Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation
A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction
by Derald Snyder
Chapter 17- Meeting The Space Team
*Leanbox Basilicom, Vert's Room*
"Kuma's fallen in with a terrorist group?!" Tekken gasped in disbelief. "And he lured your bodyguard into an ambush?! That's terrible!"
"Yeah, and then his fellow baddies stripped me and Chika near-naked and took pictures!" Peach added. "Chika's so embarrassed, she refuses to leave her room!"
"You weren't much better," John Smith snarked.
"Ugh!" the blonde flushed and briefly buried her face in her hands, before stating, "W-well, I'm probably not going outside without my armor on f-for a while...!"
"Anyway, that's why I warped you here," Haruhi stated, "so next time that bear shows his face, you could maybe penalize him for being a bad bear!"
"W-well, Kuma's more of a training partner than a pet, b-but I'll try to smack some sense into him," Tekken nodded. "But, um, who are you again?"
"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, goddess of the Animenga Star Cluster," the brunette introduced herself. "And this is my Oracle, Neon Evangelion."
"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Tekken," Neon bowed politely. "I hope that you will not get the wrong idea about us, even though we are aliens..."
"Aliens...? ALIENS?!" Tekken screeched in terror. "Noooo! I won't let you dissect me!" She promptly struck with a megaton punch- but fortunately Neon's personal force field blunted the impact. "Huh...?!"
"Tekken, they are not that kind of aliens..." Vert sighed and sweat-dropped.
"Yeah, the worst Haruhi's done is make it rain spaghetti and meatballs on everyone's heads," John Smith deadpanned. "But now that you mention it, I am a little hungry..." Suddenly a plate of spaghetti appeared in his hands. "Oh, very funny."
"Hey, I'll have you know I'm actually a pretty good cook, even without my powers," Haruhi said. "Anyone else want a bite?"
"W-well... as long as it doesn't t-turn me into a monster or s-something," Tekken assented.
"It will not," Neon assured her.
"In that case, I suggest we adjourn to the kitchen," Vert suggested. "Peach, could you go break down Chika's door and have her join us? Even if it means dragging her by her feet..."
"Oh, I can do that," the blonde smirked as she cracked her knuckles, before going to do as ordered.
"This I gotta see," Haruhi grinned as she followed Peashy...
*A short time later, in the kitchen...*
"Here you go~!" Haruhi said cheerfully as she set a plate of food in front of Chika. "Go on, dig in! It's good, I promise!"
"Did you really have to break my door down like that?" the Oracle muttered as she reluctantly began to eat.
"Just following Lady Vert's orders," Peach shrugged with a smile before digging in herself. "Besides, Haruhi already put your door back on its hinges, so you've got no reason to complain!"
"Wow, this is really good!" Tekken said as she scarfed down her plate. "I thought it would be like, wiggling with eyes and stuff..."
"Someone's read too many comic books," John said as he finished his spaghetti.
"This might surprise you, Tekken, but most of the denizens back home are about as human as you are," Haruhi stated as she sat down to eat herself. "And most of 'em are decent enough... just trying to make a living."
"Indeed, I am technically half-human myself," Neon stated as she took a bite of her vegetarian dish.
"So... what's the other half, then?" Peach asked curiously.
"Me," Haruhi replied. "She was half cloned from my DNA while I was taking a long snooze... It seems some humans found me while I was slumbering beneath the planet's crust. But creating Neon was the least of what they did..."
"Do we dare ask what else?" Chika pondered.
The alien goddess looked over at her Oracle, who gave a slight nod before saying, "Most of you know that Lady Haruhi's true form is much larger than what you see, correct? Well, the ones who created me..." She glanced at Peach briefly, before continuing, "Basically they cut off the lower half of her body and somehow converted it into a giant cyborg robot."
"Th-they cut off half your body?!" Tekken cried in shock. "That's terrible!" The others at the table had similar expressions.
"Good thing you can heal yourself, right?" John pointed out.
"Yeah, I was able to regenerate," Haruhi nodded. "...may I continue, Neon? I know it's hard for you to go through this again..."
"...It is fine," the alien Oracle responded after a moment. "As long as my tale is not... publicized. Even back home, the whole truth is still classified information..."
"I won't say anything," Peach shook her head.
"Nor will I, save perhaps to my fellow CPUs," Vert said. "And I'm certain I can convince them to not publicize the matter, either..."
"Very well, that is acceptable," Neon acquiesced. "Go on, milady."
