopp stared off into space for a few moments before snapping to attention.

"Oh yeah, we're fine!" Luffy giggled, "We were just about to—"

"I was carrying Luffy on my back, while I was flying." Usopp interjected smoothly, "He wanted to fly for a while. I was fulfilling that request." Technically not a lie. This was true. Luffy had been driving Usopp nuts, latching onto his back and asking if they could fly. Usopp had always screeched indignantly in response.

Marco raised an eyebrow, clearly confused with what he was hearing, "Usopp, you do realize that you're not strong enough to carry someone with you while flying yet, right, yoi? Especially if said someone is Luffy- yoi." Usopp knew this. Marco knew that Usopp knew this. Usopp knew that Marco knew that Usopp knew this.

Shoot. It took all Usopp had to not start sweating, I'm screwed. "I…" he swallowed, "I know, but Luffy's nagging was driving me nuts." Again, not quite a lie. It was driving him nuts. "I just decided that I would fulfill his request today. It's sunny, no? A light breeze… Perfect conditions for a flight. And besides, the Moby's Anchored here for a while, so…" Usopp glazed over on a few of the details, and prayed that Marco wouldn't call him out on it.

Unfortunately, he did.

"Usopp. You can fly." Marco deadpanned, entirely unimpressed, "You and I both know that if Luffy starts bothering you, you can literally just fly up to the top of the mast and camp out there for the next 2 hours. Luffy can't slingshot that high without risk of himself, nor can he directly jump up there. He's not strong enough. Why now?"

Uh… Usopp's eyes widened when he noticed Haruta and Vista staring at them incredulously, I… "I was about to take off on my own, but then my hand snagged on the back of Luffy's shirt. By the time I noticed, I was already 3 meters off the ground, and Luffy was already on my back, and I was riding up a wind current." Half-lie-half-truth.

Marco's eyes narrowed, SHOOT! Usopp panicked, DID HE NOTICE THE HALF-LIE?! He stared at Haruta and Vista's panicked faces behind him, before crossing his two fingers very purposefully.

Haruta's eyes widened in realization and he nodded grimly. He grabbed Vista's arm and dragged the man over to the Division Commanders' Cabins row.

"What are you staring at?" Marco questioned suspiciously, before huffing and directing his next question at Luffy, "Luffy. What was he staring at?"

Luffy whistled a little and rocked back and forth on his heels, "Noth…ing…" he replied, the words stilted. Usopp felt fond exasperation rise in his chest. Why is he so bad at lying?

Marco made a sound of frustration, before glowering at Usopp, "You're not going to give me a straight answer, ever, are you?"

Usopp grinned wickedly, and rocked back and forth on his heels, "Nope. But I can give you a curved answer." He retorted smoothly. After all, he, like most others in the Facility, in the beginning, tried to rebel with verbal taunts. He stopped, though, when they showed him the rotting, half-decayed tongue of the last person who attempted to talk back to them.

Usopp swallowed down the deep-ingrained fear and shot a guileless smile at Marco, who was progressively getting grumpier and grumpier, "So." He hummed, "Any questions?"

o-o

Haruta stomped as lightly as he could through the halls, before stopping and staring at Marco's door. Grinning, he used his other hand to yank the doorknob down and open the door. He threw Vista inside as unceremoniously as he could, and closed the door.

"Haruta." He hissed, "What are you doing."

Haruta shushed him and brought out a few pieces of confetti from Oda knows where. "Let's decorate."

"What?" Vista's face adopted the trademark confused look that was becoming rather common everywhere on the ship, "What do you mean? Isn't that Luffy and Usopp's job?"

"Yes, it was." Haruta nodded, "But then again, they got caught. So we're swapping our jobs."

"Really." Vista raised a brow skeptically, "And how do you know this?"

