Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation
A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction
by Derald Snyder
Chapter 10- Dragon Ball vs. Uzume
*Planeptune Basilicom- Training Room*
"Uh! Uh! Hah!" Uzume Tennouboshi grunted as she pounded away on a punching bag. Though her hair was in its usual style, she was currently wearing an orange tank top and black exercise shorts with white sneakers, her hands still wearing her usual fighting gloves. Stepping back, the redhead wiped some sweat from her brow, only to hear a strange sound from right beside her, instinctively turning and swinging a haymaker-
-catching Dragon Ball right in the left cheek! "OW!" the raven-haired woman cried in surprise as she fell on her butt from the unexpected attack. "What was that for?!"
"For trying to ambush me, that's what!" Uzume retorted. "Who are you and why did you try to sneak up on me?!"
"You've got it all wrong, I wasn't tryin' to sneak up on anyone!" DB protested, putting a hand to her cheek. "Your friend Neptune said you needed a sparring partner, so I teleported to your location by pinpointing your energy! I don't do sneak attacks unless it's a life-or-death kinda fight!"
"Nepsy sent you?" Uzume's expression softened a little. "Well, sheesh, why didn't you say so?" She held out her hand, Dragon Ball accepting it and getting pulled up to her feet. "Seriously, though, next time come in the door, OK?"
"I'll try to remember that," DB nodded. "By the way, my name's Dragon Ball. You're... Uzume, right?"
"Uzume Tennouboshi, that's me!" the CPU smirked. "Bet you wish you had a dope name like that, instead of being named after balls!"
"Blame Grandpa for that," Dragon Ball ducked her head. "Um, anyway, Lady Li- Haruhi says that if we fight, we should head to a wide-open space... I kinda have a tendency to start destroying the landscape when I get rolling..."
"Who's this Haruhi character, though?" the redhead asked. So Dragon Ball explained where she came from and why they were here... "You're aliens?! Whoa, that's awesome!" Uzume said with stars in her eyes.
"Ah-heh..." DB grinned with a hand behind her head. "It's really not anything that spectacular... I mean, Oracle Neon is more 'alien' looking than I am... I'm just a martial artist who loves a good spar! So, you know any wide-open fields nearby?"
"I know a place outside the city, sure," the redhead nodded. "But it'd take a while to get there, even by bus..."
"Hey, no worries. I can fly, after all!" DB said, levitating a half-foot off the ground to prove her point. "You'd be willin' to let me carry you over there?"
"...Sure, I guess," Uzume nodded after a moment. "I mean, I can fly when I transform, but I'd rather be as fresh as possible to face you..."
"You can transform, too? Great! Now I won't have to hold back as much as I thought!" the spiky-haired woman grinned. "Alright, let's head outside so I can fly you over to where we can cut loose!"
"Okay!" Uzume agreed...
*A few minutes later, in aforementioned wide-open field...*
"You gonna be okay?" DB asked as she observed Uzume sitting on the ground, a bit dizzy. "Maybe I shouldn't've flown so fast..."
"Just need a minute," the CPU grunted, slowly getting to her feet after a few seconds, shaking her head before smacking herself with both hands a few times. She then took a fighting stance, dancing in place a little before turning and throwing a few jabs, then turning the opposite direction and repeating. "...okay, I think I'm ready now!"
"All right!" Dragon Ball grinned as she took her own stance. "Let's go, Uzume!"
"Okay!" With that, the two women charged each other with fists cocked, said fists then thrusting forward and colliding, causing a shockwave through the field which rolled the grass! "Geez, it's like punching a rock!"
"Glad to see you didn't get blown away!" DB complimented. She then lashed out with a high kick that was ducked under, Uzume attempting to sweep her other leg, only for the martial artist to roll away and right herself! Uzume then went in with a right straight which was blocked, the two then trading rapid punches faster than the eye could see! Realizing they were evenly matched, Dragon Ball broke off and jumped into the air, spreading her hands over her face! "Taiyoken!" Immediately a bright light filled the area, forcing Uzume to cover her eyes from the intensity! Touching down, DB went on the attack, only for the redhead to grab her arm and throw her over her shoulder! "Huh?!"
"Nice try, but I've had to fight in really dark places before!" Uzume taunted. "So I know a thing or two about how to fight blind!" She jumped away as Dragon Ball tried to sweep her legs, taking a defensive stance as her opponent rushed in again, blocking several punches to the face, only to gasp in pain as DB abruptly changed direction and connected with a body blow! But by this time, Uzume's eyesight had recovered, allowing her to grab her opponent's other fist, then deliver a knee to the gut, before rolling backwards and throwing her head over heels!