"Well, it's a little complicated, but the gist is that a group of really bad people decided to use that robot to basically instigate the apocalypse, reverting everyone to primordial ooze so they could rule over them as gods." There were looks of horror and disbelief on everyone's faces, the only sound being Peach's fork clattering to the floor. "...I know, right? Neon here was basically part of a counter-plan by her creator to initiate the apocalypse on his terms, so he could reunite with his long-dead wife. She was to act as a conduit of sorts between him and myself, basically merging us so he could become a god. But she rebelled against him at the last moment, merging with me herself. Figures it would take that act to finally wake me up..."
"I assume you were displeased with humans trying to play God?" Chika ventured.
"Displeased? I was pissed," the brunette growled. "Unfortunately, by the time I awakened, the other guys' plot to cause Armageddon was well underway... I couldn't stop it, but I could take control of it. So, while everyone did end up reverting to primordial ooze, I made it so that they could regain their form if their will was strong enough. Except the really bad ones, I isolated them so that they couldn't rule over anyone but themselves. A fitting fate if you ask me."
"Fortunately, many did regain their human form, including those I had been closest to," Neon took over at this point. "However, I felt I could no longer interact with them, given what I had done, even if they were the reason I rebelled against my creator... Which is why I am so grateful that Ma'nabatea decided to have mercy on me, and make me her new Oracle..."
"Well, when you first merged with me, I gained all your knowledge and memories," Haruhi explained. "So I knew that what happened wasn't your fault- you were just another piece on the game-board, so to speak. Honestly, I kinda felt responsible for what happened, seeing as I was sleeping for so long... So I've made a point to be a more active goddess since then, not just for that planet, but for the whole cluster."
"Even so, given that such an apocalypse occurred, it must have caused a complete societal breakdown," Vert observed.
"That's true," the Animenga goddess nodded grimly. "Which is why it was so fortunate that a scout ship from a nearby intergalactic empire detected what happened on that planet, and went to investigate... after a rough introduction, I managed to convince said empire to colonize Neon's planet in order to restore some semblance of government and order. They needed natural resources that said planet could provide, anyway, so it was actually a fairly civil takeover."
Peach then commented, "...if Neptuna were here, she'd probably say something along the lines of, 'Well I hope this empire isn't ruled by a guy with black armor and a respirator like, Hoooh-hah, hooooh-hah...'"
"I-I am fairly certain there is no one in the empire's ruling class like that," Neon sweat-dropped.
"Now who's been reading too many comic books?" Haruhi snarked. "I mean, yeah, they're conquerors, but compared to the scum on Neon's planet that tried to become gods, these guys are pretty decent in comparison. In fact, the princess is really nice and friendly to everyone she meets... Actually, I was thinking, if the denizens of Gamindustri were cool with us, maybe said princess could travel here on a diplomatic mission of sorts to establish ties between here and said empire..."
"As long as they don't try to conquer us," Peach stated firmly. "We just got done repelling a Demon Lord's efforts to do the same, after all..."
"For once, I agree with Peach," Chika said. "Of course, given that we are such a long distance from the Animenga Cluster would make it difficult for them to do so, correct?"
"Correct," Neon nodded. "In fact, I doubt they could actually reach this world with conventional space travel, at least without milady's help..."
"Speaking of which, we should go and meet with the space team here," Haruhi cut in. "Buuut~, since I don't wanna freak those guys out by teleporting, we should probably drive instead..."
"Yes, but Chika is the only one with a driver's license," Vert pointed out.
"I can't!" the greenette's face went pale. "Forcing me to come out of my room to eat is one thing, but I shan't show my face in public, with those lewd photos out there!"
"Eh, that's easily solved," Haruhi shrugged, snapping her fingers. Suddenly Chika's hair turned black, her clothes having changed to a black t-shirt and blue jeans, as well as a black baseball cap on her head and sunglasses on her face! "There! Now no one will recognize you!"
"Oh my..." Chika grunted as she looked over herself, pulling a lock of hair before her face to observe the color closely. "Please tell me this is not permanent..."
"Eh, it'll wear off in a week or so," the alien goddess assured her. "Hopefully by that time all those lewd photos will be deleted or whatever..."
"So who's all going?" John Smith asked. "I'd like to go, but we can't all fit in one car..."
"I'll stay here with Tekken and hold down the fort," Peach offered. "If we hear anything about those Ho-Hum guys causing trouble, we'll give you a call..."
"Exactly what I hoped you would say," Vert concurred. "Give us a call, and don't try to confront them yourself."
"I w-wouldn't want t-to, anyway," Tekken stuttered.
"Believe me, I'm not falling into another trap like that," the muscular blonde muttered as she gathered her silverware. "I'll take care of the dishes if you guys wanna get moving..."
