Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation

A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Chapter 7- Welcome to Planeptune

*In an underground bunker at the outskirts of Planeptune City...*

"Authorities are still searching for the escaped convict known only as Linda," the newswoman stated on the TV. "Originally an operative of the Arfoire Syndicate of International Crime, or ASIC for short, Linda was also recently involved in a conspiracy by the anti-CPU Citizen's Group to discredit CPU Candidate Nepgear by framing her for a terrorist attack..."

"Come on! Isn't there anything else on?!" said escaped convict muttered as she munched on some week-old potato chips.

"It's just basic cable, chu! Nothing good on any of the channels!" Warechu shrugged helplessly. "Man, I envy that Citrus kid, she can go out whenever she likes, cause she's not a wanted criminal, chu!"

"Eh, the less I have to deal with that hyper girl, the better," Linda shrugged, rummaging for another handful of chips... only to be caught by surprise as her cell phone suddenly started ringing, causing her to fall off the couch in shock. "Crap!" Quickly righting herself, she grabbed at her phone which slipped out of her greasy fingers and clattered to the floor. "Argh!" she grunted as she wiped her hands on her coat, before grabbing the cell again and finally answering. "H-Hello? Hello!"

"Underling #3," came the voice of her boss, "I've just received word that the CPUs are returning to their respective nations, and that the alien goddess of the Animenga Cluster is accompanying Neptune for the time being. I'm sending some of my new recruits to your locations, along with a device with which we will execute our next evil plot..."

"Uh... w-with all due respect, sir, not that I don't wanna get revenge on Neptune and Nepgear, but I don't feel getting vaporized or disintegrated by that alien goddess! I won't go on a suicide mission!"

"That's where Citrus comes in," Momus replied calmly. "Is she with you right now?"

"Uh... she went out to play with Dogoo Man," Linda replied.

"I see... in that case, when the time comes, you will tell Dogoo Man to direct Citrus to infiltrate the Basilicom, and draw Neptune and Nepgear out to your location... I believe they will think that the Animenga goddess' assistance will be unnecessary in attempting to capture you. Now then, this is what I want you to do next..."

*On the streets of Planeptune City...*

"Wow, this is totally technologically advanced!" Haruhi said in awe, as she, Neon, Neptune and John Smith rode a solid-light platform down a transport tunnel, which was transparent enough for the group to observe the architecture.

"It's a little much," John admitted. "I mean, it's a nice place to visit, but I'm not so sure I'd want to live here..."

"Unsurprising, given that you have lived in Lowee for all of your life," Neon stated. "Am I wrong?" John just shook his head in response.

"Well, some of the other cities might be more up your alley," Neptune shrugged. "Anyway, see that tall spire in the center? That's the Basilicom where I live!"

"It appears that's where we're headed," Neon observed. "Histoire will be there, then?"

"Yup! And my kid sister, too!" Neptune exclaimed. "Fair warning, though, once she finds out that you're aliens, she'll probably start asking if you've got giant robots and the like..."

"I never want to see another giant robot for as long as I live," Neon muttered under her breath.

"She's got personal history with those things," Haruhi quickly explained. "I'll handle the giant robot issue in her stead."

"I always thought giant robots were too impractical for real-life scenarios, anyway," John spoke up.

"There miiiight be a few people in Leanbox who disagree with you on that front... Oops, we're almost there!" Neptune said, the platform coming to a stop at the end of the tunnel, the group promptly stepping off and taking some stairs to street level. "Okay, only a short walk to the Basilicom now!"

*Planeptune Basilicom*

A few minutes later, the quartet entered the Basilicom, Neptune greeting a few of the priests who were working at their desks, closely monitoring the Shares' ebb and flow. "Wow, these priests take their job seriously, huh?" Haruhi observed.

"Well, someone has to, unlike our CPU," one priest snarked.

"Hey, low blow!" Neptune protested. "Man, I get no respect... I always come through in the clutch when it counts!"

"Except for that time you got beaten by the Gold Third," John said sarcastically.

"Well, excuse me, Kyon! I can't do anything about hopeless boss fights! They're unwinnable for a reason, ya know!" the CPU sighed.

"Interesting how you frame discussions as if we are in a video game," Neon mused.

"It's called GAME-industry for a reason, Neon," Haruhi pointed out. "So, where's Histoire at?"

"Probably in my office, doing my paperwork, if Nep Jr. isn't doing it herself," Neptune replied. "Oh, hey there, Compa!"

"Hello, Nep Nep!" the busty nurse greeted with a smile. "Who are these people...? New friends of yours?"

"Something like that," Haruhi nodded. "I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, this is Neon Evangelion, and that's Kyon!" The NPC just sighed as he put his hands in his pockets. "We come from far away, so Neptune's showing us around!"

"I'm from Lowee," Kyon sighed under his breath.

"Oh, well it's very nice to meet you all!" Compa bowed politely. "If you're looking for Histoire, I think she's having a discussion with Iffy and Nepgear at the moment..."

"Iffy...? What kind of parents give their kid a name like that?" Haruhi wondered.

"It's a nickname, she's actually named IF," Neptune explained. "She's an agent for the Intelligence Division of the Planeptune Guild..."

"So it's a codename then," Neon guessed.

"Eh, believe what ya want, but I've known her as Iffy ever since we met," the CPU said. "Anyway, let's go crash the meeting! Maybe Iffy's found info on that server who fed me eggplant pudding!"

"Well, he's signed his death warrant if that's the case," Kyon sweat-dropped. "Lady Neptune hates eggplant with a passion..."

