Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation

A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Chapter 2- Conference Call

*A short while later...*

"I'm telling you, that mousetrap set-up looked so damn lame!" Blanc stated over the conference call between the four CPUs, though Nepgear was standing in for her sister. "If Underling was behind it, she sure had me conned! Me, of all people! I only escaped by luck!"

"At least you escaped unscathed," Vert sighed, her hair still moist from her shower. "Who would have thought that bear trap was actually a trigger for a pitfall? Poor Peashy couldn't stop apologizing, even though I told her I didn't blame her for missing it..."

"Yeah, your bodyguard's not exactly the brightest bulb, is she?" Noire spoke up. "No offense meant."

"None taken."

"Yeah, but Neptune's still having stomach problems after I made her throw up that eggplant pudding," Nepgear said. "I mean, who would do something that cruel to my sister?! Other than Underling, of course..."

"Yeah, about that..." Blanc muttered, "wasn't she supposed to be locked up in maximum-security?!"

"She should be," the CPU Candidate replied, "but I'll go and check later, just to be sure..."

"Anyway, Blanc, I assume you didn't call us all just to complain about your near-game over experience?" Vert inquired.

"Oh right..." Clearing her throat, the flat-chested CPU began, "Well, I need all of the other goddesses to come here to Lowee... something major's happened, but I don't want to say it over the phone... who knows who could be listening in."

"I'll be sure to tell Neptune," Nepgear nodded.

"This feels like a teaser trailer that doesn't reveal anything!" Noire complained. "Can't you at least give us a hint?"

"Well... I can say there's someone I want you all to meet," Blanc elaborated. "Also, it involves something that was done in Leanbox..."

"In my nation?" Vert said, curiosity piqued. "But how is it related to this mystery person you want us to meet?"

"You wanna find out, you'll have to come here, Thunder Tits," Blanc deadpanned. "Let's just say they didn't have the best sense of direction, and leave it at that..."

"Must be a really bad sense of direction to end up in the nation furthest away from Leanbox!" Noire said with light laughter. But then, an 8-bit rendition of her musical theme sounded from her hip... "Oops, I've got a call on my cell... Hold on a second." Answering her phone, she spoke, "Uni, this had better be important, I'm in the middle of- Huh? Your gun vault...? Uni, slow down! Take a breath! ...someone ransacked your gun collection?! Okay, call the police, and I'll be down there as soon as I can!" Hanging up, she returned her attention to the other goddesses... "Sorry, I have to get going... Looks like I've got a crisis of my own to deal with."

"Sure," Blanc nodded. "How about you and Vert and Neptune come to Lowee in two days? Would that work?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Noire nodded. "Okay, see you then, bye!" She then hung up.

"That works for me as well," Vert also agreed.

"I'm sure Neptune will be feeling better by then," Nepgear added. "In the meantime, I'll go check to see if that Underling escaped somehow..."

"If she did escape, you better make damn sure the warden or whoever gets punished for incompetence!" Blanc growled. But then she was distracted by two cries of surprise and dismay... "Oh, shit! Rom, Ram, what happened?!"

"Blech! These stupid dolls you brought us covered us in slime!" Ram complained as she walked on-screen, her head half covered in green goo. "Ptooey! Yuck! I think some got in my eye!"

"Don't rub it!" Blanc cautioned. "Dammit... figures the dolls themselves were rigged... I gotta go, see you in two days."

"Hopefully it comes out in the bath..." Nepgear said. "See you later!"

"Good-bye, Blanc, little Nepgear," Vert said before they all hung up.

*Back at Ho-Hum HQ...*

"We almost had Blanc," Linda complained, she and Warechu sporting large lumps on their heads, "but thanks to Warechu, we-"

"You don't have to tell me!" the leader cut her off. "I can see what happened!"

"Wow, you're a really smart cookie, chu!" Warechu observed.

"And you have failed me, you miserable rodent!" the horned man yelled as he seized the mouse by the tail!

"OH NOOO!" Warechu screamed just before getting slammed into the wall, then the floor!

As the mouse kept getting slammed into the floor, the kid laughed, "Ha ha! Mr. Mousie's getting spanked!"

"Now, now, Citrus," a blue-skinned hand gently came down on her head, "Would you like it if someone laughed at you getting spanked?"

"Um... no," Citrus looked down in shame. "Sowwy." At that moment, a call came in on the nearby communications console... the leader drop-kicked Warechu into the wall one last time, before marching over to said console and answering.

"Generic Soldier #20 reporting in!" the armored shadow saluted.

"You had better have good news for me," the horned man growled.

"Yessir! Operation Pitfall was a complete success!" Soldier #20 nodded. "Lady Vert never suspected a thing!"

"Excellent work! Now, return to base!"

"Wilco, Overlord Momus! Soldier #20 out!" the soldier saluted before the screen went dark.

"Now then..." Momus turned back to Linda who was shivering in fear. "Seeing as the failure was Warechu's and not yours, I believe that lump on your head will be punishment enough. Just tell me one thing... did Blanc take those two dolls with her?"

"Y-yessir, she did!" the punk girl nodded vigorously.

"Ah, good. Then the operation was not a total loss," the leader stated in mild satisfaction. "Just keep in mind, I won't be so merciful next time if you fail again. Do I make myself clear, Miss Linda?"

"C-crystal clear, Overlord Momus!" Linda saluted. "I won't fail you again!"

"Me neither, chu..." Warechu groaned from his prone position on the floor.

"Well, for starters, get this sorry rodent out of my sight!" Momus ordered, Linda promptly scooping up her companion and dashing out of the room.

"So when do I get to do somethin' fun?!" Citrus complained.

"Patience, Citrus. All in due time," the horned man assured her. "Dogoo Man, perhaps you could take her out to the nearby park to play?"

"Yes, sir, Overlord Momus!" Dogoo Man assented, taking the little girl by the hand and leading her out of the room. Not long after, another woman emerged from the shadows.

"I knew you were there, Generic Thief #11," Momus crossed his arms in mild annoyance. "Report."

"Complete success, naturally," Thief #11 chuckled, brandishing a few firearms. "Check out these high-end guns I lifted from Uni's stash! I'll admit, her security was pretty state-of-the-art, but not enough to stop me."

"Yes, very high-end indeed," the Ho-Hum leader chuckled as he took a laser rifle in his hands. "Generic Soldier #20 will certainly put these to good use... I'll admit, I was wary about bringing you on, but this success has effectively assuaged my fears. I'll be sure to call on you for more thefts in the future..."

"I look forward to it!" Thief #11 grinned, the two then sharing an evil laugh together...

*To be continued...*