Dragon Ball rolled and flipped away a few yards, turning to face her opponent again. "Not bad! But let's see how you handle this!" She raised both arms in the air, spreading her fingers... "KA..." She moved her arms down in a circular motion. "ME..." She then brought her hands together at the wrists, her right hand atop her left. "HA..." She pulled her hands to her right side... "ME..." A bright light began to shine between her cupped hands...
Uzume said nothing in response, simply summoning her megaphone in her hand.
"HAAAAAAAAA!" Dragon Ball thrust her hands forward, shooting a bright blue beam of energy directly at the redhead, who brought her megaphone to her lips...
"AAAAAAAAHHH!" The sound waves caused the energy blast to halt in midair, wavering, then dispelling entirely! As for DB herself, she was forced to clap her hands over her ears from the noise, leaving her open as Uzume swiftly threw her megaphone and nailed her in the face, the CPU then rushing in and hitting the martial artist with an elbow to the solar plexus, following up with rapid-fire fisticuffs to the face and chest, finishing with a final straight that sent DB skidding back several feet, her arms crossed in a blocking position. "Wow, you must be pretty fast to block that follow-up!" She put up her dukes as Dragon Ball rushed in again, the two trading punches at breakneck speed for a bit, ending with a cross-counter, causing them both to stumble away!
"Ngh... I think that'll do for a warmup," DB stated. "What say we take this up a notch? You said you could transform, right?"
"Yeah, I did," Uzume nodded. "Just so you know, my personality changes a bit when I go HDD, so don't be too shocked, alright?" With that, she stood straight and took a deep breath before crying, "Access!" The CPU was engulfed in a pillar of light, which faded to reveal her orange-haired Hard Drive Divinity form. "Ta-daaaa! Orange Heart, the heroine of love and dreams is here!"
"Wow, that's quite a change," Dragon Ball observed. "My transformation's not quite so drastic, but..." She spread her feet and hunched down, clenching her fists. "Haaaaaaaa...!" She focused her energy at the spot of her back where the heart and lungs were located, her black eyes turning to aqua green, her hair spiking up and standing on end completely as it also turned green, then brightened further to a pale yellow, a golden aura surrounding the warrior as her transformation completed! "In this form, you can refer to me as Super Dragon Ball Z!"
"Wow! That's super dee duper!" Orange Heart complimented as she slowly rose into the air, DB doing the same. "But Uzume's still gonna send you to dreamland!"
"Heh, we'll see about that!" Super DBZ grinned, before rushing forward with an outstretched fist, Uzume barely blocking the punch with her arm-shield! With a shove, Orange Heart was sent careening toward the ground, but she managed to catch herself on a small rock outcropping! The CPU then pushed off, flying at high speed toward her opponent, who managed to block the tackle, Uzume bouncing off!
But she stopped in midair, holding up her megaphone... "Dream Roar!" she screamed, causing a sound wave that forced Dragon Ball to the ground, covering her ears in agony! "And now... Dream Smash Fist!" Her right arm was enveloped in a spiral of energy resembling a drill, charging downward at her opponent, only to drill into the ground as the Super Saiyan jumped back into the air!
"Nice try!" Dragon Ball taunted, only for Orange Heart to erupt from the ground, her drill fist still spinning at high speed! The martial artist fired an energy blast, only for the drill to dispel it easily, before slamming into Super DBZ's midsection! "Gahhh!" she cried as she doubled over... (Man, am I glad I haven't eaten recently, or I'd've lost my lunch!) Uzume then took her megaphone and slammed it into Dragon Ball's back, smashing her into the ground!
"Uzume thinks you really really underestimated her!" the goddess critiqued as she watched the other woman climb back to her feet. But then Super DBZ just vanished into thin air! "Huh?!" Orange Heart looked around frantically, only to be surprised when Dragon Ball reappeared right in front of her, kicking the CPU in the chin and snapping her head back! Despite this, Uzume managed to partially block the follow-up roundhouse, though it still sent her flying a fair distance. "Uzume spoke too soon...!"
"You got that right! KAMEHAMEHA!" Dragon Ball declared as she fired her signature energy attack at Orange Heart. But before Uzume could blast it away with her mega phone again, the beam suddenly changed direction, curving around and nailing the CPU in the back, causing her to fall back to the ground! "C'mon, get up, it couldn't've hurt that bad! That was just a bluff Kamehameha, anyhow!"