"Thanks," John said as he handed his empty plate to Peashy. "You ready to go, Oracle Hakozaki?"
"Just Chika is fine," the now-black haired woman sighed as she adjusted her cap and glasses. "I'll go get the car ready..."
*Leanbox Aeronautics and Space Administration (LASA) HQ*
And so, about a half-hour later, the group drove up to the security gate of LASA headquarters, Chika driving, Vert riding shotgun, John Smith sitting between Haruhi and Neon in the back seat. As the sleek black car approached, a security guard stepped forward, holding up a hand, the car obediently stopping. Chika then rolled down the window as the guard walked up, saying, "Sorry, we're in lockdown right now. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to turn around..."
"What exactly is the situation, sir?" Vert inquired.
"Lady Vert?!" the man did a double-take. "Uh, well, I don't know all the details, but apparently a nasty virus has gotten into LASA's computer systems..."
"That's not good," John muttered, looking up from his Lowee-DS system. "We don't want rockets launching all over... any of you any good with computer programs?"
"I play games, I don't create them," Vert stated. "Well, I do create the hardware, but viruses aren't my cup of tea, so to speak..."
"What about you, Haruhi?" the NPC asked next.
"Hmmm..." the alien bit her lip. "...I might have an idea. Hey, how long ago did this virus start getting into the system?"
"Well, I got the lockdown order about two hours ago," the guard recalled. "How would that help anything, though?"
"You'll see... Chika, stop the car, please." The Oracle promptly shut off the engine, Haruhi climbing out of the car, John and Neon following so they could stretch. "Alright, now..." The seven-eyed mask appeared on the goddess' face as she slowly scanned the building from side to side... "Okay, got everyone located." The mask then vanished as Haruhi snapped her fingers- and suddenly a large group of NPCs in white dress shirts and slacks surrounded the car, quite a few sitting in chairs!
"What the-?!" one technician looked around in shock. "How'd we get out here?!"
"Alright, I'm going in," Haruhi said, materializing a megaphone and handing it to Vert as she got out. "Make sure there's no panic or anything, OK? This shouldn't take long." With that, she vanished in a flash of light.
Fumbling with the megaphone for a moment, Vert managed to turn it on before announcing, "Everyone, this is Vert, your CPU! I must ask you all to remain calm! Everything is under control!"
"Lady Vert?!" an NPC walked up. "With all due respect, how'd we appear out here like this?!"
"All will be-" she winced as the man covered his ears, pulling her mouth away from the megaphone. "(ahem) All will be explained in due time, I promise you..."
"Hey, look!" another NPC pointed, the group turning to see the building enveloped in something like a force field, a pair of clock hands materializing and slowly winding backwards... when the minute hand had completed three counter-clockwise revolutions, the clock and force field vanished.
"Attention, attention, may I have your attention please!" Haruhi's voice came over the loudspeakers. "This is the all clear to the virus infection alert! I repeat, this is the all clear to the virus infection alert! You may now re-enter the building and resume normal operations!"
"You heard the lady, let's go," Vert ordered, the space team slowly beginning to walk back to the building, some of them pushing/carrying their chairs, the security guard promptly opening the gate for them. "John Smith, Neon, you're with me. Chika, you find a place to park the car, once the crowds have cleared out."
"I wonder if this was the doing of that Ho-Hum group," John pondered.
"It is a likely possibility," Neon concurred as they followed the busty CPU...
*Inside LASA HQ...*
"I don't... I don't believe it!" one technician gasped as he checked a computer. "The virus is gone!"
"Well, duh, what part of 'all-clear' don't you understand?" Haruhi said as she nonchalantly walked into the room, holding what appeared to be a tiny purple blob in one hand. "The clocks'll be a few hours backwards, but you can fix that, right?"
"But... how did you do that?!" another NPC queried.
"Well, after I warped you all outside, I turned back time to the point where the virus first entered the system, then I plucked it out before it could start causing damage and multiplying." She held up the purple blob, which had a single large red eye and two tiny little horn protrusions.
"So that's the virus?" John Smith observed.
"Not anymore!" Haruhi declared as she crushed it with her other hand, what was left dissolving into bits and bytes. "Unfortunately, you're probably not gonna be able to trace where it came from... but at least you know what it looks like, so you can update your anti-virus filters accordingly."
"Well, we'll try..." the first technician said uncertainly.
"Just a moment!" another NPC called, this one with a slightly muscular build and dressed in a more formal business suit. "Lady Vert, who in the world is this woman, and how could she just warp us all out willy-nilly?!"