Haruta froze, "I… Usopp signaled to me. It was the swap signal. Means different things under different circumstances, but it wasn't too hard to put two and two together." Haruta sighed, "Come on, let's just decorate," a slow grin overtook his features, "I mean, unless you want Marco's room to be covered in pineapples…"

"NO!" Vista all but shouted, "Okay! Let's go!" He smiled cheerily, grabbing a deflated balloon from Haruta's hand.

o-o

"Sabo, cut this!" Thatch threw a stick of butter at the blonde. Sabo fumbled for a moment, but grabbed the butter stick and cut it cleanly in half. Oh god. I don't know how much more my wrists can take… Sabo smiled disbelievingly, How can cooking be this hard?

"Ace!" Thatch commanded, "Turn up the heat!" Ace grunted in affirmation, and his hair burst into flames.

Why oh why… Sabo nearly cried, Why did you and Zoro have to destroy the oven, Luffy? Why? I swear to all the Gods, holy and not out there, I will never let you in a kitchen again.

"Sabo!" Thatch dropped a heavy bag of flour on the counter, "Measure twenty-seven cups."

Sabo nearly dropped the knife, "Twenty…seven?" he whispered, and impending feeling of dread creeping up at the back of his mind.

Thatch stared at him like he was stupid, "Uh, yeah, twenty-seven." He snarked, clearly still frazzled from the previous state of his kitchen, "What, did you forget we're cooking for a crew of… 1,500-ish?" Sabo felt a little faint. Thatch didn't notice, and continued on, "Granted, a few of them may be on their own missions right about now, but…" he made a slight motion with his hands, "There will be at least 1,000 people at Marco's party. Most from the main crew, and then there are the allied crews…"

"Will… twenty-seven be enough?" Sabo asked shakily, "Or do we have to add more?"

Thatch shook his head, "It won't be enough. But we're only making one big cake. For Marco's inner circle of brothers. The ones closest to him. Honestly? This is the easiest part. It's cooking for the rest of the crew that's hard."

Sabo stumbled, and Thatch caught him just in time, "Whoa now! Can't have you falling yet! We still need to cook that cake!" Sabo envied Ace for being caught up in his being a human oven. At least then he wouldn't have to actively do anything but focus on regulating temperature.

"Oh my god." Sabo whispered, "What have I agreed to?"

Thatch eyed him concernedly before huffing in amusement, "Don't worry. Now come on, let's go." And so, that is the story of how Sabo had to shift into his werewolf form just to keep up with Thatch's tasks.

Many, many years in the future, he would never hesitate to bow down at the feet of the cooks of the Revolutionary Army. Clearly, they had to deal with hell.

o-o

Zoro was bored. It was taking all that he had to not fall asleep. He grumbled a little and shifted positions so his katana was jabbing him in the ribs. Pain (and the prospect of sleeping in an uncomfortable position) was more than enough to stop his eyelids from falling shut.

Okay. This is boring. He mused, I'm pretty sure Thatch put me here because he didn't know what to do with me, and he didn't want me to enter the kitchen again. (AN: Or, because the author had no idea what to do with him, lol.)

He got up, You know what? Imma go talk to the Old Man. As such, he walked towards the biggest section of the ship. The one section that he was sure held Whitebeard. Oh come on. There's no way I'll get lost… he took one step forward, and all of a sudden, his surroundings shifted and he was at the rail of the ship. "OH MY GOD YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" he screeched.

He turned around, and stomped off, only for his surroundings to shift again, to the railing. He seethed in silence, and turned around again, only to face the railing 2 seconds later. Zoro snarled like a rabid dog, and his shadow morphed into the Asura's.

Oh? The Demon stirred to life in the recesses of his mind, Why do I feel you calling on my power in frustration? It asked curiously.

I. AM. SO. DONE! Zoro raged, I AM SO DONE! FOR SOME ACCURSED REASON, I KEEP ENDING UP AT THIS STUPID RAILING! WHAt'S sO gOoD aBoUt tHe dAmN rAiLiNg?! His spirit's voice screeched in discordant tones, and Zoro could feel the Asura in his head take a startled step back.

Whoa, whoa, calm down. The Asura said warily, That… Your lack of direction… Is strange. The Asura seemed confused, I was a perfectly fine navigator in my time. How about this, you let me take control—

No way. Zoro interrupted, glowering at the Asura's form, Nice try.

