Snippet 150
I'm the Best!
Genre: Adventure/Humor
Pairs: Jaded (Mercury/Emerald)
Parody: RWBY/Robot Chicken
AU-Type: Canon-eqsue AU
Tags: Jaune's side jobs, Mercury and Emerald are Bonnie and Clyde, Bank Robbery, Cinder's not in this for long.
An explosion rocked the Vale Kingdom's National Bank! It had been robbed as the robbers: Mercury, Emerald, Cinder, and Neo were escape with bags of money.
"Ok, where's our getaway driver? You idiots said you hired one!" Cinder said impatiently.
Skidding a stop in front of the bank was Jaune who pulled up in a souped up…go-kart. The kart was similar to a 1970 Plymouth Barracuda due to its front fascia and overall design, its six exhaust pipes (three on each side) and its engine sticking out of its hood that moves. The kart also features flame motifs and bears the Mario Kart trademark name on the tires. Jaune's emblem is located on the sides and rear of the kart as it was colored yellow with the flames blue. The four scrambled into the car.
"Who the hell are you?" Cinder asked. "Wait…Jaune?!"
"I'm the best!" Jaune said with a wink.
"Let's go then!" Cinder screamed.
"But there's four of you!" Jaune said concerned.
"Who the fuck cares?! Just drive!" Cinder screeched back as Emerald was loading her gun.
"The deal was transportation for three people, whose combined weight did not exceed 250 kilos." Jaune said matter of factly.
"Are you calling me fat?!" Cinder screamed.
"She has to go!" Jaune said.
To solve the problem, Cinder was shot in the face by both Emerald and Mercury.
"Sorry, Cinder." Emerald said with a laugh. "But you can walk back to the hideout if you're not arrested."
Mercury took her bag and Jaune backed up on Cinder's legs breaking them.
"Here we go!" Jaune said, lighting up a joint laced with thunder dust before taking off.
Cops were gaining on them all of which ran over Cinder ensuring she died alone and in pain. Emerald pointed out that the cops were gaining on them.
"Don't worry, I always come prepared!" Jaune said hitting a button on his go-kart to spew banana peels and bananas.
The peels hit the windshields to which the police were laughing at the attempt before it covered their vision and littered the road causing several of them to skid out and crash.
"Ok, that was kind of cool." Mercury admitted.
"Mercury, if we survive, remind me to tip him." Emerald said as a cop was closing in. "Look out!"
"I got it!" Jaune said, hitting another button as the car was surrounded by red turtle shells.
"Turtles! They're getting shot!" A policewoman said taking aim as her partner tried to stop her.
They hit the shell and their car flipped over Jaune's crashing into a pawn shop. Immediately, another police car shows up, so Jaune presses the golden mushroom button three times to speed up.
With each press, Jaune whooped that he was going faster as Emerald was hanging on for deal life because they realized have a manic on the wheel. Neo was inwardly screaming to go faster. But they were running into a roadblock with guns aimed at them, and Jaune was not stopping!
"You're not gonna try and smash through that, are you?" Mercury asked.
"I've already told Neo, I'm the best! Yahoo!" Jaune said pressing the star button on the steering wheel.
In a flash, he, the robbers, and the kart were now invincible and ramming down the police in the way.
"Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-Yahoo!" Jaune said taking a long repeatedly pressing the golden mushroom button to go even fast.
While doing so, he blasted three more pairs of police cars in their path, smash through the police path, another bank. As soon as the invincibility dies down, Jaune whirled around on the road and fired his ultimate weapon, the Blue Shell. What the trio was Jaune's weapon completely blew any police on their path to smithereens and tons of property damage.
"Well, that's done. Let's you three to your destination." Jaune said driving away.
By the time they got to the hideout, Emerald fell out of the car kissing the ground and calling Jaune…a good driver. Neo paid him with Cinder's cut of the loot, and Emerald handed him the tip. As Jaune drove away, Emerald collapsed into Mercury's arms.
"Never ever again." Emerald said exasperated. "I don't care if he's the best, I'm not getting in a car with him driving!"
"I second that. He was kind of cool with his car, though. Neo, where did you find him?" Mercury asked.
Neo showed them his help wanted ad as he labeled himself "The Best" and Mercury facepalmed.
"You know what? Call your…I'll call Roman to let him know Emerald and I will split with our cut." Mercury said getting his scroll out.
Emerald and Mercury left with their cut intent on getting far away from Vale and Jaune. They would start their new lives together elsewhere hoping they never had to hear the scream of "Yahoo!" again.
(A/N: A bit too much Jaune in this Emercury but the comedy was worth it. Next snippet is going for a vibe similar to Sonic for Hire. Think of it as a bit as inspired to Cinder's Fall from Grace, but Emercury-centic.)