"You tricky meanie!" Uzume growled as she jumped back to her feet, launching into the air again! "Dream Combo!" She once again attacked with rapid fire fisticuffs, Super DBZ matching her blow for blow, but the goddess held back her final punch just long enough to mess up her opponent's timing, connecting and sending her flying away!
"Oh yeah?! How about this?!" Dragon Ball cried as she rapid-fired multiple energy blasts from her palms, Orange Heart quickly deflecting them, slowly closing the distance... But then the Super Saiyan vanished, before abruptly tackling her opponent in the side, sending her crashing into the rock outcropping from earlier, the impact halfway reducing it to rubble! "Gotcha!"
"P-tooey!" Orange Heart spat out gravel as she emerged from the rock pile. "OK, time for Uzume's special attack! Umio Heaven!" Five drones in the shape of her fish companion Umio appeared, the CPU pointing at Super DBZ, causing said drones to fly above and begin dropping bombs on her location!
"Oh no you don't!" Dragon Ball cried as several small energy blasts shot upward from her hands, blowing up the bombs before they could hit their target! She then blocked the follow-up blow from Orange Heart... "Nice try!" she taunted.
"Silly DB! Uzume has you right where she wants you!" the goddess grinned, before breaking away, her opponent turning to see the Umio-drones flying down at her in a kamikaze strike!
"OH SHI-!" *KA-BOOM!*
"Direct hit!" Orange Heart gave a mock salute, before dodging a retaliatory Kamehameha, then jetting forward and hitting Dragon Ball with a hard knee to the gut, following with a roundhouse kick that sent the Super Saiyan into the nearby forest, splintering a few trees in the process! But then Dragon Ball launched into the air again, her golden aura flaring brightly as she cocked her fist back for a punch, Uzume flying forward as she did the same...
Their punches collided- but not with each other. Instead they had been stopped by a hexagonal force-field surrounding a seven-eyed angel with crystalline wings and an ethereal glow!
"Huh?!" Orange Heart gasped in surprise. "Who are you?"
"O-Oracle Neon?!" Dragon Ball realized.
"This fight is over," Neon Evangelion stated firmly as her force field faded. "Did Lady Haruhi not specifically tell you NOT to start destroying the landscape?!" She indicated the destroyed rock outcropping, the torn-up field, and the splintered trees.
"Uh..." Super DBZ sweat-dropped as her eyes went blank.
"Oopsie..." Orange Heart looked down in shame, her right foot twitching as if she was trying to dig her toe into the ground, despite floating in midair. "Uzume got a little carried away..."
"At least you admit fault, like a proper goddess should," the alien nodded, before turning to the other woman. "Undo your transformation. Now."
"Aw man!" DB sighed as her aura vanished, her hair and eyes returning to their normal color. "I'm getting a penalty for this, aren't I...?"
"Most likely, though the severity of the penalty will depend on milady," Neon stated. "Now let us return to Planeptune Basilicom..." She promptly spread her wings and flew off, Orange Heart and Dragon Ball forlornly following...
*A few minutes earlier, at the Basilicom...*
"Tenga?!" gasped Vert's image on the holo-screen. "Are you certain about this, Neptune?"
"Oh yeah, it was them, no doubt about it," the lilac-haired CPU confirmed. "It looks like they're working alongside Underling now..."
"But how can that be? I visited the zoo just the other day to check on them, and they looked all present and accounted for!" the busty goddess mused. "Unless... how many of them attacked you, again?"
"It looked like there were about 25-30 of them," Nepgear helpfully supplied.
"...I was hoping you wouldn't say that," Vert sighed. "When we finally triumphed over the Demon Lord and her subordinates, there were only about twelve or thirteen surviving Tenga. The thing is, they were actually digital constructs created by her pet cat, who constructed the first one from a Neptube video, then copy-and-pasted the rest..."
"Wait, you mean that black cat that other Demon Lord reverted to after we ganged up on her?!" Neptune gasped.
"That's the one, BlackGatomon," Vert confirmed.
"Wait, wait, other Demon Lord?!" Haruhi cut in. "I thought there was only one!"
"Um, yeah, there was Demon Lord Etna, but then her cat got a big power-up and turned into Demon Lord Lilithmon, and promptly backstabbed her master," Neptune explained. "And she would've killed Vert if yours truly and an Archangel from Etna's world hadn't bailed her out at the last second!"
