Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation
A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction
by Derald Snyder
Chapter 13- Karate Bears are Bad News!
*Leanbox Basilicom, Vert's Room*
"The soldier that attacked Uni wore Leanbox-style armor... I see," Vert nodded as Noire relayed what had happened over the phone. "Well, I'm afraid I have more pressing matters at the moment, but I promise I'll look into it once things calm down a bit. Thank you, Noire. Goodbye." She then hung up, reaching over and pressing the intercom button. "Would Peach Macintosh please report to the CPU's office? Peach Macintosh to the CPU's office."
Not a minute later, Peashy entered the room. "You called, Lady Vert? Any leads on that cat's disappearance?"
"None so far, I'm afraid," Vert shook her head. "And that's not why I called you here. There's an urgent Quest that needs to be taken care of, but I'm a bit busy at the moment..."
"Say no more! I'll take care of it!" Peach saluted. "Where's it at?"
"In the forest outside Gargan City..." Seeing the look that came over her bodyguard's face, Vert sighed and continued, "I'm serious, this isn't another deception. There's a wild grizzly bear harassing people and stealing their food, and you're the only one I could think of with the strength to wrangle and subdue such a large animal without killing it outright."
"Are you sure it's not a trained bear?" Peashy asked warily.
"I haven't seen anything that proves that it is trained," the CPU shook her head.
"...Even so, I'd feel a little better if I had some backup," the ex-soldier said.
"In that case..." Vert pressed the intercom button again. "Chika, dear, would you come up to the office? Business."
"Business? You seriously have to say that?" Peach sighed. "And you wonder why there's rumors going around about you two..."
"That will be enough, Sergeant," Vert cautioned sternly. Soon, the Oracle in question entered the room.
"What's troubling you, my darling Vert?" Chika asked, stopping when she glimpsed the look on her co-worker's face. "Oh, dear, I'm suddenly getting a feeling of deja vu..."
*Two hours later, in the forest outside Gargan City...*
"Honestly, why did we have to come here together again?!" Chika complained as she and Peach moved through the forest, the former with spear in hand and the latter suited up in her armor. "Couldn't you have asked Adrian to accompany you instead?"
"I would have, except he got called away for a secret mission of some sort," the blonde replied. "And no, he didn't share any details with me, or how long he'd be gone..."
"Really? I wouldn't be surprised if that commander-in-chief did that to remove him from the public eye for awhile, after he received the Medal of Honor alongside yourself..." Chika mused.
"Bleh, you might have a point," Peach groaned. "Look, if this turns out to just be a rampaging wild bear, I can probably wrangle it on my own... I just want someone watching my back in case it's something more than that. Besides, nothing could be worse than encountering Iris Heart..."
"True... I still have nightmares on occasion," her companion shuddered from the memory. Just then, her head jerked up slightly as she heard a growl in the distance. "I think that beast might be nearby..."
"Roger that," the bodyguard nodded, readying her shock baton. "You got the bait?"
"Yes, right here," Chika nodded, opening a bag she'd been carrying with her, taking out a large raw steak. Throwing it into an open space, she and Peashy pulled back to wait...
It didn't take very long, as a medium-sized, slightly lanky grizzly bear emerged from the brush, sniffing about, before making a beeline for the steak... "I'm going in," Peach said, rushing in and swatting the bear on the snout with her shock baton, driving it back with a roar of surprise! Rearing up on its hind legs, the grizzly struck out with its paw, managing to knock the baton out of its enemy's grasp! Undeterred, Peashy went in with a straight punch to the snout...
Only for the bear to block the blow, then turn and send the blonde flying with a butt-bump! "What the hell?!" Peach grunted as she jumped back to her feet, taking a defensive stance as the grizzly approached on its hind quarters, attacking with what appeared to be a karate chop that was blocked, then lashing out with its lower leg, sending the armored soldier to a knee, her helmet getting knocked off as it followed up with an uppercut! "Shit! It's a trained bear!" She jumped high into the air as the bear charged, coming down on its back and knocking it to the ground! "Not that easy, grizzly!" Peach growled as she rolled off and righted herself...
