Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation

A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Chapter 1- Mouse Traps and Bear Traps

*The next day, at the Leanbox Basilicom...*

"But I have so many games to catch up on!" protested Vert, CPU of Leanbox, as she was pushed out the door.

"You've been inside for days! It's not healthy!" insisted her bodyguard, Peach C. Macintosh (known as 'Peashy' to her friends). "As your bodyguard, I won't allow you to get fat and lazy! Besides, it's just a walk outside, not like I'm making you do hard cardio at the gym!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake...!" the busty blonde sighed in mild exasperation. "Fine, fine, but just this once."

(Once a week, at least,) Peach thought to herself, but decided to keep quiet for now. "We'll just stroll to the nearest park and back. Surely you can manage that, right?"

"...I suppose," Vert conceded. "But must you wear your armor? The threat of invasion from the netherworld is all done and over with now..."

"Force of habit, Lady Vert," the ex-soldier shrugged. "At least I'm not wearing my helmet..."

And so off the two blondes went, heading to the park in question... As they walked down a mulch path, Peashy suddenly put her arm in front of her goddess, forcing her to halt. "Peashy, what...?!"

"Look there," Peach pointed a few feet ahead, where something was laying in the path that definitely shouldn't have been.

"Is that a... bear trap?" Vert gasped in surprise. "What in the world...? I certainly hope this isn't someone's idea of a prank!"

"Don't worry, I've got this," her bodyguard affirmed, taking her baton and walking over to the trap, slowly lowering one end onto the trigger...

*SNAP!* the trap snapped shut, the sharp teeth splintering Peach's baton in half! "There we go! Path's clear, Lady Vert!"

"Thank you, Peach," the CPU nodded as her bodyguard picked up the disarmed trap, following the chain to where the anchor was set in the ground. Walking past where the trap had been set, she heard Peashy struggling to pull the anchor out-

*click!* *PHWHUMPSH!* The ground suddenly collapsed under Vert's feet, sending her into a pitfall! "Oh no!" Peach screamed as she ran to the edge, peering down the hole. "Lady Vert, are you OK?! Say something, anything! I'm sorry, I never thought that anchor was a trigger for another trap...!"

"This is... not my day..." the busty goddess groaned from the bottom of the pit, half buried in dirt and mulch with swirls in her eyes...

*Meanwhile, in Lowee...*

"Errrrgh!" the rude woman from the prologue grunted as she pulled back the bar on the giant mousetrap, eventually setting the hook over it. "Phew... alright, Warechu, put out the bait."

"Ugh..." the gray rodent cautiously approached. "This trap makes me really nervous, chu..."

"It's not for you, idiot!" the woman yelled, now revealed to be Linda, the former ASIC Underling from Hyperdimension Neptunia mk2. "Now hurry up with those damn dolls!"

"Right-chu!" Warechu nodded, bringing two dolls resembling the Lowee CPU Candidates, Rom and Ram. "Better make sure they work first..." He pulled the string on the Rom doll, which began saying robotically, 'Help... save me... big sis...' He then pulled the string on the other doll which recited much the same thing.

Warechu then tossed the two dolls on the mousetrap, which would have set it off had Linda not grabbed it just in time! "Will you be careful, you stupid rat?!" she yelled as she reset the trap. "Now hide, that bitch White Heart'll be flying by any minute!"

"Got it, chu!" the mouse nodded as he quickly hunkered down behind a nearby bush. Linda then turned the volume on both dolls to max, pulling both cords before quickly going behind the bush herself!

In the skies above, CPU White Heart of Lowee (AKA Blanc) was flying on an air patrol in her HDD form... but then her ears picked the sound of two familiar voices.

"Help me... big sis... save me... help us, Blanc..."

(Rom? Ram? But I thought I left them back at the Basilicom!) Blanc thought to herself. Of course, it wouldn't have been the first time they'd followed her without permission... but how would they have gotten captured so quickly? (Dammit, I can't take the chance!) Mind made up, she flew down toward where the voices were coming from! "Hang on! Your big sister's coming!"

But when she spotted the mousetrap, the goddess quickly stopped, staring at the dolls in disbelief. "What... the... hell?!" she sweat-dropped as her eyes shrank to white circles. "Do they seriously expect an intelligence-type CPU like myself to fall for something this stupid?!" Looking around, White Heart spotted a familiar black heart tail poking out from behind a bush...

"Ah-ha! Found you, you little shits!" the CPU declared as she brandished her axe, swinging and catching both Warechu and Linda behind the blade, whirling a few times before slamming them on the mousetrap, which promptly snapped down on their necks! But as she floated down to admire her handiwork, Blanc suddenly spotted stitches going down their backs! "Huh?!" She experimentally tugged at Warechu's head, which promptly popped off, stuffing falling out through the neck. "These dummies are really... dummies?!"

"Now, now! Spring the trap!"

"I'm tryin'! The button's frozen, chu!"

"Oh for- gimme that!"

"Did that Underling just pull a fast one on me?!" White Heart muttered in disbelief, before feeling a sudden rumbling. "Uh-oh..." A giant bear trap suddenly emerged from below the mousetrap, the wood splintering as it's sharp teeth snapped shut!

...but Blanc wasn't in the trap, floating just inches above it! "Holy shit, that was close!" she gasped as she set down next to it, tapping it a few times with the blunt side of her axe. "What the... industrial-grade diamond?! Okay, this plot is way above that Underling's brain-grade!" Looking around again, she saw nothing but the Rom and Ram dolls that had been thrown aside by the other two dummies from earlier. "Ugh, I'd better get back to the Basilicom before any more nasty surprises happen!" On a whim, she grabbed the twin dolls before flying off into the sky...

Not long after, Linda and Warechu came out of hiding, stopping next to the giant bear trap. "Warechu, you moron! If it hadn't been for you we'd've had her!"

"W-well, hey, look on the bright side! At least we didn't get our butts kicked this time, chu!" the mouse stammered in fear. "I mean, I can't remember the last time we went after a CPU and didn't get thrashed, chu..." But then, a creaking noise was heard, the two turning to see the bear trap falling towards them! "YAAAHHH!"

*SMASH!*

"...like... I was... sayin', chu..."

"Oh... shut... up...!"

*To be continued...*