"Ahh," Haruhi and Neon gasped and nodded in comprehension.

*And so, a few minutes later...*

"So, yeah, we haven't been able to find any proof that these incidents were tied together..." IF said to Histoire and Nepgear as Neptune and the others approached. "Oh, hey there, Nep! Back already?"

"Hey there, Iffy, Histy, Nep Jr!" Neptune greeted with a wave. "I brought back some new friends! This is Haruhi, this is Neon, and-"

"That's Kyon!" Haruhi finished for her, causing the NPC to duck his head in annoyance.

"...I assume this has something to do with your meeting with the other CPUs in Lowee?" Histoire inquired.

"Yeah, something like that..." the CPU put a hand behind her head. "Um, Neon, how 'bout you give everyone the low-down?"

"...Low-down?" the pale girl tilted her head in confusion.

"She means explain who you are and why you're here," Kyon supplied.

"Oh! ...Very well then." Neon stepped forward, bowing lightly to the trio. "First of all, let me say: Do not be alarmed. We hail from the Animenga Star Cluster, and we come in peace."

"Star cluster...?" Histoire's eyes went wide.

"W-w-what the goodness?!" Nepgear gasped with the classic Nepgya-face. "Y-you're aliens?!"

"Yep! I'm the goddess of Animenga, and Neon is my Oracle," Haruhi stated. "You might say we're on a world tour of sorts... Hm? Something wrong, Neon?" She looked over at her subordinate.

"You... IF, correct?" Neon stared at the brunette critically. "You did not react with the same level of shock as the other two... indicating that you were already aware of our true natures."

"Wow, good guess," IF sweat-dropped.

"Wait a nep! How is that even possible?! We just got here!" Neptune cried in surprise and disbelief.

"...Koizumi," Kyon spoke up. "Clever bastard, now it all makes sense..."

"Koizumi?" Haruhi and Neptune turned to the NPC.

"Itsuki Koizumi," IF nodded. "He's our liaison with the Lowee Guild's Intelligence Division."

"He's a spy?!" Neptune's eyes shrunk to circles.

"What the hell, Kyon?! Why didn't you tell us sooner?!" Haruhi demanded angrily.

"Like I said, I'm good at keeping secrets," the high-school student shrugged. "He must've contacted IF here right after I threw him out of the Basilicom... hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he made that nonsensical lecture on purpose to have an excuse to make an exit without looking suspicious. Played me like a fiddle, as usual..."

"You must be John Smith," Iffy observed. "Itsuki's said that he's quite fond of you..."

"Thank you, goddess! Finally, someone who gets my name right," John threw up his hands in semi-jubilation.

"Okaaaay, getting back on-topic," Neptune said, "I assume you've told the spy agencies in the other nations too?"

"That's right," IF nodded, "but they've agreed to keep it quiet for now, so we don't cause panic in the streets..."

"Well, that's a relief," Haruhi sighed. "I wasn't planning on going public until we visited Lean-Box at the earliest..."

"By the way, Iffy, you find anything on that fake server who poisoned me?" Neptune inquired insistently.

"Uh, you do realize you didn't give us much to go on, Nep," IF sweat-dropped. "If you'd given us a better description of the guy..."

"Believe me, I've tried and tried to recall, but I just get 'data-not-found' every time," the goddess lamented. "It's like one of those dreams that totally vape on you as soon as you wake up..."

"I didn't really get a good look at him either," Nepgear admitted sadly. "I was more concerned about saving Neptune..."

"Well, let's put that aside for now," Histoire suggested. "Was there any specific reason you brought these aliens here first? And please don't say it's because you're the protagonist."

"That is not it," Neon shook her head. "In order to better understand this world, we require knowledge of its history... which would appear to be your primary function, given your name."

"Ah, I see," the all-knowing tome nodded. "Well, in that case, I would be happy to assist you... but we should head to a room where we can sit down and get comfortable, because this might take a while..."

"Just don't start at the very beginning, Histy, or we'll be sitting for three weeks!" Neptune moaned.

"Maybe you could start with when Neptune and I were first born, Histoire," Nepgear suggested.

"Sounds like a good compromise," Haruhi agreed.

"Well, in the meantime, I have to get back to Guild business," IF spoke up. "If I speak to Koizumi again, I'll tell him you said 'hi', John."

"Sure," the NPC nodded. "Just remember to hang up if he starts getting philosophical on you..." This elicited a chuckle from the Animenga goddess.

*A short time later...*

Citrus couldn't contain her excitement. Finally, Dogoo Man had told her that his boss said she could visit the Basilicom! Even though she was alone now, she knew the way there easily.

Jogging through the front door like she didn't have a care in the world, she waved to some of the priests, who smiled and greeted her warmly. One of them was even kind enough to tell her where the CPU maybe was! So she took the stairs (mostly because she wasn't tall enough to reach the buttons on the elly-vator), heading up to the third floor, then looking around...

Hearing voices, Citrus turned and ran to the door leading to the room where games were played and books were read, seeing her target, along with her sister, Histy, a man in shadow, and two other girls she didn't know. But that didn't matter now, as she dashed full-bore at the goddess...

One of the new girls turned and saw her. "Incoming!" she cried.

The CPU turned in her direction. Her eyes went wide. Her mouth opened as if to scream.

Too late.

*BAM!*

"AAAHHHHHH!" she cried in pain, slamming down hard on her back, Citrus landing on the girl's midsection.

"AHHAHAHAHA! I win! You're still so weak, Neptuna!"

"Nnnnngh..." Neptune lifted her head up weakly. "H-hi there, P-ko... where'd you come from?"

*To be continued...*