But then she felt her body becoming lighter, looking down to see her armor vanishing! "What the-?!" She checked her belt buckle for something that wasn't there. "My Armor Morpher! Where'd it-" she was cut off as the bear nailed with such to the face, sending her tumbling backward! Holding her nose, she looked up to see a lithe female figure in the shadows...
"Looking for these?" the shadow taunted as she held up both Peach AND Chika's Armor Morphers! Peashy then heard a muffled scream, turning to see Underling holding chloroform over the Oracle's mouth, Chika quickly losing consciousness.
(An ambush!) Peach realized, but too late, as a blue-colored arm suddenly went around her neck! She tried her hardest to pry it away to no avail...
"Nice try, but you're no match for my muscles!" Dogoo Man taunted, feeling the bodyguard's struggles slowly cease as she went limp in his sleeper hold. "Nighty night!"
"Hahahaha! Too easy!" Linda laughed in triumph. "Good job, everyone!" She exchanged high-fives with her co-conspirators. "Alright, let's string 'em up! Warechu, get the camera ready!"
"Got it, chu!" the rodent agreed as he turned on the video camera and adjusted the focus...
"Kuma, save that steak for later! We gotta video to shoot!"
"(But I'm hungry!)" Tekken's pet bear growled in dismay.
"At least cook it first, so I can have some!" Generic Thief #11 cried as her stomach grumbled, Linda promptly facepalming...
*Back at the Basilicom, a short while later...*
"Express delivery for Lady Vert!" the NPC mailman announced as he walked into Vert's room, holding a small package.
"From who, exactly?" the CPU inquired as she turned away from the PC.
"Somebody named Linda," the deliveryman replied. "Sign here, please." This the goddess did, promptly taking the package and unwrapping it to reveal a USB drive. Intrigued, she dismissed the man with a wave as she plugged the memory stick into her PC...
The only file was a video which Vert promptly opened, showing the smug face of Underling. "Hey there, Green Heart! Long time no see, huh? Feels like ages since I impersonated your Oracle! Speaking of which..." The camera shifted to reveal two familiar figures, who were unconscious, gagged, tied up and hanging from a branch, stripped down to nothing but their bras and panties!
"CHIKA! PEASHY!" Vert screeched as she stood up in disbelief, her chair falling backwards onto the floor!
"That's right, slut, all your subordinates are belong to us now!" Linda taunted. "Who's us, you're asking? Well..." the camera shifted again. "Meet Kuma and Dogoo Man!" The grizzly growled a hello, raising a paw.
"Hello there!" Dogoo Man waved. "Just so we're clear, Mistress S-Sha has nothing to do with this!"
"Yeah, we tried to recruit her, but she wasn't interested. Go figure," Underling shrugged.
"I'm here too, chu!" The camera spun to briefly reveal Warechu's face, before turning back to the others.
"So, if you want your Oracle and bodyguard back, come an' get em!" the punk girl said with an evil grin. "Don't worry, you won't get a Game Over if you lose, we'll just strip you and string you up like these two! For we are Ho-Hum- The House of Humiliation! Hahahahahaaaa!" She then made a slashing motion with her throat, the video file stopping.
"..." Vert's only visible reaction for a few seconds was her left eye twitching, but inside her brain... (Did she say 'Ho-Hum'? The same Ho-Hum that robbed and attacked Uni in Lastation?! That means... of course! This series of unfortunate events, Neptune's poisoning, Blanc's bear trap, my pitfall, wasn't mere happenstance- it was a deliberate conspiracy! I need to inform the others as soon as I can! But first...) Pulling out her mobile device, she dialed a number...
*Back with Underling and the others...*
"Man, if only we could see the look on that CPU's face, chu!" Warechu laughed as he roasted some marshmallows over a small fire.
"MMMMPH!" Peach mumbled in protest as she tried to wiggle loose, but unfortunately her bonds were ultra-strong binding that was several times stronger than rope.
"Wiggle all ya want, it won't do ya any good!" Linda said as she gently poked at the blonde's bosom with a stick. "I can see why Vert hired you, you almost look like you could actually be her sister!"
"Grrrrmmpph!" Chika growled in protest.