The Asura sighed dramatically, Shame, then. I suppose you'll have to settle for the railing. I mean, unless you can lower your pride just so, so that someone can help you…?

Zoro froze, You're right. He said calmly, I will lower my pride.

The Asura crowed in satisfaction, Yes! So will you let me—

I'll ask the Fish-guy for help. I mean, he's right there. Zoro grinned victoriously, before snapping back to reality and stepping forward.

Aaaaaaaand finding himself at the railing again. He stared down at the rail like it was the bane of his existence, Oh my. The Asura murmured in his head, This is actually quite bad.

"Hey…" a new voice interrupted Zoro's train of thought, "Are you okay?"

Zoro turned around, and was met with Namur's concerned face, "No. I am not okay." He grumbled.

Namur raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong?"

Zoro's face soured, and a dark look overtook his eyes, "I tried to get to the Old Man. I tried. For some accursed, stupid, dumb reason, I always end up at this… RAIL!" he screeched, grabbing the rail so hard, it dented a little under his grip.

Namur felt his heart drop a little when he saw the dents on the wood. That's… Adam Wood… he gulped, This kid… "Hey, you want me to bring you to the Old Man?" he offered.

Zoro eyed him blankly for a moment, before nodding, "Yeah." And taking Namur's hand. They both took one step, before Namur had to turn Zoro around by force before he ended up back at the rail again.

o-o

Whitebeard rolled his sake gourd in his hand, and stared off into space. The air around his ship had been… different ever since those brats arrived. It was a very slight difference, one whose origin he could not pinpoint amongst the sea of sons he had.

It was almost like a… hurried air. A worried emotion, permeating the sea of love, joy and fondness. There was even a hint of… fear.

Whitebeard stopped rolling his sake gourd, and took a sip, his eyes narrowed in annoyance, If only I could pinpoint it…

"Pops!" he was snapped out of his musings by Rakuyo, "Repaired a few of the rafters." He drawled, in a South Blue accent, "Strange, though. Was almost like they were being… sat on. Or burned, a few of 'em." He seemed to get lost in his own world for a moment, before returning.

"Pops?" he questioned, "A few from Marco's division wanted me to tell you that we're gonna hit land soon. I…" he hesitated.

"Speak, Rakuyo, my son." Whitebeard said softly, putting his sake gourd down.

Rakuyo smiled gratefully, "I was worried, pops." He revealed, "This island is fairly close to Sabaody Archipelago. Only a few island hops away. Would only take a day or two to make it there with a good boat. It's a perfect location for…" he trailed off, but didn't need to finish his sentence.

"Slave traders." Whitebeard growled, "Keep a watch on the brats." Especially the Green-haired one. Whitebeard mused, I've been watching that one try to get somewhere, only to end up at the same railing 20 times in the past 5 minutes.

Rakuyo nodded, "Yes, Pops." He did a mini-salute and left.

Whitebeard sighed, Marco… he smiled, I'm sure you'll be surprised tomorrow.

It's time you learn to love yourself.

AN: So... I'm back from my hiatus. Yay! Okay, time for explanations. I have three reasons why I didn't update since September. The first, is that I had a severe case of writer's block, and honestly, I'm surprised that I was able to break through it so quickly. The last time I had a case like that, it took 2 years to break through. That's why I normally try to break the block when it's small. Secondly, I think I accidentally, may or may not have sucked the One Piece fandom dry of fanfiction lol. I'm pretty sure I read every good fanfiction here, at least twice. I mean it. Thirdly, school has hit grind mode. It's horrible. Horrifying. Terrible. It got really bad in February, the original time I was planning on writing and updating this chapter, so I could never do it. Now, it's starting to lighten up, so... here I am! Damn. I can't believe it's been a year... Ha... I'll fix my writing habits. On the plus side... My life has stabled out! I'll be writing more often, that's for sure. Haha... Here's to hoping I don't go on another 6 month hiatus!

P.S. I had wayyyyy too much fun writing Zoro getting lost, lol.

~~Oracle