"Please, Mr. Heavyfoot, calm yourself," the CPU said in a soothing tone. "I assure you, Haruhi here has no ill intentions..."
"I assume that you are the head administrator of this organization?" Neon guessed.
"Oh, right, I forget my manners," the man muttered. "James Heavyfoot, LASA administrator, that's me. And before you start making jokes, yes I'm a little on the heavy side, but it's mostly muscle, not fat."
"Oh, darn, my opportunity for snark is ruined," John Smith deadpanned. "Guess I'll have to find another oddly-named victim..."
Haruhi couldn't help but snicker at this. "(ahem) Aaaaanyway~, to answer your question, I'm a goddess like your CPU here... just on a higher tier, so to speak. And Neon here is my Oracle, like Chika is to Vert."
"Do you remember the satellite that your team launched to the Animenga Star Cluster?" Neon inquired.
"Oh, yeah," a technician spoke up, "but we lost contact with it not long after it reached it's destination, due to radio interference..."
"That wasn't the only reason," Haruhi sighed as she crossed her arms. "Having something like that thunk me on the head while we're traveling between planets... major migraine."
James Heavyfoot slowly turned to the brunette in shock. "You can't be serious... Lady Vert, if this your idea of a joke-"
"This is no joke," Vert cut him off. "Neon, if you would recite the Konami Code that I uploaded onto that satellite before launch..."
"Yes, Lady Vert," Neon nodded, before clearly stating, "Up, down, up, down, left, left, right, right, A, B, start."
A chorus of gasps echoed through the chamber. "Th-that's exactly right!" one NPC babbled in disbelief.
"It's the real thing!" another exclaimed. "Aliens from another universe!"
"Hold it!" Heavyfoot interrupted. "That's very nice, but seeing as you were the one who came up with that code, Lady Vert, you could have just told her!"
"Wow, this guy's even more of a cynic than I am," John muttered.
"Well, around here, young man, we deal in facts and measurable data, not comic book fantasies!" The LASA administrator told him off.
"I don't appreciate your attitude, Mr. Heavyfoot," Vert said with a frown. "But if it's facts you want... Neon, show them your true self."
"...Understood, Lady Vert," Neon obeyed, promptly transforming to her angelic form (though she kept her extra eyes closed for the moment), causing more gasps from the space team. "Now, touch my wings and see for yourself, sir..."
James cautiously approached, gingerly reaching out his hand and touching one of Neon's wings, as if expecting it to fall off. When it didn't, he got a firmer grip and tugged a little, causing the alien to wince and grunt in mild pain. "Th-they're real!" he gasped, backing off and stumbling into a nearby chair. "Oh my Goddess... I think I'm gonna have a heart attack...!"
"No no, no cardiac arrest on my watch," Haruhi gently admonished, materializing a glass of ice water in her hand. "Here, will this help?" The large man took the glass and promptly gulped down the contents...
"Well, I for one, am a little more open-minded than my boss," another NPC came up to the goddess. "Bliden DeMint, deputy administrator. A pleasure to meet you, Lady... Haruhi, was it?"
"That's right," Haruhi smiled as she shook the man's hand. "Obviously, this isn't my true form, either, but I didn't wanna scare or freak out anyone too much, so this is what you get!"
"Indeed, Both Lady Neptune and Lady Rei were quite off-put by milady's true appearance when she first touched down in Lowee," Neon appended.
"Lowee?! Wait, why Lowee?" Heavyfoot grunted, having managed to regain some composure.
"...Oh, yeah, that reminds me," Haruhi turned to her Oracle. "I have yet to penalize you for getting the location wrong in the first place!"
"Uh oh." Neon took a step back in fear as her goddess snapped her fingers, only to be suddenly doused with green slime that poured from above! "Gahhh! Ptooey! How disgusting! Milady, how could you?!" A good number of the LASA team members broke into laughter at the sight of the angel with slime clinging to her arms and wings!
"Never let it be said that I don't have a sense of humor!" Haruhi proclaimed with a grin as she took a bow, the space team promptly applauding her...
*Back at Ho-Hum HQ...*
"Gone?!" BlackGatomon muttered in confusion as she sat in front of her laptop. "How did... oh, wait a minute, I bet that alien goddess got rid of it, meow. Should've known..." She sighed in frustration at having been foiled so easily... then another idea came to her. "Well, like they say, the best laid plans of mice, cats and men often go awry, so if at first you don't succeed... try, try again!" She grinned as she started typing again, preparing to send her virus to a new location...
*To be continued...*