"Oh, don't give me that crap!" the punk girl shot back. "You're more Vert's lover than her sister, anyway! I went through all your stuff when I disguised myself as you that one time, so don't deny it!" She laughed as the bound Oracle screamed through her gag and struggled violently, while Peach's face turned beet-red...
"I almost feel sorry for them," Dogoo Man lamented, "but the boss said to humiliate you and the CPUs, so, orders are orders!"
"Well, hopefully after this, we won't have to rough it in the forest anymore!" Generic Thief #11 rumbled as she chewed on her portion of cooked steak that Kuma had left for her.
"(I dunno, I kinda like it here,)" Kuma grumbled as he laid on his side, letting his food digest... but then the bear abruptly rolled onto all fours with his nose pointed in the air. "(Someone's coming...)"
"Must be Vert! Everyone, get ready!" Linda ordered as she equipped her club, Dogoo Man and Kuma taking fighting stances. Sure enough, Vert soon emerged into the clearing, already transformed to HDD.
"I got your message, Underling," Green Heart stated in an even tone, holding her spear at the ready. "I had forgotten that your name was actually Linda..."
"Gee, big surprise there," the punk rolled her eyes. "You idiot goddesses never remembered my name anyway! But anyway, you think you can take all four of us?!"
"Four?" Vert raised an eyebrow. "I count five, in case you thought I couldn't see that woman in the shadows back there..."
"Uh-oh! She's made you, Generic Thief #11!" Warechu called out.
"I-I'm not very good at fighting," Thief #11 said nervously. "Stealing's what I'm good at..."
(Excellent,) Green Heart thought, hiding a smirk. "Well, sorry to disappoint you, Linda, but I'm not playing your unfair game today... I'll be using the AQL cheat code!"
"AQL? What's that?" Dogoo Man looked confused, Kuma having a similar expression.
"Kyaaaghh!" Thief #11 cried as she was suddenly assaulted by an orange blur, said blur then speeding over to Peach and Chika! Several swishes were visible, their bindings splitting apart as the duo collapsed to the ground! The blur then resolved itself into a familiar busty redhead with music notes for eye pupils!
"YOU!" Linda gasped, "MarvelousAQL! Dammit, I shoulda known!"
"Surprise!" Mary winked, before tossing two objects to Peashy and Chika! "Catch~!"
"Yes!" Peach cried in joy as she caught her Armor Morpher, Chika doing the same! "Let's go, Chika!"
"Indeed!" the greenette nodded.
"It's Armor Time!" they both cried.
"BLACK RAVEN!"
"WHITE GORILLA!"
Their bodies were overlaid with holograms, which materialized into their armor suits! "Armored Rangers!" they declared as they struck a pose!
"Dammit to hell!" Underling grunted at the sudden turn of events. "Kuma, Dogoo Man, don't just stand there, do something!"
"Chika, you deal with Underling!" Green Heart ordered. "Peach, you deal with Dogoo Man! Marvy, you subdue Warechu! And I shall deal with Tekken's pet!"
"Right!" "Okay!" "Yes, my darling Vert!" The women swiftly split off to deal with their respective opponents, Chika's spear clashing with Underling's club, while Peashy and Dogoo Man put up their dukes!
"Uh, can't we talk this over, chu?!" Warechu stammered as he slowly backed away from Marvy.
"Oh, I know exactly how to deal with you!" the ninja grinned, grabbing Warechu and pressing him into her ample bust! "Secret Ninja Booby Smothering Technique!"
(Sorry, Compa...!) was the rodent's last thought before passing out from lack of air.
"Tekken's going to hear about this, Kuma," Green Heart promised as she faced the grizzly. "But I don't think she'll mind if I discipline you in her place! Inbetween..." The tip of her spear began to glow green...
"(Uh-oh. Fight or flight? ...Flight!)" With that, Kuma turned tail and fled on all fours!
"...Spear!" Vert finished, her weapon spawning several pointed energy projectiles that pursued the fleeing bear! While most of them smashed into the brush and trees, the largest one nailed Kuma in the butt, the grizzly roaring in agony as he was sent flying into a nearby pond with a big SPLASH!