"Geez," Haruhi grunted in disbelief. "So what happened to that cat after you beat her?!"
"We had her locked up at the local animal shelter, with a special power-suppressing collar so she couldn't evolve into her stronger forms," Vert said. "But if such a large group of Tenga attacked you, that could only be possible with her copy-and-paste ability! Which means she either escaped on her own, or someone took her to use said ability for their own nefarious purposes!"
"In that case, you better haul butt to that animal shelter and find out what happened!" the Animenga goddess suggested. "As soon as Histoire finishes telling us about recent history, Neon and I'll head right over to your nation to help out! Should only be another day or two, at most..."
"That would be greatly appreciated," the Leanbox CPU nodded in gratitude. "In any case, we'll get started on the investigation straight away... So, goodbye for now."
"Bye, Vert! Good luck and don't get in over your head!" Neptune said before the call disconnected. Just then, Neon walked in with a despondent Uzume and Dragon Ball in tow.
"Uh-oh, lemme guess," Haruhi sighed, on seeing their expressions. "You disobeyed my strict orders, didn't you?"
"They did indeed," Neon nodded. "A rock formation was reduced to rubble, the grass was torn up, and several trees were fatally splintered. What penalty shall milady inflict for their transgressions?"
"Hmm..." the brunette closed her eyes in thought for a moment. "Hey Histoire, are there any spots here in the Basilicom where, like, heavy objects need to be moved and dusted or cleaned?"
"...Yes, I can think of a few bookshelves that need to be moved and cleaned behind," the fairy mused.
"Great! Then DB can move the heavy stuff while Uzume does the cleaning and dusting," Haruhi stated. "I think that's a fair penalty, right?"
"Yes ma'am," DB and Uzume assented.
"Very well, then I will show you the areas that need to be cleaned," Histoire concurred. Turning to Neptune, she then said, "In the meantime, perhaps you could tell our extraterrestrial friends about your time in the Ultradimension, seeing as I was not there to witness it..."
"You have mastered inter-dimensional travel?!" Neon asked, intrigued.
"Eh, not really," Neptune demurred. "We did make a permanent gate between here and that dimension, but that was more luck than deliberate... Hey, that reminds me, where'd P-ko and Kyon go?"
"Right here," John Smith said as he entered the room with Peashy at his side. "I was playing some of your video game collection, and Peashy here joined me a bit later..."
"Yep, and I kicked his butt every time!" Peashy grinned.
"Aw, you're such a good gamer, P-ko!" Neptune praised.
"You lost on purpose, didn't you?" Haruhi whispered to the NPC.
"Of course I did," Kyon nodded. "I have a little sister, after all, so I know how to handle kids her age..."
"Okay then~! Let's go sit down so I can tell you how I got nepped away to another dimension, and how I met P-ko, and how Rei Ryghts became a final boss!" Neptune declared.
"Yay~!" Peashy threw her arms up happily.
*Meanwhile, in Laguna City, Lastation...*
Uni made her way down a paved street, sniper rifle at the ready. On paper, it was a relatively simple Quest she was taking on- finding and disabling a rogue robot armed with a laser rifle and hover boots. But the CPU Candidate knew better than to take chances, remembering Noire's advice: ("Uni, you should never take a quest for granted, even if it seems simple. Sometimes the simple ones lead to you ending up in a really difficult boss fight because the requester understated the threat or something...") So Uni had taken care to take a Sharicite and a few healing potions to be on the safe side...
Just then, she heard the sound of metallic footsteps. (Could that be it?) Jogging toward the noise, she spotted something vaguely humanoid in shape, albeit with an angular head and walking... well, robotically. "Found you!" Uni said, taking aim with her rifle... only for the robot to suddenly engage its rocket boots and fly off! "Hey, get back here!" the twin-tailed goddess yelled in protest as she pursued, hearing a helicopter in the distance...
But then, the sound of the helicopter got louder and louder, until said chopper dropped out of the sky in front of the CPU Candidate! Four rifle robots flew nearby, the pilot dressed in Leanbox-style armor, albeit painted black, wielding a bazooka.
Her stolen bazooka.
"I am Generic Soldier #20 of Ho-Hum!" the man announced. "CPU Candidate Uni, prepare to meet your doom at the hands of your own weapon!"
"...darn it, I hate when Noire's right," Uni lamented.
*To be continued...*