9

If they stand behind you, give them your protection. If they stand next to you, give them respect. If they stand against you, show them no mercy.

This is the Meatstick prayer. Ianto was currently repeating it in his head as he watched the three fancy vessels touchdown and the representatives disembark, walking down the gangplanks to stand and look around with wonder.

The Mother Ship was overhead, looking like a threat in the upper Atmo. The smaller away vessels had taken a tour of the planet while Ianto's men shadowed them and threatened to blow them back into the black, finally getting them to land at the Facility's Airdock. He was pissed. Beyond normally pissed, enraged seems too lame of a word for the fire boiling his blood.

How dare they.

Come uninvited and unannounced, spying on the planet while his mate was in the final days of pregnancy, a time where NONE were welcome? Now he knew the negations would begin, their offers for the place. The lush greenbelts no doubt a lovely surprise to them. Of course, they also all brought with them…. Yes you guessed it. Meatsticks for protection. Ianto watched justice openly face palm as she realized their gaff, turning to look back at John who was shaking his head. You can't help stupid. Nope. Did the reputation of this planet really not warn these twats of the possibility that Meatsticks for security was likely to be… a misstep?

Sal stepped forward with a look of confusion, looking at Ianto like he was not sure how to proceed so Ianto calmly waved him forward. While the 'visitors' pulled out paperwork to argue about some sort of clause in a universal agreement with the Agency that said they can claim any planet in the region as their own, Ianto was calmly walking around the vessels with John and a waddling Jack, discussing which one they liked.

Toshiko walked out to loin them, informing them that the SP were on the way and pissed, ready to fine severely. They had talked to her about a plan to ring the planet with official 'pingers' that would automatically contact any vessel within range to warn them of their misstep as well as contacting and informing the SP that a breach was about to occur. They would then contact Torchwood to enquire if this was an authorized vessel or not. If not, they would be fined instantly. No muck abouts. Ianto agreed that this sounded like a great solution to their unwelcome guest problem and then helped Jack to a Hover for Toshiko to take him inside. He was lagging and clearly needed to rest. This shock arrival had shaken him, not something one in his position needed. In his final days, he should be resting not running for a Hover at speed with open fear. These fuckers were in the wrong place a the wrong time. Ianto watched her take his beloved to the shade of the faculty, then he wandered back to the front where Sal still had yet to speak, standing stoically as the man ranted and waved a hand in his face.

Finally it was Justice who asked "do you want to keep that hand? Waving it in my fella's face is only pissing us both off ya know."

The man swung to face her "Madam, this is between the menfolk."

Justice blinked, shocked that someone had just referred to her as 'madam' then the entire sentence finally sank in and she gaped openly at him "did you just dismiss me for having breasts?"

"Look. Mada…" the man flew back to land at the feet of some of the Meatsticks who were still trying to shake themselves clear of the weird feeling they had encountered since stepping foot here. As she stepped closer one of them reached out to touch her, like he was making sure she was real. This then mean he yelped as the top of his finger was now forfeit. Well… play stupid games, get stupid prizes. Eh?

"I am Justice. Welcome" she said, ignoring the man on the ground waling as he clutching his bleeding hand, turning to face the small contingent before her "This is a Meatstick Free environment. On this dirt… you are not longer Meatsticks. Welcome, step off the tarmac and feel the thrum of life. Come. You will not be punished for dropping your weapons. We are all one cell here and we imbibe all who join us."

Cautiously one did so and he took a deep breath before asking "Where is this sister?"

"Meatstick Heaven. Human Hell. This is where you come to get your soul. The Devil's Quarter. Here you become real, equals and most importantly… free men. Any and all Meatsticks who set foot on the Red Planet are relieved of service and free men. This is Freya" she turned to point to one of her sisters who stepped forward to acknowledge with a sharp nod of the head "She will take you home for refreshments. You can rest and acclimatize. Any who wish to stay, you are welcome. Under Rite of Ownership, we can claim any Meatstick who seeks asylum."

"Any?"

"And all" Freya sang softly in a high pitched voice "Come brothers. Come. I have need of a mate and I shall see if one of you strong enough to wrestle me."

"Excuse me, you can't…"

"This is Torchwood. The Red Planet. Of course we can. This is the main reason the Agency is pissed at us. You have come…. why? To try and bully us off our planet? Does not work that way boyo. This is OUR planet, legally and by blood rite. Shadow Proclamation also agree, this is ours. You are here illegally, uninvited. You came, you are getting on our wick and I think if you are still here by the time they get here… ah. Rhino."

The huge Judoon was stepping off his reinforced Flat Hover, the other two behind him stepping of theirs in unison. They lumbered over "The vessel is almost here. You lot… fuck off before they get here or I will issue writs against your families until the fines are paid."

"Look here boy!"

"I can see perfectly well and you are not worth looking at" Rhino replied.

Ianto had seen all he needed to, taking the time to read the papers that had been handed to him during the exchange and he said softly "You are misinformed. This planet is not for sale, does not belong to the Agency anyway, and even if it were… this is ridiculous. You cannot choose any planet in this sector as payment for your planet's training facility. They are fucking with you. They know your facility is not capable of churning out the warriors mine can. You have seen the water, the oasis here and there as you illegally flew in our airspace. You know the worth of this place. You are not here to negotiate, or nicely try to sign some agreement that has no many errors in it that I would suspect one of my children wrote it…you are a distraction."

They stared at him silently.

"I do not know why. No other vessels about, no reason to be like this unless someone else was counteracting somewhere else and yet… the only place we do not have sensors and the means to tell of an incoming vessel is in the Badlands. Please tell me you are no landing in the Badlands to secretly test the water there? That is out of bounds. That area is for the locals. We do not use that area out of respect for the indigenous creatures there." Ianto rubbed his face as John ran over.

"Rumblings. Someone woke the Sherdifs and they are rampaging worse than last time. Seems it is their whelping season and there are several calves to protect" John grimaced, the huge elephant sized monsters used to terrorise their last unwanted guests in a worse mood than before. John added with excitement "little creatures have been seen exiting the cave system, we know they are not Fire Bats but they seem small flightless versions… similar to rats but about the size of a cat. They are rampaging too, like they are their pets or something. Whoever it is over there in that quadrant …. They are about to have a very bad day."

"Well… I don't know what to say" Ianto shrugged "Not my monkeys."

"Not our circus" John said as he agreed turning to walk away, calling over his shoulder "Meatsticks. Come!"

They followed meekly as Justice and Freya fell into sep with him, the Judoon taking a moment to glare at the men now standing stock still with confusion, then lumbering back to their hovers to follow leisurely. They don't go that fast, not with that weight. Think of segways but with large trays to stand on and … well… a high lift off the ground.

Ianto turned to stare at the men who were still staring back.

"Well now, I guess you need to come inside before the rain starts. It is getting quite heavy in the afternoons after a sky of this colour and the electrical storms we usual get this time of day are merging with the rain to create super storms that are quite impressive." Ianto waved a hand "come. we have a walk ahead of us, I think the best thing to do here is for you to silently think of what you have done while we walk, then by the time we are seats at my table you can explain why I need to forgive this trespass. Hmm?"

Ianto prepared to walk, leaving them to either follow or get back into their ships.

Either way… he found that he did not care.