"Argh!" Underling growled as Chika scored a hit on her upper arm, tearing her coat! "What the hell?! You weren't anywhere near this strong when I subdued you before!"
"You can thank Peach for that!" Black Raven exclaimed as she parried a retaliatory strike from her opponent. "She kept dragging me to the gym over and over, and now, I can hold my own against demon lords! You are now but a peon in comparison! Rainy Ratnapura!" The force of the multi-thrust attack was enough to send Linda flying backwards into a tree, barely rolling away from the follow-up Sylhet Spear that impaled said tree in place of herself!
Peach gritted her teeth under her helmet as she blocked a punch from Dogoo Man, the force sending her skidding back several feet! (He may be stronger, but his technique is lacking! Time to show this freak what a master of CQC can do!) Ducking to one side to dodge the next punch, she kicked at Dogoo Man's ankle, putting him off-balance and making him stumble into an uppercut! The muscleman regained his focus and punched again, only for Peashy to reverse it into a one-arm shoulder throw, slamming him to the ground! "Muscles aren't everything!"
"Dammit, run! Flee!" Underling yelled, quickly grabbing the unconscious Warechu and dashing into the brush, Dogoo Man and Thief #11 following after her!
"That's what you get for stripping me naked!" Chika yelled after them. "And don't come back!"
"Yeah, speaking of which, where ARE our clothes?!" Peach asked.
"Got 'em right here!" MarvelousAQL held up the clothes in question. "That thief lady was holding on them, so I took them back, too!"
"Hah, you are a lifesaver, Marvy," White Gorilla sighed in relief as she and Black Raven gratefully took back their clothing.
"Well, hey, you saved me from that Demon Lord, so now we're even!" the redhead beamed, the two Armored rangers nodding back at her before disappearing into the brush to remove their armor and re-dress themselves.
"I'm glad things worked out," Vert said as she reverted to normal, "but once we get back to Leanbox City, we have to contact the other CPUs with the information we've learned..."
*Back at Ho-Hum HQ...*
"You have failed me, Kuma!" Overlord Momus yelled angrily, pressing a button that caused the grizzly to receive a severe electric shock! "I expected a bear like you to stand your ground, not flee like a horse-bird with its head cut off! Even the Tenga have more courage than you!"
"(I'm sooooorrryyyy!)" Kuma wailed in agony.
"That's harsh, chu!" Warechu said, a bloody bandage over his nose, still not fully recovered from Marvy's 'smothering'.
"Shut your trap, Warechu!" Linda scolded her partner, quaking in fear of her own punishment. "We're in enough trouble as it is!"
Momus stopped the current, allowing Kuma to slump to the ground. "Now then... Miss Linda, Dogoo Man, since you at least tried to fight back, your punishment is deferred. As for the rat..." He punched Warechu in the head, leaving a sizable lump. "That's for being utterly useless! As for you, Generic Thief #11!"
"I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry!" The female thief fell to her knees. "I-I wasn't expecting a ninja to show up!"
"You're supposed to be a master thief!" the horned man shot back. Though he was clearly wearing a mask, the appearance of a single large orange eye with a slit pupil was quite intimidating... "I expected better from you, especially to not get beaten at your own game!" He promptly pounded Thief #11 on the head as well, leaving a similar lump. "Do not fail me again!"
"Owww..." the young woman groaned as she brought a hand up to her head. "F-forgive me... i-it won't happen again..."
"Well, at least we don't get punished," Dogoo Man said to Underling.
"You're still on thin ice!" Overlord Momus said to them. "For now, you're all dismissed! I don't want to see your sorry faces for the rest of the day!" The five swiftly fled the room, Kuma being helped out by Dogoo Man.
"...Hard to find good help these days, huh, meow?" BlackGatomon spoke up, having silently observed the whole scene.
"Well, you had better hope your Tenga are up to the task I assigned them in Lowee," the Ho-Hum leader warned.
"They know how to follow orders, if nothing else, meow," the Digimon replied coolly. "They should have enough numbers to make up for their lack of smarts..."
"I should hope so, for your sake," Momus stated.
*To be continued...*